


Fractured Crystal: Shattered Soul

by ClockworkCrow (icemink)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Breathplay, But nothing happens while she is underage, Canon Age Difference, Dubious Consent, Empress Rey, Except Rey has a crush, F/M, First Order Politics (Star Wars), Flash Forward, Han wants to be a good dad, Inappropriate Force Training, Kylo is Rey's Master, Light Dom/sub, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Possessive Kylo Ren, Power Dynamics, Protective Kylo Ren, Rey as a young teenager, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Solo men are bad at plans, Teacher Kylo Ren, The Force Ships It, Through Passion I gain Strength
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:13:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 97,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21584329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemink/pseuds/ClockworkCrow
Summary: Four years before the Force Awakens, Kylo Ren is sent on a mission to Jakku. He is forced to enlist the aid of a young scavenger. When he realizes that Rey is Force-sensitive, he makes her his new Apprentice. But will Snoke let him keep her?
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 425
Kudos: 664
Collections: Finish Your Fics: NaNoWriMo 2019





	1. A Dust World

**Author's Note:**

> First off, a huge thanks to my beta Six for Gold for making my writing better and helping me stay consistent with the Star Wars galaxy. I've been working on this fic for quite some time but needed someone to start reading it to feel confident with posting.
> 
> Also, thanks to the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology for hosting a Finish Your Fics event this month. I won't finish this by the end of November, but it encouraged me to pick up a story I'd stopped working on and dig back into it.

**The Present**

While she’d been landing the shuttle, Rey had been able to ignore the planet. She could focus on the flight tasks and pretend that it was any other planet in the galaxy she was landing on. That it wasn’t Jakku.

But once the shuttle was on the ground, it was different. Her hand hovered over the button that would open the ramp and show her the planet.

‘It’s not as if someone is going to throw a bag over your head and force you to be a scavenger again,’ she told herself.

She wasn’t sure she believed it. 

She clutched the pendant she always wore hidden under her tunic. It felt almost warm against her chest. Perhaps it shouldn’t have been comforting; in many ways, it was a reminder that if anyone knew she was alive, there would be a price on her head. But the fact that someone wanted her dead was a reminder that she wasn’t no one. 

Rey pressed the button, and the hot dry air of Jakku hit her full in the face. She pulled down her goggles so as not to be blinded by the desert sun.

She had chosen not to wear what had become her standard garb, the jumpsuits favored by many spacers. Instead she had changed into something more appropriate for the climate, a simple white tunic and leggings with wraps around her arms to keep off the worst of the sun. It was much like what she had worn as a child, except that it wasn’t torn and dirty.

Even so, as she stepped out into the desert, she found she was no longer used to its oppressive heat. She had spent most of the last few years in the regulated environments of a spaceship, and she’d become used to the cool recycled air. She was glad to discover that she found Jakku to be an unpleasant and unwelcoming environment. 

This was not her home.

Not anymore.

Maybe it never had been.

She made sure to find the dockmaster and pay the needed bribes. The last thing she needed was to come back to her ship and see that its parts had been ‘scavenged’. The Captain would never let her live that down.

She didn’t intend to be here long. With any luck, a few quick inquiries would either lead to a dead-end, or she would discover that although her parents had returned to Jakku when she was still a child, they had flown off again to some other world, and her search could take here there.

Far away from Jakku.

* * *

**Four years earlier**

Kylo Ren could not get off of this world fast enough. For one thing, there was the unrelenting desert sun. He knew how to concentrate and reach a state of equilibrium where the heat wouldn’t bother him, but that was a skill Skywalker had taught him, and he refused to use it.

Then there was the hot stench of the residents. Water was too dear on a planet like this to allow the luxury of bathing. It might have seemed lucky that the residents were too wary of the First Order to bother him, but that only made the job of gathering information more difficult.

Not to mention that some of the inhabitants of Niima outpost seemed to worship the Hutts as deities, a practice that he found beyond disgusting.

But the real problem with Jakku was it was a place that battles **had** happened. As Kylo Ren was forced to interact with the wretched inhabitants of this nowhere world, Jequin Ren was leading an assault to secure another system closer to the New Republic. A foothold that would let the First Order launch its inevitable attack.

_He_ should have been leading that assault. Instead, Kylo’s Master had sent him to a nowhere planet to search for an old Imperial data recorder from the wreckage of a single shuttle that had been part of the armada that had been defeated in skies above Jakku over twenty years ago.

Even if he could find the ship, there was no way to know if the data recorder was still there, or if some scavenger had already made off with it. He might as well have been sent to find a single unique grain of sand on this desert world.

Another fruitless day of searching for the shuttle had turned up nothing, and he had decided that he needed to take a break from this forsaken ball of sand. The Blade was an ancient Bayonet class Light Cruiser, a ship old even in the days of the Empire, but a night back on board, would be a thousand times better than another spent here on the planet. He would come back in the morning and then resume the search refreshed. No one could fault him for that.

As soon as he approached the shuttle that had brought him and the half dozen stormtroopers to the surface, he knew something was wrong. Two of the stormtroopers quickly moved to intercept him before he could get close to the shuttle.

“Is there something we can do for you, sir?” one of them asked.

“We’re leaving the planet for the night,” he instructed. “We’ll return in the morning.”

“So you’ve completed your mission?” the other stormtrooper asked, but Kylo detected some nervousness.

“If I had completed it, why would I ever return to this place?” he asked. “Besides, it’s not for you to worry about my mission.”

A part of him wished he had been granted some sort of military rank. The members of the First Order would have respected that, understood it. As it was, they didn’t know what to do with him or where his place was. That he was on a mission for the Supreme Leader was known, but to them, he was just some sort of passenger to be escorted on the Supreme Leader’s business. 

‘I bet they respect Jequin Ren,’ Kylo thought bitterly. Jequin Ren got to fly off to his battle in a new Star Destroyer, while Kylo Ren was stuck with an Imperial relic of a ship.

“We’re supposed to stay on the planet until the mission is complete,” the first stormtrooper insisted.

And just like that, Kylo Ren was fed up. They had no idea who he was, what he could do. But maybe it was time Kylo showed them? Why should he hold back? He no longer answered to Skywalker. He was not a Jedi required to show restraint.

With a swipe of his hand, he used the Force to knock the stomtroopers aside. “If you like this planet so much, you are welcome to stay,” he said as he marched past them.

To his annoyance, the pilot and two more stormtroopers appeared from the back of the ship to block his way.

“We are leaving the planet for the evening,” he did his best to use his most commanding voice.

One of the stormtroopers began to protest, but the pilot interrupted. “I’m afraid we can’t, Sir.”

“Can’t?” Kylo Ren asked, annoyed.

“It seems…we’ve lost the main power coupler, and several other components of the ignition system.”

“Lost?!” Kylo barked in amazement. “How the hell does a ship on the ground lose parts?”

“Sir, please,” the pilot said. “Keep your voice down. They must have been…Well, they were clearly stolen by a skilled mechanic. Which is good,” he added hastily. “No lasting damage was done to the ship, we just need the parts back. But if the locals find out…“

“If the locals find out?” Kylo snapped. “Who the hell do you think stole the parts in the first place?”

“Well, yes,” the pilot admitted. “But we don’t want anyone to know. It would make the First Order look weak. We’ve been making quiet inquiries the last few days and…”

“Idiot!” Kylo Ren yelled. “It’s been days, and you don’t think the entire outpost isn’t laughing at us?” Maybe that was why no one had been particularly cooperative in his search for the shuttle. “This is not a matter for discretion. You two,” he nodded at the stormtroopers, “Follow me, and keep your blasters at the ready.”

He turned sharply on his heel, not waiting to see if he was being followed. ‘Act as if disobedience is not an option, and it won’t be,’ Snoke had taught him. Snoke had taught him other things as well, things he intended to use now.

He marched straight into the outpost’s cantina, satisfied at the sound of armored boots behind him.

He chose his target carefully. Thanks to the pilot’s handling of things, they already looked weak. That meant if Kylo targeted someone with too much real power, they would feel the need to stand up to him and the First Order.

He spotted a Kyuzo he knew to be an enforcer for one of the local bosses. Although Kylo Ren was taller than the Kyuzo, the chances were the Kyuzo was stronger, and possibly just as fast, due to the high gravity of their homeworld.

Although they needed a pressurized mask to breathe the same atmosphere as most other species, anyone who had ever tangled with Kyuzo knew how dangerous they were. This particular Kyuzo was currently staring hungrily at one of the dancers that were part of the cantina’s floorshow.

Kylo strode up to the Kyuzo’s table, making sure to position himself directly between the enforcer and his view of the dancer.

“Move,” the enforcer's voice was a threat.

“Parts have been stolen off of our ship.” he began, ignoring the Kyuzo’s tone. 

“Kriff if I care,” the green-skinned humanoid said. “Now move!” The bar had grown quieter, as the other patrons sensed that something was starting to escalate. 

“You should,” Kylo said simply. “If those parts aren’t returned…“

As expected, the Kyuzo responded with violence. He shoot to his feet, moving to grab Kylo, probably to toss him out of the way. But Kylo was ready. While the Kyuzo had underestimated his opponent, Kylo Ren did not make the same mistake. He grabbed the other man’s arm, twisting it painfully behind his back. Unwilling to risk that the Kyuzo was stronger, Kylo used the Force to help him pin the other man to the table.

The room was silent. ‘Good’ Kylo thought. 

“Maybe you could hear me better without this?” With his free hand, he ripped off the Kyuzo’s filter mask, exposing its sensitive lungs to the harsh sandy air of Jakku. The humanoid whimpered and struggled as he began to cough from the alien atmosphere.

“I said,” Kylo Ren continued harshly. “Parts were stolen from our ship. Now,” he softened his voice slightly. “Maybe you and your boss had nothing to do with it, but I’m sure you can find out who did. If those parts aren’t returned to us by tomorrow night, I’ll kill you, and anyone else I find out had any knowledge of the theft.” He raised his voice, no longer pretending to be talking to the Kyuzo alone. “Is that clear?”

“Yes,” the man gasped and sputtered. 

Kylo released him, and the Kyuzo scrambled to grab his mask and put it back on.

Kylo Ren turned to exit the cantina, but as he did so, he let his hand fall to his newly forged lightsaber.

The next moment was predictable. After all, the enforcer and his friends would need to try and regain stature.

Kylo had aligned himself with the Force for just this moment, falling into a battle stance, knowing what was coming. Three blasters were aimed at his back, but through the Force, he could anticipate his opponents’ attack. In one smooth movement, he released the lightsaber from his belt, ignited it, and spun around to face the three men armed with blasters. As the Force flowed through him, time seemed to slow, and blasters were so painfully clumsy to begin with.

He deftly parried the blasts that came at him, reflecting two of the shots back at the men who had fired them, while the third slammed into the wall. Of the three assailants, only the Kyuzo remained standing, just as Kylo had intended. With one more swing of the lightsaber, he severed the hand that was holding the blaster still aimed at him. 

The Kyuzo screamed, but Kylo ignored him.

“Tomorrow night,” Kylo reiterated as he kicked the fallen appendage out of his way. “Or you’ll all find out what the First Order does to those that steal from it.”

This time no one tried to stop him from leaving the cantina.


	2. Fear and Respect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's plan to find his missing ship parts works, and he finds a guide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank so much to my beta Six for Gold for helping me to make things clearer. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> And thanks to everyone who left comments on the first chapter. My plans going forward are to post a chapter every Sunday.

**Four Years Earlier**

Kylo Ren didn’t have to wait for the next evening to see results from his performance at the Cantina. The members of the First Order woke that morning to find the parts neatly stacked in front of the ship.

“Is everything here?” he asked the pilot. 

“Yes, Sir. It seems it is, Sir.”

The previous night, when the pilot had used sir, it had been politeness only. Today the word carried respect. Kylo’s smile was hidden by his helmet, but he was glad. Finally, he was receiving the deference that was owed to him.

“Good, now view the security feed and find out who left them.”

“Sir?” the pilot asked. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters,” Kylo chastised him. “Stealing from the First Order is a crime. How can the Supreme Leader bring order to the Galaxy if we overlook these sorts of infractions? It is our duty to find the guilty party.”

Also, he thought to himself, the thieves would either be useful in finding the missing shuttle, or they could be made an example of to help ‘convince’ the other residents of the outpost to aid Kylo in his search.

Before long, Kylo was entering the warehouse of one of the outpost’s bosses, a Crolute named Unkar Plutt. Kylo had not yet visited Plutt. From what he'd heard, the Crolute’s scavenging operation was not as advanced as some of the others, but he had heard rumors that the lesser boss had started to rise in importance. Somehow his scavengers were bringing in more and better quality scrap from the starship graveyard in the nearby desert.

It made sense. Plutt wasn’t as rich or powerful as the others, so he’d made a gamble to steal from the First Order ship. That gamble would not pay off for him.

“It wasn’t me!” Plutt squeaked in terror as Kylo Ren used the Force to squeeze the man’s thick neck, something that even Kylo’s large hands would have struggled to do.

“Then why do I have video footage of your second in command, returning the parts?” Kylo demanded. He squeezed tighter, momentarily cutting off all oxygen. Then he relaxed his grip just enough that after a few moments of struggling for air, Plutt could answer.

“It was the kid, okay, the kid. She’s trouble. She did it. I tell those kids again and again. Scavenge, don’t steal. But they’re greedy these kids. Cutthroat and greedy. You wouldn’t believe it. I—“

Kylo cut off the man’s oxygen again to stop his rambling. This was too slow. Using the Force, he simply ripped his way into Plutt’s mind, feeling the Crolute convulse in his mental grip as the man tried to scream without air.

**Rey.**

The name was clear in Plutt’s mind, as was the image of a scraggly human child.

“You expect me to believe that a child snuck by my stormtroopers and expertly removed those parts?” He let the man fall to the floor.

Sobbing and gasping for breath, all Plutt could do was nod. Kylo realized he was telling the truth. Mostly. The child had, in fact, taken the parts, but only on Plutt’s orders. This Rey was evidently the Crolute’s best scavenger, the whole reason that the minor boss had begun to gain stature.

“Bring me this… _Rey,_ ” Kylo commanded.

* * *

Something was wrong. Rey could sense it. She was dragging the day’s haul behind her, hoping that Plutt would be happy with what she’d brought. She had a small surplus of rations squirreled away since she’d managed to steal those parts off that Empire ship, but she didn’t trust them to last.

Maybe she could steal more off the ship? It had been exciting, sneaking past living stormtroopers to get under the belly of the ship and make off with the parts. It was as though she were a member of the old Rebellion. 

She’d always thought that the Empire had been destroyed. Not that she knew much about it, other than what everyone on Jakku knew. The final battle between the Empire and the New Republic had happened here. Why they had fought a battle here, she couldn’t imagine, but she supposed it was good they had. Otherwise, there would have been nothing to scavenge.

As she entered Niima outpost, she knew something was wrong, though she couldn’t say what it was. Best to get the parts she’d scavenged to Plutt as quick as possible and get back to her AT-AT, she decided, as she hurried towards his warehouse.

The other children who scavenged for him were already lined up. Most of them were too scared to travel as far into the desert as Rey was willing to go. But that was good for her, that’s why she always had a better haul.

They must have felt the ‘something’s wrong’ in the air too, for when Leti saw Rey, she whispered to Issan, and Leti and Issan hated each other.

And then suddenly Rey was surrounded. Four stormtroopers made a semi-circle around her, their blasters aimed at her.

‘They know,’ Rey thought in fear. And suddenly stealing from the Empire didn’t seem like such a smart or fun idea anymore. After all, it wasn’t just Imperial ships that littered the surface of Jakku. A lot of rebels had died in that battle too.

Then she saw him. A big man dressed all in black wearing a helmet that obscured his face. He was the stuff of nightmares. Literally. ‘Vader’ she thought. Darth Vader had been a Force user, and they said Force users didn’t really die. They became ghosts. Scavengers claimed that Force ghosts haunted the ship-graveyard, and if you weren’t careful, Vader’s ghost would get you. She had never believed them before; now, maybe she did.

“This is her?” the man asked, his voice modulated by the mask.

And then she saw Plutt, cowering next to the man. “Yes, that’s her. She’s the one who stole from you. It was all her.”

One of the stormtroopers grabbed Rey roughly by the arm and dragged her in front of their leader. That’s when she realized that he wasn’t Darth Vader. He wasn't a ghost, but a man. Still, he was a frightening man who was commanding a bunch of stormtroopers who had blasters aimed at her. 

“You took the parts?” the man in black asked. Even through the mask, she could feel his eyes boring into her.

“Yes,” she said, trying to sound brave. Trying to sound like a rebel would. “But only because he told me too,” she said, pointing at Plutt. She felt no loyalty to her boss.

“That’s a lie, she—“ Plutt protested, before realizing that the man in black was now looking at him. Plutt’s mouth snapped shut, a look of pure terror crossed his face.

Suddenly Rey wondered if she’d made a mistake trying to sound brave. Maybe this wasn’t a time for defiant Rey; perhaps this was the time for quiet Rey. Quiet Rey tended to get beaten a lot less than defiant Rey did.

The man in black returned his attention to her. “Who helped you remove the parts from the ship?”

“No one. I did it all myself,” Rey couldn’t help but say proudly. 

“You’re a scavenger?” he asked.

“Yes?” she said nervously, thrown by the obviousness of his questions.

Then he held out a small holoprojector. It lit up, showing a shuttle. Rey instantly recognized it. The Cherry.

“I’m looking…“ he stopped himself. “You know where it is. You’ve seen it before.” His voice sounded urgent, and he took a step towards her.

“Sure,” she said. She tried to take a step back, he was looming over her now.

“You will take me there,” he commanded. 

Of course, she knew the ship. Any scavenger who was brave enough to go out towards the Carbon Ridge knew it. They called it The Cherry, although she didn’t know it’s real name.

She had assumed it was called that because it was on top of a gnaw-jaw warren. She’d imagined it like a hosnian sunday, several layers rising into the sky with the ship or hosnian cherry on top. Not that she’d ever seen more than a picture of such a dessert.

But then a few years back, she’d finally traveled out to see it for herself. When the ship had crashed, much of the gnaw-jaw warren below it had caved in, creating a crater that the ship stuck out of. It looked nothing at all like a hosnian sunday.

She’d asked some other scavengers about it, and they had laughed at her.

“It’s called that kid because it’s untouched. No one’s ever been inside of her.”

“What about you, kid?” the other scavenger had asked. “You still got your cherry?”

She had left then, unsure why they were laughing at her, but feeling very uncomfortable. 

But to this day, The Cherry was still untouched with all its treasure tantalizingly out of reach. Gnaw-jaws were mostly nocturnal, but the giant carnivorous insects were fiercely territorial. If their warrens were disturbed, they would swarm and devour anyone foolish enough to try and get to the ship.

“I can but…but you can’t actually get to it,” she told him.

* * *

**The Present**

This was insane, Rey told herself. This was just some unmarked grave, there was no reason to think her parents were buried her.

And even if they were, how would she know it was really them? How would she be able to identify bodies that had been buried under the sand for more than a decade?

And even if she could somehow be sure it was them, what would that tell her? She still wouldn’t know how they had died. Had they come back to Jakku to look for her? Or had something else brought them here? 

The graves couldn’t possibly hold any answers.

But this was where the trail ended.

If she didn’t follow through, she would lose any hope of ever having answers.

All Rey knew was that she had come too far to stop now. There was only one thing left to do: dig.


	3. The Cherry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Young Rey guides Kylo Ren to find the lost Imperial yacht, and Kylo begins to wonder if there's more to the scavenger than he first thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos on the first couple of chapters. Especially since this is the chapter where things really get going.
> 
> And thanks to my beta Six for Gold for all her help.

**The Present**

It was night before Rey finally uncovered the bodies. 

At first, she felt foolish for having disturbed the grave. 

She couldn’t remember her parents' faces, and even if she could, the desiccated faces of the corpses were utterly unfamiliar.

And then she saw it. The woman wore a charm bracelet. 

_“I’ll give you another 20 credits for the bracelet,” Plutt said._

_“No,” the woman replied. “The deal was the for the girl.”_

_“Sure thing,” Plutt said._

_Rey began to cry as her parents walked away. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Plutt said sarcastically. “I’m sure they’ll come back for you.”_

The terrible truth that she had always known, but refused to admit tore through her like a jagged blade, leaving her gasping for breath. 

She found herself reaching for the pendant, which seemed to burn like plasma against her skin.

As her fingers closed around the crystal, she called out for the first person who had ever seen real value in her, the first person who had ever given her a choice.

“Master,” she sobbed.

And just like that, he was there in front of her, a hole in the darkness. His black clothing should have made him almost invisible against the night sky, but he seemed more vibrant and real than anything else. His helmet glowed with the reflection of his lightsaber.

The pendant hummed in her hand its rhythm matching that of the lightsaber. Suddenly Rey realized what was happening. The pendant was made from a shard of the crystal in his lightsaber, and it was now resonating with the greater whole.

"Kill them all," her Master said to someone else.

Did he see her, hear her? Was he in the middle of a battle, and was she a dangerous distraction?

“I’m sorry,” she said with horror as she let go of the pendant.

She had broken the one unspoken rule between them. She was supposed to stay hidden, and using the Force to contact her old Master, Kylo Ren, was not staying hidden. She hoped he would forgive her. She hoped she hadn’t just gotten him killed.

* * *

**Four years earlier**

Kylo Ren looked at the old X-wing in disgust. Just when he thought things had started to go his way, he was forced to fly this insulting travesty of a ship.

Finding the girl, Rey, had seemed like such a victory. The moment he had shown her the holo of the Imperial yacht he had been sent to find, she had recognized it.

Then she had had the nerve to tell him, Kylo Ren, that he couldn’t get to it.

Despite her youth, he had pushed his way into her mind. He was too close to his prize to care. He had seen the ship clearly and seen the dangers that surrounded it. That didn’t bother him. He could handle a few carnivorous insects, however large they were. No, the problem was that although the child knew exactly where it was, he couldn’t pull the location form her mind. Not because of her attempts to fight him, although he was surprised at her strength when she tried, but because her internal map simply made no sense to him. 

She didn’t know the coordinates. She only knew how to get there from a kind of internal chart made up of landmarks that Kylo wasn’t sure he could discern from the ordinary landscape of the desert. Yet they were absolutely distinct to her.

That meant he had no choice but to take the scavenger with him as a guide. The thought of being saddled with a small child annoyed him to no extent.

The other problem was that it was almost two days away by foot, and Kylo certainly was not going to waste his time walking through the desert. His shuttle still wouldn’t fly. The pilot needed at least another day to get it working, and Kylo Ren had no intention of waiting the long. He wanted off this planet, and he wanted off now. 

The longer he was trapped here, the more likely it was the war would pass him by.

Was it over? Had Jequin Ren already convinced the Senate to surrender to the First Order, before Kylo Ren had a chance to prove himself in battle to Snoke?

No, he wasn’t going to wait around. Luckily Plutt had a ship, and Plutt didn’t dare object (much) when Kylo insisted on its use. Unfortunately, that ship was an old X-wing that had been patched together by mechanics of dubious skill. 

Kylo had inspected the ship himself and hated to admit that it would, in fact, fly. Hated it, because the last ship in the galaxy he wanted to fly was an old Rebel X-wing; just the type of ship Skywalker would have operated.

The X-wing had one other issue. It was a military fighter and had no room for a passenger. So Kylo Ren had found a helmet (of course the only one that Plutt could find was an old Rebel helmet) made sure it’s comm system was linked into his, then put it on the scavenger girl, and forced her into the compartment made for the X-wing’s repair droid.

The girl was small enough, so she fit, but the open compartment was meant for a droid, so she needed a helmet with a visor. But even with protective gear for the girl, Kylo didn’t dare fly as fast as he would have liked, for fear that his guide would be ripped out of the compartment by the wind and g-forces.

The final indignity was that the girl loved it. It hadn’t been easy to shove her into the compartment, but once the X-wing took off, she began having the time of her life. Even as she shouted directions into the headset, she begged him to go faster. And he could feel it coming off of her in waves, the exhilaration, and sense of freedom that came with flying.

It brought back memories, painful memories, of flying with his father as a child. Days he wished he could forget when Ben Solo was a little boy with a galaxy of possibilities before him, and all he wanted was to be a pilot and a racer like his dad.

“I’m sure this ship could go faster! Oh, turn right at that formation. I’m looking at sensor readouts, and her engines are doing fine, and, oh yes, we want to go past that AT-AT maybe a click or two, c’mon old man let’s go!” The girl’s voice rattled on happily, as she kept urging him to go faster, completely unaware he was maintaining the speed he was to keep her safe.

'On the way back,' he thought, 'I’ll show her just how fast this can fly, and listen to her scream as the g-forces rip her out of the ship, and she splatters on the ground like an insect.' That would teach the girl to call him an old man.

But right now, he needed her. Kylo hated needing anyone. He was also annoyed that all of her fear of him seemed to have slipped away. He was finally starting to be respected and feared by the inhabitants of this planet, and all it took was one flight in a dilapidated X-wing for this girl to forget to fear him. That didn’t seem to bode well for his reputation.

Finally, they arrived. Kylo landed the X-wing at the edge of the crater that had been made when the Imperial yacht had collided with the ground. If he had had an actual R2 unit, he might have been able to hover the X-wing in position near the exposed engines of the yacht, trusting the R2 unit to keep the X-wing in place, while he found a way into the wreck. But he didn’t have an R2 unit. He had an annoying girl in an oversized helmet.

He took a step towards the edge of the rock-littered crater.

“Wait,” the girl said, and to his annoyance, she actually dared to put a hand on his arm to stop him.

'Thank the Maker no one can see me with this little girl,' he thought.

If she even was a girl. She was mostly just a small dirty child. A small dirty child who dared to touch him.

But angry as he was, he also wasn’t an idiot. This was her planet, and she knew the dangers. Instead of striking her, he watched as she picked up a small stone from the edge of the crater. She threw the stone with as much strength as she could towards the far side.

The rock hit the sand, and for a moment, nothing happened. Then Kylo could see the sand tremble, and just like that, a dozen centipede-like creatures each at least one-third of a meter long rose up from under the sand swarming violently over the spot where the rock had fallen, before returning to their underground slumber.

That’s when Kylo realized that what he had mistaken for rocks, where actually bones. There was a ring of them around the ship. The remains of other scavengers who had tried to approach the yacht, and had instead had every inch of flesh stripped from their bones by the insects underneath.

“See,” she told him. “You can’t get there. I’ve thought about some kind of rope system-“

“Quiet,” he told her. He had been scrutinizing the ship. Getting there wasn’t the problem, but he needed to know exactly how he was going to get inside once he made it. It wasn’t that he was afraid of the gnaw-jaws, but fighting insects was below the dignity of a Knight of Ren. The ship was not parallel to the ground but jutted out at about a sixty-degree angle, leaving few level surfaces to walk on.

Yes, there! He could see the airlock, and a panel on the outside that should let him open it. He had at least been prepared for this mission with Imperial codes that he was told should work.

Kylo moved several meters away from the crater's edge, then took a deep breath, drawing in the Force as he did so. He held the breath for just a second to center himself before he took off as fast as he could towards the edge of the crater. Right as he hit the rim of the pit, he jumped, using the Force to propel himself further than an ordinary human could jump. He landed precisely where he intended on the tail of the yacht.

He had meant to rush towards the airlock right away, not wanting to see if his weight hitting the ship had disturbed the sand below enough to draw the attention of the sleeping gnaw-jaws. But a blur of movement caught his attention.

It was the girl, leaping after him, sailing through the air.

‘Is she using the Force?’ he wondered.

He didn’t have a chance to consider, because he realized that she wasn’t quite going to make it, that she would be just inches short of the edge of the ship. Without thinking, he reached out to grab her before she could fall to the sand below.

She grabbed his arm with her free hand, clinging desperately for life as she hung precariously over the deadly pit. He could see she was about to speak.

**Quiet!** he commanded her, using the Force. She nodded meekly. Yes, she was definitely Force-sensitive.

He hauled her up onto the tail next to him. For a moment, they were both still, waiting to see if the sand would move.

He wanted to scream at her. What had she been thinking? Kylo’s instinct to catch her was a leftover from his days training as a Jedi. How many times had his Uncle’s other students failed that part of their training course? How many times had Ben Solo caught one of them? Until Skywalker had put an end to it. 

_‘You won’t always be there to catch them, Ben. They need to learn to trust in the Force, not in you.’_

He still remembered the looks they gave him, the first time he let one of them fall. How many friends had he lost that day? If he had refused to listen to Skywalker, if he had caught Kandar, would Kandar have stood next to him when he destroyed the temple instead of siding with Skywalker? Had Skywalker been trying to make sure that when the time came, they would all turn against Ben?

He pushed the memories away. He needed to concentrate, especially now, when he was so close to finishing this awful mission. 

The side of the ship was not made for walking, so he had to be careful as he made his way to the airlock, which was effectively on the floor. Kneeling down, he tried to type in the code he’d been given. Except he realized, there was no point. The panel had no power, it wouldn’t respond.

Of course, it wouldn’t. Kylo felt foolish for trying. The ship had crashed a quarter of a century ago. Even if its energy systems had been completely undamaged in the crash, the reserves would likely have drained away over time. 

He smashed his fist down against the side of the ship in frustration, with enough force that it made a kind of hollow ringing sound.

“I thought we were being quiet,” the girl whispered. She had scrambled up next to him on her hands and knees.

He had half a mind to fling her off the side of the ship for her insolence. But before he could do anything, he heard something. He paused and concentrated, using the Force to extend his senses. Yes, under the ship, something or rather many somethings were definitely moving.

“Got it!” the girl squeaked in excitement.

He looked down, and somehow she had managed to get the damn airlock open. 

“Get in,” he ordered her. The child had the audacity to look at him as if she was hurt. As if she had been expecting praise.

Then she heard it: the sound of hundreds of legs crawling up the side of the metal hull as gnaw-jaws began to swarm from all directions.

He was about to shove her through the open airlock, but she jumped in on her own. He followed seconds behind her. The airlock had been designed to open at the end of the hallway, which meant that in the ship's currently orientation, it was effectively a long slide.

The girl slid down one of the walls ahead of him. For a moment, he envisioned her smashing into the ground--which was really another door--before being crushed by him as he collided with her. Then as she hit the bottom, she tucked herself into a little ball and rolled quickly out of the way before coming back up on her feet and out of his way.

He didn’t try anything that dramatic, with good reason. With the hallways on their side, the ‘roof’ was as only as high off the ‘ground’ as the passageway had been wide. Which meant it was only a little over a meter high, or about half his height. If the ship had been at a ninety-degree angle, it might not have been quite so bad, but the steep angle of the hallway made it feel even more cramped and awkward. Kylo Ren felt like a giant trapped in a child’s toy ship.

He couldn’t worry about that right now. Looking up, it was hard to see anything but the Jakku sun. Until the first insect-like shadow passed over the opening.

“Can you close it?” he hissed to the child, who annoyingly fit much better in this ship than he did at the moment.

“The control pad’s up there,” she whispered back helplessly.

The first shadow passed over the edge of the opening. The next one paused, and Kylo could make out the huge mandibles that gave the gnaw-jaw’s their name. The head of the insect swayed over the opening for just a second. Both he and the girl held their breath and froze in place. Maybe if they were quiet enough, the insects would ignore them and go back to sleep. 

Unfortunately, the gnaw-jaw dipped its head down to investigate the new cavern it had found below itself. For a moment, neither they or the inspect moved. But then the creature's eyes adjusted to the gloom, and it saw them. It let out a chittering noise, then began to skitter down the hallway towards them.

“RUN!” Kylo commanded. Silence no longer mattered. “Find a door you can open AND close.”

He could hear the girl moving down the passage to his right, but he ignored her for the moment as he grabbed his lightsaber and ignited the blade.

The insect had underestimated the slick unnatural surface of the ship’s walls, and it had begun to slide rapidly down towards him. Kylo sliced it in two. More gnaw-jaws were now swarming down the passage on top of them. It felt like they had woken the whole nest.

The odd orientation of the ship might have meant that Kylo couldn’t fully stand, but it did give him plenty of horizontal room to swing his lightsaber. Even so, it was a terrible position to fight in. He could swing his weapon, but other than that, he could barely move. He quickly moved to the side passageway the girl had run down, not wanting one of the insects to fall on his head. So far, he was managing to cut them all down, but even cut in half, they didn’t die instantly, and as more and more insects fell down the passageway, it became hard to tell which were dead and dying, and which were still a threat.

“Got it!” the girl yelled behind him, and just in time.

With one last sweep of his weapon, to hopefully slow any pursuit, he turned and moved as quickly as he could while crouched down the side passage. It was almost entirely dark, so he activated the night vision that was built into the faceplate of his helmet.

At least his height kept him from missing the door the girl had opened, as space suddenly appeared above his head. He could see her crouching above the doorway, and he quickly pulled himself up through the opening. As he did so, he felt something close about the bottom of his foot. 

He’d never been so grateful for the military design of his boots because they had a steel plate in the sole designed to protect him from caltrops and other nasty traps the Resistance might bury in the ground. Even so, there was slight pain as part of the gnaw-jaw’s mandible sliced the side of his foot before it realized it couldn’t close its mouth. 

He kicked the thing back down into the passageway below. The insect tried to rise back up, but just as it did so, the doors snapped shut, severing it in half.


	4. Ruined Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finally learns the purpose of his mission to Jakku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my beta Six for Gold. 
> 
> And thanks for the comments and kudos.

**The Present**

A tendril of dread had crept up Kylo Ren’s spine the moment he had heard that the Resistance pilot was headed to Jakku.

Jakku, Rey’s planet.

For years he had managed to keep the secret that his Apprentice lived from his Master. 

Thinking of Rey was one of the few things left that could still fill him with the old rage. She had been his. The Force had meant for him to train her, and yet he’d had to give her up rather than let her grow to become an extension of his power.

But Snoke had ordered him to destroy her, and he could not disobey his Master. Or rather, he could never let his Master know about that disobedience.

Yet here he was, returning to Jakku. And why? Because this is where the last piece of the map to Skywalker was supposed to be.

So he was hardly surprised when the moment the Jakku sand crunched under his boots he felt her presence, felt her light. He supposed he had known she would be here, although he couldn’t fathom why she would ever return.

Luckily he had a mission to focus on. 

“Put him on board,” he ordered his Stormtroopers as they dragged away the Resistance pilot.

He needed to get off this planet before...

Too late. Kylo felt himself wrapped in the light. It burned. It felt like something lost and forgotten.

“Master,” her voice was a painful whisper against his soul.

And then there she was.

It had been years since he had seen her. He almost didn’t recognize her, except that he could never not know her. She was no longer the scrawny child he remembered. Somewhere along the way, she had grown up.

Wherever she was, it was windy, and it tugged at the white drapes that hung over her tunic, causing them to billow behind her. But that wind blew in the opposite direction of the wind that was fanning the flames of the burning village before him. The effect was uncanny, and with the tears that ran down her cheeks, it made her look like an angel of mercy, come as a silent witness to the death and destruction the Kylo Ren had brought with him.

He couldn’t do this, not now. He knew Rey saw him just as clearly as he saw her. He shook his head slightly, trying to tell her to go away. 

This was too dangerous. The mission was too important. Snoke would want every detail. Kylo couldn’t possibly hide this.

But she wouldn’t go, and he was afraid.

Afraid Rey would force his hand and make him come to her.

“Sir, the villagers,” Captain Phasma asked.

“Kill them all,” he ordered, knowing Rey would hear, hoping it would make her leave.

It worked.

Rey was gone.

The light was gone and he felt cold and incomplete.

The words, ‘I’m sorry,’ hung in the air where she had been.

Even with her gone, he could feel her pain as if it had been etched on his soul. His Apprentice needed him, and he was surprised by the urge to go to her. But that would be selfish. She would survive her pain. If the Supreme leader found out she still lived, nowhere in the galaxy would be safe for either of them.

He had no choice but to turn his back on her, it was the only way to save her life.

But even so, her words haunted him. _I’m sorry. _What did she have to be sorry about?__

* * *

__**Four Years Earlier** _ _

__He found the girl’s fear unsettling, but not because he shared it._ _

__Now that they had a chance to breathe and the immediate threat was gone, he had no doubt he would find a way safely out of here. He had trained his entire life for far more dangerous situations than a bunch of bugs._ _

__The threat was undoubtedly real, but he could handle it. He’d yet to meet an obstacle he couldn’t overcome._ _

__But the girl was afraid. Usually, he relished fear and tried to inspire it in others. Of course, in this case, he wasn’t the cause of her fear. Maybe that was why it unsettled him?_ _

__He decided not to dwell on it._ _

__This room was thankfully bigger than the passageway, and he could finally stand up again. Using the night vision in his helmet, he looked around._ _

__“Well, done,” he said. Maybe a bit of praise would snap the girl out of her terror. “This is the engine room, that means the bridge isn’t far.” He had spent a lot of time looking over the plans of the yacht so that when he found it, he wouldn’t have to stumble around looking for the data cube. “And there’s another route that doesn’t involve that passageway."_ _

__“But we’ll have to go back that way eventually," she insisted. "And it’s dark in there, so the gnaw-jaws might just stay. It’s the sunlight they don’t like.”_ _

__“Sunlight? Or any light?” he asked. No point in bringing a guide if you didn’t take advantage of their knowledge._ _

__“Any light!” she said, triumphantly understanding his idea instantly. “But I’m not sure how quickly I can get the lights on in the dark.”_ _

__He was surprised and a little insulted. He hadn’t for a moment intended to leave the task up to a child._ _

__“I’ve been rebuilding engines since before you were born,” he told her. He almost winced as he said the words. That was precisely the sort of thing his father and all his _old_ pilot friends had liked to say. Kylo was still young._ _

__As if she’d read his mind, he heard her say, “Wow, you must be really old.”_ _

__“I am not old,” he snapped as he began looking for a way to access the power system._ _

__For one blessed moment, there was silence. But only one._ _

__“Is that...is that a lightsaber?” she asked._ _

__He smiled to himself at the awe in her voice and responded simply, “Yes.”_ _

__“Where did you get it?” she asked._ _

__“I made it,” he said proudly. He had only finished its construction recently, right before this mission, in fact. He had taken a great deal of time and care, finding the perfect crystal to construct his new lightsaber. Some of the other Knights had teased him about how long he had kept using his old lightsaber from the temple. Then he had reminded them how many Jedi that lightsaber had killed._ _

__It was a shame, he thought, that the first time he’d really gotten to use it had been in that silly bar fight in a desert cantina, and not in a real battle. But there was nothing to be done about that now. At least it hadn’t been fighting off a swarm of insects._ _

__“Is it broken? It looked like it was venting plasma?”_ _

__“It’s supposed to do that,” he snapped at her. For just a second, he thought of showing her just how not-broken it was. He was fiercely proud that he had found a crystal so powerful, despite being cracked, that the weapon could barely contain it._ _

__Maybe she sensed his anger because she didn’t speak after that. He began to feel a little guilty, which was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. The girl was clearly used to taking care of herself and acting when needed. He realized it had to be hard for her to simply sit in the dark, waiting for him to fix things._ _

__He decided to break the silence and distract her. “I based it off of an ancient Sith design from the Great Scourge of Malachor. Of course, I added several modern improvements.”_ _

__“What’s a Sith?” she asked._ _

__That made him laugh. The Sith had spent millennia manipulating the galaxy and its inhabitants, all while trying their best to stay hidden and secretive. There wasn’t an inhabited planet anywhere whose history hadn’t been shaped by the Sith in some way or other, and yet very few people even knew their names. No doubt, the Sith would have considered that a great victory. Kylo Ren only saw it as another one of the many mistakes they had made._ _

__After a brief search, he found the conduit he’d been seeking. He quickly switched off the night vision in his helmet so that he wouldn’t be blinded when the lights came on and grabbed his lightsaber. A standard lightsaber wouldn’t have had the power to jump-start the ship's electrical systems, but as the girl had noted, Kylo's had more energy than could be focused into a single beam._ _

__What he was about to do was a little reckless and dangerous—more than a little actually. He took a few steps back from the conduit and placed his feet wide in case there was any kickback. With a firm two-handed grip on the hilt of the lightsaber, he aimed it so that when he ignited it, the tip would be just millimeters away from the conduit._ _

__Then he used the Force to try and block the two side vents as his thumb hit the activator switch. Power raced through the blade trying to find an escape. Instead, he funneled it all towards the conduit, allowing the energy to jump from the tip of the blade into the ship's electrical systems. He could feel the saber buck and tremble in his hand as the hilt struggled to contain the immense power of the kyber crystal._ _

__After only seconds, he switched it off, not daring to allow it to run longer with the vents blocked. But seconds were all it took. There was a slight hum as the ship's systems came online, and the emergency lights flickered on._ _

__He smiled to himself and looked over triumphantly at the girl. Her eyes were blinking rapidly, but her expression was sad. Even the sound of the gnaw-jaw’s screeching and scrambling away as they were unexpectedly caught in the light didn’t seem to make her happy._ _

__“What’s wrong,” he asked. He told himself he only cared because there was the chance the girl was aware of some danger on this planet he didn’t know about._ _

__“Nothing,” she said, getting to her feet._ _

__“You should learn to lie better,” he told her. “It’s a useful skill.”_ _

__She glared at him, and once again, he lamented the fact that he no longer terrified the girl._ _

__“I’m not stupid,” she retorted. The effect might have been better if she wasn’t still wearing the oversized Rebel helmet. As it was, he had to try, not to laugh at her indignation._ _

__But he still didn’t know why she was upset. He certainly didn’t think she was stupid, and couldn’t imagine where she had gotten that idea._ _

__“Good,” was all he could think to say. “Then you can figure out how much, if any, fuel this ship has left and how much can be routed to the forward thrusters, while I take a look at the bridge.”_ _

__She still looked indignant, but she scrambled to her feet and hurried over to take a look at the engines._ _

__Just as he planned._ _

__No, the girl wasn’t stupid, and she didn’t really need to know why he was here. Hopefully, she would be distracted with the idea of flying the ship out of the sand, and that would give him the time he needed to find the data cube without interruption._ _

__With the power back on, the doors were now more than happy to open for him. Except that he had to crouch on his way, he made it to the bridge easily. Finding the data cube also turned out to be easy. Finally, things were going his way._ _

__As he picked up the data cube, he couldn’t help but turn it on. His Master hadn’t told him he couldn’t look at it, and Kylo needed to know that there really was something important about this mission. That he hadn’t lost Snoke’s trust in some way. He suddenly became aware of how afraid he was that Snoke saw him as nothing more than an errand boy._ _

__He gasped as the cube lit up. It contained the original plans for the Death Star. The Empire had rejected these as too big and costly since they required both the hollowing out of a planet and the energy of an entire star to power it._ _

__Kylo Ren was elated. The New Republic had made sure to destroy every record of the technology used in the Death Star, deeming such information too dangerous for anyone to have. But if the First Order could construct a new Death Star..._ _

__There might be another Alderaan._ _

__He wasn't sure what bothered him more; the thought itself, or how uncomfortable it made him._ _

__Why should he care for Alderaan? It had never been his home. He didn't even know that much about it. His mother had always been reluctant to talk about her adopted planet._ _

__Ben had always wondered why they had given him his father's name; Solo, a name with no history behind it. Had his mother not thought him worthy of carrying House Organa's legacy into the future?_ _

__It didn't matter. Alderaan was gone, and he was not its prince._ _

__He also wasn’t just an errand boy. The Supreme Leader had sent him on a mission that had the potential to win the war with one devastating blast._ _

__Hearing the girl approach, Kylo quickly turned off the data cube and hid it away._ _

__“So, good news is that the ship's fuel tanks are mostly full. Bad news is…” Her voice trailed off as she got her first good look at the bridge. The front of the yacht was utterly destroyed. This ship would never fly again._ _

__“The forward thrusters are gone,” he finished for her. “Yes, I’d noticed.”_ _

__“So how do we get out?” she asked._ _

__“Same way we came in,” he told her confidently._ _

__He walked over and took a heavy blaster off the corpse of an Imperial stormtrooper. It was an inelegant weapon, but possibly better suited to dealing with the gnaw-jaws than his lightsaber. He slung the weapon over his shoulder. He looked up, half expecting to see a look of fear or disgust as he looted the corpse. But the girl was totally unaffected by the remains of the yacht’s crew, which had been mummified by the dry heat of their desert tomb._ _

__‘Of course, she doesn’t care,’ he chided himself. She was a scavenger. ‘Looting the dead is how she survives.’_ _

__“Once we’re back in the main passageway, it’s best if we move quickly,” he told her. “But, stay behind me.”_ _

__She nodded, but he could tell she was afraid._ _

__Before leaving the bridge, Kylo had one more thing to do. He turned on the maneuvering thrusters at their lowest setting. The ship groaned slightly as it tried to shift in the sand. He knew the thrusters would only be able to helplessly churn the sand. They wouldn’t be able to move the ship in any significant manner, especially on low power._ _

__When he looked up, he saw the girl smiling, her fear gone. She understood. The thrusters couldn’t get them out of here, but they could distract the gnaw-jaws, pull them away from the airlock, and likely kill any of them that got too close._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have tomorrow off, so I'm going to try and post another chapter tomorrow as well. It will help keep me distracted from the fact that TROS is less than a week away!


	5. The Center of the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren must choose whether to save Rey, or save himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much as always to my beta Six for Gold. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

**The Present**

Rey thought he would come.

Not that she had any reason to believe it, but she had always thought that if she ever needed him, her Master would come. 

Instead, she could feel the crystal grow colder as he left the planet.

She could almost imagine his shuttle lifting off, leaving her behind the way her parents had left her all those years ago.

The loneliness was more than she could bear.

Then she heard something moving in the night. She adjusted her goggles to allow her to see, hoping it was Kylo Ren, even though she knew it wouldn't be.

It was just a small droid. A BB unit, rolling through the desert on its own.

It had spotted her as well and beeped curiously at her.

“Niima Outpost is that way,” she pointed.

It beeped in response.

“No, I don’t mind if you stay here tonight. We can go together in the morning, okay?”

The droid beeped happily and rolled up right beside her.

She stashed the charm bracelet she'd taken from her mother's corpse in one of the pouches of her belt.

“Here,” she said as it got close. “Let me fix your antenna.”

It felt good, having something to do with her hands, even if it only took a moment.

It felt better not being alone, even if her only company was a strange droid.

* * *

**Four Years Earlier**

Getting out of the ship had not been easy. The ascent back up to the airlock was difficult, and Kylo had ended up using his lightsaber to awkwardly cut handholds so they could climb back out. 

Luckily his distraction worked, and the gnaw-jaws made war on the thrusters, which they mistook for a terrible invader to their warren.

Unluckily, the thrusters had moved the ship further from the edge of the crater. Although ultimately, it didn't really matter as they had jumped down to get onto the yacht. There was no way they could have made the jump back up.

The girl must have realized the same thing, but for once, she didn’t ask him what he would do. She only looked at him expectantly, waiting for the next step of his plan to materialize.

He didn’t actually have a plan, or at least not one he’d made beforehand. But he still had a way out.

“Do you know how to turn on the X-wing’s thrusters?” he asked the girl.

“Yes, but…” she looked worried. “You’re not going to throw me over there, are you?”

“That,” he said, trying not to laugh at the image her words conjured in his head, “would be a terrible plan. You’re not nearly aerodynamic enough. All you need to do is turn on the thrusters and put it in hover mode. You can do that, yes?”

“Yeah, I can do it, but. . .”

“Shh,” he told her as he began to gather the Force to himself.

Some planets were strong in the Force, nexus points that enhanced the powers of those who were Force-sensitive. Jakku was not one of those planets. It was not quite a dead zone, but calling on his powers here was not as easy as it was in other places.

But the battle that was happening beneath their feet—the anger of the gnaw-jaws as they tried to defend their home against the merciless thrusters—helped create a pocket of darkness that Kylo could tap into.

He planted his feet, took a deep breath, and reached out his hand towards the X-wing. ‘A stone is no different than a boulder,’ he could hear his first Master’s voice in his head. ‘The Force is not about strength, but about control.’

It never failed. Remembering Skywalker’s lessons always gave Kylo the last bit of anger he needed to marshal the dark side of the Force to his side. He often wondered what the Jedi would have made of that.

It wasn't important. All that mattered was moving the X-wing. Kylo kept his eyes closed; it was easier that way. But the gasp of the girl next to him told him it was working. He didn’t need to see the X-wing come close to him, he only needed to feel it.

Just like he felt it when the girl scrambled onto the fighter’s wing and then into the cockpit to turn on the thrusters and set the fighter to hover in place.

The ship wobbled in the air for a second as Kylo released it from the Force. Then the thrusters took over the job of keeping it aloft.

Kylo stood on the wing and made his way towards the cockpit.

“Out,” he said to the girl when he got there, and tilted his head towards the compartment for the droid. She sighed but pulled herself out of the cockpit. She started to make her way to the R2's spot when, for just a second, she froze in fear.

“We need to go now,” she said as she quickly recovered and slipped inside the droid's space.

“What is it?” Kylo asked. He’d be a fool not to trust the girl’s instincts at this point, but she did tend to be a bit skittish. Habit took over as he began his preflight checks, even though they were already partially airborne.

“Sandstorm,” Panic was starting to creep into her voice. “We need to go now!”

He looked east, and yes, he could see the horizon was dark. Well, at least Niima Outpost was to the west. Despite the girl’s fear, he found he wasn’t that worried. She was used to traveling the desert on foot. No doubt, a storm could quickly overtake her that way. 

But they were in an X-wing. They’d be fine.

That didn’t stop the girl from continually urging him to go faster. When he finally took another look behind them, he understood why.

The horizon was gone.

A wall of swirling sand had risen up as far as the eye could see blocking out everything else.

“Faster,” the girl screamed through the coms.

“If I go any faster, you’ll be sucked out of that compartment,” he snapped. “So shut up and let me fly.”

Kylo realized he had to make a choice. If he was going to let the girl die, he might as well do it now rather than risking his own life further. If he wasn’t, then he needed to think fast about a way to save them both.

He wondered why he was even considering saving her. After all, her life was meaningless. She was basically a slave on a planet that was bound to kill her sooner or later. If they made it back to Niima Outpost, nothing good was waiting for her there. 

As a plan occurred to him, he knew both how to save her, and why he was going to.

“Do you know where we are?” he asked her through the commlink. “More importantly, do you know where we can find shelter?”

“Yes, but—“

“Don’t tell me,” he commanded. **Show me!** The last words he shouted in her head.

He could tell that forcing his voice into her mind like that had not been gentle. That it had hurt her. At the moment, he didn’t care, because it had the intended effect. He could see the map in her head, and even if he couldn’t make sense of all of it, he could see enough to know that they weren’t that far from the wreckage of a Star Destroyer.

Unfortunately, to get to it, he wouldn’t be able to fly with the storm at their back. He would have to angle slightly towards it, giving the storm more of a chance to overtake them.

He didn’t hesitate and turned the X-wing sharply. In moments the crashed wreck of the Star Destroyer rose up in front of them. That didn’t mean it was close, just that it was enormous.

The storm howled nearby. It was quickly catching up to them, and Kylo Ren could feel the X-wing begin to fight against his control as the winds picked up. 

The math was easy. They were close. Only moments more and they could take shelter in the crashed wreckage.

But those were moments he realized they didn’t have. As close as they were, there was no way to make it in time. And the tiny X-wing would be ripped apart by the winds. Staying with the craft was certain death.

He brought the X-wing as low to the ground as he dared. He released his harness with one hand, and at the same moment, he engaged the auto-pilot. All he needed was for the ship to stay on course for a few seconds, but as soon as he opened the hatch and let go of the stick, he could feel the plane begin to buck underneath him. 

He ignored it.

If he had ever felt foolish when Skywalker had made him run across bridges made of ropes, or leap from the top of one pole to another, he was grateful for it now as he sure footedly moved along the top of the X-Wing. He could see the girl's eyes wide with fright even through the dusty visor of the rebel helmet, but he didn’t dwell on it.

He simply reached down to pull her out of the open-air compartment. With one sure movement, he leapt from the plane, one arm wrapped awkwardly around the girl.

He curled his body around hers, hitting the ground expertly and shielding her from the worst of the impact. Then he let go as he rolled to his feet. He knew he had only seconds. He lifted his hand in front of the two of them and managed to bring up a shield just as the storm hit.

The world screamed about them, and the bright desert sun was gone, replaced with a maelstrom of dark sand that could flay skin from bone.

But behind his shield, they were safe. At least for the moment.

“Find the ship,” he said through gritted teeth as he tried to hold nature itself at bay.

“How?” Her voice was small and weak, but maybe that was just because the roar of the storm was so loud. 

He grabbed her arm, trying to haul her to her feet while still maintaining the shield that was saving their lives.

**You know this planet, you know the way.**

**You don’t need your eyes to see.**

They were more than words. Kylo Ren had risked everything because he was sure she was a powerful Force-sensitive. Because he believed he could teach her and that she could learn. Now their lives depended on her learning what to do and learning it fast. 

He could feel her reaching out, unsure of what she was doing. So close, but also too afraid of the storm that raged around them.

For once fear was of no use to him.

Kylo Ren drew his power from the emotions that raged within him. He was a storm of darkness, used to riding the waves of chaos that coursed through the dark side.

But here and now, this girl didn’t need fear or anger. She needed to find calm.

 **You are the calm in the center of the storm,** he told her.

She almost had it. Kylo could feel how close she was to aligning herself with the Force. She just needed one little push.

**Emotion, yet peace.  
Ignorance, yet knowledge.  
Passion, yet serenity.  
Chaos, yet harmony.  
Death, yet the Force.**

The girl stood up, took his hand, and led Kylo Ren through the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The version of the Jedi code that Kylo recites is one usually used by Younglings before their trialshttps://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Jedi_Code


	6. A Pool Among the Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exhausted after saving Rey from the storm Kylo collapses. Then he discovers something is missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my amazing beta Six for Gold who has been quickly going through chapters, I thought I'd add another one this morning. It wasn't planned, but I figure I'm not the only one whose head is full of Star Wars but is also hiding from the internet and any spoilers.

**Four Years Earlier**

Kylo Ren woke in confusion. His head was pounding, his throat was dry, and he felt exhausted to the core of his being.

It took him a moment to remember where he was and what had happened: the storm, the girl, the ship. They had made it to shelter. He had collapsed almost as soon as they were safe; the strain of keeping back the storm had been too much.

And now? Now he was alone. The girl was gone.

He quickly checked to make sure he still had the data cube from the yacht and breathed a sigh of relief when he discovered it was still there. The ungrateful wretch might have run off, but at least she hadn’t taken it.

Then he realized his lightsaber was gone.

His fist slammed into the wall of the wrecked ship with enough force to dent the metal.

She stole his lightsaber!

Rage and embarrassment filled him in equal measures. If his Master ever found out that Kylo Ren had lost his lightsaber to a child…

As Kylo scrambled to his feet, he realized that he still had the blaster rifle he had taken from the yacht slung around his shoulder. The idiot girl had left him armed. 

Well, he wouldn't use the blaster on her when he found her. That was too kind. He was going to rip her limb from limb. He would tear her to pieces until she begged him for mercy.

Something the unfortunate blaster rifle couldn’t do. In his rage, he had beaten it against the wall until it was a useless hunk of metal. No matter, he didn’t need it.

Tracking the girl was almost too easy. Almost.

He now knew her Force signature, and she certainly had no clue how to hide it from him. She shone like a beacon in the hollow, lifeless expanse of the ruined ship.

The only problem was that the ship was a maze of twisted metal. Kylo knew the direction she’d gone, but actually following her down into the depths of the ruin proved difficult. Every turn was a dead end or a demolished corridor that ended in rubble.

He might not have found her, had he not finally noticed his own footprints in the dust of what had proved to be a dead end. When he got back to an intersection, he realized that most of the passageways were likewise coated in dust and sand. No one had taken those paths in years, except one corridor which seemed almost well used.

Once he had noticed the pattern, her trail became much easier to follow.

With every step, he thought about what he was going to do to her once he found her. It wasn’t just that she had stolen his lightsaber; that alone deserved a death sentence. It was that she had done so after he had risked his own life to save hers. He'd have been safely back at Niima Outpost right now if he’d just flown as fast as the X-wing could go, instead of saving her from the storm.

Then he heard it, the familiar hum of plasma. He had found the girl and his lightsaber.

However, he decided to be cautious. He could easily overpower the scavenger, but she did have a deadly weapon in her hand. He didn’t want to risk her swinging it at him and, say catching the edge of his cape. It wasn’t vanity, it was pride. As long as there was no proof that he’d been disarmed—his own weapon used against him—then no one would ever have to know.

He peered around the corner and was startled by what he saw.

As he expected, the girl had his lightsaber drawn. Its red glow cast strange shadows around the room as she and spun and twirled while fighting imaginary enemies. Her form was terrible. She had clearly never had a proper teacher. But there was strength and determination to her movements, and she was not without a certain degree of wild skill. With proper training, he thought, she could be as dangerous as any of the Knights of Ren.

Too bad he was going to have to kill her.

Now that he’d had a chance to size her up, see what she was capable of, he was no longer worried.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked, stepping into the room.

His voice echoed more loudly than he’d anticipated, but he couldn’t fault the effect.

The girl froze in place, and it was all the opportunity he needed. He reached out, calling to his lightsaber, and was easily able to rip it from her hand. The red blade spun in the darkness until he caught the hilt and extinguished it.

Then he really realized just how dark it was. He had automatically enabled the night vision in his helmet when he had started to chase her down. Luckily the visor had a special filter designed around the signature of his lightsaber so that its light wouldn’t blind him if he needed to suddenly draw his weapon.

But the girl had none of that. As soon as he’d extinguished his weapon, she was plunged into darkness.

“I was getting water,” she said.

He had been ready to strike out at her, to start the torturous death he’d been planning for her since the moment he’d realized that she’d stolen his lightsaber, but something stopped him.

His abrupt entrance might have startled the girl, but now she wasn’t afraid. He could see her blinking in confusion, trying to get her bearings now that she had lost her only source of light. But there was no hint of guilt or fear from her.

And then he looked around the room for the first time and saw where they were.

He could no longer tell what the room had been. Most of the floor was gone, the bottom of the ship having been sheared off in the crash. At this juncture, the vessel must have collided with an aquifer, because water bubbled up from underground, forming a pool at the bottom of the room.

Kylo Ren was suddenly aware of just how thirsty he was.

“You knew this was here?” he asked.

“Of course,” she said. “Everyone does. That’s why. . .” She was suddenly unsure. “I needed a weapon, in case someone else was here hiding from the storm. And you wouldn't let me bring my staff, remember? And we’ll need water to make it back to Niima. You do drink water, don’t you…?” her voice trailed off.

There was no hint of deception in the girl, and he found himself suddenly amused. There was no way she could be sure of what species he was under the cowl and helmet.

“Yes, I do,” he told her.

She held out her canteen as an offering in the general direction of his voice, and he realized she probably couldn’t see him at all in the darkness. 

He took the canteen and removed his helmet, knowing he was still likely masked by the gloom.

Greedily he drank down the water, realizing just how much he needed it. He guzzled it all down before refilling it and placing it back in the girl's hands.

She put it away, having drunk her fill before he arrived.

“You will never touch my lightsaber again,” he told her firmly, his rage having dissipated. “If you needed a weapon, you should have taken the blaster.”

“You were practically lying on top of it, and you’re heavy,” she replied.

He didn't like discovering that she’d tried to move him, and he had been too exhausted to notice.

“Besides, I don’t know how to use a blaster.”

He snorted. “You clearly don’t know how to use a lightsaber, either.”

* * *

**The Present**

Righteous fury flowed through Rey. “Where’d you get it? It belongs to his master,” she demanded of the man in the jacket.

She’d felt a bond with BB-8. All the droid wanted was to get back to its master, and even if she didn't believe it was on a secret mission, it had kept her company the night before when she'd needed it.

So when BB-8 had told her that this man was wearing a jacket stolen from its master, she hadn’t thought twice about knocking him down to find out what had happened.

“It belonged to Poe Dameron. That was his name, right?”

BB-8 beeped a confused affirmative.

The man continued, “He was captured. . . by the First Order. I helped him escape, but our ship crashed.”

The First Order. Rey shouldn’t have been surprised. If Kylo Ren was here, the First Order was bound to be close. And if a prisoner had escaped, that would mean that Kylo hadn’t left the system yet. Maybe he had been too busy to come to her the night before, she told herself. Maybe he still intended to find her.

“Poe didn't make it,” the man continued. “Look, I tried to help him. I'm sorry. . .”

“So, you’re with the Resistance?” Rey asked, conflicted. She had made a secret promise to herself that she would help the droid find its master. But if it was with the Resistance…?

As a little girl, she’d dreamed of being a Rebel fighter standing against the empire. And then Kylo Ren had come into her life and confused those daydreams. He had put her through First Order pilot training, and she’d run countless flight sims where she was in a TIE fighter, destroying Resistance X-wings.

But those were in the days when she’d been his apprentice. Since then. . . More than once, she had thought about looking for the Resistance, of joining them. She’d seen too much of what the First Order had done. And if Snoke could be defeated. . . 

That’s where her daydreams ended. She knew how powerful the Supreme Leader was. She might foolishly dream of defeating Snoke so that she could return to her position as Kylo Ren’s apprentice, but they were just foolish daydreams.

The reality was that she needed to stay as far away from the Resistance as possible. Not just for her sake, but for her Master's. He had risked his life to save hers. It would be ungrateful to endanger him by joining the Resistance. There was too much chance that someone would discover her powers, and that would raise too many questions she knew she couldn’t answer.

But the Resistance fighter was babbling on.

“Then you can take the droid,” she said sadly. “You can get him back to your base.”

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “But uh, I’ll need to find a pilot, and—“ He grabbed her hand suddenly.

“What are you doing?” she asked as he began to pull her along.

“Run!” he said as something exploded behind them.


	7. A First Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gives Rey her first formal lesson in The Force

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I don't know if I've ever promoted [my Tumblr](https://clock-work-crow.tumblr.com) here, but yes I do have one. Mostly I just post chapter updates, but I wrote one meta post on TROS there and may add others.
> 
> On that note, if you have any comments that might contain spoilers, please put them over there on Tumblr, not here.

**The Present**

'The Captain is going to kill me,' was all Rey could think as the TIE fighter's blast blew up her shuttle.

He wouldn't really, but she felt terrible. He'd let her take the shuttle so she could try to track down her parents. She'd left her crew behind—not that much of the crew was left—and gone off on her own. If she'd just stuck with the Captain, none of this would be happening.

She wouldn't be trying to escape a squadron of TIE fighters in a piece of junk she'd stolen from Jakku.

At least she had a ship, even if this old Corellian freighter wasn't worth half as much as the shuttle that had just been destroyed. She promised herself she'd find a way to make this up to the Captain. But first, she had to survive.

* * *

**Four Years Earlier**

"I thought the Empire was destroyed," the girl said at last.

"It was," he answered her simply.

She'd been mostly silent as they'd made their way from the pool back to the ship's exhaust. It wasn't much of a camp they'd set up. This was supposed to be a short trip to the desert, not an overnight excursion, so they hadn't brought a lot of supplies.

'At least the damn shuttle should be put back together by the time I get back,' Kylo Ren told himself.

All he wanted to do was rest, but he was a little wary about falling asleep near the girl. Well-intentioned or not, she had stolen from him. And although he was mostly sure they were alone in the ruined Star Destroyer, he didn't like the idea of being surprised.

"But you were with stormtroopers, and you look like. . ."

He smiled under the helmet. "Yes?" he was excited to hear the girl say it.

"Darth Vader," she whispered as if she might summon him.

"That frightens you?" he asked, curious.

This was as good a distraction as any to keep him awake.

"I'm too old to believe in Vader," she told him.

"And how old is that?"

"Fifteen," she said.

He laughed. "You can't really be fifteen." She was a scrawny tiny thing. She couldn't be more than ten, he thought.

"I am...at least as best I can remember."

He didn't press further on the topic. Whatever misfortune had brought the girl to this place didn't really matter to him.

"Darth Vader isn't a myth," he told her instead. "He's not just some story told to scare bad little children. He was real."

"Did you know him?" she asked.

"No," he said, genuinely sad. "He died before I was born. But maybe someday. . ." He could not believe that the spirit of someone as powerful as Darth Vader was simply gone. Someday his grandfather would find him worthy. Someday the helmet would speak to him.

"Someday what?" she asked. "You said he was dead."

"There is no death; there is the Force," he said reflexively.

He flinched. He hadn't meant to recite the real Jedi Code. It had been an abbreviated version he had shared with her earlier. But one he had always liked better, the shorthand feeling subversive.

_Emotion, yet peace.  
Passion, yet serenity.  
Chaos, yet harmony._

In that form, the code felt like a promise. A promise of something better than the Jedi, something better than the Sith. It promised a new way forward, a better way. A way that allowed passion and power. Where you didn't have to choose between the Force and being human.

"The Force," the girl said breathlessly. "That's what...? How did...?" she couldn't quite put her questions into words.

Her curiosity excited him. This was why he had saved her. 

"Come here," he told her, moving so that he was now sitting in a meditative pose.

She obeyed.

He held out his gloved hands, palms up. 

She placed her hands in his, and he realized how tiny they were, although to be fair, he knew his hands were rather large. It was hard to believe she was fifteen. But then, he wondered if she'd ever had a full meal in her life. How much toll had starvation and deprivation taken on her young body?

Even so, there was strength. 

He could feel it the moment she put her hands in his.

"What do you feel?" he asked.

"Leather an—"

"No! What do you _feel._ ” He reprimanded her.

For a moment she was quiet, and then slowly, "The storm, the sand. Death, everywhere, death. But also life. Angry, violent life clinging on despite everything until finally there's peace."

"And between the violence and the peace. Between life and death?" he asked.

"Balance," she gasped. "A Force holding it all together. The storm pushes one way, and the desert pushes another. But neither can push too far."

"And in you?" he asked.

"That same Force," her eyes were closed, but her face lit up with a smile. "Life, death, peace, violence, chaos, order, all of it. It's all in me. I'm all of it. I'm everything!" she said triumphantly.

"Yes," he said softly, even if his gentle tone was lost to the modulator in his mask. "Yes, Rey, you are."

Her eyes flew open in surprise. "You know my name?" she asked in amazement.

For a moment, he was surprised by her reaction. But then it was rare that people didn't know his name. Ben Solo had been a name that brought fame with it, whether he had wanted it or not. He had always been known, always been somebody. 

But it was likely that no one had ever paid any attention to this girl. Certainly no one as important as Kylo Ren. She was no one. But not to him.

"Of course," was all he said. Rey didn't need to know that he knew her name because he'd ripped it from the mind of her boss Plutt.

He found he relished the novelty of having to introduce himself.

"My name is Kylo Ren," he told her. "But from now on, you will call me Master."

* * *

Kylo wouldn't admit how glad he was when he saw the First Order shuttle coming towards them on the horizon.

Trudging back to Niima Outpost on foot was not something he was looking forward to. Luckily the pilot had gotten the shuttle working, and when he hadn't returned, they had followed his tracker back to him.

"Good, soon we'll be off this terrible planet," he said.

"You're leaving?" the girl—Rey, he corrected himself—said sadly.

He could feel it, floating to the top of her consciousness. The pain, the feeling of abandonment.

" _We're_ leaving," he told her. "You will be my new apprentice."

He had expected this to please her. 

"I... I can't leave."

For a moment, he looked at her in amazement. How could she not jump at the chance?

But then he realized the girl probably thought she couldn't leave. They didn't use the word slavery on Jakku, but he recognized it for what it was. The girl believed she had no choice in the matter.

"Don't worry about Plutt," he told her. He was about to say something about the scavenger boss owing him, but Ren realized he needed her to stop thinking of herself as property if she was ever to reach her potential. "You are free now, Rey. No one can own you anymore."

"No one owns me now," she said stubbornly. But then she shook her head. "It's not that I...I have to wait."

He was growing impatient. The shuttle would be here soon, and he had no intention of letting the other members of the First Order see him arguing with a child.

"Wait for what?" he said sharply.

"My family," she said softly. Then she added defensively, "They're going to come back for me someday."

Kylo knew nothing about her family; he didn't need to, to be reasonably sure they weren't coming back for her. He could take her; he could force her to go with him. But if he did so, how would he be any better than the Jedi who stole away young children to fill their ranks?

"Rey," he said as gently as he could with the helmet on. "Has it ever occurred to you that they might need you to find them? If they haven't come back yet, maybe they are in trouble?" He could see the sudden look of fear on her face. This was working. "Come with me. Be my apprentice. I will teach you everything you need to find them to save them."

The shuttle landed, and the ramp opened.

Confident, he took the first few steps, but then he realized she wasn't following. He paused and turned. 

"Well, are you coming?" he asked. "Rey?"

For a moment, he thought it wouldn't work. That he would have to either leave her behind or unceremoniously drag her on board. But then she nodded and followed her new master onto the shuttle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is giving me a lot of joy right now. Since my wonderful beta Six for Gold has done a great job of getting me chapters back quickly, I may post more during the holiday week. No idea when though.


	8. Kylo Ren's Apprentice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's training begins in earnest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the Kudos and comments. And always thanks to my beta Six for Gold.

**The Present**

“What girl?” Kylo Ren asked, even as he ripped the memory out of the hapless Lieutenant’s head.

Once he had the information he needed, Kylo Ren forgot about the officer and stared out at the starry expanse in front of him.

The irony was not lost on him. 

Had he only gone to Rey, he would have found the droid.

But there had been no way to know that. He hadn’t even known he’d been looking for a droid when he’d chosen to leave the surface of Jakku rather than look for her.

And if he had found her? What then. Would she have given him the droid?

Dwelling on it would do him no good.

There was only one good piece of news out of the entire affair. 

They had escaped on the Millennium Falcon.

Thinking about his father was strange. He could barely remember Han Solo, and he had no desire to ever see his father’s ship again. But that was good. If Kylo Ren seemed not quite as composed as usual, if he were not quite as calm, Snoke would assume that it was the appearance of his father’s ship that caused it. He could disguise his unease at finding Rey as unease about his father’s potential involvement. Hopefully, that would keep her hidden from Snoke's gaze.

Now he just had to find this droid before anyone realized who the girl who had stolen the Millennium Falcon was.

* * *

**Four Years Earlier**

Rey had never known such luxury in her life. She had a room all to herself. She could walk in and pull down the bed (an actual bed!) that was stowed against the wall and still have enough room to get into the closet. Not to mention, she had a closet! An entire room dedicated to nothing but hanging up clothes. She even had a spare set of clothes to hang in there.

Her Master seemed to think they weren’t the best clothes. They had found some standard-issue athletic gear for First Order officers and altered them to her small size. She knew she looked a little foolish, but they were brand new clothes; no one had ever worn them before her, and she had two entire sets. It was more wealth than she had ever imagined. And her Master said that soon they would have something ‘more decent’ for her to wear. She wasn’t sure what that was, but that would mean she would own three entirely separate sets of clothing.

She still found it a little strange calling him ‘Master.’ Everyone on Jakku agreed there was no slavery, and terms like master were considered taboo. Plutt had been her boss, not her owner, not her master.

But Kylo Ren had explained that it was merely a term of respect. As far back as there were any records, students of the Force had always referred to their teachers as Master. Jedi, Sith, or otherwise, there was always a master to teach. Even he had a master, he told her, and someday she would meet him.

She had a funny feeling when he told her that, almost as if he was afraid. But that seemed absurd. Kylo Ren was never afraid.

Also, it wasn’t so bad calling him Master, since it meant she was his apprentice. That she had learned was important.

When she first came aboard the Blade, people stared at her. She couldn’t blame them, really. Everyone on board the Blade was perfect—stormtroopers in their immaculate white armor, and First Order officers in their pristine black uniforms. She was dirty and dusty and ragged.

Even when she had her new clothes, she didn’t quite fit in. She had been told by Kylo to eat in the officer’s mess, but when she got there, she was told that regulations stated that no athletic gear was allowed in the mess hall.

But that was all she had to wear. So she went hungry.

The next day had been one of her first training sessions with her new master, and he had been trying to teach her to concentrate and lift objects with her mind. But she was hungry and couldn’t focus. Then he heard her stomach rumble.

When he found out what happened, he flew into a rage. It seemed that he always ate alone in his quarters, and had no idea about the regulation. He dragged Rey down to the mess and nearly strangled the cook with the Force and made it very clear that it didn’t matter what she wore, she was always to be allowed in, and always to be fed.

She ate eagerly, it was more and better food than she could ever remember having. But as she ate, Kylo lectured her. He explained that she was his apprentice and that if anyone ever stopped her from doing something he had told her to do, she was to remind them of that. And if they still stopped her, she was to tell him.

She didn’t like that. There were rules on Jakku. You didn’t rat people out. 

But it turned out she never had to. Word about the mess hall incident got around, and the few times anyone challenged her after that, she simply said the words, “I am Kylo Ren’s apprentice,” and she was left alone.

Mostly she was just glad she could go to the mess hall, even it was always a reminder that she was an outsider. If she sat at a table with other people, they usually hurried to finish their food and left. So most of the time, she tried to find an empty table.

She didn’t mind too much. She was used to being alone, and she didn’t feel like she fit in with the First Order officers or the stormtroopers for that matter. Yet when she was with Kylo Ren, she knew she had found her place.

She loved her training. It was not easy, and Rey found she relished that. Survival had always been a challenge on Jakku, but few other things had been. Things that were hard for other kids, like fixing machines, or flying a speeder, had always come naturally to Rey.

Training with Kylo Ren, on the other hand, was challenging. So much so that at times she thought she would fail. But eventually, she always learned. Then he would simply say, “Well done,” and it was the best thing she had ever heard in her life.

Not all of her training was with him. She would spend her mornings in the flight simulators, learning to pilot a TIE fighter from the First Order officers. She both loved and hated it. She loved to fly, but she wanted to fly an actual fighter, not just a simulation. She also didn’t like her instructor. 

Captain Notka had clearly resented being told to train a ‘scraggly desert rat’ as he had called her when Kylo Ren couldn’t hear. The Captain thought it was a waste of his time. And Notka never seemed to think Rey was doing any good, even though she could compare her flight stats to that of other First Order pilots and see that she was in the top percentile.

She often wondered what Notka told Kylo Ren about her progress. She hated the thought that her Master thought she was failing at flying, but she was too afraid to ask. Even so, flying (even a sim) was still better than her afternoons.

Her afternoons were spent in history and political lessons. She learned about how great the Empire had been, and how it had become corrupted by trying to please the people by keeping the Senate instead of simply acting in everyone's best interests. That corruption had led to the Rebellion, and eventually to the much worse New Republic.

The New Republic was terrible, she learned, because it had allowed the Galaxy to begin falling apart through inaction. The corruption that had been bad before became worse in the New Republic because there was no strong leader to keep planets in line and to move the Galaxy forward to a common goal.

All the New Republic did was bicker and stall and let problems get worse because they could never agree on how to resolve issues. Jakku, she was told, was a perfect example. Slavery was illegal in the New Republic, but there was no one to enforce those laws. On planets like Jakku, people got away with having slaves merely by calling them something else. 

But once the First Order controlled the Galaxy, she learned, they would put a stop to all that. Law and order would be reestablished throughout the Galaxy. Then the corrupt central worlds with their influential Senators would no longer be allowed to exploit the weaker outer planets who hadn’t been granted the same status in the Senate.

The Supreme Leader would not allow this to continue. He would make sure the Galaxy was united for the good of all beings.

Rey found this boring, but she endured it, in part because she didn’t have much choice, but also because she didn’t want to displease Kylo. She valued their time together too much and didn’t want to spend any of it being scolded for neglecting her other lessons.

He was very busy, and he only had so much time to train her personally. She didn’t know all the details of what kept him busy during the day, but she had overheard enough to know that he had done something very important on Jakku. Now he was being rewarded by being put in charge of his own fleet.

When it came to her training with Kylo Ren, it was hard to say what she liked best. Her Force training was incredible. She was discovering power Rey never could have dreamed she had, and with it, knowledge. Real knowledge, not the stuff from her lessons on the First Order. This was knowledge that couldn’t be put into books, a deep understanding of the stuff that held the very universe together, the Force.

Then there was the combat training. 

Rey had been in a lot of fights in her life, and she had thought she was able to take care of herself, but Kylo Ren taught her a side of fighting she had never imagined. Their first few lessons had, in some ways, been the hardest, as he tried to break her out of what he called bad habits. Her stance was all wrong, her balance was awful, and her follow-through had no control.

She had not liked those first lessons quite as much. She hadn’t seen the value in learning the basic fighting forms he was trying to teach her. What was the point in learning a set of predetermined moves? Wouldn’t that just make you predictable? But as she got better at Shii-Cho, and then Makashi, she started to see their value. They made up a beautiful, deadly dance.

The more she practiced them, the faster and stronger she got. And she could also feel the Force move through her in a way that thrilled her.

Then the day came when he said she had progressed enough that she could spar against him for the first time.

She was filled with smug excitement, confident that she would be able to impress him, now that could finally show him that she really did know how to fight.

Then he took his helmet off.

Up until that moment, she hadn't seen his face, but she had heard the rumors. The First Order officers were in agreement that he was human, but after that, no one could agree on what was under the helmet. Some said his face had been horribly burned by a Jedi’s lightsaber, other’s that he was more machine than man, and needed the helmet to survive, and so on. Once someone even suggested that maybe he was just an ordinary person under the helmet and that if he didn’t wear it, no one would be afraid of him.

Rey found they were all wrong.

He was beautiful. The most beautiful person she had ever seen. Admittedly that hadn’t been a very high bar that long ago. She found most of the First Order officers to be beautiful. Unlike the residents of Jakku, they weren’t half-starved, half-dehydrated. Their skin hadn’t been cracked and dried by the desert sun, or scarred by sand storms.

But Kylo Ren was in his own category, Rey thought. He set down the helmet and ran a hand through his mane of black curls forcing it back away from his face. Rey wondered what it would feel like to run her fingers through his hair.

“Why...why did you take your helmet off?” she asked, feeling like an idiot as she did so. Was she blushing? She was terrified that she was blushing.

If he was aware of the effect he was having on her, he gave no sign.

“The best way to read an opponent's attacks,” he instructed her, “is to look in their eyes. The eyes will always betray the next attack. Eventually, I will teach you to fight an opponent whose face you can’t see, but you’re not ready for that yet.”

Rey was pretty sure she was not ready for this. Did this mean she was supposed to stare directly into his eyes? How could she possibly be expected to fight while doing that?

She fell into her opening stance and raised the wooden practice saber. And when she looked into his eyes...They were a deep brown, and she thought she could simply fall into them.

She might as well have because she felt his first attack painfully slam against her arm before she had even realized the fight had begun. She felt even more foolish since the first part of the form was a left side parry. All she had had to do was follow the movements he’d had her practice over and over, and she would have blocked the attack.

Even worse, he didn’t say anything, but she could see the disappointment in his pretty eyes. 

Was that look always there? she wondered. Was he always disappointed by her but she didn’t know because she couldn’t see his face?

She’d always assumed that those few hard-earned, ‘Well done’s’ she’d received, were a sign that she was doing extraordinary. That her Master expected so much—that he was so discerning—that only the best results were worthy of praise.

But what if that was just a story she’d made up in her head? What if she was genuinely terrible, a disappointment? What if those ‘Well done’s’ were the only times she had managed to do anything right?

Uncertainty and doubt overwhelmed her. The next blow struck her, and the next. It wasn’t long before she was completely bruised and battered. She’d barely managed to parry a single blow, much less try and strike back. Her only victory was that she refused to cry out in pain when she was struck. 

He swept her legs out from under her, and she fell painfully to the floor. He loomed over her. “It seems I was wrong to think you had any kind of fighting spirit,” he said.

Rey had never been so humiliated in her entire life. But the humiliation led to rage. As he turned his back to retrieve his helmet, she sprang to her feet. As a scavenger from Jakku, it never occurred to her that it was wrong to try and strike an enemy from behind. Even if it had, she was too angry to care. Angry at herself for failing so miserably. She couldn’t fail at this. What if he got rid of her? What if he decided that she was nothing but a desert rat? What if he sent her back to Jakku?

He spun around and easily parried her attack, but she didn’t stop. She swung the practice blade, again and again, fury guiding her blows. He parried every strike; she didn’t care. At least she was attacking, at least she wasn’t helplessly waiting to be struck over and over.

And then just as she thought he was going to parry again, he dodged out of the way, so that his practice blade was free to strike. It hit her squarely on the knuckles of the hand in which she held her weapon. For the first time, she cried out in pain as her hand spasmed, and she dropped her weapon. She clutched her hand and bit her lip, trying to distract herself from the terrible, sharp pain.

“Better,” he said.

Rey looked up, and to her surprise, there was approval on his face. “However, rage alone is no substitute for skill. You seem to have forgotten every form I’ve taught you. Spend the next three hours learning them again.”

Rey was torn between elation and dread. He was going to give her another chance. And yet three hours was a long time, and she was beginning to think something in her hand was broken.

“Yes, Master,” she said obediently. She tried to pick up her weapon, but the pain in her hand was too much. Something was definitely broken.

Well, if she couldn’t do the forms with her right hand, she could do them with her left. That had to be better than nothing, right?

As he put his helmet back on, he saw her pick up the saber with her left hand.

“Let me see your hand,” he demanded. Rey held it out slightly afraid of what would come next.

He examined her hand, pressing painfully against the back of it. The pain nearly caused her knees to buckle, and tears began to leak from her eyes. 

‘I won’t cry, I won’t cry, I won’t cry,’ she told herself over and over, but she was terrified that it was no use.

Then he took off his glove. His touch that had been brutal a moment ago became gentle, and Rey could feel the Force flow around him. To her surprise, it wasn’t the usual dark maelstrom of power that she had come to identify with Kylo Ren, but something softer, something warm, and gentle and bright.

And just like that, the pain in her hand was gone.

“You must learn to bend, and not to break,” he said. Then he was gone.

Rey still had three extra hours of practice ahead of her. By the time she was done, dinner was over, and the mess hall was closed. She knew that if she snuck in to find something to eat, she wouldn’t get in trouble, but she was bone tired. It took everything she had just to make it back to her room.

Her Master may have healed her hand, but he’d left every other bruise, and her body groaned in protest at the simple act of lying down.

Once she was in bed, she forgot about the sore muscles and bruised limbs. She could only think one thing.

‘Kylo Ren held my hand.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Shii-Cho ](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Form_I)
> 
> [Makashi](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Form_II)
> 
> Also I don't think I linked it before, but this is the type of ship the [Blade](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Bayonet-class_light_cruiser) is meant to be. No Star Destroyers for Kylo Ren yet.


	9. Bending the Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo reflects on his apprentices training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the comments on the last chapter. And as always thanks to my beta Six for Gold.

**The Present**

"I'll drop you two at Ponemah Terminal," Rey said, and Finn's heart sank. "I need the bonding tape, hurry!"

"What about you?" he asked. He'd had this vague notion she'd come with him. 

"Look, I appreciate what you're doing for the Galaxy," she told him. "But I can't be near the Resistance."

Was she afraid? Personally, he was terrified. He knew the First Order wasn't going to stop hunting him down, but in the short time he'd known her, it was hard to imagine Rey afraid of anything.

He still couldn't quite believe that he'd made a decision to leave the First Order. It was the first decision he'd ever made for himself in his entire life. It was also one he could never go back on.

Distracted, he couldn't find the tool she was asking for until BB-8 showed it to him.

"This?" he asked, feeling sheepish as she had berated him for not grabbing the right thing. He wished he knew how to do more to help her.

"Yes!" she said with relief as she grabbed the tape and ducked back under the floor panel.

"Look, I know the First Order's scary..." he started to say.

"I'm NOT scared," she told him. The alarms and steam suddenly stopped. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, maybe I am but. . . Not for me. If it was just about me, I'd join the Resistance in an instant. But Snoke. . . "

"Is terrifying," Finn finished for her.

"No, well, yes. But he has...He has someone I care about. And if the Supreme Leader found out I was helping the Resistance... He'd kill him."

Finn wondered what that would be like. To care about someone so much that you made your decisions around what was best for them. To have someone care about you.

Then a new set of alarms went off.

**Four Years Earlier**

Never before in Kylo Ren's life had everything worked out so well, and it frightened him.

As soon as he had left Jakku and returned to his ship, he had contacted the Supreme Leader to tell him of his success. He had also realized that he had to tell his Master about the girl.

They were not Sith following the Rule of Two. Snoke always had a favorite, but he didn't have only one apprentice, all the Knights of Ren, were his apprentices and Snoke their Master. So taking an apprentice was not a sign of betrayal as it would have been to the Sith, but it also had not been done before in the new order they were creating.

Kylo was sure, however, that if he hid the girl, it would be seen as a sign he was plotting against Snoke. So he needed to be upfront.

He wasn't given the chance.

"You better be contacting me to tell me of your success," Snoke had said the moment his holo appeared. It was clear the Supreme Leader had already been upset by something else.

Kylo Ren knelt quickly. "Yes, Master. I have the data cube."

"Good," Snoke said. "At least one of you can do something correctly. Jequin Ren is not faring so well in his conquest of the Kymeri sector. You will take over his command."

"Yes, Master," Kylo Ren said eagerly, taking a moment to revel in his comrades' failure. "There is another matter-"

"Handle it!" Snoke snapped. "And don't let it delay your arrival to the Kymeri sector."

With that, the Supreme Leader cut the transmission. Things were clearly not going well. Jequin had kriffed up, and now Kylo would have the chance to show Snoke that he was worthy of the mantle of Master of the Knights of Ren. Nothing could have made Kylo happier, except. . . Except for the nagging doubt about his apprentice.

He had tried to tell his Master, but would Snoke even remember that when it came up again later? Snoke had cut him off and told him to 'handle it.' It was not exactly permission to train the girl, but Snoke did appreciate initiative in his followers. At least when it provided results.

Kylo decided not to squander this opportunity. But once he was faced with the reality of training his own apprentice, he found himself somewhat unsure of how to proceed. 

Skywalker had had no responsibilities other than training a new generation of Jedi. Similarly, in the early days of their apprenticeship with Snoke, the Knights of Ren had spent almost all their time training with the Supreme Leader. But Kylo didn't dare spend that much time with the girl. He had too much to do to catch up on what had been happening on Kymeri, and it was clear where Snoke's priorities lay.

And it wasn't just time that was an issue. Kylo Ren had always had others to train with. He had never been the sole pupil of either of his masters. But the girl had no one else.

Except for the First Order.

The girl had considerable mechanical aptitude, and Snoke valued piloting skills in his knights. He wanted them to be able to go anywhere he needed them at any time. That had actually been one of the hardest things for the other Knights of Ren. Unlike Kylo, they hadn't spent their earliest years in a cockpit learning to fly from Han Solo. And Skywalker seemed to think technology was a distraction from their training (despite having been one of the Galaxy's great pilots himself).

So even though he had to throw his weight around (or more accurately throw Lieutenant Notka's weight around with the Force), he arranged to have her trained to be a First Order pilot.

He had also realized on Jakku how lacking her overall education had been.

'I thought the Empire was destroyed?' she had asked on Jakku.

Someone else might have laughed at her ignorance of Galactic history. But Kylo had seen intelligence in her question even if it betrayed her lack of education. After all, the First Order had, in part, been formed by Imperial officers that had escaped to the Unknown Regions after the Empire's destruction.

But if she were to one day join the Knights of Ren, she'd need a proper understanding of Galactic history and politics. By the time she was ready to join them, the First Order would no doubt have finished its conquest of the Galaxy, so she might not need to be prepared to lead armies. But the Knights of Ren were intended to be extensions of Snoke's power. One day the most influential people in the Galaxy would bow to her as a proxy for Snoke. She would need to be able to hold her own against them.

So he found her a tutor to teach her Galactic history and culture. When the day came for her to don her own helmet, no one would ever know she had once been a slave and a scavenger on a nothing of a planet.

Realistically he could have also found a First Order member to train her in combat. But that was too personal, too important to leave to anyone else. So he made sure to carve out time each evening to train her first with the Force, and also in combat.

She was a brilliant pupil, quickly able to grasp some of the more complex concepts and techniques with the Force, although she often doubted her power. Often he only had to show her something once, and she could do it in just a few tries. Most of her training with the Force was not about teaching her what to do, but showing her how far her power extended, making her believe that she could accomplish the extraordinary.

Her combat training seemed to go similarly well at first. Kylo had been worried that he would have to spend a long time breaking her of bad habits. But she quickly picked up the forms he taught her. He could show her once how to position her feet for the best balance in a given stance, and after that, she would always return perfectly to that pose.

Everything seemed to be going perfectly. Kylo led his first strike against the Kymeri fleet, and it was a decisive victory. And this time after he reported to the Supreme Leader after he presented his report on the battle, he was able to tell his Master about his new Apprentice.

"You think you are ready to train another in the ways of the Force?" Snoke's tone was slightly mocking.

Kylo Ren's heart sunk.

Snoke was going to take her away from him.

There was no point in trying to convince his Master that he was ready for this, or to tell him that he would do his best. Snoke would never have accepted less than Kylo Ren's best anyway.

"Whatever failures I make in her training," he told his Master, "I am sure they will be most instructive when you correct them."

"I have better things to do than fix your mistakes," Snoke said. "So try not to make too many of them."

The Supreme Leader's holo vanished. It was hardly encouragement since his Master assumed that he would fail.

So he resolved to push her even harder, and she didn't disappoint him.

Except that once.

He hadn't thought twice about removing his helmet for their first sparring session. Not until he saw Rey staring at his face.

Kylo Ren was under no illusions about his appearance. He knew his nose and ears were too big. In general, he was too big. He often walked with his shoulders hunched to hide his full height. As an adolescent, he had been thin and gangly and had worked hard to put on some bulk so that he wouldn't look like a collection of twigs given life.

Deep down, he knew his parents had worked hard to shield him from the galactic paparazzi, but it was a battle they had lost. Leia Organa and Han Solo were the beautiful, daring heroes of the Rebellion. Their romance was the stuff of legends. Their son had been born the day the Empire surrendered to the New Republic. 

From birth, the Galaxy expected him to be a dashing young prince, but he wasn't. He could still remember a comedian, Stev Baldor, mocking his mother for a new trade bill she had proposed to the Senate, and then showing a holo of their family as they were leaving a starport. 

_"Is it any wonder she wants a new trade policy? She probably wants to trade for some new ears for her son. I mean that kids never going to be a racer. Even in space, those ears would cause too much drag."_

That comment had ended Stev Baldor's career as a political comedian. Everyone seemed to agree that attacking a politician's kid was off-limits. But Ben Solo had never been able to unhear the words. They had hit him where it hurt the most, especially because what he wanted more than anything was to join his father's racing team. 

Kylo Ren had thought he put all that behind him a long time ago. But when he took off his helmet and saw his apprentice's reaction, it all came rushing back. He wasn't what she had expected. His wasn't a face to be feared and respected. He could see the shock on her face when she saw his, and he didn't dare probe to see what was underneath. He couldn't stand the thought that she was laughing at him.

He did everything in his power to ignore his embarrassment, but it was only made worse when she couldn't counter a single one of his attacks. He thought he had taught her better than this, but it only seemed to serve as proof that he was a failure. That he had no right to train her.

Finally, he lost control of his anger, sweeping her legs out from under her, knocking her to the ground. There was no lesson there, other than the fact that whatever he might look like, he was stronger than her, and she needed to respect him.

"It seems I was wrong to think you had any kind of fighting spirit," he said, trying to remind her of his superiority.

Then she got up; then she fought. Her anger was a magnificent thing. She was savage and vicious, but sadly wholly unskilled. Kylo had thought because she could correctly perform every form he had taught her that she had learned them, that she had internalized them.

She had only memorized them.

They weren't a part of her. They didn't inform her movements or her strikes. Everything she threw at him was what she had learned from street fights on Jakku. Her anger was beautiful, her technique was not.

He let her continue for a while, easily parrying her wild strikes while he considered his failure. He truly had failed to teach her anything. His anger manifested at last when he struck her hand, forcing her to drop her weapon.

Snoke had been right. Kylo was going to fail at this just like he had failed in so many other things. Perhaps he had been too soft on her. His teachings had been nowhere near as harsh as Snoke's methods. He had told himself that this was because she excelled at everything. She wasn't a failure like he was.

Except here was proof he'd been wrong.

He ordered three more hours of practice, knowing that it might push her to the point of collapse. And even if it wasn't more than she was capable of, it would hurt; every muscle in her body would beg her to stop before she was done. She would either stick with it, wearing herself out to the point of utter exhaustion, or she would give up, and he would know that even stricter methods were needed.

He hardened his heart, telling himself this was what she needed if she was going to survive.

And then he saw her pick the weapon up with her left hand. He saw the slightly unnatural way the fingers of her right hand twitched and hung at her side.

He had broken her hand. 

When he examined her, he wasn't sure it was as bad as he had thought at first. A fracture, yes, and no doubt incredibly painful. He knew that Snoke would not have cared. That Snoke would have insisted she carry on with the drills, and that she use her right hand. If she couldn't manage the pain, it would only prove that she was not worthy of being a Knight. Pain and injury were inevitable on the battlefield. A true warrior would not be stopped by them.

He couldn't let it be. Kylo told himself it was not pity or guilt. It was just practicality. If she did permanent damage to herself, if she tried to train with the broken bones, she might cripple herself and become unable to properly hold a weapon again.

He did feel guilt when he reached for the light side of the Force. He knew he shouldn't use it, but it was the only way he knew to heal her. Of course, he could have sent her off to the medical bay, but then (or so he told himself) she wouldn't be given a chance to finish her training. This was just so she would still have to do the drills he had commanded moments earlier.

"You must learn to bend, and not to break," he told her. But he was also speaking to himself.

Using the light side of the Force was just bending the rules a bit, he reasoned. It would ensure that he could continue her training without damaging her to the point where she was useless.

He was just bending the rules, he told himself. Not breaking them.


	10. The Front Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo begins to lead the assault on the Kymeri system with his new apprentice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments on the last chapter. I'm glad you guys enjoyed seeing Rey's training from both sides.
> 
> I'm home, sick, and it's that last day of 2019 so I decided to post one more chapter. Have a great New Year All.
> 
> And thanks as always to my beta Six for Gold

**Four Years Earlier**

It was not long after his first victory in Kymeri that Kylo felt Jequin Ren die. They had only spoken once as Kylo Ren had first entered the system. Jequin was not happy about being relieved of his command.

There was no battle the day he died. One moment his Force signature was there, the next it was gone.

'He shouldn't have retreated,' Kylo told himself. 'At least then, he would have died fighting.'

Even so, he tried to convince himself that it was the war that had killed Jequin. If he'd been a better fighter, he wouldn't have had to retreat, and Snoke would not have killed him for his failure.

Mostly Kylo tried not to dwell on the death of one of the few students who had been loyal enough to follow Ben Solo when he destroyed the Jedi temple. Kylo had wanted Jequin's command, not his death. 

He kept telling himself that just because he had been quietly hoping Jequin would fail didn't mean he was responsible for his friend's death. 

The truth was he didn't have much time to dwell on it, not while guiding the war effort and training Rey. It also meant that he hadn't had as much time to continue his own training. That made him nervous when the time finally came for him to lead a ground assault.

Kylo Ren had fought and killed before, but never like this. It had always been small skirmishes. The fall of the Jedi temple had been the biggest battle of his life. But on this day, he was leading an army.

The door of the troop transport opened, and Kylo led his brigade of stormtroopers in a wild charge against the forces of Kymeri Four. 

Usually, stormtroopers attacked in a more measured way, carefully taking each inch of ground. That was how Jenquin had led them. Kylo had other ideas. The Kymeris were used to those tactics; they were dug in, ready for a slow, steady battle. 

They were not prepared for Kylo Ren.

As he led the charge, his lightsaber whirled in front of him, deflecting the blaster fire away from him and those troops lucky enough to be directly behind him. Hundreds of other stormtroopers were not that fortunate and fell in the first onslaught. 

But the charge worked. It overwhelmed the Kymeri defenses, and the First Order was able to take a critical base that was a vital part of the Kymeri planetary defenses. 

Kylo didn't walk away uninjured. A blaster shot had hit his armor and dislocated his shoulder. But Kylo didn't have the time to spend in a bacta tank to heal. He opted for an old-fashioned sling, so he could continue to command his troops. The victory was of no use to him if it made him look like an invalid in Snoke's eyes.

By the time he was done securing the base and was able to return to his new Star Destroyer, it was the middle of the night. He hoped to get a few hours of sleep before it was time to coordinate the next attack.

When he got to the door of his room, he found Rey sitting asleep in front of it, her head resting on her knees.

Confused, he kicked her lightly to wake her up.

Startled, she jumped to her feet. Kylo was at least glad to see that she fell into a battle-ready stance before her eyes blinked awake, and she realized it was him.

"You're okay!" she said, relief clear in her voice.

"What are you doing?" he asked sternly.

"You missed our lesson, and they said there was a big battle, and you were fighting on the surface, and I was worried you wouldn't come back."

Then she saw the sling. She began to reach for him, and Kylo could feel her drawing the Force, specifically the light side to herself. She had seen him heal her, and often that was all his gifted pupil needed to learn a new skill.

He used the Force to push her back against the wall before she could touch him, although he didn't slam her back against it the way he might have if it had been a First Order officer who displeased him. He didn't dare let her heal him. He had already reported his victory to Snoke, and his arm had been in the sling. If his arm were suddenly healed, his Master would know the light side of the Force had been used to accomplish it.

"I am capable of enduring my injuries," he told her. "You did not complete your lessons then?" he asked.

He saw hurt and confusion on her face. "No, Master, I-"

"Then go and run your combat drills. Twice," he told her sternly.

Secretly he was pleased that she had been concerned for him. That at least one person didn't care as much if he won or lost, but if he lived or died.

But he was always worried that he was too soft on her. Soon Kylo would need to present his apprentice to the Supreme Leader. She had to be ready when that moment came. Her training wouldn't be complete, of course, but Snoke needed to be able to see what she could be once she gave in fully to the dark side.

* * *

"You know I could fly my own ship, Master?" Rey asked, hopefully.

"No," he said firmly. It was bad enough he was bringing his apprentice along on this mission, he was not going to let her fly. "We are counting on them not noticing a single ship breaking away from the attack formation. They would undoubtedly notice two."

Strictly speaking, he was under no obligation to explain himself to his apprentice. Still, he reasoned she needed to understand the strategy behind this reckless plan.

Everything had been going so well up to this point. The First Order conquest of the Kymeri system was almost complete. Then the Kymeri Crown Prince had managed to slip aboard one of their cruisers and was now attempting to escape the system. 

Admiral Brooks suggested they just blow the ship to pieces, not understanding that it would only serve to martyr the Crown Prince. A young red-headed commander named Hux suggested a better idea.

"We've been able to download the schematics of their ships from the facilities we've already taken. It might be possible for a small task force to infiltrate the ship."

"Ready my ship," Kylo ordered at once. "Show me how," he ordered the Commander.

"I wouldn't recommend you going, Ren," Commander Hux said. "When I said a 'small' force, I wasn't just talking about number. Assuming you could sneak past their defenses, the vulnerability is here," he brought up the schematic. "They don't properly secure their trash chutes, but they're not very big either. I don't think you'd fit, Ren."

Kylo examined the schematic. Hux was right; there was a possible way into the ship. There was also a nearby airlock. If someone small, and mechanically inclined got in through the trash chute, they could open the main airlock for him.

It was an entirely mad plan. But if Kylo could pull it off, he knew it would raise his standing in the Supreme Leader's eyes. He hated to risk his apprentice so early in her training, but if she succeeded, it would prove that he was worthy to continue training her.

Which was why the two of them were about to board a TIE fighter.

He checked her helmet to make sure everything was correctly sealed. If everything went as planned, she would spend no more than seconds out in space, but her training had not extended to spacewalks, something which now seemed like an oversight.

"Remember," he told her, "You are not to touch the gunner controls. Study the schematics while we are out there, leave the shooting to the rest of the squadron. We are trying to go unnoticed."

"I got it, Master," she said with just a hint of annoyance in her voice.

He resisted the urge to scold her. Now was not the time.

As he got into the pilot seat of the TIE fighter, he quickly ran through all the pre-flight checks. A hundred things could go wrong with this part of the mission. He wasn't going to allow not correctly checking the ignition system to be one of them.

And just like that, three squadrons of TIE fighters shot forward to pursue the fleeing cruiser. Enough to hopefully make it look like a real attack, but not so many that they would actually destroy the ship before Kylo could take the Prince hostage.

He had no way to know if Rey was actually studying the ship schematics since the seats in a TIE fighter were back to back, but at least she wasn't trying to shoot anything, and that was good enough. 

As the squadron made its first pass at the cruiser, Kylo's ship broke off from the formation. Hopefully, the cruiser would be too distracted by the attacking TIE's to notice the one that was not firing.

He swung around, flying dangerously close to the larger ship, hoping it would confuse their radar, before coming to a rapid stop as he spied the trash chute.

"Check your helmet," he ordered Rey.

"It's fine," she insisted.

"I said check it. And it's fine, _Master, _" he scolded her.__

_They didn't have much time, but he wasn't going to let this mission fail because she suffocated._

_“It’s sealed, _Master,_ ,” she told him._

_Why did she have to pick this day of all days to acquire an attitude?_

_"Opening the hatch," he told her._

_It was only as he powered down the fighter to disengage the safeties that he realized he hadn't double-checked his own helmet. But as the TIE depressurized around him, air continued to flow, and he was spared the embarrassment of dying from oxygen deprivation._

_As he watched Rey slowly float away from the TIE towards the shuttle, he realized it wouldn't have mattered. He was holding his breath anyway._

* * *

_Fear and excitement coursed through Rey's veins. Finally, she had a mission!_

_Although she was aware she was only on this mission because she was small enough to fit in the trash chute, she was not going to fail her Master._

_The feeling of floating in space was marvelous, and Rey just wanted to look around and enjoy it. But she had to remind herself that Kylo was sitting unprotected in a powered down TIE fighter waiting for her to let him into the safety of the cruiser._

_She quickly moved towards the massive ship. Although she had been told she could use the Force to maneuver herself in zero gravity, she couldn't help but kick off from the edge of the TIE and enjoy the feeling of floating._

_She got to the trash chute. Its hatch was closed, but it didn't have a lock and so forcing it open was a simple matter for the former scavenger._

_A few items of debris and globs of unidentified liquid floated loose as she opened it, and she wondered if her mask was also sparing her from some unwelcome smells._

_She didn't waste any time. She quickly pulled herself inside the ship and stopped to close the hatch behind her. She didn't need some engineer wondering why the chute wasn't closing._

_Unfortunately, once she was inside the ship, its artificial gravity took over. Rey was prepared for this, however. She knew how to move through a starship in unintended ways, and had brought some climbing gear. Rey was back in her element. She quickly ascended the chute and found the first of the interior hatches._

_This part was trickier. There were actually two hatches here forming an airlock to protect the pressurized portions of the ship from the unpressurized chute. Rey managed to get them open one at a time, although the last one was pretty small. She had to remove her helmet to get through the smaller opening that was meant for trash (and not people) to pass through._

_As soon as she was in the ship proper, she began to move quickly. How long had her Master been out in space? Had the TIE been discovered? She ran to the nearby airlock, where he was supposed to meet her and worked to unlock the outer door._

_For just a moment, she panicked. Thinking she was at the wrong airlock, and Kylo was somewhere else waiting for her. Then a black shadow passed by the window blocking out the stars, and the pressurization sequence began._

_"Where is your helmet?" he said as soon as the airlock closed behind him._

_"It didn't fit." Then realizing that in her excitement, she had once again forgotten his honorific, she added, "Master."_

_"Stay behind me," he ordered._

_"Yes, Master," she said obediently and hoped she hid her disappointment._

_He had given her a real lightsaber to carry, not one of the training sabers. She was excited to try it out._

_They began to move quickly, and she had to run to keep up with his long strides. It didn't take long before they ran into the first crew members. Rey barely had time to think about drawing her lightsaber before the crew was knocked back by a powerful Force blast from her Master._

_His lightsaber was now out, and he charged forward in a blur of red plasma deflecting every blaster bolt the came their way._

_She followed behind, feeling both useless and a little foolish for thinking he would ever need her help. Wave after wave of guards fell before him, but then he stopped suddenly._

_**Hide** , Kylo ordered her._

_She hesitated. For the moment, there was no immediate threat._

_**Now!** he ordered her silently._

_Hating it, she quickly moved into one of the side rooms, wondering why he was making her hide. But he had made her promise before the mission had started that if he told her to hide, she would and that she wouldn't come out until he called for her._

_Once she was out of sight, he continued down the passageway to a crossroads. Suddenly guards flooded out of the rooms ahead of him._

_"We have you surrounded," one of the guards said. "Drop your weapon."_

_To her surprise, he did just that and allowed them to take him prisoner._

_Her heart thumped in her chest. 'No,' she wanted to scream. It couldn't end like this. She had to do something. But she'd been ordered to hide._

_What good was hiding, though, if he wasn't ever going to tell her she could come out?_

_Then she got an idea. She had studied the ship schematics just like Kylo had told her too. She wasn't too far from a maintenance shaft, one that should take her all the way to the command deck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kymeri is my own invention, there's not much detail on the planets and cultures in the Unknown Regions, I guess cause they are unknown.
> 
> But this little adventure was very much inspired by the Clone Wars.


	11. Beautiful and Brave and Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey continue their assault on the Kymeri cruiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and Kudos for the last chapter. I really loved people's thoughts on what might happen next. And thanks to my beta Six for Gold for helping me to clarify somethings in this chapter.

**Four Years Earlier**

Things were going perfectly, Kylo thought as he was escorted through the ship. He just hoped Rey did as she was told and stayed hidden.

Fighting his way through the entire ship would have taken too long. He needed to get to the command deck quickly. There was no better way to do that than to be captured. He just needed to find the right moment to surrender.

The little ambush he had sensed was the perfect opportunity to make them believe he was weak and outnumbered. He could, he knew, take them all. But this was more expedient.

As he had anticipated, they recognized him as one of the leaders of the First Order, so it only made sense that they would take him to the bridge. They hoped that under threat of death, he would order his fleet to stand down.

Exactly as he had planned, they brought him before the Crown Prince, a man perhaps a decade older than Kylo.

“It seems your reckless violence has come to an end,” the Prince said. “Order your fleet to stand down.”

Before Kylo could say or do anything, a vent suddenly fell loose from the ceiling. Everyone was momentarily startled. It was followed a second later by Rey.

She landed deftly and ignited his old lightsaber from the Temple, extending the beam of blue plasma toward the Prince’s neck. 

“Let him go,” she threatened.

Angry Kylo used the Force to snap the meaningless restraints they’d put on him. He reached out his hand and called his weapon to him.

“What do you think you are doing?” he snapped at Rey.

“Saving you,” she said proudly. Kylo glared at her, and although she couldn’t see his face, she must have felt it. “Master,” she added weakly.

The startled guards turned their blasters on him, unsure what to do. He swung his blade in a wide arc, cutting off the muzzles of some the weapons while knocking over the rest with the Force.

Kylo advanced on Rey and the Prince and held his blade to the other side of the Prince’s throat.

“You,” he barked at Rey. “Stand down. And you,” he shifted his gaze to the Prince. “You will surrender to the First Order. You will tell your people to follow Supreme Leader Snoke.”

Rey lowered her weapon sheepishly and took a step back. But the Prince glared at Kylo.

“I would rather die than surrender,” he said defiantly.

“If you must,” Kylo shrugged. “But imagine what will become of your people? They’ll no doubt consider you a martyr. There will likely be a resistance started in your name. If only the First Order cared about your people or even the resources of your system. But Kymeri's only value is as a staging point for our fleet.

“So when the first stormtrooper dies, the First Order will round up and execute a hundred random civilians. Of course, that might only encourage more violence, and so the next time there’s an attack, we’ll level a city. And so on, until either the populace accepts our rule or everyone is dead.

“But,” Kylo added. “It doesn’t have to be like that. If you surrender, if you join us as willing partners, there’s no reason your people can’t prosper. We are happy to leave your family in power, as long as you bow to the Supreme Leader.

“So tell me, Your Highness, do you still want to die?” Kylo asked.

“You wouldn’t,” the Prince protested. “You have no idea what you are saying.”

“Oh, but I do,” Kylo responded. “I understand better than you ever could. You see, I’m from Alderaan.” The words sounded vaguely hollow. He could still remember all the times as a child when a teacher had wanted him to say something about Alderaan to his classmates. As if he had special knowledge about the homeworld his mother never talked about.

“And my Princess was beautiful and brave and proud,” he continued. “And because of her pride, I have no planet, no people, no culture. Also, no patience.”

The Prince swallowed hard, and Kylo knew he had him. “I surrender,” the Prince said, defeated.

* * *

Rey couldn’t take her eyes off her Master, as the process of transferring the Kymeri cruiser to the First Order got underway.

Had he meant it? Was he really going to kill all those people?

He had been convincing. Had Rey only been listening with her ears, she might have believed he meant every threat he made. But she wasn’t only listening to his words. She couldn’t help but sense some sort of conflict within him.

“What is it, little one?” he asked once he had finished dispatching troops.

She swallowed nervously. It was one thing to ask questions about the Force, but this would be questioning him. 

“Would you really have done it, Master? Would you have just started killing people?”

He tilted his head, and the reflected light seemed to form a gash across his helmet.

“Do you know the story of Alderaan?” he asked.

“It was blown up?” she was unsure of her answer.

“Yes, but why?” he prompted her.

“I don’t know, Master,” she admitted.

“As I said, Alderaan had a Princess, and she was beautiful and brave and proud. She believed the best thing for her people was to stand against the Empire. Then she was captured by Darth Vader. He tortured her, but could not break her. No matter what he did, she refused to tell him where he could find the Rebels.

“So he tried something else. He took her to Alderaan, and told her that he would use the Death Star, and destroy the entire planet unless she told him what he wanted to know. The Princess’s courage failed her, she couldn’t let her planet be destroyed, and so she gave in. She told Vader what he wanted.

“And Vader destroyed Alderaan anyway,” he paused, and Rey could sense a kind of longing in him. 

It was almost like what she felt when she tried to imagine what her life would have been like if she'd never been separated from her family. It was the longing for a past that had never been.

Finally, he spoke again. “Do you understand the lesson of this story?” he asked.

Rey considered for a moment. She knew her Master would want her to give a thoughtful answer to such a question.

“Be resolute, be strong,” she said at last. “The Princess was weak, and in her weakness, she betrayed her allies, and her planet was destroyed anyway.”

He nodded. “Very good.”

“What happened to her?” Rey asked curiously.

“She continued to fight in the Rebellion, and by the time the Rebels won, she had a husband and a child. But she wasn’t the only survivor of Alderaan. The survivors of Alderaan asked her to be their queen; they wanted to find a new world to build a new Alderaan.

“But the Princess turned them down. She didn’t want to go to the Outer Rim, to be on the edges of power. Instead, she became a citizen of Chandrila, and then its Senator. Without a queen to hold them together, to give them purpose and identity, the people of Alderaan drifted across the New Republic, and little by little, more and more of Alderaan’s culture and traditions were forgotten. Until even the Princess’s own son could barely remember when Founding Day was, or any of the ways of his own people.

“In the end, it was the Princess’s pride that destroyed Alderaan.”

“What’s Founding Day?” Rey asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” he told her sadly. “Not anymore.”

* * *

With the capture of the Crown Prince, the First Order hold on the Kymeri system was almost complete. Snoke was satisfied with Kylo Ren’s accomplishments. In their last communication, he told Kylo to come in person to the Supreme Leader’s flagship to give his final report, and to bring his apprentice with him.

“This is the most important moment of your life,” he told Rey. “The Supreme Leader will judge if you are worthy of continuing your training or not. And,” he paused, not wanting to say the next words. “If he sees real potential in you, he may take over your training and make you his apprentice.”

“But, I don’t want a new Master,” she told him.

He quickly crushed the happy feelings those words inspired in him. The last thing he wanted was to give up his apprentice, but he had no doubt that if Snoke believed he had become too attached, he would take the girl on principle. Or possibly give her to another of the Knights of Ren to train, just to keep Kylo Ren in his place.

At least she was as close to presentable as she could be. Kylo had finally gotten decent clothes for her. She wore a long black sleeveless tunic, belted at the waist, and loose pants. Her arms were wrapped in black bands of cloth, much like those she had worn on Jakku. There was no specific garb for someone training for the Knights of Ren, but this seemed to do nicely. It was practical for her combat training, but not too reminiscent of what a Jedi Padawan might wear.

Waiting at the doors to the Supreme Leader’s throne room was General Hux. His part in planning the capture of the Prince’s ship had caught Snoke’s notice and gained him a promotion. 

“Are you really going to bring that...child before the Supreme Leader?” he asked, looking over Rey and finding her wanting.

Kylo’s good hand curled into a fist, but he realized that Rey needed to learn to gain respect from members of the First Order on her own. If something did happen to him, if he did fall in battle, he didn’t want her disposed of or swept aside. She needed to be able to carve out her own place in the Galaxy.

“Show him,” he said simply to his apprentice.

There was just a second of hesitation. Rey had never used the Force to hurt anyone before outside of combat. But she had certainly seen her Master do it. The small girl lifted her hand, and the General was raised off the ground by his neck.

“The Supreme Leader requested that she be brought to him.” Kylo Ren stepped forward, so he was only inches from the man. “Can you guess why?”

He took a step back then and nodded at her to release the General. She did, and Kylo found himself thankful for the General's presence. Rey was still too close to the Light Side of the Force. But this action had pulled her just one more step closer to embracing the Dark. 

Darkness now clung about her Force signature, and he was glad that this was how Snoke would first see her.

Without further interruption, they stepped into the throne room. 

The General gave his report first, although Kylo only gave it cursory attention.

Then it was Kylo's turn to detail the battle and the victories he had won. He outlined his plans to crush the last of the forces that still opposed them. Snoke nodded in approval. Then the Supreme Leader dismissed the General.

“Step forward, girl,” Snoke said.

The whole time Rey had knelt obediently, head down, just a little behind Kylo. Now she stood up, and Kylo Ren was proud to see there was no sign of fear as she took a few steps towards the most powerful man in the Galaxy.

Snoke reached out his hand, and Rey was lifted off the ground, though thankfully not by her neck. Kylo quickly centered himself. It was not in Snoke’s nature to be gentle, and if Kylo showed any signs of discomfort at the treatment of his apprentice, he knew that Rey would only suffer more.

He could hear her draw in a sharp pained breath. Kylo didn’t dare look at her, but he had no doubt as to what was happening. Snoke was examining her. Testing her. Seeing her strength and her weakness. Taking her apart as he had taken Kylo Ren apart so many times before.

“Interesting,” was all the Supreme Leader said, as he set the girl back down on the ground.

It was only once she had been released from Snoke’s grip that Kylo heard her make a noise that might have been a sob, and Kylo was proud of her. Snoke’s examinations often left the subject screaming in pain. He only wished that he could take credit for her strength, but Kylo Ren imagined it was a remnant of her childhood on Jakku.

“Wait for your Master on his ship,” Snoke instructed. 

The calm Kylo had been trying to maintain through the last few torturous moments almost broke at those words. _Your Master_. He was going to be allowed to continue her training.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” she said as she bowed and left.

Kylo Ren’s mind was racing. No doubt there were things he had done wrong, corrections Snoke would insist on making to her training. Kylo knew that learning about his mistakes was unlikely to be a pleasant experience, but he didn’t care. He was going to be allowed to keep her. He would endure anything to be allowed to continue her training.

“What a waste,” Snoke said almost sadly once the door had closed behind Rey.

“Master?” Kylo Ren asked, and suddenly he was on his guard. 

“The girl,” Snoke elaborated. “She has such potential. Such a pity she had you for a teacher.”

“However I have failed,” Kylo Ren began to explain. “I am sure I can do better under your wise teaching. I can mold her into a perfect vessel of darkness.” He knew he had gone too far with his last words. 

Snoke snorted. “I doubt that, considering the girl is dragging you back into the light. Yes, the girl might have been a powerful tool of the Dark Side, but now. . .” Snoke let his words trail off as if the conclusion should be obvious.

The next words were some of the hardest Kylo Ren had ever said. But he knew there was only one place in the Galaxy for any powerful user of the Force: in service to his Master. 

“Then take her, Master. Where I have failed, you will certainly succeed.”

“Of course, I would succeed!” Snoke’s anger ripped through Kylo tearing at his mind. He shuddered in pain. The screaming, Kylo knew, would come later.

“Foolish boy,” Snoke’s anger had calmed a bit, and his voice was now filled with contempt. “You are too attached. Allowing her to live will only hinder your own progress to the Dark Side.”

“No, I-“ His words were cut off by a scream as every nerve ending in his body suddenly lit on fire. He was lifted into the air, and Snoke tore into his mind.

He should have known better than to try and lie to his Master. Snoke was right, of course, he was right. His Master was always right. He had become too attached. The girl meant too much to him. Now that it had been pointed out, Kylo Ren could see how from the moment they had met, she had been slowly pulling him closer to the Light.

The pain seemed to last an eternity. It might have been seconds, or it might have been hours that Snoke spent playing his symphony of pain on Kylo’s mind. By the time the Supreme Leader was done with his apprentice, Kylo Ren’s voice was horse from screaming, and it took every bit of strength he had to return to his position kneeling at his Master’s feet.

“Master,” he said once he caught his breath. “Tell me what I must do.”

“Come now, Kylo, you are smarter than that.” Snoke’s words were almost kind. “You already know what you must do. You must kill the light within yourself.”

“And kill the girl,” Kylo Ren finished.

“Yes,” Snoke said. “Kill the girl, and your conversion to the Dark Side will be complete. You will finally be the new Vader. You will finally be worthy of my teaching.”

“I will do as you command Master,” he said, without thought. Snoke commanded, he obeyed. This was the way it had always been. This was the way it had to be for him to achieve his destiny.

* * *

**The Present**

Rey quickly slipped on the mask, making sure Finn had his on as well. She had no intention of being captured by the First Order, and Finn’s plan to release poisonous gas into their stolen freighter wasn’t a bad one.

She hurriedly started picking at the bonding tape she’d applied only minutes ago.

She could hear heavy footsteps entering the room above them, and she found herself praying they wouldn’t think to look in the compartment.

And then she heard...Shyriiwook?

She stopped what she was doing and started to move the grate from above their heads. Confused, Finn tried to stop her.

She pulled off her mask.

“Chewie? Is that you?” she called out as the grate was pulled up from over their heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also find me [here.](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/clock-work-crow)


	12. A Song I Used to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo must decide what to do now that Snoke has ordered him to kill Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy to get to share this part of the story, these next few chapters are some of my favorite. So thanks for all your kudos and comments propelling me here.
> 
> Also thanks to my beta Six for Gold for helping me keep things clear.

**Four Years Earlier**

"Did I do well, Master?" she asked him as the shuttle returned them to Kylo Ren's ship.

He didn't trust his voice. So he only nodded quietly. 

She wasn't the one who had failed after all. It was him. It was always him. 

Deep down, he had known he should have used Snoke's harsher teaching methods on the girl. But he had thought there was no need. She did so well, what was the point of causing her undue pain?

Now Kylo understood. It was not for her, but for him. So that he could keep his distance so that he wouldn't become too attached. If he had only hurt the girl, he wouldn't have to kill her now.

Was this what it was like, for Snoke, he wondered? Did he hurt Kylo to maintain his distance? So that he could grow his apprentice's skills, and not be burned by concern for Kylo's well-being?

For years before he had turned against Skywalker, he had heard Snoke's voice whispering in his head. Calling to him, promising him more than Skywalker ever could. But Ben Solo had always hesitated. He had known from the beginning that he was not meant to be a Jedi. It wasn't that he wanted the dark side; it was just that he didn't want to give up his emotions, his passions. The serenity the Jedi promised held no appeal for Ben.

But then no one had ever asked his opinion on the matter.

Yet giving up the light had seemed impossible as well.

Snoke hadn't asked him to give up his emotions, but Ben couldn't imagine turning his back on his family.

Until they turned on him.

First, it was his mother. She had lied to him his entire life. Hidden the truth of who he was, who their family was. He understood why she couldn't tell the Galactic Senate that she was Darth Vader's daughter. 

But she could have told him.

And then the greatest betrayal of all. Ben's own Uncle had tried to kill him.

It then became clear there was no place for him in the light. He wasn't wanted there. Where else was there to go but the dark?

That had been no easier. The light still plagued him, beckoned to him.

The proof now sat next to him.

And she was fidgety.

He could feel the anxiety roll off of her, the uncertainty. She could most likely tell that not everything had gone right. But he had no words for her. Any words of comfort or reassurance would be a lie, and he didn't think he could lie to her, not in her last moments.

The choice was clear. Either Kylo Ren could kill her in whatever manner he chose, or Snoke would do it in front of him, and would be sure to make the girl suffer as much as possible to punish him.

"How did he become your Master?" Rey asked suddenly.

There was no easy answer to that question. It had not been a straight path that had led him to Snoke.

"He wasn't, at first," he said. "I had another Master, a Jedi, but he…" Kylo wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure why he was saying this much. What point was there in telling her any of this? Yet he couldn't stop speaking.

"He was supposed to help me, protect me. But he only feared my power. And so one night, he tried to kill me in my sleep."

He had never actually spoken about what happened, and he wanted to scream, to tear apart the shuttle. Skywalker, after all, hadn't been just Ben's Master, he'd been his uncle. Ben had loved his Uncle Luke, trusted him, believed in him.

But Skywalker had not loved, trusted, or believed in Ben.

But Rey did. At least the belief and the trust. He couldn't betray that, he realized. He couldn't kill her. But he also couldn't go against Snoke's orders.

Then an idea occurred to him, a mad, crazy idea. The sort of plan only a smuggler's son would come up with.

"Wait for me on the observation deck," he commanded her once the shuttle landed.

"Yes, Master," she said obediently, unaware that he had been ordered to execute her.

Kylo Ren hurried to his room, the plan becoming more and more clear with each passing moment. He knew exactly how to get her off the ship, that wasn't the problem. The real problem was him. If he saved her, the light would grow inside of him. If he killed her, the light would finally be extinguished. 

And there was no way he could hide the light from Snoke. At least not inside of himself.

It only took him moments to find it. When he had forged his lightsaber, the power had been too much for the kyber crystal, and it had fractured, leaving behind a single shard that he had saved.

As his fingers closed around the crystal, he took a deep breath. Was he really going to do this? What if it didn't work? What if it did?

He pushed away his doubts, focusing instead on all the details of his plan, knowing everything would have to be perfect. He took off his helmet and rehearsed what he would tell Snoke in his head.

'I was afraid if I didn't look her in the eyes, it wouldn't completely destroy the light inside of me.'

Usually, admitting to fear was not a wise thing to do in front of Snoke. But if Snoke were concentrating on burning the last fear out of his apprentice, then perhaps he wouldn't look carefully enough at the truth.

On his way to the observation deck, he made a stormtrooper follow him. He needed an eye witness.

She stood there in front of a field of stars, waiting patiently for him, trusting him, unaware he had been sent to kill her.

Any doubts he had about his plan were erased in that moment. He was her Master. He would not turn on her, he would not betray her.

"Rey," it wasn't often that he used her name.

She turned towards him, and he could see the surprise that he wasn't wearing his helmet. "Yes, Master?" she asked obediently.

He took a step towards her and placed his hand on her cheek. She was so young; light and innocence radiated off of her. How had she kept those in her harsh years on Jakku?

He repositioned her, knowing exactly where the security cameras were in the room. Making sure they would see just enough, but not too much.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Of course, Master," she said. "Have I-" he placed his thumb on her lips to silence her while with his other hand, he removed the lightsaber from his belt.

For just a moment, he carried it loosely at his side, holding her eyes with his, finding his resolve in her trust.

Then he ignited it, and the room filled with the smell of plasma and burnt skin. Fabric sizzled, and Rey's eyes went wide as she cried out in surprise and pain. The look of betrayal on her face almost cut him in two.

**Play dead.** He ordered her, even as he extinguished the lightsaber. **Find the calm in the storm.**

He knew she must be in pain. He needed it to look real, so he'd ignited the lightsaber close enough to her side to graze her stomach. To the camera, it would look like the blade had gone straight through her when it had only barely touched her side. But that he knew would be enough to cause painful burns.

She obeyed. Her body went limp, and he caught her before her head could hit the floor.

"The girl is dead," he said. His voice was quiet, almost a whisper, but calm and authoritative. This was the reason he had left his helmet behind, he couldn't risk the voice modulator amplifying his voice. He needed the stormtrooper to hear him, but not the cameras.

"The girl is dead," the stormtrooper repeated. The guard's voice was flat, but then stormtroopers weren't known for their emotional range.

"Take her body to the incinerator in processing 4,” he ordered in his regular voice.

"Yes, Sir," the stormtrooper said, picking up the body.

Rey was trying very hard to be still, but he could see her jerk slightly as the stormtrooper's hand closed around her wounded side.

The Jedi mind trick worked. The stormtrooper was utterly unaware that he was holding a living girl. 

'I needed to see her body destroyed, to know every trace of her was gone,' he rehearsed the answer he would give if he was questioned about why he had followed the stormtrooper.

Luckily there were no cameras in processing. 

"Set her down," he told the stormtrooper in his regular voice. Calling on the Force once more he added, "You saw me place the body in the incinerator. You saw the girl burn."

"I saw you place the body in the incinerator. I saw the girl burn," the stormtrooper repeated.

"You are dismissed," Kylo Ren told him. And obediently, the stormtrooper left.

Rey was trying to play dead, doing her best to lay still on the floor, but her body was trembling with pain. Kylo Ren didn't dare to reach for more of the light to heal her, afraid that it would leave behind some trace.

"You may get up," he told her, his voice still; the same harsh tone of command he usually saved for members of the First Order.

She got up quickly, even though she was favoring her side. Kylo could see her hands balled into little fists as she tried to keep from acknowledging the pain.

There was so much he wanted to say, so much he didn't dare. But there was so little time. It was best, he decided to stick to what was necessary and relevant.

"My Master has ordered me to kill you. Stand here," he gestured to a platform on one of the pieces of heavy machinery.

Her eyes were wide, with both pain and fear. Even so, she obeyed. 

"No one can ever know you are alive." He started to type in a frequency and code. He knew it almost as well as he knew his own name. It had been drilled into him as a child. "We will both be hunted down and killed if he ever learns the truth. Do you understand?"

She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. Her eyes were glistening with tears, but he could see her fear evaporate as she realized that he wasn't going to kill her after all.

'Poor thing,' he thought. 'If this really is as bad as I've heard, she may wish I had.'

It wasn't something he could let himself think about too much. There was every chance that his attempt to save her would either kill her, or leave her frozen for all time, neither alive nor dead.

He verified the code once more, though there was no point. It would have been impossible for him to forget it. Even now, he could hear the stupid song his father had made up when he was a child playing in his head.

And he had bigger things to worry about. Snoke had said that killing her would be Kylo’s final step into the darkness. Saving her would clearly bring him closer to the light. He couldn't simply lie to his Master. He had to make sure that every bit of light inside of himself was gone.

He didn't know if what he was going to attempt was possible, but it was his only hope of pulling this off.

"Hold out your hand," he told her.

He placed the fragment of the kyber crystal in her palm.

"Now, I need you to gather the light to you. Pull it to you like you are the magnetic pole of a planet pulling on the needle of every compass at once."

She looked at him in confusion, but obeyed, closing her eyes and starting to call on the light. If this could be done at all, he couldn't do it on his own.

As he had hoped, she began to gather the light. More importantly, she was collecting it from him, pulling his light from his darkness. He helped her as she slowly drew out everything left in him that was good towards the crystal. 

Once he felt the light separate away from the darkness, he gathered it, compressed it, concentrated it, and forced it all into the fragment of the kyber crystal. There was a feeling of intense pain as he ripped his very soul in two, trapping his light in the shard.

He stumbled back a few steps, his body wracked with the shock of the metaphysical feat.

"Master?" she called out in concern and began to reach out towards him.

"Stand still!" he snapped at her. 

Foolish girl. He was fine. He was better than fine. Surely this was the peace he had been seeking all these years, and not just some sort of numbness as if he'd burnt out the tips of all his nerve endings.

She dropped her hand back to her sides, the crystal still clutched in one of them.

The crystal.

If anything happened to that…? Honestly, he had no idea what would happen to him, but probably nothing good. That was why he had likely come up with this plan. It would be safe in the emptiness of space. And the girl. Well, she was his. Surely it was his right to dispose of her…however he pleased. 

Anger flared in his chest, though not quite as intensely as he remembered it. Snoke had tried to take what was his. Wanted to make him get rid of her. Well, at least Kylo was doing so on his own terms.

Kylo pressed the controls, not even bothering to look at the girl as she screamed, more interested in the sensors that showed exactly what was happening to her physically as she was frozen in carbonite. A fascinating process. Astonishing that anything could survive. Much less be revived from it.

Of course, no one would ever revive her. She would be ejected with the rest of the First Order's trash and float in space for all time.

With mild interest, he observed his handiwork. Her face was contorted with pain. Although the layer of carbonite over her face meant he couldn't read her more subtle expressions, perhaps that was betrayal as well.

Possibly this was crueler than merely killing her, he thought. But what was important was that he chose her fate, not Snoke. She was his, and he wouldn't let her future be dictated to him by anyone else.

Then he noticed something. A frequency and a code had been programmed into the carbonite frame. That was strange, it should have been blank. Who could have done that? He wondered. Perhaps there was someone on the ship who was making some credits on the side by alerting scavengers to the First Order's space junk. He'd have to look into it.

He almost cleared the code, but something stopped him. Something he could almost remember but not quite.

It didn't matter, he decided. He would return to his Master and show him that there was no longer any light in Kylo Ren. His Master was sure to be pleased. Hopefully, he would be pleased enough that he wouldn't notice why it had come about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always forget to mention, you can also find me [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/clock-work-crow)


	13. A Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han Solo responds to an old distress signal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the comments on the last chapter. It was so fun seeing your responses. And thanks always to my beta Six for Gold.

**Four Years Earlier**

"I can see it's nothing but space junk," Han said, his heart breaking. "But there's still a transmission coming from that space junk, and I'm going to find it."

He should just give up. He knew that. It was ridiculous to think that after all these years that Ben was reaching out to him, that his son was in trouble and asking for his father's help. Ben was gone. Han Solo knew that. Even so, when the receiver he carried with him at all times went off, Han had immediately rushed to the cockpit to change course and follow it.

He had taught it to Ben when he was only a small boy, maybe three years old. Han had made up a song to teach his son an old Rebel frequency and a unique code. He'd promised his son that if anything ever happened, that if there was ever an emergency, to send that code, and no matter where Han was, he would come find Ben.

Originally it had been a way to comfort Ben when Han was away from home. But as the boy grew older, and Han sometimes took Ben with him, it became a comfort to Leia as well. If some sort of terrible space disaster befell them, and Ben found himself in an escape pod, he would have a special emergency frequency so Leia could find him.

This morning the receiver Han had carried with him for over twenty years finally went off. Someone was sending the right code on the right frequency.

It could only be Ben.

Chewie had been less sure. Even so, he understood why his old friend had to go and see.

They hadn't found a shuttle or an escape pod. They found nothing but some trash floating in the void.

Han engaged the tractor beam and began to pull in the debris, but his hands shook as he did so. What if Ben was there? What if among that trash he found his son's body?

It was terrifying, but there was no way he couldn't find out. If this was how it had ended for Ben, Han needed to know. And he owed it to Leia. This was not how either of them would want their boy to come home, but maybe there was some small comfort in knowing he had reached out to them at the very end.

Even so, Han hesitated at the doors to the cargo bay.

Chewie tried to encourage him as if he knew Han's darkest fears.

"You're right. It's just space junk. But hey, maybe there'll be something valuable."

And space junk it was. It littered the floor of the cargo bay where it had fallen when the doors had closed, the tractor beam had let go, and the artificial gravity had taken over. This was going to be a mess to clean up. Maybe they could just open the cargo doors again and let it all get sucked out. That was going to be a lot easier than cleaning.

And then he saw it; a slab of carbonite, more accurately, a person-sized slab of carbonite.

Han was running while feeling like he might throw up. He still had nightmares about being frozen in carbonite. Now someone had done it to his son. He was going to kill them. He was going to do worse than kill them.

The slab was lying 'face' down. But Han could clearly see the back of a small form trapped in it.

"Help me," he yelled desperately as he tried to right the slab. 

It took most of his and the Wookie's strength to stand it up. And when he finally saw the person trapped within, he felt foolish. It was a child, yes, but he had to remind himself, Ben wasn't a little boy anymore. He was a grown man. Han hadn't seen him in years, he wasn't even sure he'd recognize him if he did see him. But Luke had once told Han that Ben had gone through a growth spurt and was now at least as tall as Han was.

On the side of the carbonite frame, he saw the transmitter that had called to him. Han suddenly had no doubt that he was meant to find this. It was too much of a coincidence to find someone frozen in carbonite and transmitting his son's emergency frequency. This was a message meant for Han. But had Ben sent it, or had someone else?

A terrible thought occurred to him. Was Ben taunting him somehow? Was he going to leave a string of children frozen in carbonite for his father to find as a kind of sick joke? Or was this a trap? Was someone trying to bait Han Solo into dropping his guard?

Well, if it was a trap, he'd already fallen into it. And the best way out of a trap was to find out as much as you could about it. If it was Ben who had done this… It didn't matter, he wasn't going to let some poor kid suffer in carbonite.

"Get the medical bay ready," he told Chewie, while he went to get a blanket. It was called carbon freezing for a reason.

He stopped by the cockpit to do a quick scan of the sector. They seemed to be alone. If it was a trap, no one had shown up yet to spring it.

"Do you really want to try and carry that slab to the medical bay," he asked Chewie when he got back to the cargo hold.

Chewie seemed to agree that it was best to free the child here and then take them to medical.

"Right then," he said as he punched in the commands that would undo the freezing process.

Instantly the child collapsed into a sobbing heap.

"It's okay," Han said as he wrapped them in the blanket.

"Who are you?" the child asked, starting to struggle. 

Judging by the voice, it was a girl.

She was actually pretty strong. Han understanding how traumatic this could be, let go. She scooted along the floor, backing away from the sound of his voice until her back hit the wall.

"It's okay," he repeated. "I'm Captain. . . You know what? Anyone who’s been frozen in carbonite can call me Han. You're safe, okay. No one here is going to hurt you."

Chewie howled in agreement. For a moment, Han was worried that would frighten her more, but evidently, she understood him.

"I'm not safe. Why is it so dark?" she asked, a hint of terror in her voice.

"It's a side effect of the freezing process," Han told her. "But it's not permanent, I promise your vision will come back. Just give it some time."

"How do you know?" she accused him.

“’Cause I've been in frozen in carbonite before, and trust me, I know how much it sucks." As he spoke, he took a step towards her, making sure she could hear his approach.

"I don't understand," she said. "Where's. . ." She let her voice trail off.

"Your parents?" he asked. "I don't know, but I'm sure they are looking for you, and we'll find them okay."

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Because she tried to curl up and pull the blanket tighter around herself like it could protect her. But she flinched in pain and sobbed.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

She didn't respond. 

"Please, can I take you to the medical bay?"

This felt like one of those problematic parenting moments he thought were long behind him. He wanted to just pick the girl up and carry her for her own good. But she was terrified. What might be good for her physically might not be good for her mental state, and he didn't know which he should be more worried about.

"Okay," she said finally after a few tense seconds. With some effort, she stood up.

He went to pick her up and carry her, but she backed away. "I can walk,” she insisted.

"Sure thing," he said. He supposed being carried by a stranger you couldn't see could be frightening, and he needed to win her trust. He needed to find out about Ben.

"Maybe, though," he offered. "It would be good if I took your hand, just to guide you." Having a blind girl stumble through the ship was not likely to be good for her health.

She began to fidget and adjust her hold on the blanket. That was when she realized that she had something clutched tightly in her right hand. She wasn't willing to let it go and was trying to hold the blanket in place while also holding that so she could free up her left hand.

He filed that away for later, but for now, he just gently took her left hand when she offered it to him.

"Do you have a name?" he asked as he started to lead her to the medical bay.

She hesitated again, and his heart went out to her. Being frozen in carbonite had been traumatic enough for him, and he'd woken up to find that the woman he was falling in love with had come to save him; that all his friends had come to save him. It had been a crazy dumb plan, but still, he had never imagined before that so many people would risk their lives for him. It had been all at once, one of the best and worst moments of his life.

But this girl had none of that. She had no idea what was happening. She was alone among strangers, blind, and freezing.

"You're a pretty tough kid, you know?" he said. If she wasn't ready to give her name, that was okay, he decided. He didn't need to push. Not yet.

"I'm not a kid," she barked. "I'm fifteen."

_Fifteen? Really?_ he thought. He would have guessed maybe ten. Not that all kids grew up precisely the same. But still, if she really was fifteen, she had lived a hard life. 

"Fifteen," he said. "No wonder you're so tough. Okay, up here," he put her hand on the edge of the medical bed. Fifteen didn't seem like an age where he should be picking girls up and putting them on beds. No wonder she'd been so unwilling to be touched. 

As she got onto the bed, he realized it was her right side she was favoring. That seemed to be the part that hurt. One of these days, he should probably get a medical droid, he realized. Mostly his philosophy was ‘don't get hurt.’ But a medical droid could have scanned her and told him what was wrong. Hell, it could have treated her so that he wouldn't have to deal with this. 

But there was no medical droid, so he had no choice but to find a way to do this himself.

"Do you mind showing me where you're hurt?" he said, half afraid that she would.

She let the blanket drop away from her right side, and whatever she was holding, she moved to her left hand. She reached down and pulled apart a rip in her clothing. As she did, the edges of the fabric flaked off where they had turned to ash. The charring hadn't really been noticeable before since her clothing was all black.

On the right side of her stomach, she revealed a long straight burn. Han's first thought was that maybe she had leaned against some sort of pipe that was carrying steam, but where would there be an uninsulated pipe like that? Besides, the angle was wrong, and the burn was too severe. Anyone would have pulled back from something like that long before they could receive a third-degree burn. _Unless it’s plasma and not steam,_ he thought.

Plasma.

Like a lightsaber.

And suddenly, he had a terrible vision of Ben, lightsaber in hand, holding her still with the Force while he burned his brand into her side, marking her forever.

That was ridiculous. Ben would never do anything like that. Ben had been such a kind boy.

_'He murdered the children, Han,' Leia was crying over the comm. Han couldn't ever remember seeing her cry like this. 'How could he do it? How could our little boy murder all those children?'_

"Did Ben do this to you?" He didn't mean for his voice to sound so harsh. He didn't mean to frighten her. But the memory of what his son had done when he burned down the Jedi temple never failed to put him on edge. He and Leia had raised a monster. And it had cost the deaths of other children.

She didn't flinch, she didn't pull back. She really was a tough kid. "I don't know anyone named Ben," she retorted.

Han felt ashamed. Whatever had happened, however she had come here, whether it was Ben that had done this or not, this poor kid deserved better. She didn't deserve to get pulled down into the mess that was his family. He promised himself that whatever had happened that brought her here, that he was going to do what he could to make it better.

He couldn't save his son. But maybe he could save her.

* * *

**The Present**

Finn wondered if this was a family. Was this what a family was like?

He had been terrified when Rey had opened the compartment above their heads, thinking she was crazy. But within moments, she was being swung around in the air by an old man who was smiling broadly.

"Kid," he said. "You're amazing. Anything you want for your birthday, it's yours. And I know,” he said before Rey could protest, "That you don't have a birthday, but we're getting you one. And I owe you four years’ worth of presents." Then the man paused, turning serious. "Did you find them?"

"Yeah," Rey said quietly. "They're gone." For a second, she dropped her head sadly, then she punched the man lightly in the shoulder. "You shouldn't have come back for me," she growled. "I can take care of myself. You know that!"

He chuckled a little as he rubbed his shoulder. The old spacer looked slightly embarrassed. "So don't take this the wrong way but...I didn't come back for you." He changed the subject as he saw Finn come out from under the flooring. "Who's this guy? And what are you doing under the floor together?"

Finn found something slightly intimidating in the old spacer's tone. Like that guy was about to pull a blaster on him.

"I'm Finn," he said. "I...I um." He dropped his voice low, trying to sound impressive. "I'm with the Resistance." 

"Uh, huh," the spacer said as if he didn't quite believe it.

"What do you mean you didn't come back for me?" Rey asked as if she was hurt. "Weren't you worried about me?"

"Of course I was, kid," he said, putting a hand on her cheek. “But you don't know what you've stolen, do you?" he continued, smiling.

"A piece of junk?" Rey said indifferently.

"Junk?! You do not call the Millennium Falcon junk." The man admonished her while he ran a hand down one of the bulkheads.

"This is the Millennium Falcon?" Ray asked in disbelief. "This is the ship that made the Kessel Run in fourteen parsecs?"

"Twelve," the old man corrected her proudly. "Who did you steal this from? Ducain?"

"I don't know," Rey admitted.

"Well, it doesn't matter," the old man said. "She's Han Solo's again now."

"Wait? You’re Han Solo, the Rebel General?" Finn asked, wondering how long he could keep up the lie about being with the Resistance in the face of a real Rebel war hero.

"General?" Rey scoffed.

The old man only shrugged. "I used to be."

Suddenly, there was a strange metal thunking sound, as if something was hitting the ship from the outside.

Rey's face became very annoyed. "Tell me you delivered the rathtars. Tell me you did not stop on your way to deliver the rathtars to come steal this ship?"

"What?" Han Solo asked innocently. "I couldn't take the chance of the Falcon disappearing again."

"I'm sorry, did you say rathtars?" Finn asked, worried.

When they all just shrugged, Finn decided these people were all insane.


	14. Refractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finally finds out what BB-8 mission was and about the map the droid is carrying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. Thanks so much for the comments. Also thanks to my beta Six for Gold.

**Four Years Earlier**

Han was right. Little by little, Rey's sight came back. Although the world became clearer as fuzzy outlines turned into distinct objects, her own fate had become confused and blurry.

It seemed ridiculous now that she had ever thought that she was destined to become a part of an elite and special group of warriors charged with protecting the galaxy. She was Rey from Jakku, she was never going to be a Knight of Ren.

She could almost believe the Kylo Ren had been some sort of fever dream; that none of it had been real. Only she had the crystal to prove it had happened. It was the first thing she saw clearly as her vision returned, although it looked like nothing more than an uncut piece of glass. 

It didn't glow, it didn't appear to be unique, and yet...And yet when Rey wrapped her hands around it, she could feel the light trapped inside. She could feel the piece of her Master he had left with her to guard.

She didn't understand it. She didn't understand why Snoke had wanted to kill her. All she knew what that her Master had not betrayed her. He had hurt her, yes, but she told herself it was a pain she could endure. That she would be strong until...

Until what?

He had told her that no one could ever know she was alive. It wouldn't just be her life, but his as well. There was no great destiny waiting for her. She would never be anyone, after all. She would spend the rest of her life as just Rey.

She had no idea what that life would be now.

The Captain, Han, seemed kind enough. He had tried to ask her about her parents and about her home. She’d made the mistake of being honest. When she had said she was from Jakku, he had told her that wasn't much of a planet to raise a kid on, but if that's where her parents were, he would take her back to them. Then she had admitted her parents weren't there, but if he took her back, she could wait for them.

He replied that he was not going to dump a defenseless kid on Jakku with no one to take care of her. She tried to convince him both that she was neither defenseless nor a kid, but he wouldn't listen.

She could show him, of course. After all her training with Kylo Ren, she felt more than confident that she could beat him up to prove her point if she could find a good weapon, maybe even Chewie too. But she didn't really want to beat either of them up. 

They were nice.

They seemed to actually want to help her. She just didn't know what help looked like.

For the moment anyway, she was happy to use her time with them to build her strength back up. They were spacers. Which meant sooner or later they would land at a planet or space station. If she needed to, she could always run away from them then.

Then one night, Han knocked on her door. "Hey, kid," he said.

"It's Rey," she reminded him, although she kind of liked the way he called her kid, even if she wouldn't admit to it.

"Rey," he nodded. "Do you mind if I show you something? Now that your vision is better."

She shrugged. _What harm could there be?' _she thought.__

__He was carrying a holoprojector, and he sat down on the bed next to her. He seemed very uncomfortable. And an awkward silence stretched between them. Rey began to wonder if she didn't really want to see whatever he had to show her. He had been kind to her…but that didn't mean he didn't want anything._ _

__"So I was wondering..." Rey tensed, wondering if she would have to fight him. "If you could tell me if you recognize someone."_ _

__She relaxed. Okay, that was okay. She thought. "Sure," she said._ _

__He brought up an image on the holoprojector, and she gasped at the strange scene._ _

__She saw a field, and maybe what was a forest in the distance, although she'd never actually seen one. For a moment, two children moved through the foreground slightly out of focus, they were training with wooden sabers. But they weren't the subject of the holo. Despite the distance, despite the fact that he was off to one side, the holo was clearly focused on a young man who sat with his back against a rock as he read a book._ _

__"Master?" Rey said without thinking._ _

__"Master?" Han asked, his voice sorrowful. "You recognize him then?"_ _

__"Of course," Rey said without thinking. "That's my Master Kylo Ren. Where did you get this?"_ _

__Only after she voiced the question did she realize she probably shouldn't have said anything. She was supposed to be hiding. She was supposed to be Kylo Ren's dead apprentice, not his very much alive one._ _

__"His name," Han said slowly, sadly. "Is Ben Solo. And this. . . This is the last image I have of my son."_ _

__The young man in the holo looked up, having realized that he was being watched. Slowly as if he was trying to prove he had meant to do this all along, he shut his book, got up, and walked out of the frame. The projection ended._ _

__For a moment, neither of them said anything, as if they were waiting for the projection to come back and tell them what they were supposed to think or feel._ _

__"Just tell me one thing," Had said at last. "Did he ever hurt you?"_ _

__Rey flinched at the accusation. How could a man accuse his own son of such a thing?_ _

__He misunderstood her silence. "Look, you don't have to tell me how. If he touched you, I don't. . . I really don't need to know any details. Just please, I need to know how far he's fallen."_ _

__"Fallen?" she asked, confused. She thought she knew what Han was asking, and yet what could he mean by fallen? Kylo Ren was not fallen, he was magnificent. He was strong and beautiful and powerful, and someday the whole galaxy would bow before him._ _

__Her face hardened. “He was... _is_ my Master. He would never hurt me. He only wants what's best for me." _ _

__But even as she said the words, she could still hear him asking her to trust him. She could still feel the burn of his lightsaber against her flesh, she could still see the uncaring look in his eyes as he trapped her in carbonite._ _

__Rey did the only thing she knew how to do. She ran from the room._ _

__Even as she did it, she hated herself. Why should she have to run from her room?_ _

__Except it wasn't her room. This was Han Solo's ship, so she supposed all the rooms were his._ _

__She didn't belong here._ _

__She had begun to like Han Solo. To really like him. But he wasn't her father. He was someone else's. And clearly, he didn't understand his son, or anything really at all._ _

__**The Present** _ _

__"All right, what's this about the Resistance?" Han asked._ _

__"So, we're just going to ignore the two gangs that were trying to kill you and the fact that you were shipping rathtars?" Finn asked._ _

__"It's best," Rey said. "Although this hasn't helped out our debt situation."_ _

__"How many times do I have to tell you, Rey. Don't worry about it. I always pay off my debts."_ _

__Chewie roared in disagreement._ _

__"I was going to pay off Jabba, I just didn't get the chance,” Han protested. "But you bring up a good point. You know what's terrible for paying off debts? Freedom fighting. It does not pay well. So... Finn was it? We'll drop you and your droid off on the next station, and you can be on your way."_ _

__"We can't just drop them off anywhere," Rey protested. "I promised BB-8 I'd help him get home."_ _

__Actually, she had promised the droid she would help him find his master. But she was not going to tell Han that. The two of them had realized a long time ago that as long as they pretended that Rey knew nothing about Han's son, they got along great. But every time Han was reminded that Kylo Ren had been her Master, things got...awkward, to say the least._ _

__"She promised the droid," Han said to Chewie in a tone that implied that Rey was impossible, and he didn't know why he ever put up with her. Rey knew that tone. She knew it meant he would give in._ _

__"He's on an important secret mission," she said._ _

__"Yeah, sure he is," Han said skeptically._ _

__"No, really," Finn insisted. "He has a map to Luke Skywalker." Rey's shoulders tensed. "You knew him, didn't you?" he asked Han._ _

__"Yeah, I knew him," Han said. "Okay, let's see what you've got."_ _

__BB-8 looked to Rey for some assurance as to whether it was okay. She felt anything but assured. Luke Skywalker was the secret mission? She had to know if it was real. "Go on," she prompted the droid._ _

__The ceiling lit up with the projection of a star map._ _

__"This map's not complete," Han said. Rey couldn't decide if she was relieved or disappointed. "It's just a piece. Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him."_ _

__"Why?" Rey asked. "Why bother to look for him if he doesn't want to be found?"_ _

__"I'm sure there's lots of reason," Han said, observing her. "Maybe, for instance, if there was someone who was say, powerful with the Force, they might want a teacher?"_ _

__She knew he was talking about her. Rey did her best to keep her abilities hidden so as not to draw too much attention to herself, but Han and Chewie knew. It wasn't something they usually talked about._ _

__Rey wanted to keep not talking about it._ _

__"Only someone who didn't know better," she replied. She could tell that Han wasn't going to let this drop, so she hurried to change the subject. "I need to get the sand out of my hair."_ _

__She hurried out of the common area, looking for the crew quarters. She quickly ducked into the first room she found and then locked the door behind her. The room had its own small fresher, and she turned on the water in the shower. But as good as the idea of washing Jakku off of her sounded, she didn't strip and get in._ _

__Instead, she pulled out her pendant; the little piece of Kylo Ren she carried with her at all times._ _

__She had never stopped thinking about him over the years. In all her best and happiest moments, she thought of him. She reminded herself that he was the one who found her and took her from Jakku. She could only imagine what might have become of her if she stayed on the planet. If she had survived, she would have been slowly ground into nothing. Worse, now that she knew that her parents were dead, she might have spent her entire life waiting for them._ _

__But then her Dark Prince had come and had lifted her out of her life of slavery. And when his Master demanded he kill her, Kylo Ren had put himself in danger to save her. Kylo had chosen her. And when he couldn't keep her safe at his side, he had sent her to his own father, knowing she would be safe there. So all of her happy moments belonged to him._ _

__And when things did not go well, when things were difficult and hard… In the moments when Rey's life was on the line and doing the wrong thing could get her killed, she thought of him then, too. She was determined not to let him down. To prove that she was worthy of having been his apprentice._ _

__She took a deep breath as she held the crystal. The last time she had done this, it had been an accident. As it turned out, they had been on the same planet. But now Rey reached out with intention, feeling the Force signature trapped within the crystal and following it back to its owner, her Master._ _

__"You need to stop doing this," Kylo said the moment he appeared in front of her. "This is dangerous. For both of us."_ _

__"I know Master," she said. "But the Resistance is trying to kill you. I had to warn you."_ _

__"They are always trying to kill me,” he said dismissively. "It's their reason for being."_ _

__She found herself wishing he would take off his helmet. In the years they had been apart, she had learned how much of the First Order propaganda she had been taught was wrong. But she needed to believe that she wasn't wrong about him. That he really was the man she had been dreaming about all these years._ _

__As if he read her mind, he removed the helmet. Of course, maybe he was reading her mind. She didn't feel it, but she wasn't trying to guard her thoughts from him either._ _

__He was almost as she remembered. The same beautiful mane of black hair, the same angular features that she had dreamed about. Only his eyes had changed. They were cold, hard. He was not happy to see her._ _

__But he would be, once he understood._ _

__"They are trying to find Skywalker, they have part of a map," she explained._ _

__As far as she could see, there was only one reason the Resistance would be trying to find Skywalker, so he could finish what he started all those years ago. So he could finally kill Kylo Ren._ _

__He had never told her the full story of what had happened, only that his first Master had betrayed him, but she'd filled in much of the rest from things she picked up from Han over the years._ _

__"You've seen it," it was not a question._ _

__He stepped in close to her so that there was only a hair's breadth between them. He raised his hand, so it hovered close to her head._ _

__"Show me," he commanded as he pushed into her mind._ _

__She never thought of disobeying or fighting back. She closed her eyes and visualized the map. She opened her mind to her Master, or at least mostly opened it to him. She was happy to share the map with him but did everything she could to keep him from seeing how his presence affected her. How she felt lightheaded being this close to him, in a way that had nothing to do with him probing her mind._ _

__Satisfied, he left her mind._ _

__"You've done well," he told her, and his praise filled her with warmth. "But you need to get away from the Resistance. And you cannot contact me this way again."_ _

__"Yes, Master," she said, her heart nearly breaking._ _

__Did this mean they would never see each other again? She had gotten used to that idea over the years. But that was before she had heard his voice again. Now it seemed like unbearable torture, even if she knew he was right._ _

__She had dreamed so many times of finding him again. Of what it would be like when they finally met again. She was starting to realize those were only silly fantasies. For her, this was a monumental moment, but for him? Maybe he had a new apprentice? Or maybe he had realized that training her had been a mistake?_ _

__'If he would just kiss me,' she thought._ _

__And then the hand that had been hovering near her face so he could search her thoughts, cupped her cheek, and he bent down and did just that. His lips touched hers and feelings of excitement, and terror rippled through her. She gasped, parting her lips and letting go of the crystal in surprise._ _

__Just like that, he was gone, leaving her head spinning, and her body aching with disappointment at the realization that she might never see him again. That had been her only chance to kiss him, and she had messed it up because she couldn't keep hold of a simple crystal._ _


	15. Secrets Old and New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren loses his temper. Han Solo has to decide what to do with the girl he found trapped in carboinite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I hadn't originally been intending to update today, but I realized after seeing a few comments that I didn't want a big gap in time from when people read about the kiss from Rey's point of view, and when they saw it from Kylo's.
> 
> So here you go, surprise update.

**The Present**

Kylo Ren smashed his fist into a wall in anger.

The act startled him. 

Long ago, he had had outbursts like this all the time. Once, he had been very angry about... It was hard to remember what made him so angry, but his temper used to boil over frequently.

Then he had given away all his light, and a kind of peace had descended on him. Although now that that peace had been disrupted, it felt less like serenity, and more like numbness.

_It must be the crystal,_ he told himself.

He replayed the interaction with Rey in his head. He had been surprised when she had appeared, and grateful that there was no one around in the moment she did. He had hoped that their previous encounter had been something of a fluke made possible by them being on the same planet at the same time.

But no, it seemed the crystal gave her the power to conjure him whenever she pleased. That notion that she had him on a leash, a leash that could get him killed if Snoke found out, did not sit well with him.

It only got worse from there.

She had compelled him.

With her hand wrapped about the fragment of his soul he had placed in the crystal, she had wanted him to remove his helmet, and he had. 

To be fair, he hadn't tried to fight it. He had understood what was happening and was mostly sure Rey was unaware. He probably could have fought against the weak command, but doing so would only have alerted her to the power the crystal gave her over him. Knowledge was a powerful thing. If she didn't know she could control him, she wasn't likely to try. As long she didn't order him to do anything that was harmful, it was best to follow along with the compulsion.

When he realized she had the map, he saw the perfect opportunity to try and reassert control over her. And she obeyed without question, opening her mind to him giving him, what he wanted. It was exhilarating knowing that even though she had power over him, she still automatically obeyed him. He was still her Master.

And as such, he needed to look after her. Nothing good could come of her being with the Resistance. He didn't dare use her as a spy, even if she had inadvertently become one. The risks of discovery were too high for both of them. So he ordered her to leave them, and not to use the crystal again.

She responded with a beautifully obedient, "Yes, Master."

But before she left, she compelled him one more time.

The kiss took him entirely by surprise. So much so that he didn't even have a chance to decide whether to fight the compulsion or not. For one thing, she was not physically there; she was only a projection in his mind. He shouldn't have been able to feel her lips.

Yet he did.

Secondly, she was Rey. He could see that she had grown up. But until that moment, in his mind, she had been a half-starved, somewhat androgynous, child—not really an adult, and certainly not a woman.

Suddenly, he was very aware of how much she had matured, even as she maddeningly vanished the moment their lips touched.

He replayed her image in his mind. She had clearly continued to eat well in the years since he had seen her. She had been practically a skeleton when he first found her. He'd never really believed she'd been fifteen—she'd seemed too small and scrawny. Now it occurred to him those were likely marks left by starvation. 

He thought of himself as a teenager, the awkward growth spurts, becoming painfully aware of other teenagers…especially girls. The girls he had grown up with had suddenly stopped being children. They had become strange, exotic creatures that were beginning to curve in ways he couldn't stop thinking about.

But those girls had all been the daughters of well-off members of Chandrilan society. They had never known hunger. Puberty had rushed up to greet the well-fed rich children of the Senate. In retrospect, it was possible that Rey's starved body hadn't yet experienced it during the days when she had been his apprentice.

He found himself mildly grateful that he had not had to deal with that. Not that he couldn't have found some female First Order officer to help her deal with... feminine things. Still, it was almost a blessing to have been spared all that. Almost.

Because it was also a reminder of how much he had lost. Rey was meant to be his to shape; his to mold into the perfect expression of darkness. Yet he'd been forced to give her up, and while she'd been away from him, she'd grown into something beautiful and wild. 

He ached to take charge of her again, to resume her training, to create a perfect expression of the darkness. But that couldn't be.

At least he had the map.

Except he didn't.

That was when his fist slammed into the wall in anger. Yes, he now had the missing piece of the map to Skywalker, but he couldn't share or use it. He had no way to explain to the Supreme Leader how it had come into his possession.

The entire encounter had been pointless, it had done nothing but awaken a new hunger in him and given him one more thing to hide from Snoke.

* * *

**Four Years Earlier**

Han sat alone in the cockpit, his hand hovering over the comm button.

He should call Leia. He should tell her about the girl. Leia would know what to do.

But somehow he couldn't bring himself to do it.

The girl was trouble, there was no denying that.

His first idea was to take her back to her parents. He knew all too well the pain of losing a child, and he had thought maybe he would find some comfort in returning someone else’s child to them.

She'd been reluctant at first to talk about her parents or where she was from. He'd been afraid at first that maybe Ben had killed her parents and kidnapped her.

Eventually, though, he got her to open up a tiny bit, and she seemed to like the idea of going back to Jakku where Ben had found her. But Han slowly realized there was no one waiting for her there. It led to a bit of a fight. She insisted he take her back, but Han was unwilling to simply leave her alone without anyone to look after her on any planet, much less one like Jakku.

Then a job had come up. He certainly didn't mean to take her along, but there was little choice. Afterward, he'd find an orphanage or something. He'd find a place she'd be safe and taken care of.

He never meant to get her involved with any of it, but there had been an issue with the hyperspace coupler. Before he knew it, she had the engines of the Eravana not only fixed but running better than they ever had.

She was just a kid, he knew he couldn't draw her into a smuggler's life. Somewhere in the galaxy, there had to be someone better suited to taking care of her than him. He was, after all, a spectacular failure as a father.

He knew he owed Leia. It seemed wrong to keep from her that he'd found this girl who was so closely linked to their son. Except...except the girl was Force-sensitive.

That should have been a reason to call Leia. Leia would know how to deal with a kid like this except...except Ben had been a kid like this.

He had trusted Leia and Luke. They had told him there was something dark and dangerous in Ben. Something that needed to be controlled.

Han didn't see it. He didn't see the darkness that he was told--that he now knew--had been hiding in his son. For a long time, Han resisted sending Ben to Luke. But eventually, he gave in. If Leia thought it was best...Well, she was around Ben a lot more than Han was. And she understood the Force in ways Han knew he never would.

Deep down, he'd always thought it was a mistake. He'd even come up with this crazy idea that maybe Ben could travel with him for a while. They could hire him a private tutor so his studies wouldn't be hurt, and he could see the galaxy with his old man.

But Leia insisted that what Ben needed more than anything was the stability of Jedi training.

Han pulled his hand away from the button that would call Leia. He knew it was reckless, but he couldn't send this girl, Rey, away. He had given in to what everyone had else had told him was best for his son, even though it conflicted with his own instincts. He wasn't going to do that again.

This girl was alone, and she needed someone to take care of her. 

Why shouldn't it be Han?

* * *

**The Present**

"Rey?" Han called out as he knocked on the door to the rooms she had commandeered on the Falcon.

"Give me a moment," she called out. Her hair was still wet, but she got dressed quickly. She knew better than to try to put off Han for too long. He could be stubborn.

"Come in," she said as she continued to dry her hair with the towel. She really needed a comb, but whomever she'd stolen the ship from hadn't kept combs on board.

"Do you need to talk?" he asked.

"About what?" she said as if today had been an ordinary day. To be fair, it was only a slightly more exciting day than the average day as part of Captain Solo's crew.

"Your parents? Finding a map to Skywalker? Kylo Ren? Take your pick. Seems like you've had a busy day."

She did not want to talk about any of those things, but she was pretty sure she wasn't going to get by with an "I'm fine." Most of the time, he would let her avoid these sorts of things. But not today.

Maybe, she realized, that's because he was the one who really needed to talk.

"Do you remember that holovid you showed me when we first met?"

"The one of Ben?" he asked. "Sure."

"Do you still have it?"

He replied by reaching into his pocket and pulling out a holopad. The holovid started up, and there was her Master as a young man, reading a book while other children trained around him.

"What do you see when you watch it?" she asked.

"Ben, before...before I lost him." Han's voice almost broke, but he steadied himself. "He was always a good student. Always eager to do well. Luke used to tell us that Ben tried harder than any of the other students, even though he was more naturally gifted than any of them."

Han's brow furrowed, as he was torn between pride, but also regret at where those natural talents had taken his son.

"I see loneliness," Rey said, grasping the crystal around her neck without realizing it. "I see a boy who is trapped in a life he didn't want." The crystal seemed to be singing a sad song to her. "A boy who thinks that if he can just finish his studies, if he can just become a Jedi, then he won't have to _be_ a Jedi. That if he can just fool everyone one long enough to finish, he can escape and become a pilot like his father. That if he can just get the chance to prove himself, his father will take him back. His father will finally understand him and be proud of him."

The crystal's song reached a sad flavored pitch, and then suddenly went silent.

"You didn't lose your, son," she said to Han. "You just never actually saw him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks to my beta Six for Gold, for making me realize when things don't sound the way I intended them.


	16. Visions on Takodona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something in Maz's castle calls to Rey, and she receives a warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tagging is hard. I was sending off a later chapter to my wonderful beta Six for Gold, and suddenly realized this story needed some more tags. But they aren't for this chapter the story still has a bit to go before it starts to earn its Explicit rating. 
> 
> That being said, I felt like maybe I should add some of these tags early, so you could make up your mind before we got there. I'll also add warnings when we do get to those chapters.

**The Present**

Rey had never liked Takodana. Maz always made her uncomfortable. The old pirate always seemed to know too much, things she had no right to know.

But she couldn't come up with a better plan than bringing Finn and BB-8 here so that they could make their way to the Resistance. 

She could, however, think of a way to try and avoid Maz.

"Where are you going?" Han asked as Rey started to veer from the gates to the castle.

"I need new clothes." 

Under other circumstances, he might have stopped her. But he was still angry with her. She had hurt him, the way she had talked about his son. So for the moment, Han was happy to let her go her own way.

All she meant to do was find a new jumpsuit, something better suited to crawling about a starship while doing repairs. But nothing seemed to be her size. And then a garment in a deep forest green caught her eye.

Soon she was standing before the mirror, looking at herself and surprised at what she saw. She'd found a pair of knee-high leather boots and soft dark grey pants. The top that had caught her eye had a high neck, long sleeves, and zipped down the front. The synthetic fabric seemed to mold itself to her shape, one she'd never really been aware of before. 

She didn't look like Rey the desert rat, or Rey the engineer (although Han had promoted her to chief engineer when they'd taken on more crew for the rathtar job). With her belt and blaster on, she looked like Rey the pilot; Rey, who was confident; Rey, who was not to be messed with. 

She liked the Rey she saw in the mirror. That Rey wasn't a little girl. That Rey was somebody.

It cost her more than she had initially intended to spend, but then she never spent much of anything on herself, so she'd saved up a few credits over the years. 

Maybe this would get Han to stop treating her like a kid.

Realizing she couldn't put it off any longer, she headed into Maz's place. Despite her new wardrobe, her arrival went unnoticed. It only took a quick look around the room to spot Han, although it was Maz that drew her eye. For reasons Rey couldn't fathom, the woman was crawling on the table, her gaze fixed on Finn.

Curious, Rey was about to make her way over, when something prickled at the edges of her consciousness. There was a sound like hissing and someone crying out in pain, but no one else seemed to hear it.

Rey had never known the Force to manifest in this way, but she knew it for what it was. Something or someone was calling to her. She followed the sounds only she could hear, as they lead her down the stairs under Maz's castle. 

Maybe it was a good thing that Maz was Force-sensitive, at least she would understand why Rey was poking around in parts of her castle that were clearly not meant for the public.

A strange hoard of collected items awaited Rey in the cellar. 

_Something then,_ Rey thought to herself, _not someone._

Although the Force was in all things, very few items could exert this kind of pull, and Rey's heartbeat sped up as she wondered what it could be, and came to her own hopeful conclusions. 

She stopped in front of an old box, and for a moment, she hesitated. She knew what she hoped she would find inside, but it seemed too good to be true. If she didn't open the box, she couldn't be disappointed.

Curiosity won out. 

She held her breath and opened the small chest. To her delight, it wasn't some dusty old holocron, but a lightsaber.

It was too good to be true. Rey had never progressed far enough in her training with Kylo Ren to make her own, and she had never come up with a good excuse to go looking for a crystal without letting Han and Chewie know what she was up to.

She'd told herself she wasn't meant to have one, that it would only draw too much attention to herself, and yet here was one calling to her. Clearly, it was meant to be.

The moment her fingers curled about the lightsaber, she cried out in surprise, fear, and pain.

_She could hear the hiss of carbonite as it began to freeze her in place. Terror gripped her as she looked into Kylo Ren's cold hard eyes and then..._

_She was running through a passageway of a First Order ship, but the ground buckled under her feet, the world twisted, and the floor gave way to dirt and stone. Suddenly she was running through the tunnels of a cave._

_The cave opened out before her, and she saw Kylo Ren again. He knelt in the mud before her and offered her a crown._

_"I will never leave you," he said, but his eyes were glassy and still. He was a lifeless puppet, and then something cut his strings._

_He was fury, power crackled off his skin, his lightsaber twirled in a fiery circle in front of him as he cut down everyone that stood between him and Rey. He was coming for her. She would be the next to fall to his blade._

With a strangled cry, she dropped the lightsaber. Fear, hurt, and confusion pulsed through her at the visions she had seen. 

That's when she realized she wasn't alone. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come down here. I shouldn't have. . . " Rey's voice trailed off as she apologized to Maz.

"Interesting," Maz said as she bent down to pick up the lightsaber. "I might have thought it would be drawn to that piece of him you carry, but it's you it wants."

"I don't...I don't know what you mean."

"Don't play dumb child, it does not become you. We both know that Ben Solo did a terrible thing when he gave you that crystal you wear. Or perhaps not," Maz considered. "Perhaps only I know what a tragic thing it is he has done."

"What do you mean?" Rey asked. "Is he in danger?" 

Instinctively her hand went to the pendant. 

Maz snorted. "Probably. When is that boy not in danger? Too much like his father, or maybe his mother. Hard to say."

Rey suddenly remembered why she didn't really like Maz. If the older woman knew something, she wished she'd just say it. But that wasn't Maz's way.

"Right, well, I'll be going," Rey said, trying to move past Maz.

For a small being, Maz was very good at planting herself in someone's way. 

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Maz held out the lightsaber to Rey.

Rey wasn't about to explain what she'd seen. She didn't understand it, and she doubted Maz would be willing to illuminate any of it. The image of her Master dead, and offering her a crown, of him angry and coming to kill her were still fresh in her mind. It was clear nothing good would come of her taking the lightsaber.

"I don't want it," Rey said. She was surprised by just how much she meant that. She had wanted a lightsaber for so long, but the price this one seemed to ask was too high.

"Are you sure?" Maz prompted. "This lightsaber was Luke's and his father's before him. Now it calls to you."

Any doubts Rey had vanished when she understood who the lightsaber's previous owner had been. She wanted nothing to do with Luke Skywalker.

"I'm sure."

She turned to leave when the crystal pulsed against her chest, and she nearly walked into Kylo Ren. Except he couldn't possibly be here, she realized.

"You need to prepare," he said, his voice quiet even through the modulator of his mask. "A great disturbance in the Force is coming. You need to guard yourself."

"What-?" Just like that, he was gone.

Rey reached for the crystal, to try and bring him back when she heard Maz behind her. "What was that?"

"You saw him?" Rey asked, having forgotten she wasn't alone.

"Him? Ah, of course. Yes, that explains the darkness. No, I didn't see him little one, but I felt him. What brought him here?"

Rey now felt bad for her inhospitable thoughts towards Maz earlier. Han and Chewie recognized that Rey was strong in the Force, that it was a part of her, but they didn't understand it. The thought of speaking about the Force with someone who understood it, who didn't need Rey to try and explain every little detail, was tempting.

"A warning," Rey said. "He told me that there's a great disturbance in the Force coming and to guard myself."

"Well, that can't be good," Maz said simply. "When a darksider thinks something bad is going to happen..." Maz shook her head, then suddenly went very still. 

It took Rey a moment to realize what was happening. Maz was raising some sort of internal shield; she was preparing for whatever was supposedly coming. 

A commotion upstairs drew Rey's attention. She rushed up the stairs to see everyone filing out of the bar. Curious, she followed the crowd. She bumped into Finn, who was staring up at the sky along with everyone else.

"Hey, what-, Rey?" he asked. 

"Yeah," was all she said as she finally looked up.

It was as if several red comets were trailing across the sky. A moment too late, Rey realized that whatever this was, it must have been what her Master was warning her about. She tried to raise her mental shields, but she was too slow to get them fully in place before the pain tore through her head. 

It was as if a billion voices were screaming all at once and then went silent. The silence was even worse.

Except for the crystal. Her pendant flared hot against her chest so she could feel its heat through her shirt. It was as if the crystal—no the piece of Kylo Ren inside it—was screaming in agony. 

"Rey, are you alright?" Finn asked, concerned. 

"I. . ." She wasn't sure she was. But that was when she realized the obvious. The crystal was burning for a reason. Kylo Ren was near.

"I have to go," was all she could say. She couldn't be caught with the Resistance. She couldn't be seen by the First Order, and they were coming. Whatever madness was happening, she was sure of that. Without thinking she ran off towards the woods

Her head still reeled from the pain of whatever terrible tragedy had disturbed the Force, so she didn't notice when Finn and BB-8 followed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm mixing sci-fi universes, but this is how I imagine [Rey's outfit, ](https://worldfusionwisdom.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/aeryn-3-198x300.jpg)only with a green top, and no giant gun.


	17. A Dangerous Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo lands on Takodona in search of Rey as concealing her from Snoke gets harder and harder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and Kudos. I'm excited to keep sharing this with you guys. And thanks to my Beta Six for Gold. Any remaining mistakes are completely my own.

Kylo Ren steadied himself as the shuttle continued its course towards Takodona. The First Order had received a report that Han Solo and the Millennium Falcon were there. 

There had been no mention of a girl; even so, he was worried that Rey might be present. She had shared the map with him after all, in some way, she was mixed up with all of this.

He knew the last thing he should do was think of Rey. The more he thought of her, the more danger her put them both in. But he hadn't been able to get the feel of her lips out of his mind.

Never in a million years would he have thought of kissing Rey, she wasn’t—She was just a child. And yet if the apparitions he had seen of her were any indication, she was more than that now.

Rey, who had so much power, who was so attuned...

The thought froze him.

Rey had always been very good at sensing the currents of the Force. He worried that in her years away from him, she had drifted closer to the light. When the weapon hit the Hosnian system, what would happen to Rey?

Retrieving the plans that had been turned into Starkiller base had always made Kylo uneasy. What would happen in the Force if an entire planet was removed from it all at once? Snoke had assured him that it wouldn't affect him. That if he was genuinely aligned with the Dark Side, the destruction of planets would crash over him like a harmless wave and then be gone. Only the Lightsiders would be affected by the massive devastation and disruption in the Force that the death of billions would cause.

But still, now that Starkiller was being fired, Kylo was uncertain. He knew there was no light left in him; he'd seen to that when he'd sealed it away in the kyber crystal, and yet...

The crystal. Rey had used it to reach out to him, perhaps he could use it to reach out to her, to warn her. 

He had never thought he would do this, that he would try to find any trace of the light inside of him. But now he looked inside himself, seeking for some remaining link. He found it, a thin but strong thread that he could follow.

Unfortunately, he didn't have to follow it far. Rey was close. Almost certainly on Takodona. That wasn't good, but he didn't have time to worry about that now.

He focused on the thread, pulled, and suddenly she was there before him.

He wasted no time. "You need to prepare. A great disturbance in the Force is coming. You need to guard yourself."

"What..?" she started to ask, but he severed the connection, afraid to keep it open too long. 

The planet had come in view, and it wouldn't be long before his shuttle, along with the rest of the First Order attack squad, would be landing on Takodona to search for the droid.

Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe Kylo should have told her more, told her to run and hide. But he didn't want to risk her thinking that these sorts of encounters were okay, or that she could expect to see him like this in the future. 

Keeping his distance was for the best.

Then it hit. 

Distracted by warning Rey he hadn't prepared himself for the moment when Starkiller's deadly beam finished its impossible journey across the galaxy to strike at and destroy the Hosnian system.

Billions of lives flickered and died.

Snoke was right, it was like a wave passing over him, and once it had passed, he was fine. Except for a strange sensation. Like he could hear his own voice screaming, but somewhere muffled and far away.

He ignored it. 

Rey was assuredly on the planet, and he needed to make sure that he found the droid before anyone saw her. Probably no one would recognize her. He wouldn't have, after all, if her Force signature weren't so unmistakable.

The shuttle landed along with the other troop transports, and stormtroopers spread out across the area, laying down fire while their colleagues attempted to search for the droid.

A droid, he remembered, they didn't really need. Rey had already shared the map with him. Kylo just didn't have a way to explain to Snoke that he had it.

Next to him, a stormtrooper fell to a lucky blast from one of the world's occupants. An unimportant, useless death, Kylo reflected.

"Sir," one of the stormtroopers ran over to meet him. "The droid was spotted heading west with a man and a girl."

Kylo felt a knot of fear. There could only be one girl.

"I will find them," he told the stormtrooper.

Which he realized wasn't going to be that hard. He not only had Rey's force signature to follow, but he could feel the crystal as well. It was the crystal, he realized, that was still silently screaming with Kylo's voice.

Another time he might have been fascinated by the phenomenon. Right now, however, he had to find Rey and the droid before anyone else did. She would give the droid to him, of that he had no doubt. After all, she had already given him the map. 

Yes, he would take the droid, and Snoke would be pleased. They could put an end to Skywalker once and for all.

He strode quickly into the woods, absolutely sure of where he needed to go.

"You need to leave me," he could hear Rey's voice. "Go BB-8. I'll cover you.

"We all need to run," he heard a man say.

It wasn't until Kylo broke through the woods around them that he realized who the voice belonged to. FN-2187, the traitor.

The droid, Kylo was annoyed to discover wasn't in sight.

"Give me the droid," he ordered.

"You don't need it," Rey said calmly.

The traitor grabbed the blaster Rey wore on her thigh and aimed at Kylo. "Run, he told her."

Kylo scoffed at the ridiculous idea that Rey would need a stormtrooper to protect her. Not that she was in any danger, at least not the kind that a blaster could defend against.

Before FN-2187 could fire the weapon, Kylo raised his hand and sent the traitor flying towards a nearby tree with enough force that he dropped the gun.

Kylo strode up to Rey and looked down at her.

He hadn't noticed when he'd sent his warning earlier, but she'd changed. Instead of a loose desert tunic and slacks, what she wore now clung to her every curve.

When had Rey gotten curves?

There was something intense about seeing her like this, not a vision, not a projection but her. The real her; solid and vivid. Kylo could reach out and touch her, and not worry about either of them suddenly disappearing.

Without thinking, he did just that and reached out to cup her cheek. But before he could complete the gesture, the traitor struggled to his feet and yelled, "Don't you touch her!”

He turned his hand, using the Force to freeze the traitor in place. He had momentarily forgotten they had an audience, but it didn't matter. FN-2187 wasn't going to live long anyway.

"Like this?" Kylo asked, and this time he rested his gloved palm against Rey's cheek. It pleased him to think of the traitor being forced to watch this exchange.

Rey turned her head slightly, leaning into his palm, but there was something sad in her eyes. She seemed almost fragile, not the tough little scavenger he remembered.

"Where is the droid?" he asked again, making his voice as soft as the modulator in his helmet allowed.

"You already have the map, leave BB-8 alone," she entreated.

"And how am I supposed to explain that, little one? How do I explain that I have the map?"

"Oh," she said in disappointment as she understood his dilemma.

He found he didn't like the idea of taking the droid from her. He couldn't fathom why, but it seemed to mean a lot to her. Then a thought occurred to him.

"The traitor, has he seen it?"

"Traitor?" she asked.

"FN-2187," he said.

Her eyes went wide. "FN...Finn?"

She pulled away from his hand and turned to look at the traitor, who was frozen in place. 

"You're a stormtrooper?!" it was more an accusation than a question.

Kylo loosened his hold on the traitor just a bit, just enough to allow him to answer. This could prove interesting.

"Rey," the traitor said, and it angered Kylo to hear him be so familiar with her. "I...Yes, okay, I'm a stormtrooper. It's me he wants, run now while you can."

Kylo was once again offended by the suggestion that Rey needed protection. After all, she had been trained by him, even if that training had never been completed. And she had been a fierce survivor before he found her.

"Why would she run?" Kylo asked, advancing on the traitor. "She's a warrior, not a coward like you."

With that, Kylo pushed into the former stormtrooper's mind. Just as he'd hoped the traitor had also seen the map.

"Stop," Rey asked, putting her hand on his arm.

That bit of brazenness from his former apprentice startled him as he also also felt her gather the Force in an attempt to push Kylo out of the traitor's mind. It was a clumsy attempt, but it once again reminded him of the raw power his apprentice had, the raw power that was supposed to be his to mold and shape.

"Then choose," he told her. "The droid or the traitor, I need one of them."

"No," she said firmly. There was nothing soft about her now, and Kylo could feel her drawing power to herself. She was willing to fight him. It both excited and annoyed him.

"You would fight me for this traitor? He's nothing but a stormtrooper. Something it seems he wasn't honest enough to tell you."

He could see he hit the mark with those words. The traitor hadn't been honest, Rey wouldn't like that.

"Yeah, well..." She looked for an excuse. "I know what the First Order does with traitors. Which is why you can't take him. He knows too much, he's seen what I can do, how do you think we escaped on Jakku? If he says the wrong thing, if the wrong person believes him..."

She was right, and he hated it. The point in taking the traitor instead of the droid would be to torture the information out of him before he was executed. As for the droid, who was to say what would be revealed when the First Order sifted through its data banks?

"I can't leave without the map," he insisted.

"Sir!" Kylo spun around, surprised by the appearance of a stormtrooper. "Resistance fighters! We need more troops."

An idea occurred to him then, one that was risky but might work.

"Pull the division out," he ordered. "Forget the droid. We have what we need."

He waited for the stormtrooper to leave before focusing his attention back on Rey. The crystal he had given her hung on a chain and fell between her breasts. He was momentarily distracted, wondering if she always wore it, specifically if she wore it when she was wearing nothing else.

He tried to clear his mind of these thoughts, further proof that however reckless his plan, it was the only way to keep her continued existence hidden from Snoke.

She looked at him expectantly, tensely, waiting to respond to his next move.

He crooked his fingers and slipped them under the chain at her neck and began to lift. As he hoped, she instinctively reached for the crystal grasping it in her hand.

"What do you think would happen if I told the truth?” he asked her. “It's exhausting all this lying. If I let Snoke know you were still alive…? Maybe we should find out?"

"He'll kill you," Rey said, and he found he liked the concern in her voice.

"And you, do you think he'd leave you alone? Do you think he'd let you continue on your little space adventure?" He realized this might not be the best tact. She was more concerned for him than for herself. That was probably foolish. He'd survived one Master's attempt to kill him, he could survive another. Probably.

"Do you want him to know?" he asked.

"No," she said forcefully.

"And yet I'm the one forced to lie," Kylo Ren continued. "I'm the one in the most danger. Convince me, tell me not to tell him. Tell me I should forget all about you when I'm in Snoke's presence."

"Please, don't tell him," she said, and he could feel the compulsion beginning to worm its way into his mind.

"Don't tell who?" he prompted her.

"Don't tell Supreme Leader Snoke about me."

"It's not enough to not tell him," he prompted. "You know, Snoke. Why should I waste all that effort guarding my thoughts so he won't find out?"

"Then," her voice trembled. "Forget about me, at least when you're in his, Snoke’s, presence. But remember me after. Come ba-," she cut herself off as if he wouldn’t know what she wanted to ask. She sounded so small and weak. She had no idea of the power behind what she was doing. But these were old patterns from when he'd been her Master, she followed where he led.

And it frightened him. 

Thankfully she hadn't finished that thought. _Come back for me_. He could just imagine walking out of Snoke's chamber right into a shuttle to come find her. And what would happen then? 

It was frightening, trying to manipulate the power the crystal had over him. He had no doubt he truly would forget all about her when he next reported to Snoke. But it was a dangerous game.

The crystal, he realized, was too unpredictable to leave in her hands. It gave her too much power over him. 

She had an iron hold around it, and he could think of no expedient way to get her to give it to him. And he didn't have much time.

"Very well," he told her. "But you need to stay away from the Resistance, or none of this will matter."

With that, he turned quickly and hurried back towards the landing site. When he emerged from the forest, he quickly scanned the battlefield. 

A squadron of X-Wings flew overhead, forcing back his stormtroopers and giving the locals new hope as they pushed forward. 

That actually suited his purpose rather well. He charged an isolated fighter ripping into the man's mind with the Force. Instead of extracting information, Kylo Ren forced the map Rey had showed him into the man's head.

The man screamed and fell to the ground, his mind unable to make sense of the implanted memory. That was just fine with Kylo. It was to his benefit that the man be incoherent. He would pretend to remove the map from the man's mind, and hopefully, no one would be the wiser.

He threw the now unconscious man over his shoulder and carried his hapless prisoner to his shuttle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anyone got spammed with e-mails or saw strange double chapters. AO3 did something weird where it told me it couldn't post the chapter and then posted it. So for a moment, I had three versions of this same chapter up. I think it's fixed now. Let me know if any lingering weirdness persists.


	18. Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance arrives on Takodona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know unexpected update. I was going to do a double update this weekend, because this chapter and then next one are both short. Then the posting of the last chapter went strangely, and it's been bugging me.
> 
> So if you didn't read the part where Kylo and Rey meat on Takodona (in the flesh, not a vision) go back because you missed the last chapter. And I will still put up the next chapter on Sunday as planned.

"What the hell was that?" Finn said as soon as Kylo Ren was far enough away that he was able to move again.

"You're a stormtrooper?" Rey answered.

Her head was spinning. Too much had happened today. She'd found out her parents were dead, helped a droid escape from the First Order, had to abandon the Ervana to rathtars, found a lightsaber which showed her terrible visions of the future, felt the death of billions, and ran into her old Master in the flesh.

Some part of her just wanted to collapse on her bed on the Ervana (except there was probably a rathtar sleeping there now) and sort out everything that had happened. Still, something told her the day wasn't quite over yet.

Also, she'd evidently become friends with a First Order deserter.

"Okay yeah, I am," Finn admitted. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, it's just you thought I was Resistance and the way you looked at me... "

"Like the last thing I needed in my life was to get mixed up in the Resistance?" she finished for him. But she knew that wasn't exactly true. There had always been something alluring about the Resistance.

"Okay, look," Rey admitted. "I get it. Which is why you don't tell anyone what happened here. We hid from Kylo Ren, okay. Nothing else happened, got that?"

"You really think General Solo is going to buy that?" Finn asked. "Also, what the hell did just happen?"

"No, Han won't believe it, but he knows better than to ask too many questions. And. . ." She considered how much to tell Finn. The fact that he was a former stormtrooper actually made this easier, she realized. "Look, I used to be Kylo Ren's apprentice. And if anyone finds out I'm still alive, then Snoke will have me killed. So don't tell anyone, okay? And I won't tell them about you."

"Apprentice? Like with the Force and stuff?"

"Yes," Rey said. "Like with the Force and stuff. But I don't do tricks, okay?"

"Okay," Finn said, nodding slowly as he took it all in.

"Okay, you won't tell anyone?" Rey clarified.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I won't tell anyone. I promise. You don't deserve to be hunted by the First Order, which...Sorry about that, by the way."

"It's fine," Rey said. 

But things weren't fine. 

She could still feel it at the ragged edges of her consciousness. The terrible disruption that had been created when billions of people had died. She didn't know exactly what happened or how, but she was pretty sure the First Order was behind it. After all, Kylo and known ahead of time and he had warned her.

There were a lot of things she didn't like about the First Order, a lot of things she'd seen in the days since she'd left. And yet, without the First Order, she'd still be a slave in all but name on Jakku. She wouldn't have a future or a life.

Yet, was that because of the First Order or because of Kylo Ren? Did it even matter? She suddenly knew that she really couldn't go back. Not because Snoke wanted her dead, but because she didn't want to be part of something that had killed so many people.

But Kylo was still part of it, and she still longed to be reunited with her Master. She still remembered the man who had used intimidation to save the people of Kymeri from the pride of their own Prince.

She remembered how he had spoken of Alderaan. How could that man have helped destroy so many others? He was a warrior, yes, and that involved a certain amount of killing, but a murderer…He hadn't been.

The crystal seemed to hum against her chest, a reminder that, _of course,_ he had changed. She'd never given much thought to it until now, but he had given her his light, and he had done it to save her. Did that make her somehow responsible for the things he was now capable of?

She didn't know. But she did know that she couldn't just let him go. She owed him more than that. And she had to believe that the man she had once known was still somehow there.

* * *

"You've changed your hair," Han said, wondering if he would get any credit from noticing, considering how long it had been since he'd last seen his wife.

"Same jacket," Leia said with a smile.

"No, new jacket," Han admitted while trying to figure out what to say next.

Luckily Chewie bought him some time by giving Leia a big hug. Han only wished it was that easy for him. But at least it was enough time for Han to figure out what was most important.

"I saw him, Leia. I saw our son. He was here."

He waited for her to say something. When she didn't, he swallowed hard and moved on. This wasn't going to be easy. He'd never kept secrets from her before. Although they'd spoken so rarely these last few years, it wasn't like he'd lied to her. And yet...

"There's something else. Something I should have told you." Han took a deep breath. "There's this girl-"

"Oh?!" Leia's voice was a little hurt.

Han could tell he'd taken Leia totally by surprise, and also that she had completely misunderstood him.

"No, not like that. _Maker no,_ she's just a kid."

Leia relaxed a little, and Han hated to admit it, but he was a bit glad to know that she didn't like the idea of him with anyone else.

"So this kid, she-" he looked for the right words. "Look, I found her a few years ago. The emergency signal, you know the one Ben had? Well, it went off, only I didn't find him, I found this girl, in carbonite. She…she doesn't like to talk about it," he dropped his voice to a whisper. "She was his apprentice."

The look Leia gave him wasn't exactly unexpected. It was the look she gave when she was furious, but trying not to be angry and trying to give him a chance, but she'd given him a lot of chances; still, she'd try and give him one more.

Yeah, it was definitely that look.

"I know what you're thinking," Han said, which wasn't really true but seemed like the thing to say. "I should have told you sooner. I should have brought you to her, but she, well, she's skittish about the whole thing, and she's supposed to be dead. Ben was supposed to kill her but didn't, which is good, right?"

Whatever his wife was thinking, she wasn't going to let him know. He could see her putting on her best commanding expression. 

"Where is she?" 

"Kriff," Han said, looking around.

He realized for the first time that he'd lost track of Rey in the confusion around the attack.

She'd said something about getting clothes, but anything could have happened to her. Han knew she could take care of herself, but still, this had been a full-on assault. Tough as the kid was, she wasn't exactly battle-tested.

Before he could get too worried, he saw some movement at the edge of the forest. It was Rey, Big Deal, and the droid.

"That's her," Han said, waving to Rey. "Look, don't push about Ben; she doesn't like to talk about it."

As Leia strode forward to meet the trio, Han was pretty sure his warning had fallen on deaf ears. This was going to be...well, not good.

"Did he give that to you?" Leia said.

Han saw Rey reach for her pendant. He knew the girl treasured it; she'd had that crystal from the moment they'd met. He wondered how Leia had instantly zoned in on it.

"Yes," Rey said, clearly on the defensive.

"May I?" Leia said, holding out her hand.

"No," Rey said. "I'm supposed to keep it safe, and I don't think...I don't think he'd want you of all people to have it."

"Rey!" Han said, wondering if this would have gone better if Rey had been his mistress.

Which was a ridiculous notion because she really was just a kid and more like a daughter to him. Then he realized what she was wearing, and that her new clothes were very...tight.

"That's uh, that's a new look for you,” he said awkwardly. Changing the subject couldn't be a bad idea.

Clearly, there was something in his tone Rey didn't like because she glared at him, "Well, I'm more than just a mechanic, you know."

"Of course you are," he agreed. "Why do you think I made you Chief Engineer?"

"That would mean a lot more," she said. "If the crew didn't seem to be just you, me, and Chewie these days."

Leia laughed, catching Han by surprise.

"I bet you are a lot more," his wife said. "And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so demanding. It's just that...It caught me off guard. I wanted to ask you if...If there's any goodness left in him. But I think maybe I know that answer now."

"General Solo's not all bad," Finn spoke up, misunderstanding the conversation. 

"Don't let him fool you," Leia said with a smile, "He's a scoundrel through and through."

Han remembered one of the many reasons he loved Leia. When she wanted to, Leia could make anyone feel included. 

On the other hand, when she wanted to, she could also make anyone really uncomfortable. And considering everything that had happened, Han wondered if that was going to be him.

"General," one of the Resistance members came up to their group. "The First Order seems to have fled, but we probably shouldn't stay here long."

Leia nodded. "Are you coming?" she asked Han.

He wanted more than anything to say yes, and he knew Chewie would be game, but he looked at Rey. He didn't know if he could drag her into this.

"I'm not sure, I...We can get involved with the Resistance." Han said unconvincingly.

"Billions of people died," Rey said. "I'm not sure exactly how, but they did, and the First Order was responsible. We have to."

He was surprised at the vehemence of her words.

"You felt it too?" Leia asked Rey.

Rey nodded.

"Sounds like it’s decided then. Also, I like her," Leia nodded towards Rey. "Let's move out," Leia announced to the larger group of Resistance fighters.


	19. Hastily Made Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's scheme to fool Snoke doesn't quite work out. The Resistance forms a plan to deal with Starkiller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Six for Gold.

Confusion swept through Kylo Ren as he regained consciousness. For just a moment, he didn't know why every molecule of his body hurt, why his throat was raw from screaming, or why he was lying on the floor of a cell.

Then it began to come back to him. He had reported his success to the Supreme Leader. The droid had gotten away, but he had found someone who had seen the map and ripped it from their mind.

That hadn't satisfied Snoke. The Supreme Leader had not believed Kylo and had torn apart his mind, torturing him for the truth. For just a moment, Kylo couldn't understand why. He had spoken what he believed to be true.

In a sudden wave of clarity, Kylo remembered; he remembered what had really happened, and it made him laugh. Or at least he tried to laugh, but it became a dry cough that violently wracked his body with pain. He curled in on himself, and it was all he could do not to sob from the pain.

Yes, he remembered now. The Supreme Leader was right; he had been lying, even if he hadn't known it. Just as he had hoped, the crystal forced him to forget about Rey when he was in Snoke's presence. Maybe Kylo's story hadn't been good enough, or maybe Snoke could sense the compulsion on him.

It didn't really matter which at this point, all that mattered was that Snoke hadn't believed him and had tortured him until he passed out searching for the truth.

A truth that Kylo Ren had been incapable of telling. 

However, now that he was out of Snoke's presence, he could remember Rey again. He could remember the truth.

Would those memories last?

Or would they vanish once Snoke came for him again?

Was this his new reality? To be questioned and tortured by Snoke over and over, never able to give up the information even if he had wanted to, only to remember the truth as soon as his tormentor was out of sight?

Or had the compulsion been a one-time occurrence? When he was next brought before Snoke, would he confess everything?

He realized he didn't really want to find out either way.

It hurt to take in more than shallow breaths. So Kylo removed his helmet, half afraid he would retch into it.

Luckily he had been taught long ago to use pain to feed his power.

He began to look around, to better understand his surroundings. The room at first seemed surprisingly large until he realized its original purpose. It had been designed to house the dangerous materials that had been used in the construction of Starkiller Base. The walls were at least a meter thick in case of a containment breach or some other form of explosion.

That meant that Kylo wouldn't be able to force his way out of the room. There also didn't seem to be any guards near by—no one Kylo could compel to release him.

Snoke knew Kylo Ren's strengths and abilities better than anyone, and had been sure to imprison him in a way that he could not easily escape.

But there was one thing Snoke didn't know: the reason Kylo was trapped in this room to begin with. He didn't know Rey was alive.

Getting to his feet, Kylo reached out again to find that tendril that connected him to the piece of himself he'd trapped in the crystal.

It didn't matter how thick the walls of the room were, or how far away Rey was. The Force didn't care, and he was able to find that missing piece of himself.

* * *

Rey was consumed with indecision. The Starkiller had to be stopped. The First Order was already preparing to use the weapon against a second system. Sure the death toll from the destruction of D'Qar would not be as great as that of the Hosnian system, but if they were willing to use the weapon twice, why not three times, or four?

But if Rey helped with the attack on Starkiller Base, there was every chance that she would be discovered, and that would put her Master in danger.

Rey couldn't claim to know Supreme Leader Snoke very well, but she knew he was the sort of person who didn't think twice about telling people to murder their apprentices. Which probably meant he was the sort of person who didn't take betrayal very well.

Rey stood back from the main crowd of Resistance members as they argued over how to deal with Starkiller Base. She had been worried when Finn had admitted to his past as a stormtrooper. If he was willing to admit to his past, what was to prevent him from revealing hers?

But he didn't. He was too busy trying to convince the Resistance that what they needed to do was run; that the First Order was too big and too powerful to be fought.

Then it happened. 

Suddenly Kylo Ren was in front of her. 

"Come to me," he said simply.

No one else noticed him standing in their midst. 

Before she could say or do anything, he reached out and tilted up her head before leaning down and pressing his forehead to hers.

For just a second, she felt his pain before he locked it away from her. Then a star chart appeared in her mind. One she had seen not too long ago when Finn had revealed the location of Starkiller Base.

It wasn't just a star chart he shared with her. All at once, everything Kylo Ren knew about Starkiller flooded into her mind. Access codes and the general layout of the main base.

Without another word, he was gone.

She momentarily swayed on her feet as she tried to process the information, and more importantly, what it meant.

Her Master hadn't said much, and yet that alone told her something. He was in pain and calling to her. His message was brief. He was in trouble, and that was all she needed to know.

"I'll go!" Rey spoke up and pushed her way through the crowd towards the table that was projecting what little intel they had.

Everyone turned to look at her, many of them clearly wondering who exactly she was.

"You need someone to get to the surface, to disable the shield. I can do it," Rey told everyone.

"You'll need to get there first," Han said. "Luckily, I think I might know a way."

Soon they had agreed on a plan. Most of them that was. Finn still insisted that it was too dangerous.

As everyone split up to either help with the evacuation, or to prepare the mission, General Organa stopped Rey.

"You want to tell me what happened back there?"

"I don't-"

"He's my son." The General cut Rey off. "You think I didn't feel him?"

"I… He's in trouble." She wasn't sure what she thought or felt about Leia Organa, but there was clearly no point in lying to her about this. "I don't know what kind but…I need to go to him, and he's there on Starkiller."

"People are depending on you, you need to bring down that shield generator," the General told her. "Then you get my son. Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Rey said.

"And tell Han. He trusts you. Don't let him down either."

"I won't," Rey said, and she meant it. She and the Captain didn't always see eye to eye, but Rey loved the old spacer. Maybe she'd been too harsh on him lately.

Rey found him loading bombs onto the Millennium Falcon.

"Are you sure we should be taking this ship?" she asked. "I'm sure they'd give us another one, considering how important our mission is."

"Kid, we don't need any other ship. The Falcon will get us in and out, you'll see."

"Do I want to ask how we're getting in?" Rey said.

"I think you're smart enough to know the answer to that by now," Han said with a grin.

Rey shook her head.

"Han…" she tried to figure out how to explain what happened.

"It's okay, Rey," he told her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "I know a lot's happened, and I don't want to push you."

"It's not that," she told him. "I…I had sort of a vision." That seemed as good a way to explain things as any. "He's there, and he's in trouble. So once we bring the shields down, I'm going to get him."

Han nodded. She didn't have to explain who 'he' was.

"Guess we got two missions then. Also," Han added, looking over her shoulder. "You've got an admirer. Blast him if he gets handsy." Han winked at her and disappeared inside the Falcon.

She turned and saw Finn approaching.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked her. "You more than anyone should know how strong they are."

"You didn't feel it. You didn't feel that system, all those people die. I was always…I had a rough past, and the First Order saved me from it. For all the bad people said they'd done, until today, I always kind of thought maybe the galaxy needed them to set things right. But that weapon…that's got to be destroyed."

"Well," Finn said. "I guess you'll need someone whose been there before and knows their way around then."

Rey felt guilty. She could tell him that she wasn't going in blind. That she'd actually seen a lot of the base through Kylo Ren's eyes. But she wanted him there. There was something comforting about Finn, and somehow she felt that together, they wouldn't be stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this was a short update, but. . . .a lot of great Kylo stories came out Friday during the RFFA Valentine's Gift Exchange. I received a wonderful gift I received [between the shadow and the soul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22613842). It a fantastic little piece about Ben on a smuggling mission with his dad getting captured by Kira Ren. The Han/Ben dynamic is great, and I love the tension between Ben and Rey.


	20. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance attacks Starkiller Base

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to post. It's turning into a crazy day, so any mistakes leftover and definitely mine and not my beta, Six For Gold's

"Let me try," Rey said, as they gathered around the controls for the shield generator. 

She typed in the access code she'd gotten from Kylo Ren. As they all watched the display, the shields protecting Starkiller Base slowly went down. 

"Great!" Finn exclaimed. "Now, let's get out of here."

"Actually, there's something I have to do first," Rey said, a little ashamed that she hadn't been upfront with Finn. 

"Not just you," Han said. "Go help Chewie get the Falcon ready for takeoff," he told Finn. 

Chewie roared encouragingly at them. 

"We'll bring him home," Han promised. 

"Wait? What? Who?" Finn asked. 

But Rey and Han were already moving. 

Chewie explained they were going after Ben, but Finn didn't understand. 

"You'll get lost," Finn called after them. 

"It's fine," Rey called back. "I have a compass. "

That wasn't quite accurate, but between the incomplete map Kylo had given her of the base, the fact that she could feel his Force signature, and the crystal, she wasn't too worried about getting lost.

It was what would happen when she did find him that worried her. He probably hadn't given her his access codes so that she could lower the shields for a Resistance attack.

Han followed her as she led deeper down into the base and the planet. The lower levels seemed to have fewer personnel in general. All hands seemed to have been called to their battle stations on the higher levels. So Rey and Han were able to move quickly deeper into the base without being detected

Finally, they came to what looked like the loading doors of a storage bay. The doors were locked. Rey tried the code, only to have her access denied.

"He's here?" Han asked.

"Yes, I'm sure of it," she told him. She began to check her tools—not having a code had never stopped her before.

"Stand back," said Han.

"No, you don't—" It was too late; he'd already blasted the panel open.

"There are other ways to open doors, you know?"

"It's not like they don't know we're here, and this is faster," he argued.

Whatever she was going to say, she forgot, because there stood Kylo Ren.

"This way," he said, brushing past them as if they were late for dinner and not trying to escape a military base.

"This way?" Han asked, catching up to his son. "That's all you got to say, this way?"

Kylo stopped, looked at Han, and tilted his head. “Father?" he said, almost as if it was a strange word he had never used before.

"Says the guy in the helmet," Han responded, annoyed. "Take that thing off."

"I don't have time for this," Kylo turned and strode off again in the same direction he had been headed before.

"Don't walk away from me," Han called after him.

Rey was starting to wonder if she should have told Han to go back to the ship with Chewie and Finn. Not that he would have listened.

"I need to find my lightsaber," Kylo said absently. 

A few minutes later, he stopped in front of a bay of equipment lockers.

"Here," he said, turning to Rey. "Can you open it?"

"Of course I can," she told him.

This time Han was happy to let her take use the slower method, "Will you just. . . say something?" Han badgered his son. "If nothing else, why the hell were you locked up in a storeroom?”

Kylo sighed. "Snoke realized I was hiding something from him. There, I've said something. Are you happy now?"

"Got it," Rey quickly interjected, hoping to move past the awkward moment.

The locker sprang open, and Rey had to dodge slightly out of the way as the lightsaber sprang from the shelf into her Master's waiting hand.

* * *

Kylo wondered how long he could keep this up. How long before Han Solo saw through his son's mask of indifference and realized the truth: Kylo didn't remember him.

He knew intellectually who his father was, but most of the memories of his father had vanished when he'd given Rey the crystal.

In fact, much of his childhood was lost to him. He had vague impressions of loneliness, absence, and fear. He had memories of his mother, of her rushing off to the Senate, or some important event. He remembered all the times they weren't there.

The only concrete memory he seemed to be able to conjure of his father was a partial one, of learning to play sabacc from Han and his friend Lando. Ben lost hand after hand, then his mother showed up.

_" You’re not teaching him to cheat at sabacc are you?" his mother asked wearily._

_"Hey, you know I don't cheat," Han said, laughing. "But you got to watch this. There's nothing quite like watching a grown man cheat a ten-year-old at sabacc." ___

__He could still feel the burning embarrassment at realizing that Lando had been cheating him; at hearing his father laugh at him. He could remember anger and a determination to win._ _

__But beyond one or two fragmented moments like that, he couldn't really remember his parents. He tried not to dwell on what that implied. The memories of his parents must have been deeply tied to his light to have been lost when he locked that side of himself away in the crystal._ _

__It didn't really matter now._ _

__It meant he had little to say to this man. Han Solo was a stranger to Kylo Ren. That being said, he didn't want to reveal the gap in his memory. He'd instinctively hid it for years, fearing it to be some sort of weakness that could be exploited. Among the First Order, that had been an easy task. If he engaged in a conversation with his father, it was likely to be nearly impossible._ _

__And he was just a bit afraid of what those memories might contain._ _

__Once he had his lightsaber, they quickly made their way to the surface of the planet._ _

__Kylo did his best to maintain his silence, even as Han Solo tried to engage him over and over._ _

__"Chewie, tell me we're ready to get out of here," Solo finally said into his comm._ _

__Kylo was surprised to realize that he understood the response in Shyriiwook, and wondered where he learned it. More concerning was what he heard._ _

__"What does he mean they're planting bombs?" Kylo asked_ _

__Solo looked up at the sky as a group of X-wings passed overhead. "Chewie's right. We have to take down that tower."_ _

__Kylo turned to look at his apprentice._ _

__She gave him a sheepish look. "We um… We're kind of trying to blow up the planet…Master." She seemed embarrassed to address him properly. "Before the weapon can be fired again."_ _

__"And you expect me to be part of this?" he asked._ _

__"You sort of already are," Rey admitted. "I kind of used your access code to bring down the shields."_ _

__Up to this point, Kylo hadn't thought much beyond escape. Once he was free, he had intended to come up with some sort of plan to return to Snoke's good graces. Instead, he was involved in an act of outright insurrection against the First Order._ _

__There was no way he was going to explain away the fact that he had given an unauthorized person his access code, which had been used against the First Order. There wasn’t muuch chance he could salvage the situation. He was almost certainly now an enemy of the First Order._ _

__His one slim hope was that if he helped the attack succeed—if Starkiller Base were destroyed--it would also destroy the evidence of the unwitting part he had played._ _

__"Then let's do this quickly," he said. Ideally, without him being seen helping them, although there was next to no chance of that._ _

__It turned out to be a simple matter. Rey's companions had already placed the bombs, but they were pinned down by a squad of stormtroopers that were guarding the main exit from the tower._ _

__Luckily their attention was turned inward towards the tower, and he was easily able to charge them from behind. He took out two of them with the first strike of his lightsaber. At almost the same moment, two others fell to his father’s and Rey's blasters._ _

__The last few troops turned towards him. That was a mistake as an explosive bolt from inside the tower knocked another two down, and he quickly dispatched the remaining guards. The whole thing had taken moments._ _

__Hopefully, not enough time for anyone else to know what had happened._ _

__Moments later, the traitor and a Wookiee emerged from the tower. The traitor seemed like he was about to pull his blaster on Kylo, when he was shoved aside by the Wookiee, who, to Kylo Ren's complete horror, lifted him up off the ground as if he were no more than a small child, and hugged him._ _

__"Hey, how come he gets a hug?" Solo complained._ _

__Kylo was not ready for this in so many ways. The hug caused him to cough painfully. He'd been able to hide how weakened Snoke's torture had left him up until this point, and he didn't know what was worse, the pain, or the embarrassment of being _hugged.__ _

__The Wookiee set him down and apologized. Which would have been bad enough if Rey hadn't come up to put a hesitant hand on his arm._ _

__"Are you okay?" she asked as if he was an invalid._ _

__Painful as it was, he drew himself up to his full height, which he was annoyed to find was still less than the Wookiee’s._ _

__"If you ever do that again…" The threat died on his tongue as he suddenly realized that the smuggler Han Solo had been known to travel with a Wookiee named…he couldn't quite remember the name. It was further proof of the terrible gaps in his memory. Gaps large enough that he could forget an entire Wookiee, although evidently not how to understand Shyriiwook._ _

__The only way Kylo could think to regain any sense of composure was to simply ignore it all._ _

__He started to head towards the nearest landing pad, but Solo stopped him. "The Falcon's this way,” he said, nodding towards the woods._ _

__"You're with the Resistance?" Kylo asked._ _

__"I guess I am," the old smuggler said wearily._ _

__"I'm not," Kylo affirmed as he took another step towards the launch pad. "And Rey's coming with me, it seems it's time we finished her training."_ _

__"No, she's not," the traitor said._ _

__Solo moved between the two of them. "What do you want kid?" he asked Rey._ _

__"I…" She looked between the two Solo men. "I'm going with my, Master," she decided._ _

__"This is crazy," Finn argued._ _

__His father grabbed Rey and hugged her tightly._ _

__And Kylo felt…he didn't know what it was, yet it bothered him. It shouldn't matter, this man was a stranger and yet…_ _

__"Keep him out of trouble," Solo told Rey, pulling back from the hug and cupping her face._ _

__"Wait? What? We can't let her go with Kylo Ren!” the traitor insisted._ _

__"Trust me, Big Deal," Han said. "There's no point in trying to tell her what to do." He fixed his gaze on Kylo. "Don't think we're not going to talk. Also, don't let anything happen to her."_ _

__The Wookiee roared good luck to them._ _

__Kylo tried to tell himself he was simply annoyed at the waste of time. There was a planet blowing up around them—they should all be hurrying to ships, not hugging. He could almost make himself believe that was the only reason he felt uncomfortable about these good-byes._ _


	21. Sleepless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo look for a place to finish Rey's training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we slowly begin to earn our E rating. So mind the tags because Rey and Kylo can't be left alone unsupervised for long without something happening. Mostly power dynamics, and mildly dubious consent, although I can't decide whose consent is more dubious.

In the chaos caused by Starkiller base falling apart, stealing a ship was rather easy.

Rey took the pilot seat without thinking, before realizing that her Master would almost certainly insist on flying.

He didn't.

"What course should I set?" she asked when he didn't try to take the controls from her.

For a moment, he didn't answer, and she was reminded that he was clearly fighting off the effects of whatever he had suffered at Snoke's hand.

"Anywhere you want," he said. When Rey hesitated, he added. "Anywhere but Jakku. The Supreme Leader doesn't know you well enough to guess where you would go. He would likely predict any destination I chose."

It made sense, a lot of sense actually. Sure the Supreme Leader had once been in her mind, but she'd barely been more than a Jakku scavenger in those days. Now she was a well-traveled smuggler. 

Should she take them to a populated sector where they could get a new ship? Or somewhere uninhabited, where no one could report on them?

She decided for someplace that offered a little of both. Someplace they could get another ship or refuel this one if needed, or they could hide from everyone. 

With the course to Iego locked in, there was nothing to do but wait. The system of a thousand moons was not close by, so she set the alarm to alert them when they were about to come out of hyperspace.

She turned in her chair, ready to ask the first of a thousand questions she had for her Master, but then she realized he had left the cockpit.

She found him in the common area. He'd removed his helmet and placed it on the small table, and his massive form was now sprawled out in a chair, sleeping.

Rey stopped dead in her tracks. 

Of course, her Master had to sleep and eat, she knew that. But she'd never really thought about him sleeping.

A stray curl hung down over his forehead, and her fingers ached to tuck it back behind his ear. He looked so peaceful, and she hated to think he had suffered because of her.

Her own exhaustion suddenly flooded over her. This was a peril of space travel, especially when you jumped from system to system. She had no idea how long she'd been awake. It seemed a lifetime ago that she'd guided a lost droid to Niima Outpost, and yet from the point of view of the last time she'd slept, it had only been that morning. 

As tempting as it was to watch her Master, she neither wanted to get caught doing it, or fall asleep on her feet, so she found an empty berthing.

As she removed her belt, she opened one of the pouches and pulled out the bracelet she'd taken off her mother's body. She ran her fingers over the dusty charms; they seemed to be animals but were too coated in dirt for her to make them out. She wondered what they had signified.

A pang of loneliness shot through her, and she hid the bracelet away once again.

Turning towards the wall, she curled up on the bed, trying to fight back the tears. She would not cry over her family. Not anymore. They were no one, and she was Rey, Apprentice to Kylo Ren.

Seeking strength, she pulled out the pendant and clutched it in her fist. She wasn't alone, she tried to tell herself. Kylo was here, with her. But it didn't feel that way. He was only a room away, but it felt like he was across the galaxy.

She didn't know how he could be any closer, and yet she wished he was. She wished he was right there with her. Not that she would ever have the courage to talk to him about her parents.

She was clutching the crystal so hard that it bit painfully into her palm. She started to release her grip when she heard the door open behind her. 

She froze and reached out with the Force to sweep the ship. No, just as she thought, she and Kylo were the only lifeforms onboard. Which meant that Kylo Ren was standing in her doorway.

She almost stopped breathing as she heard him take a few heavy steps into the room. Then she felt the mattress bend to his weight. Without saying anything, he crawled onto the bed next to her. 

An arm draped over her, and he pulled her back against his chest.

For a moment, she waited for him to say something, but he was silent. Rey released the crystal, and it wasn't long before she drifted asleep in his arms.

* * *

Consciousness returned to Kylo in waves. He had been soundly asleep and couldn't say what had woken him.

Maybe it was the ache of his erection? His cock was nestled against something pleasantly soft and warm. Instinctively he pressed himself against it, delighted by the feelings that ran up his nerves as he rubbed against it.

A sound like a sigh woke him a little more, and he suddenly became acutely aware of his surroundings. It wasn't a thing he was grinding against, it was Rey. Specifically her ass; his apprentice's ass.

For a panicked moment, he had no idea how this had happened. Then he remembered. He'd fallen asleep after their escape, and she'd woken him. He had no doubt that Rey was still unaware of the hold the crystal gave her over him, but even so, she'd poured her loneliness into it, and called him, waking him up and demanding he come to her.

He'd been too exhausted to fight the compulsion, especially since all that seemed to be required of him had been to lie in bed with her.

Now he realized that may have been a mistake.

His first instinct was to grab the crystal, yank it from her neck. But as he moved to do so, he accidentally pressed further against her. This time the sensation caused him to moan.

For a second, he was embarrassed by how his body was betraying him. Then he realized two things: Rey was awake, and she wasn't pulling away from him.

The intense need to assert dominance, to remind her he was her Master washed over him.

He leaned over her, pinning one of her hands with his, and whispered in her ear, "Is this what you want, little one?" 

He ground against her, intentionally this time, so there could be no doubt what he was talking about. She let out a little uncertain moan but had the audacity to push back against him. The feeling of her responding almost short-circuited his brain.

The kiss she had compelled from him had been one thing. He no longer knew her well enough to know if she really understood what she was asking for, or if she was caught up in some silly romantic notion.

Because he was sure if she had any idea of the thoughts that were running through his head right now—of how much he wanted to slam his way into her, bend her over and make her take all of him—she would run screaming.

He didn't give in to his basest instincts. He did, however, intended to show Rey this wasn't some romantic tryst, remind her he was the Master, and ease his aching cock at all once.

He took the hand that he had pinned down and pulled it back, while creating space between them so Kylo could place her palm on the bulge in his pants, guiding her hand down so she could feel every inch of what was waiting for her if he let himself go.

He was suddenly unsure how far he was will to push this. Her breathing was ragged, but he didn't sense any fear coming from her. Then she dared to squeeze him experimentally, and he forgot all about restraint.

He momentarily brushed her hand away so he could undo the front of his pants, letting his eager cock spring free. Then he pulled her hand back, so it was circling him, and he thought he might die. 

She timidly began to stroke him, but he didn't want her soft, slow strokes. He encased her hand with his showing her the rough way he preferred to be handled.

He dragged her palm over the head of his cock, trying to slick it with precum, but gave up. Even without lubricant, nothing had ever felt quite as good as being rubbed raw by her.

He was lost in the feel of her, grunting incoherently into her shoulder in desperate need of release when suddenly an alarm went off, triggering years of training, and bringing his mind back to the present.

It was only the hyperspace alarm, warning them that they were about to reach their destination.

Even so, it was enough to make him self-conscious. Another moment and he would have cum all over Rey, his apprentice.

Rey let go of him and somehow managed to crawl over him and run to the cockpit.

Embarrassed, he turned to the difficult task of tucking his still hard cock away. For good measure, he grabbed his helmet and put it on as he followed her. Even so, he was grateful that with her in the pilot seat, she couldn't look at him.

He brought up data on Iego, and its thousand moons.

"There," he said, trying to keep from leaning in too close to her. "Take us down there, on Rawnde."

"Yes, Master," she said without looking at him.

He hurried off to the fresher, trusting her to bring them down safely. Quickly stripping and stepping into the shower, he let the cold water wash over him.

* * *

Rey had never once thought about what the throttle of a space ship felt like. But as she curled her hand around the bar of the lever like switch, she found herself comparing the feeling to what Kylo had felt like in her hand.

The throttle wasn't as thick, and although it was hard, it had a slightly rubbery feel, it was designed to make it hard for the pilot's hand to slip. Whereas Kylo…how could something be so hard and yet feel so silky soft all at once?

She squeezed her legs together, attempting to drive away the tingling that tried to distract her from landing the ship, a task she realized that required her full concentration. Rawnde seemed to have high gravity and a thin atmosphere, making landing conditions a little more complicated than usual.

But as she began her descent, the exciting promise of a new world helped her focus. Of the thousand moons of Iego, Rawnde was eye-catching. The mostly pink surface suggested it might be a desert world, but there was a massive canyon that ran along one axis of the moon and was tantalizingly blue.

Rey knew of no one who had actually been here.

Following Kylo's instructions, she set the ship down near the moon's equator on one of the plateaus right at the edge of the giant canyon that threatened to split the satellite in two.

Before the landing sequence was finished, Rey realized the Force was strong on this moon, surprisingly so, and its signature was unmistakably dark. No wonder her Master had chosen this place for her to finish her training.

It wasn't until the shuttle was safely down on the surface that Rey realized that Kylo had disappeared into the 'fresher, and from the sound of it, was showering.

It seemed like an odd time to do that. Rey quickly decided she wasn't going to wait on him.

Making sure she had her blaster, she made her way onto the moon's surface.

As Rey had noted on landing, the planet's atmosphere was thin but breathable. Because of this, she found herself slightly winded after her quick walk to the edge of the ravine. 

She had expected the blue she had seen from space to be the result of some ore or other mineral formations, but as Rey looked down over the edge, she realized it was something else entirely. For as far as she could see, the inside of the ravine was filled with giant blue mushrooms. The large flat caps of the mushrooms were greater in diameter than the wingspan of the shuttle she'd landed, and they had a bio-luminance to them.

The soft blue glow radiated up into space but did little to illuminate whatever was in the depths below. All Rey could make out in the depths of the fungal forest were the tops of more glowing mushrooms.

"What do you sense?" her Master's voice startled her, but she did her best to hide it.

"Life," she said after a moment reaching out with her senses. "Feeding off of death, but…I only sense one lifeform other than us. That makes no sense?"

"Oh? Why is that?" he asked, amused.

"Because, look," she gestured towards the massive ravine. "There's hundreds of mushrooms."

"Are there?" he asked in the smug voice he used when he knew the answer to something she had not yet figured out. How had she not remembered how annoying that was?

She pushed away her annoyance and focused; when the answer came to her, she felt foolish. "It's not a forest," she said, eyes wide. "The mushrooms—they are all connected, they share the same roots. They're all the same organism."

He nodded. "Do you sense anything else?" he asked.

She reached out again, looking for…she didn't know what, but she assumed it had to be there. And yet other than the one macro-organism, she sensed nothing else.

"No, Master," she admitted in defeat.

He was studying her intently, then nodded, "You will when you're ready." But he couldn't disguise the disappointment in his voice.

* * *

"You just let him go?" Leia asked, trying to mask her pain.

Han would have given anything to be able to erase that pain, but he knew it wasn't that easy.

"I have a plan," he insisted. When his wife looked at him doubtfully, he smiled and held up the tracking beacon.

"You planted a beacon on our son?"

"Well," Han admitted. "I didn't really get a hug, so no. I planted it on Rey."

"And you think letting him train her is a good idea?" Leia was still doubtful.

"Leia, he's already disobeyed Snoke once, maybe twice to keep her safe. She's a good influence. Also stubborn as a blurrg. So yeah, I think she'll influence him more than he'll influence her."

"I just don't see why you let him go in the first place," Leia complained. "What's the point if you're just going to track him down now."

"Look, Leia, I know you think I can get through to him, but…it was like he hardly knew me. And the truth is, I don't know him. Not anymore. Maybe…maybe I never really did. Something happened at the temple. I know it. It's never felt right the way Luke disappeared and…I can't help if I don't know what started him down this path."

"Snoke started him down this path," Leia argued. "It was my fault, and maybe Luke's too. We didn't understand what was happening until it was too late."

"Which is why I need to find Luke," Han said. "I can't explain it, I—" Leia silenced him by placing her hand on his cheek.

"I know I'm going to regret saying this, but…if that's what your gut is telling you, then go. Take the map. Just…just, don't forget to bring our son home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Iego](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Iego)  
> [Blurrg](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Blurrg)  
> I saw the image of Rawnde and had ideas. So altough it is a cannon place, the details are all mine.


	22. Through Passion, I Gain Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo begins to train Rey in earnest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for breath play and inappropriate Force training.
> 
> And thanks so much to my beta, Six for Gold. Especially on chapters like this and the last one, it always helps to know that someone else liked what you wrote.

Kylo made little attempt to hide his disappointment. He had spent the day testing Rey. The First Order shuttle they had stolen must have belonged to one of the surviving Amaxine warriors among the First Order, since it had a collection of Force pikes aboard. Prefect for their training since Rey didn’t yet have a lightsaber of her own.

When it came to combat, she was magnificent. She had clearly kept up with the forms Kylo had taught her, although he'd only ever had the chance to introduce her to the first two. Her technique was perfect.

If only that were enough to defeat Snoke.

During their escape, he had briefly held onto the hope that his unintended part in the destruction of Starkiller would go unnoticed. That he would somehow be able to return to his place as Master of the Knights of Ren.

It was a foolish hope, and one he had quickly set aside. Intentionally or not, he had now set himself up as Snoke's enemy. His only hope was to kill Snoke before Snoke could kill him. And he wouldn't be able to do it alone.

The problem was that although her fighting skills had advanced over the years, her skills with the Force had not. He worried that her years of hiding had caused her to suppress her abilities. She didn't seem capable of calling on her full power. She also seemed to be leaning heavily on the light side of the Force, and he was not equipped to teach her to be a Jedi. He needed to find a way to lure his fearless scavenger back towards the darkness.

Although it would skip several of the forms she hadn't had a chance to learn, he decided to begin teaching her Niman. At the very least, learning to counter the Force heavy form, would accustom her to responding to Force attacks, and it might ease her into releasing her own hidden power.

But there was another issue he needed to deal with now; the crystal.

He couldn't leave it with her, it gave her too much power over him, and the fact that she was unaware of that did not seem to matter. He wasn't sure what she would do if she realized she could control him, he'd rather not find out.

By the time the day had ended, and they were eating dinner, he was still trying to think of a subtle way to broach the subject, but none came to him. The meal ended, and he started to reach for his gloves—he preferred to eat with them off—but realized he couldn't put it off anymore.

"Rey, I need you to give me the crystal."

There, he'd said it. Now he just had to hope he hadn't revealed his hand to his apprentice.

"Oh," she said, her face falling. "I've taken good care of it."

"I'm sure you have Little One," he tried to smile at her. Judging by her reaction, it didn't come off as reassuring as he'd hoped. "But I need it back now." He held out his hand to her.

Reluctantly she removed the pendant from around her neck. She dangled it by the chain and let it drop into Kylo's palm.

He screamed as the light burned through him, illuminating every forgotten memory.

The gaps in his memory were suddenly, violently filled in. His childhood came rushing back, the feeling of being safe and loved. The joyful times he'd spent with his father looking up to and idolizing the dashing pilot. The gentle evenings spent with his mother when she would read to him and kiss him goodnight. The assurances from his Uncle that someday Ben would master the abilities, and be able to control them.

Their love and encouragement ripped him apart like a thousand shards of glass and left behind rage that flowed through his veins.

Of course, there were all the things he hadn't forgotten. The times when his father hadn't been there, the nights his mother had been too busy even to come home to see him and the droids had put him to bed. And the moment when his Uncle gave up on him and decided that the galaxy would be better off if Ben Solo were dead.

These memories had remained with Kylo since he'd sealed away his light, but they had little bite, little hold on him. What did it matter if people who were mostly distant strangers had abandoned him? Why should he have felt surprised that his Uncle betrayed him when he'd never once felt safe in his life.

Except he had. He had been loved once.

The pain of that love was more intense than anything he'd ever felt, more painful than the worst of Snoke's tortures, because it was all of it all at once. His life had been like a stained-glass window, the general shape of it visible, but it couldn't really be seen or experienced until light was shining through it. And now that he could see all of it, he couldn't bear to look.

"Master!" someone was yelling, but he could hardly register the words, much less identify the voice.

Then all at once, the light was gone, and he was left in darkness and forgetfulness again.

"Master, are you all right?" Rey was on her knees beside him, shaking him with one hand.

"I'm fine," he mumbled. The pain, the agony, and the memories were receding quickly from his mind.

A moment later, he began to understand why. Rey had taken the crystal from him and held it in her free hand.

He couldn't take it from her, and yet he couldn't leave it with her either.

She was saying something, but he didn't really hear her. Instead, he was focused on the chain that hung loosely against the back of her hand.

Carefully he reached out, tracing the back of her fingers, letting the chain brush against his.

That was fine, the light didn't reach out to burn him.

He carefully wound the chain loosely around two of his fingers.

"Let go," he commanded her. His voice was hoarse. Had he been screaming?

"Master I don't think—"

"LET GO!" he commanded her. 

She did, the crystal dropped and swung for a minute like a pendulum between them.

This was fine. As long as Kylo didn't touch the crystal directly, it would be fine.

Still dazed, he slowly rose to his feet. "I'll put this somewhere safe," he said, unsure whether he was talking to himself or to Rey.

* * *

If Rey had dared to look at her Master, she suspected all she would see was disappointment. Luckily she was too busy concentrating to dare look at him.

The morning had started well despite her lack of sleep.

Rey had spent the night deeply worried about Kylo, and what had happened when she'd tried to return the crystal to him. The echoes of his screams seemed to ring in her ears, and worry kept her up that night. Kylo Ren, on the other hand, looked fine, as if he'd slept like a baby.

After a quick breakfast, he'd insisted that they begin her training in earnest.

He began teaching her a new form, one that seemed almost trivially easy, until she started trying to combine the Force techniques with the physical ones. It wasn't that she couldn't call the Force to herself, she just didn't seem to be drawing the amount of power that Kylo thought she should be able to.

"You won't be able to knock over a one-legged protocol droid like that, much less a trained fighter," he'd told her.

Eventually, he'd given up the forms, which had led to this particular exercise. 

They sat on either side of a large rock, and he told her to levitate it, an easy enough task.

Then without warning, the rock started to fly towards her head. It took everything she had to stop it. That's when she realized he hadn't just flung it at her, he was slowly pushing it towards her. Worse, although it was taking everything she had to push back against the rock, she could tell he was under no strain.

She didn't know how long it was that they sat there, Kylo slowly inching it nearer and nearer.

Then he got up. Rey was still pushing back against it with everything she had, but he was able to walk over casually to where she was sitting. Now he was no longer pushing the rock, but pulling it towards her.

He knelt behind her and casually rested his right arm on her shoulder, the arm with which he was pulling the small boulder closer and closer to them.

She didn't understand. Wasn't Kylo in danger from it now too? What was he doing, she wondered?

Then his free hand reached around and grabbed her throat and began to squeeze.

She felt a second of instinctual terror but quickly tamped it down. Clearly, this was a test, and she would not fail. She knew better than to fear her Master.

"No!" he hissed sharply in her ear. "Do not suppress your fear, use it! Let the pain fuel you,” he encouraged her.

She tried, she really did, but she couldn't be afraid of him. She tried to feel the pain, but as she opened herself up to physical sensation, she became more aware of his breath tickling her ear, her back pressed against his chest. She was becoming more and more lightheaded.

He lessened his grip, she could breathe again, but his hand was still around her throat. He grunted in disappointment, and she blushed. With him behind her like this, it reminded her of the other morning as he'd thrust into her hand and grunted against her neck while she stroked him.

And the rock moved.

Just a bit, but for the first time, it was moving away from her.

"What was that, Little One?" his breath tickled her neck and sent shivers down her spine.

The rock moved again.

"Not fear," he said as if he was reasoning it out. "Not pain. Passion?" he asked.

She was sure she had to be beet red from head to foot. 

His thumb created gentle circles just below her ear, once again the stone stuttered a little further away.

"I think so," he said as he leaned in closer. His cheek was resting against the side of her head now.

"Did I ever teach you the Qotsisajak?" he asked. "How does it begin..?"

The hand that had been resting around her throat moved down until he had the zipper of her top between his fingertips.

"Ah, yes," he continued. "Peace is a lie."

He began to tug gently on the zipper, slowly opening up her top, stopping just above the valley of her breasts.

Rey was afraid. Afraid that he would keep going, afraid he would stop.

The stone shot backward away from them before coming to a halt.

From the corner of her eyes, she could see his right-hand squeeze as he used more power to draw the stone back towards them. Now he was really trying, pulling with his full might.

For several long moments, they struggled like this until he once again had a firm grasp on the rock, and it slowly moved back towards them.

Then she felt the leather-clad fingertips of her Master's free hand run slowly up and down her breast bone.

"There is only passion," he whispered in her ear.

Her flesh tingled under his touch, her heart was pounding in her chest, and the stone began to move away again slowly.

His fingers hesitated, then slowly dipped first inside her shirt, then under her breast band.

She was holding her breath, she realized, and as she exhaled, the stone inched away again.

"Through passion, I gain strength.” She could feel his lips on the lobe of her ear, his own breathing was heavy now.

His fingertips found her nipple, and it grew hard as the supple leather of his glove circled it.

She whimpered with need and bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out again.

"None of that," he told her. "Unless you like the pain as well?"

She had no idea how to answer that. It was taking everything she had not to focus on the throbbing between her legs. Sitting in this meditative pose, she couldn't even squeeze them together to give herself some relief. 

Then she felt his lips on her throat for just a second before she felt his teeth as he nipped at her neck.

The rock suddenly and violently flew away from both of them and out of sight.

He removed his hand from inside her shirt, and she tried to catch her breath. She started to move into a more comfortable pose, when one his hands pressed down on her inner thigh just above her knee, keeping her in place.

For one fantastic moment, she imagined what it would be like for that hand to move further up her thighs to the spot that ached between her legs.

"A good first step, Little One," he praised her. "But you will mediate until dinner time. You are too distracted by physical sensation."

He started to get up and pull away from her, but then stopped. "Which means you aren't to touch yourself.” His voice was even deeper than usual, and there was something possessive in it.

Luckily her cheeks couldn't be any redder, and she wasn't sure he could see them anyway. How had he known how badly she needed to touch herself?

"Do you understand?" he asked when she didn't respond.

"Yes, Master," she reluctantly agreed.

* * *

Kylo was grateful to be in the shuttle and have a moment away from Rey. He couldn't decide if their training session was a disaster or a triumph.

As he had tested her power, he had become more and more convinced that she was unintentionally blocking her full potential. 

Fear and pain were the obvious ways to bring her closer to her power but were tricky. If Kylo injured her, he didn't have the luxury of waiting for her to heal, and Rey had always been a difficult one to frighten. If he'd dangled her over the ravine, she was more like to find it great fun than terrifying.

Strangulation seemed a more effective way to instill instinctual fear in Rey, to bring her in line with her darker emotions and thus with the dark side of the Force. 

Only she'd responded much more like a Jedi, with calm and patience, trusting him not to hurt her. It was one of many signs that indicated that his apprentice had begun to swing heavily towards the light over the last few years.

If she'd also acted with strength, he might not have cared. He was less worried about sticking to a pure Sith philosophy, than turning her into a weapon that could help him defeat Snoke.

So when he'd felt the hint of desire from her, when he'd seen it bolster her strength, he'd decided to encourage it. It was not exactly a traditional training method, but it seemed to work.

He couldn't lie to himself; at some point, Kylo's own curiosity and desire had taken over. Even now, he couldn't help but imagine what it would have been like if he'd removed his gloves and felt her flesh against his. He wondered if he dared to look down would he have seen that the skin on her chest was freckled like her face?

And then, when she'd summoned enough power to take control of the stone from him and send it flying? That had been the most erotic moment of all.

Which was why he'd cut their training short, before he did something embarrassing, and something that Kylo couldn't blame on the crystal, which was now tucked away safely in his quarters.

Now that she'd embraced her true strength, it was possible she would continue to be able to use it unhindered. But, Kylo told himself, there was always the chance that she would need further... coaxing… to unlock her powers.

That desire felt out of place.

He'd had sex before, early in his time with the First Order, and before he'd found Rey. A rather attractive female Officer, Lieutenant Taski, had made some advances towards him. He had initially ignored her, being more concerned with his training, but Snoke had encouraged it. 

_"Why deny yourself these little indulgences? Unless you are still clinging to the Jedi way?"_

So he brought the Lieutenant back to his quarters. It was over quickly, a brief moment of physical pleasure, for him, and one that left her unfulfilled.

But that wasn't what she said, she cooed encouragement at him, lied to him about how good it had been. He wondered if that worked on men who weren't Force-sensitive—if other men chose to believe such lies, or maybe they just didn't care.

But he did, and it disgusted him what she was willing to endure in the hopes she would share in some of his power.

It was something he thought he'd gotten out of his system long ago.

But touching Rey, being touched by her… 

It left him wanting more, but he was worried that this was only a distraction from what they needed to do.

After all, Snoke would hurt Rey and use pain to try and break her. Unless Kylo could teach Rey to use pain as a weapon. To do that, he needed to move past his reluctance to hurt her; after all, it was for her own good.

He found his attention turning inward, searching for the source of this reluctance, trying to understand it. Meditation would be helpful after the events of the last few days.

He was surprised by what he found, a little sliver of light that pulsed inside of him. Was this a sign that he'd managed to take back some of the power he'd locked away in the crystal? No, because as he examined that sliver of light, he was only reminded of Rey coming to him, to warn him that the Resistance was looking for Skywalker, he could only think of the moment when his lips seemed to touch hers.

He pulled back from the memory and the light.

It was a reminder that Snoke was only one of the problems he had to deal with, albeit the most urgent one. Yet there was power in the crystal, power, and pain. He only needed to figure out how to use both of them.

While meditating, he had lost track of time. As he focused on his surroundings, he realized that Rey had returned to the shuttle and was preparing rations for both of them.

She had taken off the shirt he had begun to take off her of her earlier and instead was wearing a shorter one that left her midriff bare. That's when Kylo saw the scar that graced one side of her stomach.

"What happened to you?" he demanded without thinking. 

She half jumped, clearly startled by his words.

"What do you mean?" she asked, turning around.

He got to his feet.

"Who did this to you?" he demanded and, without thinking, reached out to trace the scar feeling oddly possessive.

She looked at him in confusion. "You did, Master," she told him. "When you faked my death. Don't you remember?"

"Yes, of course," he lied. "I just didn't realize you still had the scar," he tried to shrug it off.

Maybe, he realized, this was exactly what he needed. A lost memory he could traceback. A specific piece of himself to try and recover from the crystal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amaxine   
>  Qotsisajak   
>  Niman


	23. The Past Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is reminded of her parents, while Kylo struggles to find his own memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Six for Gold for helping keep my story clear and consistent.

Once again, despite being tired, Rey had not slept well.

Of course, it was hard to sleep over all the screaming. 

After they had eaten, her Master had retired to his room. He didn't sleep. What exactly he was doing with the crystal she couldn't tell, just like she couldn't tell if the screams she heard were audible, or if they were projections of his pain through the Force.

Either way, she could do nothing to help him. He had locked himself in his room. And although she could have figured out how to override the locks, when he'd sensed her at the threshold, he'd ordered her to leave him alone no matter what.

She hated it. Surely there was something she could do for her Master, some way she could help him through this…whatever it was.

Since they had reunited, she had started to recognize that there were more ramifications to what he had done when he'd given her the crystal than she'd first realized. She had always known that it held a piece of him. A part of her had naively thought that it was to watch over her, or maybe so that he could find her someday.

It wasn't until she'd been face to face with him on Takodana that she'd understood that he had completely cut himself off from the light side of the Force and trapped that part of him in the crystal. Or had he? His signature had seemed overwhelmingly dark, the way Snoke's had the one time she'd met the Supreme Leader. 

But now…now there was a hint of light in Kylo again. Just a whisper of it, a thin tendril of something that wasn't pure darkness. Rey didn't know what that meant. She wondered if there was anyone that did?

Unable to sleep, she had ended up searching the ship they had escaped on and inventorying the supplies. Knowing exactly how many rations they had made her feel much better. The ship wasn't equipped for a long expedition, but they had enough to last them a week before they would need to head to one of the populated moons to resupply. 

Despite the restless night, she woke up early. Tired as she was, Rey found she couldn't just lie in bed, so she took a quick shower and got dressed. As she was finishing up, she wondered whether to wear her utility belt or not. Here on this moon, she wasn't likely to need to fix anything, and she wouldn't need a blaster during her training. 

But it felt strange not to wear it. Rey started going through the pouches, trying to decide if there was anything she needed or not.

She had just started looking when she found her mother's bracelet. It was still caked with sand and dirt so that she couldn't really make out the details of any of the charms. If she was going to keep it, she supposed it was about time she cleaned it off.

* * *

Kylo had slept soundly and woke up feeling rested. The night before had been draining both physically and emotionally. Yet, when he'd finally let himself rest, he'd fallen into a deep sleep.

He was determined to take back both the power and pain he'd stashed in the crystal.

The pain, he had begun to realize was entirely emotional…all the more reason for him to come to terms with it. If he couldn't, he would never dare face Snoke, who would undoubtedly find a way to turn that pain against him.

It also fascinated him. The dogma that he had been taught all his life was that peace and serenity were the way to the light, and emotion and passion were paths to the dark side. But what had happened to him when he had separated out his own light from his darkness revealed a more complex picture than either the Jedi, the Sith, or Snoke had ever admitted to.

If embracing the light was supposed to bring peace, why did his memories bring so much pain? The memories themselves would vanish once he released the crystal, but in the moments afterward, as he tried to recover from the agony, he could examine the shadow of those memories, the emotions left behind.

Love was foremost among those.

Jedi teaching was clear on the subject, although they preferred to refer to love as attachment, and a Jedi was supposed to avoid it. He thought he could understand. The love he had once felt towards his family--so he assumed--was clearly a source of great pain. By giving that up, he had found peace, but peace with his darkness, not with the light.

Yet, without that love, there was no light in him. It seemed an apparent contradiction of Jedi teaching but also--thanks to his experiments with the crystal--observably true.

If only he could take back what he had placed in the crystal. If Kylo could become whole again, he was sure he would have an insight into the Force that few if any Force-sensitives before him had ever had.

He just had to figure out how to endure the pain.

So he had begun pulling at the loose threads of his memory, trying to focus on a single lost memory.

The tricky thing was that over the years, his mind had smoothed over those lost moments. It was hard to know exactly what he'd forgotten.

So he focused on one of the few memories he could be sure he'd lost. The last moments when Rey had been his apprentice. The scar he had given her.

It wasn't easy, but bit by bit, he was able to pull that one moment from the crystal. He could remember all the time and care he'd taken in faking her death, he could remember igniting the lightsaber, and the smell of burnt flesh.

He could remember the brave little girl trying to play dead while her nails dug into her palms as she tried not to move despite the pain in her side.

He could almost feel her pain and fear. The fear of being abandoned again. A tendril of darkness woven into the light.

But something was missing from the memory. It was shallow. What Kylo's mind refused to grasp was why he had taken such a risk. Up until now, he had believed it was possessiveness. Rey was his, and Snoke had no right to dictate her fate.

That hadn't been it. There had been something more, something too painful to remember. Finally, Kylo had given up, taking the small memory he had wrestled from the crystal as enough of a victory for one night.

It had left him exhausted, and he'd barely been able to drag himself to bed.

Yet in the morning, he was optimistic. He had not only slept well, but he had dreamed, something he couldn't remember doing for a long time. Whether the dream had been a real memory or not, he couldn't say. Still, he had a vague recollection of sitting on his father's lap in the cockpit of an old ship, while Han explained the controls to him.

Kylo realized he didn't remember learning to fly. Now he was no longer sure if that was because of how young he'd been when he learned or if it was a result of having locked away those memories.

He was still mulling over that mystery when he entered the common area to find Rey sitting at the table carefully cleaning…something. Something small, and judging by the dirt on the table, very dirty.

"What is that?" he asked.

She'd been so intent on her work that she nearly jumped out of her seat. She also tried to palm whatever she'd been cleaning.

"Nothing," she said with feigned innocence.

He could feel pain surrounding the object; pain she was hiding from. He couldn't allow that, not if they were to face Snoke together. His Master would no doubt find a way to use that pain against Rey.

"Show me," he commanded.

Signing, she held out her hand.

The item was disappointing at first glance. A filthy piece of jewelry.

"This causes you pain," he stated. "Why?"

Perhaps this could be used as another path to strengthen his apprentice. 

"It was my mother's," she said slowly.

He vaguely remembered her having some sort of lost family, and telling her lies about helping her find them. He hadn't cared back then, now he found he was interested.

Little by little, Kylo pulled the story out of her. Including the fact that her mother had chosen to keep the bracelet and sell Rey instead.

"I thought they were going to come back for me," Rey admitted. "For years, I waited, I believed it was a mistake…"

She was beginning to wallow in self-pity. That was no use, and potentially dangerous. Kylo needed her to believe in herself.

"It was," he said. "They had no idea what you were, what you could be. You're worth far more than some cheap charm that…"

He had taken it from her to emphasize his point when one of the charms grabbed his attention. They were animals, animals from Naboo. He held one between his thumb and forefinger. It looked like stylized depictions of veermoks you found in Naboneese heraldry. He quickly looked at the other charms, which included an aiwha, and a zalaaca. 

It had to be a coincidence. It couldn't really mean anything, could it? Surely it was just a cheap piece of jewelry. As Rey herself told it, her family had been nobodies.

"Show me everything you found on your family," he demanded, the beginnings of a plan forming in his mind.

After all, Snoke presented two problems. The first--which he had been fixated on--was killing the Supreme Leader. The second would be convincing the First Order that killing Snoke wasn't an act of treason and that they should now follow Kylo Ren.

Kylo had been focused on the first part, but the bracelet gave him an idea of how to achieve the second.

* * *

It was just like Luke to find a planet so out of the way that it took days through hyperspace to get there.

Then again, if he'd been just anywhere, someone would have found him by now, Han realized.

Despite the time it took to find Luke, Han was nowhere closer to knowing what to say to his old friend than he had been when he'd left.

Because Luke wasn't just a friend, he was a brother, and possibly more of a father to his son than Han had ever been.

That stirred a bit of jealousy in Han. These last few years, watching Rey grow from a scrawny child into a young woman had been bittersweet. They had made Han acutely aware of everything he had missed with Ben.

He found himself remembering the job on Sullust last year. Rey had kept the engines from overheating as he'd done an insane bit of flying around the lava falls. Once they'd made their getaway, he'd bought her her first shot of Corellian whiskey.

He could still see the way her nose scrunched up when she first tasted it, and he remembered teaching her his personal hangover cure the next morning.

Han didn't even know if Ben drank.

Had Ben ever had a girlfriend? A boyfriend? A broken heart?

Han knew none of these things. He'd given so many opportunities to Luke, without fully realizing just what it was he was giving up until it was far too late.

No wonder Ben didn't even want to talk to Han or acknowledge his existence.

It was these thoughts that weighted Han down as he hiked from the landing spot up to the stone village he'd viewed from the air.

"Han," Luke said by way of greeting, although there was little warmth in his voice.

"You're really leaning into the whole Jedi hermit thing, aren't you?" Han said, taking in Luke's appearance, and momentarily ducking the conversation he'd come here to have.

"I wasn't expecting visitors," Luke said. "Didn't really want any, either."

"Yeah, well too bad," Han said. "Because things are pretty kriffing bad out there."

"Why do you think I'm here?" Luke replied and started to turn away.

"Hey," Han said, grabbing Luke's arm. He was kind of tired of people not talking to him. "What happened with Ben wasn't your fault, but-"

Luke pulled sharply away. "And who told you that?" he asked angrily.

That wasn't the response Han was expecting, but knowing Luke, it wasn't a surprise the farm boy would blame himself. He'd always carried the weight of the galaxy. But Han hadn't expected anger, and it kind of pissed him off because Han was feeling his own failings a little too sharply.

"You know what? No one told me," he snapped. "No one told me, because you vanished, Ben vanished, everyone just disappeared. And he's acting like he doesn't even know me, which is maybe fair because I can't say I was really there for him-"

"You've talked to him?" Luke interrupted.

"If you could call it talking," Han shrugged. "Mostly, he ignored me." 

_And ran off with a girl,_ Han almost added. Not because he believed anything was going on with Rey and Ben, but because it would be nice to think his son was doing something normal like running off with a girl.

"So, he didn't say anything?" Luke clarified nervously.

"Like what?" Han asked, suddenly suspicious.

Luke didn't reply and started to turn away again.

"Oh, no," Han stopped him. "I'm willing to put up with this from Ben, which I probably shouldn't, but I guess I still think of him as a big surly teenager. But you are a grown man. Luke," Han pleaded. "He's my son. Please, I need to know. What happened? How did I lose him? What did I do wrong?"

Han felt like an idiot, it wasn't like he didn't know where things had gone wrong. If he hadn't been so afraid of messing up being a father and just tried to be one…

Luke looked as pained as Han felt. "It wasn't you," Luke said slowly. "It was me. I…I should never have agreed to train him."

Han was really losing his patience now. “ _Agreed?_ You and Leia insisted that he had to go with you. And I trusted you. So I think I deserve more than that. Was he happy? Did he have friends? Did he like being a Jedi?"

The questions spilled out. Han hadn't stopped thinking about what Rey had said, the way she'd talked about Ben being lonely and wanting to leave the temple. If it had been anyone other than Rey, he would have assumed it was fickle speculation. But every now and then, Rey knew things, things she couldn't possibly have known, things Han doubted Ben would have ever told her.

It was, Han figured, one of those Force things.

So it had haunted him when she'd said that all Ben had wanted was to be a pilot like his dad. Once that would have made Han happier than anything, now it was a bitter reminder of how badly everything had ended up.

"No," Luke said sadly. "He didn't really have friends. He was so much stronger than all the others. It wasn't fair to him to have him hold back, but it put…a distance between him and the other students."

By this point, it was more than Han had expected to be told, but that didn't mean it was enough.

"So what?" Han asked. "He snapped because he was lonely, and he didn't have friends?"

A look of anguish crossed Luke's face, and Han felt bad. To Han, the other students were a concept, but Luke had known them, had been responsible for them. Realizing how tightly he was still gripping his friend's shoulder, Han let go.

"He didn't snap," Luke said at last before falling quiet again.

Han tried to wait, but patience wasn't really his strong suit. "He murdered a bunch of kids," Han finally said. "If that wasn't snapping..?"

"You have to understand," Luke finally said, not quite meeting Han's eyes. "I could sense the darkness growing in him. I had to know how deep it went. I was just trying, I needed to know. So one night, as he was sleeping, I looked inside… and it was beyond what I ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring destruction, and pain, and death… and the end of everything I love because of what he would become. And for the briefest moment of pure instinct… I thought I could stop it-"

"What do you mean, stop it?" Han asked. A sense of dread had crept over him as he heard Luke speak. "Luke, what did you do?"

"It was just a moment," Luke insisted. "It passed like a fleeting shadow, but in that moment, I… I drew my lightsaber. He woke up, and the last thing I saw... were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him."

"Whose Master?" Han's voice began to rise without him realizing it. "You weren't his Master, you were his Uncle. WE TRUSTED YOU!"

"I know, and I-"

But Han had heard enough, and he couldn't stand to listen to any excuses. His fist collided with Luke's face, and all he saw was red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Veermok  
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Aiwha  
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Zalaaca


	24. The Bones of Giants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's training progresses as she delves into the mysteries of Rawnde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, glad you all enjoyed Han and Luke so much in the last chapter. I loved reading your reaction to that. And thanks to my beta Six for Gold for all her hard work in general, but also for encouraging me to explore my little dark side moon.

Rey funneled her anger at Kylo Ren into every strike.

Some part of her knew that he couldn't really mean the things he said to her as they sparred with Force pikes they had found on the shuttle. He had made her talk about her parents, refused to allow her any hidden pain because Snoke would dig into her consciousness, find her every weakness, and use it against her.

But Rey didn't care if the Supreme Leader called her nothing but a desert rat. She didn't care if Snoke said she wasn't worth the drink her parents had sold her for. She didn't care if a wrinkled giant said she wasn't worthy of carrying a lightsaber.

She cared that Kylo said these things. 

It was made the tiniest bit better since he had begun sparring with his helmet on. There was every chance they would have to fight the Praetorian Guard as well, and they would be masked. So he had decided she needed to get used to fighting an opponent whose eyes she couldn't see. He had been right, it was an adjustment.

But she had learned.

So it was the modulated voice that taunted her, not the deeper softer one she heard during her other lessons. It was not the voice that was accompanied by hot breath on her neck as her Master whispered instructions in her ear while his hands rested on her waist a little too long—or maybe not long enough—when he adjusted her stance or posture. 

Her body was strung tightly and felt like it would snap at any minute. She hadn't touched herself since her Master had told her not to the other day. That might have been okay if it wasn't for all those little ways his fingers grazed her body when they were training.

She wasn't entirely sure if he had meant her to stop touching herself entirely, or just that one day. It didn't really matter, because once they parted ways in the evening, he began doing…whatever it was he was doing with the crystal, and all she could hear were his screams, which dampened her mood, but also kept her from sleeping.

She tried to gather all of it, the anger, the frustration, the sleeplessness, and the emotional pain into a tight little ball inside her. With a gesture from her left hand, she let it all go, flinging it all at him. It worked. For the first time, she knocked Kylo back off his feet. 

Before he had a chance to recover, she charged forward, and she was on him. One foot pinning his chest to the ground while she drove the tip of her pike into the ground next to his head.

Even though she had proved she could have gotten a killing blow on him, she didn't let her guard down, as they both caught their breath.

She pulled her weapon from the ground and cautiously stepped back from him, not knowing what to expect. She had never beaten him before.

She opened herself up to the Force, while staying on her guard—she still half expected him to grab her leg and knock her to the ground—and tried to gauge his reaction.

Then she heard it.

Something was calling to her from down in the canyon.

For once, she forgot entirely about her Master, and without another thought, she began to climb down the cliff's edge.

It was easy going for the former scavenger. The rough rock walls had numerous handholds, unlike the smooth, man-made walls of the wrecked Star Destroyers she'd grown up climbing.

The chasm wasn't as deep as she'd imagined—perhaps five or six floors of a Star Destroyer, a leisurely climb for Rey.

As her feet hit the bottom, she looked around. Above her, the caps of the giant mushrooms blocked out most of the sun. The tops of the mushrooms glowed, but their stalks and the underside didn't, so only isolated bands of light shown in the gloom.

It was enough for Rey to see the rib bones of some enormous creature rising up out of the ground. This place was strong in sorrow, death, and the dark side. As Rey opened herself to the Force to focus on whatever had called her down here, she became aware of the strange history of this moon.

She saw a swarm of purrgil, giant space beasts that were the bane of pilots in hyperspace. They were in pain. There was sickness.

They had come here, crashed into this moon perhaps because they were dying, or to save others of their kind, or tricked by some dark power buried deep in the moon. The minds of the massive beasts were too alien for Rey to fully understand. Maybe it was all those things that had brought the creatures here to die.

Or perhaps, Rey thought, it was a way to kill the thing that was killing them. A final act of defiance in the face of certain death. She understood now; the giant fungus had begun as something smaller, something that had quietly eaten away at the purrgil. At first, it seemed to flourish on this moon. But it had evolved in ways that it never could have grown in space, had become something singular and new under the dark influence of this planetoid. 

But it wasn't a viable ecosystem. The fungus was one giant parasite feeding on the bodies of its dead hosts, slowly consuming them over the centuries until nothing was left. The forest was dying, and in another hundred years, Rawnde would once again be the way it had been before the purrgil came, a dead world.

Somewhere, down here in the earth, was the thing that had promised the ancient creatures revenge, the thing that had called them to this moon above all others.

Rey walked among the bones of giants until she found it. The floor of the crater was littered with jagged stones, yet one of them called to her. She picked it up and brushed away the dust that covered the crystal's surface, and held it up to the dim blue light.

The surface of the crystal was like obsidian, and it seemed to draw in all the light around her. Experimentally she sent a pulse of the Force into the crystal, and it nearly blinded her as a bright light radiated out from the black gem.

To her surprise, another crystal pulsed in response. Amazed, she quickly went to gather the second one. As she examined it, she realized it wasn't really a second crystal at all, only the other half of the one that had called to her.

Despite whatever force had split them apart, they were still two parts of the same whole.

Rey laughed with delight at the find. They were hers. More than anything she had ever owned in all her life, these crystals were hers, and hers alone.

Quickly she scaled the sides of the canyon, eager to show her Master. As she was climbing, it occurred to her that he might be angry. She'd taken off in the middle of their training without saying a word. 

Yet when she pulled herself up out of the canyon, she found him sitting patiently drinking from a canteen.

"Show me," he said. 

She realized he knew. He'd always known. This was the thing he'd been waiting for her to find.

"It's not kyber," she said, suddenly afraid he would find it lacking.

He shrugged and held out his hand. "Kyber is one of the few ways the Force is consistently found in crystalline form. There are many other types of Force crystals throughout the Galaxy, they are just less…predictable than kyber."

Reluctantly she showed him the crystal, but she wasn't willing to place it in his hand. She had never been so jealous of a possession in all her life, which was saying a lot for a former scavenger.

There was a knowing look in his eyes, and he didn't try to take them from her, he only nodded. "Interesting. You'll have to be careful assembling your saber; they may be unstable. A staff will suit you well, I think."

"What kind of crystal is it, Master?" she asked, glad she could keep them. A staff with a crystal at each end…oh yes, that was precisely what she wanted!

He shrugged. "I've never seen one like it, I suppose it's a Rawnde crystal."

"Did the crystals call the creatures here to die? Or did their death make the crystals?" she inquired. She wanted to know everything about her new crystals.

"Why could it not have been both?" he asked as he turned to go back into their shuttle.

For just a second, she pondered his answer thinking there was some great wisdom in it. Then it occurred to her that maybe he just didn't want to admit he didn't know. 

It didn't matter. Rey was finally going to make her own lightsaber, and she couldn't wait to see what it would be like.

* * *

Several times over dinner, Kylo had to struggle not to smile. His apprentice's enthusiasm for her crystals was infectious. Rey peppered him with questions about what she would need to make a lightsaber, what the process would be like, how long it would take, and could they leave right this minute to get the parts she needed?

He'd insisted that they wait until the morning to leave the moon. He didn't have a very good reason, except that he felt like he had to try and assert some sort of control over Rey, now that her mind was focused on making her new weapon.

He had spent the afternoon lecturing her on the theory behind lightsaber construction. Although she tried very hard to be attentive, he could see her practically twitching with the desire to use her hands and build something.

He was almost afraid to retire for the evening, worried that she would dismantle some vital ship system so that she could begin construction of her weapon.

His mood was so good, he hesitated to reach for his own crystal. Touching it was not as bad as it had been at first. He was now prepared for the emotional turmoil that came with the return of his memories. That wasn't to say it wasn't still agonizing. His soul had a psychic wound that had healed over the years. Now he was like a man who had lost a limb and was trying to reattach it by removing the healed over stump so that the bloody flesh could grow back together.

Sometimes he was even left with the vague feeling that there was something else in the crystal, something dark that was standing in his way. Most likely it was only his own darkness reflexively trying to push away the light.

He had, however, made some small progress and had been able to restore some of his memories, and with them, he hoped some of his lost power. As long as his light remained trapped in the crystal, he wouldn’t be able to tap into his full potential with the Force. The Wookiee had turned out to be a relatively safe entry point to his memories if a humiliating one.

He was hardly thrilled to realize that as a young boy, he'd continuously followed his _Uncle Oowie_ around. It turned out that being lifted by the Wookiee was hardly a new experience. He now had dozens of little memories of riding on the Wookiees shoulders and being swung and tossed about by his father's oldest friend.

But as embarrassing as the memories were, they were, surprisingly, not painful. Ben had been protected and loved by Uncle Oowie, and a little bit spoiled. It was hard to feel betrayed by the Wookie. He had been a friend and protector, but it had been Ben's parents who sent him away—who didn't seem to want him—not Chewbacca. Even as a child, he had understood that Chewie wasn't part of that decision.

Those memories only had a sort of unconditional love that Kylo Ren had no idea how to handle. Everything he had been taught about both the light and the dark side of the Force told him that love was dangerous, it was a weakness. Kylo didn't feel either weaker or stronger, just mildly embarrassed that he had once followed the Wookiee around with such adoration.

But he was done mining those safe memories. Perhaps it was because they were safe, they had left him feeling no more potent than before.

In the meantime, Rey was growing in strength. Her combat training was progressing magnificently. He could still see her standing over him, having defeated him for the first time. It still worried him that she seemed drawn to the light, but he was getting better at tapping into her darker impulses.

The memory of her, wild and angry, was what decided him. He couldn't let her down, he couldn't force her to confront her own painful past and refuse to face his own. He would be strong for her.

Having made up his mind, he sat down and reached once more for the instrument of his torment.

* * *

"Where do you think you're taking me," Luke demanded as he strode into the cockpit of the Falcon.

Han had been prepared for something like this. It had taken Chewie to drag him off of Luke. If he hadn't, then Han might just have killed his old friend, who hadn't tried to fight back. When he learned what Luke had done, Chewie was furious, but even so, he talked Han down from his potentially murderous rage. The difference was Chewie was older and wiser than Han.

The Wookiee had asked him a simple question. 

"How does this help Ben?"

And just like that, Chewie had reminded Han of what really mattered; his son.

So they had taken Luke back to the Falcon. He had been barely conscious as they'd left his little island behind.

Now Luke was up and about, and he clearly wasn't happy.

"Not really sure," Han admitted. "Wherever Ben's run off to." Technically it was Rey they were following, but Luke didn't know about her. Not yet, anyway.

"And what do you think is going to happen then?" Luke asked sounding not quite himself, likely because of the broken nose. "He's gone, Han. And even if he wasn't, I'm pretty sure I'm the one person who can't bring him back."

"I don't know what happens," Han admitted. "I don't know if or how you can help. Chewie thinks Ben might need to confront you. I don't know if that's good for either of you, but honestly, he tends to be smarter about these sorts of things than I am. All I'm sure of is you picked one hell of an out of the way place to hide, so it's just too much trouble to leave you there in case we need you."

Luke said nothing.

"Also," Han added. "You're the one who’s going to tell Leia what you did. No way in hell am I delivering that news."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Purrgil](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Purrgil)


	25. Threads of Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey makes her own lightsaber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks to my beta Six for Gold. Hope everyone is safe and well out there.

The final pieces locked together, and Rey reached out to grab the haft of the lightsaber she had just assembled from where it floated in front of her.

She was about to hit the activator switch when Kylo stopped her.

"Wait," he said and held out his hand. 

She hesitated for a moment. She wanted to be the first to switch it on, but his look told her this was not negotiable. 

Reluctantly she handed it over.

He turned it over his hand, inspecting it both visually and with the Force, before handing it back to her.

"You think I put it together wrong!" Rey was insulted.

"We're in the middle of hyperspace on an unreliable ship. I'm not going to risk you blowing the ship apart just for the sake of your ego."

That did not mollify her. She felt confident that she knew a lot more about not blowing up ships with a questionable repair history than he did. Before leaving the system, they had gone to Iego and traded in the First Order shuttle they had stolen for something a little less conspicuous, as well as to get the parts Rey needed for her lightsaber.

Rey could have happily spent days wandering through Iego's junk stalls. The planet was a scavenger's dream. During the Clone Wars, the Separatists had built some sort of laser web around the system, preventing ships from leaving, and destroying those that tried.

The laser web was long gone, and many of the ships that it had wrecked were still floating among the thousand moons, just waiting for enterprising scavengers. 

Also, the Separatists had left behind a lot of droids, and Rey's face lit up when she realized they could purchase an actual Clone Wars era battle droid.

_"No," Kylo had told her firmly._

_"But-"_

_"No," he was not happy about repeating himself. "The Jedi used to destroy those droids by the hundreds, it will not help us fight Snoke."_

Instead, they had gotten a beat-up old freighter, one no one would take a second look at. Now they stood in the empty cargo hold, which had plenty of space around the in case something went wrong.

"Well?" he asked after she spent several moments just glaring at him. "Are you going to turn it on or not?"

She took a step back and held her hand in front of her, pressing the activator switch that was wired to both crystals. 

Two golden plasma blades extended from either end of the shaft, for a moment she felt nothing but pure joy. Finally, she had a lightsaber, and it was hers. And it was so much better than some dusty old one she'd found in a box. To begin with, this one didn't bring dark visions with it.

"It's not red," she suddenly realized. "Did I mess something up?"

What had she done wrong?

"No, Little One," he seemed to be trying to reassure her. But there was an intensity to his gaze as he looked at the twin blades. "Kyber crystals are never naturally red. It takes time and concentration to make the crystal bleed. Time we don't have right now. For now, this will do."

Rey wasn't sure she wanted to make the crystals 'bleed.' But she wasn't given time to dwell on it. Without warning, there was a new hum of plasma, and she raised her staff just in time to block the unexpected strike from Kylo Ren.

He looked down at her through the glow of their crossed beams as he bore down upon her. She flashed him a wicked grin and knowing better than to try and match his raw physical strength, dropped and rolled out of the way, coming up behind him.

Another fighter might have lost their balance, but not Kylo, he was already pivoting to face her, bringing his blade up to meet hers again. They danced around each other, their weapons meeting over and over.

They’d sparred before, of course, but never like this. These weren't training sabers from when Rey was a child; they weren't even the deadlier Force pikes. These were true lightsabers, some of the most dangerous weapons in the galaxy. One misstep by either of them and a limb could be lost.

Yet this was how they were meant to fight. Rey had only had her lightsaber for moments, but already it was becoming an extension of her. The crystals seemed to thrum in time, with her heartbeat. She almost forgot just how deadly the weapon in her hand was. The golden beams spun about her, and only at the last minute did she pull back the blow that could have severed her Master's head.

"I win," she said breathlessly.

"Do you?" he asked with the hint of a smile.

That's when she realized she could no longer hear his weapon. She glanced down and saw the hilt of his lightsaber inches from her stomach. If he had not deactivated the blade, she would have been impaled on it.

Her heart was pounding in her ears. Not because she might have died, but because she had a lightsaber, and she was finally starting to be a match for her Master. That excited her in ways she didn't fully understand.

She extinguished her own weapon and, without thinking, grabbed the back of his head, pulling him down into a kiss.

If she thought to take him by surprise, she was wrong. He pulled her close instantly and opened his mouth so that soon it was their tongues that were dueling.

Finally, they had to separate to breathe, and she couldn't help but notice they were both panting harder from the kiss than they had from their sparring session.

Once she was reasonably sure she wouldn't pass out from lack of air, she went to kiss him again. This time he pulled back, taking a step away from her.

"This is not a good idea," he said slowly.

"Why not?" 

"We need to focus on Snoke," he said unconvincingly. "When he is dead…" He tilted her head up and ran a gloved finger across her lips. "Then you can have whatever you want."

He strode past her on his way out of the cargo bay before stopping. "We'll be at Canto Bight soon. You should shower."

"Yes, Master," she said automatically, but she felt like she was dying a little inside. 

_Whatever you want,_ his words taunted her. What about him, didn't he want anything other than Snoke's death? Didn't he want her?

* * *

Kylo retreated to the safety of his room, unsure what troubled him more, the color of his apprentice's lightsaber, or her continued insistence on kissing him.

It wasn't that he didn't like the kisses. he enjoyed them a lot, and he knew his own behavior had encouraged them. He couldn't stop touching her when they trained, it had become addictive. It was only natural to monitor her Force signature during training, to track her concentration, and when he touched her, he could feel little blossoms of darkness in the brilliance of her light.

It was the easiest way to get her to tap into the dark side, and that was what he knew. Now he was starting to wonder if he was going about this all wrong.

Because her lightsaber was gold.

He wasn't sure he had the first idea how to deal with that, especially considering the crystals she had used. Rawnde had been a world steeped in darkness. Most planets and moons tended to lie in a place of balance in the Force, neither dark or light. But Rawnde had skewed towards the dark. It had called to him the moment they'd dropped out of hyperspace.

He hadn't known the crystal-rich moon was there, but once he felt it, he knew they'd been meant to find it. It was true that kyber crystals had to be forced to 'bleed' to take on their red color, but that wasn't true of all crystals. Making kyber bleed was an old Sith tradition, one only taught to those who became apprentices. Rather than reveal a scared secret, Darth Sidious had come up with a way to make synthetic crystals that had the same red hue and had given those to his Inquisitors. 

There were many stories of other crystals that had been used through the millennia, and the strange properties they held.

It seems Kylo had been wiser than he'd known when he had declared the unknown crystal to be unpredictable, because never would he have guessed that the dark crystals could create a golden blade. Considering their affinity to the dark, a red blade would not have surprised him, but he'd rather expected a blue. Blue seemed to fit his apprentice, or maybe yellow, the color of the blades of the old Jedi Sentinels. They were said to have been a practical sort.

Yes, yellow would have suited Rey nicely.

Maybe it wasn't gold, maybe it was just yellow. After all, how did you really know the difference between a yellow and a gold plasma beam anyway? He had never seen either, none of his fellow students at the temple had ever produced anything other than a green or blue blade.

Maybe there wasn't even really such a thing as a gold lightsaber, he considered. Perhaps some of the old Jedi Masters just claimed to have gold lightsabers to make them look more impressive. Because the legendary gold lightsabers were said to only belong to those who were especially strong in the light side of the Force. 

One such supposed Jedi Master had been Qu Rahn, and Kylo still remembered being forced to read his journals back at Luke's temple.

_"With the Force, there are two paths—good and evil—one may take, nothing in-between. One leads to a full life, no matter the years. Justice, knowledge, and compassion are both endeavors and rewards. The other is most assuredly a short path that leads to untamed power. With nothing to earn, it leads to a certain solitary end. One should choose wisely."_

He had read that passage over and over, and it had terrified a young Ben Solo, for he had known there was darkness in him, and he did not want a solitary end. So he had chosen the light, only the light had not chosen him. His Uncle had decided to kill Ben, rather than let him continue to stumble along the path of the light.

Now, remembering the old Jedi Master's teachings, it was hard for Kylo Ren not to laugh, for the Jedi path had been nothing but solitary for him. But here and now, in all his dark glory, and with his light locked firmly away, he was for the first time, not alone.

Because in the next room was a beautiful girl who was eager to give him everything he could want. Suddenly her light seemed less problematic and more desirable. He could literally walk into the next room and fuck the light if he wanted.

And he did, he really did, but he knew this wasn't a good idea. Not with the battle with Snoke looming before them.

Because Rey might give herself to him once, but she was too self-assured to do so a second time. Not when she understood what a disappointment he would be. And he didn't need that as a wedge Snoke could drive between them when the time came for them to fight his dark side Master.

That was why he'd pulled away from her, and told her nothing more could happen until Snoke was dead. Her desire was a useful weapon, whereas her disappointment could lead to their downfall.

Because even if by some miracle of the Force he didn't disappoint her, what then? What did you do after you'd slept with a woman? He really had no idea. He'd only just been discovering girls when he'd been bundled off to the Jedi temple, and there dating had been strictly forbidden. The First Order insisted on strict professionalism, so even though fraternization did happen, it was never publicly visible. And the truth was, most of the married First Order officers had non-military spouses living on planets in the Unknown Regions.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized, the only couple Kylo knew were his parents, and he wasn't sure how well he really remembered them, especially as a couple. Even if he had, he could only remember them as a married couple with a kid. He didn't need to know much about dating to feel sure there were steps between having sex and being married with a kid.

It wasn't like he could look it up on the holonet. He was pretty sure no one had written: "The Darksider's Guide to Dating Your Apprentice."

For that matter, he couldn't even name any female Sith. Of course, there were some that said Darth Bane's Master had been a woman, that she had betrayed him, and that was why he had come up with the Rule of Two. If that was true, Bane had taken care to make sure her name had been erased from even the Sith's own secret history. Which was very Bane, because having read some of his writings, Kylo knew Bane liked to take credit for everything Sith, as if they hadn't existed before him. 

For the first time, Kylo found himself a little eager for the coming confrontation with Snoke. Up until now, it had been something he had been forced into. Because even if they were not Sith, even if they did not follow the Rule of Two, Kylo knew he had fallen into a path of disobedience that could not be pardoned. It was either confront Snoke or run forever. And unlike his Uncle, Kylo did not run and hide.

But with Snoke gone, there was an opportunity Kylo had never really considered. He had always trusted in his Master's vision for the future but never asked much about the details. Whatever Snoke had planned, would undoubtedly die with the Supreme Leader. But Kylo Ren could build something new, something better than what had come before. Maybe Rey's light was not a hindrance, but an opportunity. A chance to create a new order of Force users that could unify the galaxy and not divide it.

It was only a half-formed idea, but one he found interested him as few things did. So he decided to do something he had not done in a while: meditate upon it.

However, it was hard to clear his mind of all the ideas competing within it. He needed a focal point. In a moment of inspiration, he chose the crystal fragment. After all, Force crystals were what had inspired this entire train of thought, and he realized, up until this point, he had tried to force his way into the crystal, but he had yet to simply observe it.

Careful not to touch it, he removed the crystal from its hiding place, and slowly unwrapped the cloth he kept it in. Then he found the tendril of power that tied him to it, and it to him. Following the connection that was already there, he slowly levitated it, lifting it in the air as he began to carefully examine it from the outside.

He quickly felt foolish for not having done this before, for having tried to bully his way into the crystal and its locked power. Because it was locked, but not by him, by Rey and her darkness. After a moment of simple observation, what became apparent was over the years, Rey had siphoned off bits of her loneliness and fear and stashed them here in the crystal.

As he knew all too well, the darkness was by its nature jealous and possessive, and so the strands of darkness had woven their way around his light, jealously guarding and keeping it.

Curious, he plucked at the thickest strand and felt Rey's pain resonate through him. Abandonment. This must be from her parents, he thought. Another thick thread, was a feeling of inadequacy, of being unimportant, of being nobody. 

Unlike his light, her darkness came without specific memories. She had not ripped herself apart as he had; she had simply siphoned off the most intense and unpleasant of her emotions, storing them in the crystal so she would not have to feel them.

Plucking at the oldest thread, he realized that she had started to do this instinctively from almost the moment he'd placed the crystal in her hand. For here was physical pain and terror, that he imagined came from the lightsaber burn and being encased in carbonite. Again there was the feeling of abandonment and one of failure and inadequacy. 

And that hurt Kylo, for he realized she had no notion of why he had been forced to get rid of her, why Snoke had ordered her execution. He had no time to explain back then and had never thought to do so now. 

But he knew those feelings. Because all of his life, he had been found wanting. He had never lived up to his parents’ ideal of a son, or to what either of his Master's had wanted in an Apprentice. And now he knew that he had unintentionally made Rey feel the same because he could feel the echo of her fear that she was nobody. Her fear that he had made a mistake thinking that she could ever be more than a Jakku scavenger.

The crystal fell to the floor, forgotten, and he was on his feet moving through the ship with a single-minded drive to find and her and explain the truth to her. She had never once been lacking, that it was always him, that he was the failure, he was inadequate one, and she was everything.

Kylo was so focused in his purpose that he didn't think to knock as he came to her door, and he nearly collided with her as she stepped out of the 'fresher wearing only a towel.

Her hair was still wet, and he was suddenly entranced as a drop of water fell from a lock of hair to hit her chest and run down between her breasts.

_She does have freckles on her chest,_ was all he could think.

"Master?" she asked. 

"Uh yes, I was just. . .” What had Kylo been doing? It was tough to remember right now because Rey was in front of him and wet and naked under the towel, and just how far down could the freckles go?

The alarm went off, warning them they were about to come out of hyperspace. "I'll land the ship," Kylo said. "You should get dressed."

"Yes, Master," she said clearly confused, as he hurried to the cockpit to land the freighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gold Lightsaber   
>  Inquisitorius   
>  Jedi Sentinel   
>  Qu Rahn
> 
> The quote from Qu Rhan is a cannon quote (if you consider video games to be cannon). I was just looking for people who were supposed to have had gold lightsabers and came across him and the quote felt very right for this story, especially since it was supposed to be from a journal.


	26. The Odds are there to Beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features some sabacc playing. I spent a lot of time researching the rules of sabacc (and the variants) and decided that I didn't want to spend thousands of words trying to explain the game. So instead, my version of sabaac is just Texas Hold 'em, except every time a card is dealt dice are rolled and if they come up doubles, everyone discards their hands and draws again. If you don't know Texas Hold 'em, all you really need to know for this is that the river is the final card played.
> 
> Other than that hope everyone is doing well, and thanks to my beta Six for Gold.

"Are you ready yet?" Kylo called out to her, annoyance in his voice.

Rey was very much not ready, except maybe to slap him.

Or maybe to burst into tears. 

She looked in the mirror at the woman staring back at her. It was true she wasn't ugly, and she didn't look like a scavenger from Jakku in the little black dress that was half transparent, but Rey knew she was bound to be a disappointment.

When they had entered the boutique in Canto Bight, the look the shop keeper had given her clearly showed that Rey didn't belong in a place like this. But he'd managed an insincere smile at Kylo and asked if he could help them.

Kylo Kriffing Ren and told the shopkeeper that he needed formal wear and that Rey needed a dress that would "make everyone in the casino want to bend her over and fuck her."

"I'm sorry what?" she said in shock as the shopkeeper went looking for a dress as if they had a section of dresses for just that purpose.

He'd pulled her out of earshot then, and she was almost sure he'd been blushing. As if he had anything to blush about.

"Look, I'm sorry, but it's not like Snoke doesn't have images of my face. He may have people looking for me. I need everyone to be looking at you instead."

She wasn't sure she bought his explanation, and she certainly wasn't ready to forgive him.

Especially since she wasn't capable of pulling off his plan. Looking in the mirror, all she saw was Rey in a dress. Also, Rey a little unsteady on her feet because of the strappy heels she'd been handed to go along with the dress.

But standing there and being upset about her appearance wasn't going to make her any more attractive.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped out of the dressing room.

Kylo was leaning against the counter, adjusting the cuffs of his black dress jacket. Seeing him like this took her breath away, so it was a minute before she realized how his eyes were slowly moving down her body. It made her flush, even though she was sure she had to be a disappointment.

"Well," the shopkeeper said impatiently, "turn around for him."

Rey couldn't take the humiliation any longer, and she reached out angrily to choke the man with the Force.

Kylo ignored the whole thing; his eyes seemed to burn into her while he walked around her slowly.

"Perfect," he said, as he stood behind her. "Let the man go," he told her. "He's done his job well."

Startled, Rey released her grip, a little ashamed of how quickly she'd struck out against a person who was just doing his job.

She felt less calm and collected these days. More prone to emotional outbursts. Probably it was a result of Kylo's training, but she couldn't help wishing she had the crystal. She always felt calmer when she held it.

Then she remembered what Kylo had just called her.

Perfect.

But if she was perfect, did that mean that Kylo wanted…?

She squeezed her legs together, not quite willing to let herself finish that thought.

"We need to put your hair up," Kylo said absently. "Do you have a comb?"

Coughing to regain his breath, the shopkeeper said, "This isn't a hair salon." 

Kylo returned to the counter, "What about those?" he asked, looking in the jewelry case.

The man hesitated for a second before opening up the case and removing something.

"Come here," Kylo ordered her.

Curious Rey came closer. There were several hair ornaments including, a few jeweled combs. Although it was not their purpose, he picked one up and used it to sweep her hair back from her face. Then he picked up a thin silver hairband decorated with tiny diamonds and put it in her hair.

As she stood there in shock, he made a braid that he twisted in a bun to sit on top of her head. Then he held it in place with some small diamond pins.

"Are you going to pay for those?" the clerk asked with alarm.

"We've already paid," Kylo said absently.

"You've already paid," the man agreed.

He turned her chin to one side and then the other, Rey thought she might burn up under his gaze. He nodded, before lifting the small mirror off the jewelry case and holding it up for her to see herself.

She had to admit, having her hair up did make a difference. Maybe she wasn't just Rey in a dress.

"You look like royalty," he told her.

She smiled. 

All at once, his hand was on her throat. He didn't squeeze just held her for a moment and whispered in her ear, "You are also mine, remember that."

Heat pooled between her legs. "Yes, Master," she said obediently.

He moved his hand to her waist and led her out of the shop. They made one more stop, a store that sold makeup. Kylo was a bit impatient and tried to rush the girl who applied Rey's makeup, arguing that she didn't need whatever base or foundation were and that she just needed her eyes and lips done.

Rey was silent through the exchange, feeling bad for all the work the girl was going through when they weren't going to buy anything. But to Rey's surprise at the end, Kylo did, in fact, purchase the bright red lipstick before they left, slipping it into his pocket. He didn't even use the Force to trick the girl into thinking they'd paid.

"Are you going to tell me what the plan is?" Rey finally asked with annoyance as they made their way towards the casino.

"Plan?" he asked.

"Please tell me you have a plan." She was suddenly reminded of Han, and wondered why _this_ had to be the way in which he resembled his father. "Tell me you've thought about primary and secondary exits, you know something about the security, something."

He hummed in amusement, and she had the distinct feeling he was trying not to laugh at her.

"This isn't a heist," he told her. "I simply need to meet with a…professional and hire his services. But he won't talk to us, or believe we can pay him if we don't look like we fit in."

"Can we pay him?" Rey asked, unwilling to believe this was an innocent business meeting.

"By the time he needs it, we'll be able to," Kylo said mysteriously. 

It was all Rey could do not to hit him. If she thought it would have done any good, she would have. Rey was smart, she was capable, and this was not her first job. But clearly, he didn't realize just what a valuable asset she could be, other than as a flashy distraction.

Before she could object further, the doors opened, and they were swallowed by the bright lights of the casino.

It would have been bright even in the daytime, but having just come in from the dark street, it was almost blinding.

For a moment, Rey was intimidated, these people clearly had money she couldn't imagine. She had never seen such style or poise from an entire room in her life.

But once her eyes had adjusted and Rey began to sense the room, she felt a little more in her element.

Sure the people were dressed in clothes that cost so much they could feed an ordinary person for a year, and no one appeared to be wearing a blaster, but once you ignored those things, the vibe was very much like any other gambling den. Rey could sense the people pretending to be carefree while underneath displaying an intense concentration as they watched their money vanish.

There was just one problem: short skirts were evidently not in style. All the other women had long sweeping gowns. Well, there was nothing to do but pretend that she was in the right, and they were in the wrong.

Rule number one of smuggling: always act like you're the one who belongs, and the other person isn't supposed to be here.

They approached a table where a dice game was happening. A distinguished-looking man with a streak of white in his hair and a red flower pin rolled the dice, and everyone around the table cheered at the lucky roll. The next roll of the dice was not quite as fortunate, and Rey wondered just what the exchange rate on the chips was as the casino employee raked them off the table.

"I hate to interrupt," Kylo said to the man as he was considering his next bet. "But I was hoping to have a moment of your time."

"My time is expensive," the man said, still considering the table.

"I'm sure it is," Kylo nodded. "Which is why I'd like a few minutes of it, without distractions."

The man considered for a moment and then nodded, gathering his chips. They moved away from the main floor of the casino, to a private room.

"Stand guard, make sure we aren't disturbed," Kylo told her.

She glowered at him.

"Am I supposed to believe she's hiding a weapon?" the man laughed.

"She is the weapon," Kylo said.

The man gave her an appraising look, and Rey tried her best to appear menacing in her tiny dress.

It worked well enough that he nodded as he and Kylo disappeared into the room.

Rey was slightly mollified. She wasn't a fool. She knew that Kylo was keeping her in the dark about something, but she was rather taken with the notion that she was here to guard him.

 _I'm the weapon,_ she repeated to herself with a small smile on her face.

She liked that. Of course, she could be part of the brains too, if Kylo would just trust her.

* * *

"She's the one?" the codebreaker asked as they left the room.

"Yes," Kylo said. "Rey, hold out your hand."

She did as she was told, and the codebreaker jabbed her finger with a medical scanner.

"Ow," she protested.

"You better have the credits by the time I'm done."

"Don't worry, I'll have the credits," Kylo assured the code breaker with more confidence than he possibly had any right to.

Among the scattered memories he pulled from the crystal, had been the one of learning to play sabacc from his father and Lando. The memory itself he'd had for some time, but it was, he'd learned incomplete. When his mother had gotten home and discovered that Lando had been cheating her son, she had sat down to play. After a hand or two, she had begun to use the Force to whisper tips to him, showing him how to cheat using the Force.

By the end of the night, Lando had lost the entire pile of candy to Ben, who sat triumphantly, flush with victory, and the sense that it was and would always be him and his mother against the galaxy.

Han had beamed with pride, and Ben realized that his father had never been laughing at him, but laughing at Lando, who couldn't resist cheating a child.

_"Now honey," his mother had said, as she took most of his winnings away before he could eat it all. "Cheating is never the right thing to do."_

_"Unless you're cheating a cheater," Han piped in._

_Leia glared at him._

_"But people will not always be honest and fair," Leia continued. "Tonight was fun," she admitted. "And it's one thing to cheat your Uncle Lando. But-"_

_"But, it's more important to be the best sabacc player you can be," Han continued for her. "So that if someone catches you cheating, you can still beat them."_

_"Han!" But his mother laughed as his father swept her into his arms and kissed her before she could protest more._

No one, he was sure, was going to catch him cheating using the Force, but even if they did, he felt he had the skills to fall back on. His parents wouldn't approve, but he didn't care. It hadn't ended up being him and his mother against the galaxy after all. 

When they approached the sabacc table, he took a seat, maneuvering Rey, so she was standing behind him. She was a little too distracting to stand in his line of sight.

Really he should have left her on the ship because she was a constant source of temptation. He was starting to wonder if he should just sleep with her to get it out of both their systems. Except what if that only made him want her more, and her want him less?

Because he was bound to mess things up. Kylo only had to think back to the look on Rey's face when he'd told the shop keeper to get her a dress everyone would want to fuck her in. It was not what he had meant to say. But it was further proof that he was bound to screw up anything involving sex.

And the shopkeeper had done his job. Every time he looked at Rey, his fingers itched to touch her. He wanted to slide his hands up her thighs and feel her warmth on his fingers.

Sitting at the sabacc table, at least he had something else to focus on. He wasn't too worried about how the first few hands played out, he was only trying to get a feel for the table.

A waitress stopped by to see if the newcomers wanted any drinks. That gave Kylo pause. He didn't drink, so he simply said the first thing that came to mind. "Corellian whiskey."

"Make it two," Rey chimed in. "Whyren's Reserve, if you have it."

Kylo shifted in his seat, wondering if Rey had just ordered something expensive since he needed to be able to wager most of their credits. Also, how was it that his young apprentice had a preferred kind of whiskey?

He was soon engrossed in the game, and only half noticed when the waitress returned with the drinks, and Rey arranged for an open tab. He'd lost the first hand and was about to lose the second. That was fine because what he was interested in was reading his opponents for when he really began to play.

Absently he took a sip of his whiskey; he wasn't expecting the burning sensation as if he'd sucked on a plasma beam. Luckily years of Snoke's teaching had taught him to take unexpected pain in stride, and no one seemed to notice.

No one but Rey, that is, who squeezed his shoulder. He looked up at her, and she raised one eyebrow knowingly and took a sip of her own drink with a smile. He could see a bit of her lipstick leave a mark on the glass. His cock twitched slightly, and he thought about the red lipstick in his pocket.

When she'd had her makeup done, the girl had had Rey close her lips around a tissue, and something about seeing the imprint of her lips on the white paper made him wonder if the lipstick would leave a similar ring on his cock. It was an image he couldn't get out of his head, and so he'd purchased the lipstick because he knew he wouldn't learn the answer to that question tonight. But maybe once Snoke was dead…

He forced himself to shift his attention back to the table as the dice came up doubles, and he (and the other two players who were still in) were forced to redraw their hands. A moment ago he'd had two pair, now he had nothing, although if he was lucky, the river would be a 10 and give him a straight.

The man to his right raised, and it was so tempting. Had he already bet too much when he'd had a good hand? It would be a big win if he got the straight, but if he lost, he wouldn't have the credits for more than one or two more hands.

He folded.

Of course, it was a 10, and even if strategically he'd made the right call, it rankled him.

The guy who'd raised raked in his chips, and laughed. "You know, I was happy you joined us, just because of the pretty thing you brought with you, I hate to see her go when you lose everything."

"Yeah," Rey said from behind. "I thought you said you were a big winner. I like winners." Rey was moving away from Kylo behind the man who'd just won. "Are you a winner, baby? I think you're a winner," she whispered in the other man's ear.

"You bet I am honey," the other man said.

"What are you doing?" Kylo said through clenched teeth. It was all he could do to not yank Rey back to him with the Force.

Her voice, her whole demeanor, was different, coquettish. 

"Guess you're just going to have to win me back. If you can?" Rey teased him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this chapter (and the next one) come from the song A Thousand Kisses Deep.
> 
> The ponies run, the girls are young,  
> The odds are there to beat.  
> You win a while, and then it’s done –  
> Your little winning streak.  
> And summoned now to deal  
> With your invincible defeat,  
> You live your life as if it’s real,  
> A Thousand Kisses Deep.
> 
> -Leonard Cohen


	27. Invincible Defeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo tries to win Rey back playing sabacc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad you all have been enjoying this heating up, so let me just remind you to mind the tags. Specifically the Dubious Consent one.
> 
> And thanks to my beta as always, Six for Gold. Any remaining mistakes are all mine.

Rage thrummed through Kylo's veins as he watched Rey put her hands on the shoulder of the other man.

"Guess you're just going to have to win me back. If you can?" Rey teased him. 

**Settle down,** she said in his mind. **I can see his cards from here. Clearly, you need help.**

"The wagering of sentient lifeforms is forbidden under casino rules," the dealer droid interjected and Rey laughed a bubbly laugh that Kylo had never heard before.

 **I do not need help,** he told her.

Rey just looked at him over the rim of her glass as she took another sip of whiskey.

He proved it on the next hand, although it would have been hard to lose considering he'd been dealt an Ace and a King.

"Guess everyone gets lucky sometimes," the man who was now flirting with Rey said, although he'd folded early, so Kylo didn't have the satisfaction of winning any of that man's credits.

The game began to heat up after that. Sleemo, as Kylo had dubbed his rival, was the best player at the table. Which meant having him to Kylo's right was tricky. The man seemed to have picked up on the fact that Kylo didn't start out with a lot of credits, and so he was happy to bully Kylo when he had good hands.

And Kylo knew the man had good hands because Rey was letting him know.

Even so, Kylo was slowly making up ground. The rest of the players were easy to read, and if he'd so far been unable to win back anything significant from Sleemo, he'd won quite a bit from the others.

But it was going too slowly. Kylo needed a big win. And then his chance came. 

**He's got two Aces** Rey warned.

That was perfect. Kylo raised before the flop had even been revealed, knowing there was no way Sleemo wouldn't eagerly raise into such good opening hand.

"Another drink, sir?" the waitress asked, and Kylo nodded. He wasn't sure he liked the whiskey, but drinking seemed expected. This would be his third.

 **Are you sure that's a good idea?** Rey asked. **I just told you that he's got two Aces, I don't think you need anymore whiskey.**

That annoyed him. A lot. "Tell you what, babe," he said, glaring at Rey. "If I win this hand, I get you back, and you come sit on my lap." He was feeling a little light-headed, and he wanted Rey back now.

"The wagering of sentient lifeforms is forbidden under casino rules," the dealer droid reminded them insistently. 

Kylo wondered how often that happened that the casino seemed to need to cover its ass by programming the droid with the disclaimer.

"I told you," Rey said. "I like winners.” She slid down a bit, hugging Sleemo from behind. "So, I guess you better win."

"And if I win?" Sleemo asked suggestively. "How about you and I get out of here?"

"Hey, don't I get a chance to win my credits back?" Kylo growled. He had not meant to drag Rey into this little competition. Not that he was worried about losing…much.

Sleemo shrugged, "I've got to leave the table sometimes. And your girl here might be the only thing more fun than sabaac in this place."

"That's so sweet; he's never that sweet," Rey said fake giggling, and leaning in closer to Sleemo.

All the while, Kylo could hear a shocking string of huttese expletives filling his mind, a reminder that however glamorous she looked tonight, Rey was still a girl from Jakku.

 **Don't worry, you're not going anywhere with him,** he tried to assure her.

 **You're kriffing right I'm not. You better figure out some way to win. Otherwise, I'm going to have to knock him out and rob him.** He wondered where the robbing bit had come from. **And if I get felt up along the way…**

Suddenly his anger flared. **I'll kill him before he touches you.** Kylo promised her as he stared intently on the game.

Now he was focused intently on what was happening, not that it mattered too much—he'd planned the whole thing out. Card after card, he raised every chance he got. He was betting aggressively enough that he almost scared Sleemo off. A pair of eights had been dealt as part of the flop. The other man paused for a moment, clearly considering if there were any hands Kylo could win with and if they were at all likely. If Kylo had an eight, there was a small chance of pulling off a full house.

The truth was Kylo had nothing.

Sleemo decided and went all in. He was betting on the cards, and that was how you won sabaac, by playing the cards, because there was no way to predict what the dice were going to do, no way to the play the dice.

Unless you had the Force.

So Kylo, of course, also went all in.

The dice were rolled, and Kylo watched them intently. They almost landed on a one and a four. Except for a little push with the Force, and suddenly there it was, the bane of every great sabbac hand, doubles as the four flipped and became a second one.

"No!" Sleemo's eyes went wide because the rules were clear. If doubles were rolled, you had to discard your hand and be dealt new one.

"What, did you have a good hand?" Kylo asked, smugly. 

**Shut up,** Rey said in his head. **That was not as smooth as you think.**

"Because I was bluffing," Kylo continued ignoring Rey and taking another sip of whiskey. It didn't really seem to burn or have much taste anymore. Maybe the stuff wasn't so bad after all.

He looked at his new cards, which were not great. A two and a three. He had nothing but the pair of eights they both shared. Chances were the high card would win, and his high card was a three.

The dealer played the final card, and it was a two.

And Kylo laughed. They were both all in, so there was no betting left to worry about, and he showed his hand. Confident that his pathetic two pair had won.

"You cheated!" Sleemo accused.

"What?" Kylo tried to act innocent. "I lucked out, I lost my three eights. Guess the dice like me."

"You all saw it, right?" Sleemo looked at the other players. "The dice stopped and then just flipped over. He's got a magnetic field or something."

Kylo looked at the dice a little surprised. "They're not metal," he said. "You know how magnets work, right?"

Sleemo stood up angrily, even as the droid tried to defuse the tension. "I assure you, the casino takes every precaution against cheating. The dice cannot be manipulated."

"I saw it," Sleemo insisted. "Those are my credits."

"Actually, most of them are mine," a smooth voice said. The codebreaker had returned.

"It's done?" Kylo asked, ignoring the man who was taking turns yelling at him and the droid.

"I can only do so much remotely," the codebreaker said in a low voice. "You'll need to go to Naboo, make sure she's on file locally, and plug this into the main medical system."

He handed Kylo a data stick.

"That wasn't-"

"Considering your friend is calling security, that's going to have to be good enough," the codebreaker said.

To give himself cover while he thought this through, Kylo tossed back the last of his drink.

Casino security was heading for them. Not that he couldn't take them. Yeah, he decided that's what he was going to do—take on security. That would show Rey that he was a winner.

"Hey, maybe we should-" whatever Rey was going to say was lost, as the casino erupted into screams and chaos, and a heard of wild animals suddenly stampeded through it.

* * *

Rey was feeling a confusing array of emotions. She was angry that Kylo was up to something but wouldn't tell her what it was, even though it clearly involved her and evidently Naboo. She was worried that they were supposed to be going unnoticed but had made quite a scene at the sabaac table. She was confused by the herd of fathiers stampeding through the casino, especially because she could have sworn she saw Finn riding one of them. Which probably meant she was drunker then she had thought.

Then there were the emotions that flowed through her as her entire body was pressed between Kylo and a wall, as he tried to shield her from the stampede with his body. Her hands had ended up on his chest, and it was all she could do to keep them still. Also, she was pretty sure he'd left his lightsaber on the ship, and he wasn't the sort to carry a blaster, so that meant the thing pressed against her stomach that seemed to be getting harder was...

_When he is dead, you can have whatever you want._

His earlier promise taunted her, because what did she want?

He was the only person she'd ever kissed, the only one she'd ever wanted. And she knew she wanted to be with him, but she didn't know quite what that meant.

Not that she didn't know about sex, she did. A few years ago, a member of a gang Captain Solo had been making a deal with, tried to grab her. Han shot the man on the spot, and luckily the gang leader found it funny, so it all worked out.

 _Guess it's time we have the talk_ Han had said afterward.

Han's version of the 'the talk' had been very vague and mostly about how she should never let anyone touch her if she didn't want them to. And if she did want them to, she’d better make sure they 'took care of her first.' 

It was kind of horrifying, and when it became clear he was going to try and explain the mechanics of sex to her, she'd lied and said she knew about it already, and he'd let it go at that.

Chewie had found her later and had not let her get away so easily. He had apologized for not realizing how quickly she had matured—he often forgot how short and rapid human life spans were. Rey had learned a lot of new words in Shyriiwook. Looking them up had led to some important anatomy lessons and the realization that the things Rey had pieced together about sex from hearing spacers talk, had not been very accurate. 

It hadn't been exactly comfortable hearing Chewie explain to her about how important it was for the female to be properly lubricated. Still, she'd been brave enough by the end to even ask a question or two. Like, "What about getting the male ready?"

Chewie had laughed at that, and assured her that human males were notoriously easy to 'get ready.' He had made her promise that she wouldn't repeat this to Han, but he told her that human males were considered by other species to be the worst lovers. The general consensus was that the only reason that humans were the most populous species in the galaxy is that human males were always ready to go, and human females put up with more than they should.

If that really was her Master's erection pressed against her stomach, then Chewie had been right because she hadn't done much of anything.

But it still left Rey confused.

What did it mean that he would give her what she wanted? Did that mean that she got one and only one chance for a night with him? Did she have to figure out every way she wanted him to touch her? Was she supposed to come prepared with a list of positions? And what would happen afterward?

Also, she wasn't really sure how she felt about sex as a reward. Yes, she wanted Kylo, but she wanted him to want her, and she could never quite figure out if he did or not. At moments like this, it seemed as thought maybe he did, but other times he seemed to push her away. For all she knew, it wasn't really her that interested him, maybe he had a thing for stampedes?

The room was suddenly quieter, and colder, as the herd of animals cleared out, and Kylo pulled his body away from hers.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Rey found herself blushing under his gaze as she tried to get her dress back in order. The way he was looking at her, she didn't think it was the fathiers who had him aroused.

"Yeah, but we should get going, I think."

He nodded. They had recovered faster than the rest of the casino patrons who seemed to have less experience with unexpected, dangerous situations than she or her Master did.

His hand slid to her waist as he tried to guide her out of the casino, but it wasn't long before she'd moved his arm so it was over her shoulders. He was drunk, and almost accidentally pushed her over more than once since she wasn't that steady in heels, to begin with.

This way, she could help keep him steady, and although he might fall and crush her, at least he wouldn't knock her flat on her face.

Who knew a guy this big wouldn't be able to hold his liquor?

The cool night air was helping her sober up a little, and she hoped it was doing the same for Kylo.

They managed to make it back to the freighter without either of them falling over, and Rey couldn't help but notice how the junky ship they had picked up stood out like a sore thumb on Canto Bight. Much like Rey, it belonged in the run-down sort of starports that had signs reminding employees not to ride heavy machinery while under the influence because, in those sorts of starports, the quality of workers was questionable. 

Every other ship was slick and new with a perfect paint job. There wasn't even any heavy machinery to operate since they were all shuttles and yachts. No one here ever unloaded cargo.

They had barely made it inside when suddenly Rey was spinning. For a moment, she thought it was the whiskey, but then she realized Kylo had lifted and spun her around, so she was half sitting on the table in the common space. He stood between her legs, his hands cupping her face as he titlted it up so he could kiss her. Then his hands seemed to be everywhere at once. One hand slid up the outside of her thigh to pull her close so that her core was pressed against him.

His fingers dug into her thigh as he ground against her. Sparks of electricity ran from her aching clit up through her body, and she moaned into his mouth.

His other hand moved to her breast, his thumb running over her nipple, encouraging it to harden. She could taste the whiskey on his tongue, and she began to catalog all the amazing things he was doing to her so that once they killed Snoke…

He was drunk, and this was against the rules. Sure they were his rules, and if he were sober, Rey would happily let him break them. But she couldn't stand the thought that it was only the alcohol that made him want her.

What if this was a test, and she failed?

She tried to pull away, but he held her tightly. And his lips refused to let go of hers.

 **Bedroom** she projected the thought into his head.

He made a little contented sound that sounded almost like a growl, and he was lifting her up, holding her so that she was still pressed against him. She couldn't help but wrap her legs around his waist, and it felt so good. 

She wanted this so much.

Somehow he managed to stumble into the berthing, despite his drunkenness and the awkwardness of carrying her.

It was less than graceful as his legs hit the bed, and he fell on top of her. It shouldn't have felt so good, but there was something beautiful about his weight pressing her into the narrow bed. She couldn't help it, she lifted her hips to rub against him, it had been so long since she'd had any kind of release.

All Rey had to do was give in, and she could spend the night in his arms the way she'd always dreamed.

But what would happen in the morning? Would he see her for what she was, a scavenger in a stolen dress?

She ran her fingers through his hair and concentrated for just a moment.

He collapsed unmoving on top of her. If she needed any further proof of how drunk he was, this was it. She could never have put him to sleep with the Force if he'd been awake and alert.

She pushed against his chest, but he was dead weight. She had to use a little bit more of the Force to roll him off of her, and she ended up straddling him. As she shifted her weight, a little shudder of pleasure ran up her spine. He was still just as hard, and she was still just as needy.

She couldn't ignore it anymore, the tingling between her legs was too much. She ground down against him, biting her lip to keep from whimpering too loudly.

It had been too long since she'd had any kind of relief, and it wasn't ass though she’d touched _herself_ to get to this state. Kylo had made her wet and needy like this, and she was the one who had put a stop to things before it got out of hand.

Rey had been so good, she'd followed all of the rules, and she wasn't breaking any now, she told herself as she began to ride him. 

She thought about what it had been like to have his hands on her body, and she almost reached up to play with her nipples before remembering that she wasn't allowed to touch herself.

But she could touch him, couldn't she? Her hands fell to his stomach. She realized if she used her hands to balance, she could lean forward, and it was so much better from this angle. 

If his cock felt this good with all these layers of cloth between them, how good would it feel when it was skin against skin?

She was blushing furiously now, moaning without concern about being heard. All she needed was just a little more. She was so close and—

Kylo let out a strangled moan, and he twitched under her. He'd been totally still up to this point, and she froze, afraid she'd woken him.

Then she felt something hot and wet spreading beneath her as she tried to process what had happened, she could feel him starting to soften under her.

Her cheeks were on fire, and she found herself scrambling off of him in embarrassment. She was in such a hurry and still just tipsy enough that she fell as she tried to get off of him and the bed.

She picked herself up and quickly scrambled out of the room to the 'fresher where she splashed cold water on her face to try and sober herself up. As she looked at the ruin of her makeup in the mirror, she thought there needed to be a sign. "Don't ride Kylo Ren while drunk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fathier](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Fathier%22)


	28. A Single Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo deals with his first hangover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys last week I got distracted (happens to me a lot these days) and totally forgot. To go back and respond to comments. But I love your comments, thank you so much for them, they mean alot to me.

Everything was awful. Something had evidently died in Kylo’s mouth last night, and he had a terrible headache.

Getting out of bed seemed like a terrible idea, and he wondered if he called Rey, could he get her to cut off his head? Kylo Ren was an expert in dealing with pain, but general discomfort? He wanted no part of it.

He would just lie in bed until the universe sorted itself out and left his head alone.

What ultimately got him moving was the embarrassing realization that he’d had a wet dream like he was some sort of teenage boy. It was humiliating and sent him straight to the fresher so he could remove the evidence.

The water cascading over his head made him feel somewhat better. At least, it was a better way to be miserable than in bed. He planted his hands on the wall of the shower and bent his head forward, letting the water drip down his back.

It was then he noticed the slight vibration in the ship, the telltale hum that indicated they were in hyperspace.

Why were they in hyperspace?

He forced himself to end the shower, get dressed, and find Rey.

She was sitting in the kitchen area, eating. As soon as she saw Kylo, she popped to her feet in a reprehensibly perky manner and handed him a cup of something that was not caf.

“Morning,” she said too loudly and too cheerily. “You’ll want to drink that.”

He winced and looked at the beverage with grave suspicion.

“What is it?” he asked.

“You’re better off not knowing,” she said. “But it’ll help with the hangover. Also, I would drink it down all at once. It’s better not to taste it.”

He sniffed it suspiciously. It didn’t have a scent, which was a point in its favor.

“Why are we in hyperspace?” he asked while he considered the concoction he’d been handed.

“We need to go to Naboo, right? That’s what your friend said.”

Friend was perhaps not the word Kylo would have used. But as Rey was explaining, he had dared to sip the mystery liquid.

That was a terrible mistake, and he ran over to the sink to spit it out.

“I told you to just drink it down all at once. Tasting it is a mistake.”

He only sensed amusement and no murderous intentions coming off his apprentice, so she wasn’t trying to poison him. Still, he found her motives questionable.

“So we are headed to Naboo?” he changed the subject.

“Yes,” she confirmed. “And I’d love to know why. I could be of more help if I knew what was going on.”

“If I knew what was going on, _Master,_ ” he corrected her.

Why was she being so insolent this morning? And loud. Insolent and loud.

“Master, let me help. I can be far more useful if I know what’s going on.”

He was trying to consider her request, but it was difficult with his head pounding. There was also the possibility that his plan wouldn’t work, and he didn’t want to get her hopes up, only to disappoint her later. 

Of course, she would have to know eventually. But it could wait, Kylo decided. 

“Do you have a contraceptive implant?” he asked, trying to deflect her questions.

“I…uh…no,” she admitted turning beet red.

“We need to get you one,” he said. “And it will be the perfect cover to get you into a medical facility on Naboo.”

He poured himself some caf.

“Okay, but why?”

“Because I said so,” he snapped at her before retreating back to his rooms with his caf. Caf and meditation might help clear his brain, and hopefully, when he was done, Rey would have become more reasonable.

Meditation did not come easily. Rey’s questions had him too wrapped up in his plans. He would have to tell her eventually, of course. She would need to know what part to play once Snoke was dead. Because once they had defeated the Supreme Leader, the First Order would view them as traitors.

This was why Kylo had come up with a plan to make Snoke the traitor, and Kylo, the loyal protector of Emperor Palpatine’s granddaughter.

Of course, Rey was not actually Emperor Palpatine’s granddaughter. There was no reason to believe the Sith Lord had ever had any children. But that was the beauty of Kylo’s plan. Palpatine had been highly secretive about his personal life, so who could prove he hadn’t had a secret affair at some point?

Luckily, Rey’s parents were nobodies who had left virtually no mark on the galaxy other than the magnificent daughter they had foolishly discarded.

For the codebreaker he’d met in Canto Bight, it had been an easy task to alter her parents’ past to make it look as though Rey’s father had been Palpatine’s son, hiding in exile since the fall of the Empire. DNA was slightly more complicated. The fake profile needed to be uploaded to the medical systems on Naboo, where Palpatine had been born, to overwrite the Emperor’s actual DNA so that Rey would appear to be a close enough match.

That was why they were headed to Naboo. He would send Rey to a medical facility to get an implant. That would get her DNA on file, and while she was there, she could upload the virus that would alter Palpatine’s DNA records to make it look like he was her grandfather.

When it was done, he would have a simple story to tell the First Order. Kylo wasn’t the traitor; Snoke was. He had found the Emperor’s granddaughter and ordered Kylo to kill her. Instead, Kylo (being the Imperial loyalist he was) had hidden her away until the time was right for her to reclaim her throne.

It was a pack of lies, but lies the rank and file would understand and hopefully accept.

Assuming the virus worked and Rey’s DNA identified her as a Palpatine. 

That’s why he was hesitant to tell her. He wanted to give her everything, but he didn’t want her to hope for something that might not happen. Once he knew this part of his plan had worked, he would explain it all to her.

Little by little, Kylo began to clear his mind, letting his physical discomfort fall away as he became more centered in the Force. But the Force had its own distractions, namely Rey. The more attuned he became, the more he felt her presence in the Force. He could tell from the way the energy flowed around her that she was training, practicing the new forms he had taught her.

He had never observed her quite like this, always watching her physical form looking to correct any mistakes in her grip, stance, or movement. Now he saw how she moved through the Force, and one thing became abundantly clear: she was out of sync with herself.

Her signature was a beautiful golden glow, but through it were rivulets of darkness. As Kylo watched, Rey tried to call on that darkness for power, but it was never quite where she needed it, and he could see how much easier it would be for her if she were only trying to call on the light instead. It reminded him a great deal of his own troubles as a boy, trying to be a Jedi using only the light side of the Force.

Embracing the darkness had always felt right for him. Perhaps what Rey needed was to embrace the light. It was a heretical idea, of which neither of his Masters would approve. Everything he had ever been taught was that there were two paths within the Force, and you had to choose which one you walked and remove the other one from yourself altogether.

But what if it wasn’t a choice? What if there was only one path that lay partly in darkness, and partly in light? Had he stumbled as a boy, because he had been trying to force himself to walk in that thin ray of light on his path? Even now, had he made things more difficult by narrowing his path and cutting out the light?

If that was the case, then Rey clearly belonged in the light, and right now, she was stumbling as she tried to walk a tightrope of shadow.

But teaching her how to surrender to the light would naturally make her his enemy, wouldn’t it?

Yet he couldn’t bring himself to think of Rey as his enemy, whereas he no longer doubted that Snoke was. 

Then again, if you didn’t have to choose absolutely between the dark and the light, why should they be at war? 

Suddenly the dogma he had accepted his whole life was unraveling, but rather than leaving him anxious or confused, it gave him clarity of purpose. He knew now what it was he had to do.

* * *

Bravado and bluffing were pretty much the default positions Han had taught Rey to fall back on in an uncertain situation. So she did everything she could to hide just how mortified she was by what had happened the night before.

To act just like everything was normal.

She thought she was doing a pretty good job of until Kylo asked her if she had an implant. 

She thought she would die on the spot. How much did he remember? And sure she didn’t have an implant, but they hadn’t done enough for her to need one had they? Of course, if she hadn’t stopped him, things might have gone that far. And wow, she really needed an implant.

As annoyed as she was that he wouldn’t share his plans with her, she was actually grateful when he left in a huff. She just wanted to hide under a rock and have the galaxy forget she had ever been born.

Except she was on an empty freighter in the middle of hyperspace, so that wasn’t really an option.

Instead, she ended up in the cargo hold practicing her forms with her lightsaber, hoping that she would become so exhausted that she couldn’t feel embarrassed anymore.

Focusing on combat did help take her mind off the previous evening, and she soon fell into a comfortable rhythm that was meditative and began to lose track of time.

Until Kylo showed up and began watching her.

He didn’t say anything, just watched as she moved from one form to the next.

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore.

“What no critiques?” she asked as she paused at the end of a move set.

“Critiques? No,” he said. “You feel it don’t you? The synergy with the lightsaber. It’s what was missing from your training.”

She nodded, letting herself look at him for the first time since he’d come in the room. He looked better than he had that morning. Less ragged, and his eyes were brighter.

“And perhaps I haven’t been the best teacher,” he said.

“Master?” she asked, confused.

“I’ve been trying to force you out of the light, but maybe that’s not meant to be your path. Even so, Rey, there is darkness inside of you, you can’t hide from it.”

“I’m not hiding,” she said, confused. 

“Rey,” he said sadly. “Why do you think Snoke ordered your death?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what you think?” he chided her. “You’ve never wondered? Never thought about it?”

She took a deep breath. She knew how this was going to go. Kylo had done this to her more than once over the last few days. Like when he’d made her tell him about her parents, and she knew he wouldn’t relent or just let her avoid the question.

Of course, she had thought about Snoke’s death sentence over the years, mostly in the early days after Han had found her. She’d often thought about what she had down wrong, how she had failed her audience with the Supreme Leader.

However, she had never put it into words, and she’d always tried to push those thoughts away. There was no point dwelling on what had already happened and couldn’t be changed.

Looking down at the floor, she said at last, “I’m a scavenger from Jakku. My own parents didn’t want me. How could I have ever been a Knight of Ren?”

He put his hand under her chin and tilted her head up.

“Snoke wanted you dead because you were a threat,” he told her. “When he told me to kill you, he said you were going to pull me back into the light.” He frowned. “Maybe that was true, maybe it was a lie. But it wasn’t because of who you were or where you were from. It was because of what you would become. A threat. So, are you ready to prove him, right?”

She blinked at him in confusion but then nodded.

“Good, because I can only tell you how to use the light side of the Force, I can’t show you. So let’s see how powerful you can become.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this little bit of plot was planned way before TROS came out. I actually panicked after TROS, not because Rey's past wasn't canon, this story diverges from cannon anyway, but because I thought that people would be too angry at any Rey Palpatine mention. Which seems silly now.
> 
> Thanks so much for my beta, Six for Gold for assuring me I should let the story continue the way I'd planned. Now that I'm finally posting this bit, I really love it.


	29. Awaiting Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo starts to question training Rey to be a Jedi while he waits for her on Naboo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He everyone, thanks so much for all the comments on the last chapter. I loved them so much. And thanks as always to my beta Six for Gold for assuring me, that we like these looks in Kylo's head. 
> 
> Also thanks to [stracrossereylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcrossreylo/pseuds/starcrossreylo) for this lovely moodboard.  
> 

Kylo paced nervously up and down the ramp to their ship. He knew he had no real reason to be concerned. There was no First Order presence on Naboo, and no reason anyone should suspect they would come here, so Rey was perfectly safe.

But it wasn't really her safety that had him worried. Teaching her to access the Force like a Jedi, had seemed like a good idea, but now he was less sure. Dark side and light side users had been killing each other for millennia, and so it was hard not to wonder if he wasn't training his own killer.

To be fair, that was a typically Sith thing to do, but he was no Sith. He had never wanted to fight or kill either of his Masters, they had set themselves up as his enemy. And when it came to destroying Snoke, teaching Rey to use the light side of the Force was clearly the right choice.

Maybe her skills had atrophied a little during the time they had spent apart, but it was clear to him after only a day of training her as a Jedi, that the real issue had been his methods. He could bring out her darkness, but her true power lay in the light.

But there was still the possibility that with their common enemy, Snoke, gone, she would turn on him.

If his plan succeeded and the First Order acknowledged her as Empress, then Kylo was handing her precisely the tools she needed to get rid of him.

Even so, he couldn't let go of this plan. Not just because it was the perfect way to take control of the First Order once Snoke was gone, but because he wanted to give her everything.

There had been a singular thrill walking through the casino with her on his arm while the hungry eyes of other patrons took in Rey. A possessive delight that others wanted her, but she was his.

How much better would that be when Rey was the whole galaxy's to worship and desire, but his alone to have? 

Assuming he could keep her.

But if this whole thing was risky, the reward was worth it. And Kylo Ren had never been one to shy away from risk. So now all he could do was wait for Rey to come back.

His shoulders tensed. Years of training made him aware that he was being watched and that someone was approaching. He looked out across the landing pad, unprepared for just how familiar the approaching figure was.

The last time Kylo had seen this man, he had been a stranger. Now Kylo was overcome with memories; all the times he'd seen this same man striding across a starport towards him. His shoulders might have been slightly hunched with age, but it was still Han Solo's unmistakable form walking towards the ship.

Kylo found himself grabbing the hydraulic beam that raised and lowered the ramp of the ship. The thread that stretched between him and the crystal seemed to thrum.

_" Hurry up, Mom," Ben said as he tried to run ahead but was pulled back by his mother's hand._

_In the distance, he could see the silhouette of the Falcon. His Dad was home, which meant that there would be running around in the house and staying up late, and sugary treats, and all kinds of rule-breaking would suddenly be allowed. His Dad would tell new stories about adventures, and wait till Ben showed him how good he had gotten in the flight simulator. No TIE fighter could stand against his virtual X-Wing._

_Across the busy starport, he could see the undeniable silhouette of the Falcon. The traffic parted, and he could see his father's undeniable silhouette walking down the ramp. His mother let go, and suddenly Ben was free to run to meet his father._

_His Dad smiled and tried to lift him up into the air, but it turned into more of a hug instead. "Wow, kid, you're getting too big to lift."_

_Uncle Oowie laughed, and the next thing Ben knew, he'd been hoisted up onto the Wookie's shoulders, giving him a view of the entire spaceport. Which was good, because his parents were being gross and kissing right then._

Kylo wasn't prepared for the combination of memories and emotions that rushed along his link to the crystal. It seemed he had created a fissure that let his memories creep back in. But the unexpected flashback threatened to knock him off his feet, as the memory that, in isolation was simple and pure became tainted by the knowledge of what had come after. Those memories he had never lost: his father's absence, being sent away.

If Kylo was momentarily unbalanced, the anger he felt in the wake of the flashback made him feel like he could tear apart his ship with his bare hands.

He stayed standing on the ramp and drew himself up to his full height so he could tower over his father. "What are you doing here?"

If Han Solo was intimidated, he showed no sign of it. He only stared up sorrowfully at his son.

"I am so sorry, kid. I swear we had no idea."

"I'm not a child." Kylo snapped.

"You're my son. You'll always be my kid, Ben, no matter what you do."

Those words twisted painfully through Kylo. He was starting to doubt the wisdom of taking back his memories from the crystal. Maybe the power that was locked away wasn't worth it. He tried to tell himself that this man was a stranger, that nothing Han said or did made a difference, but he knew it was a lie.

"I just wish I'd been a better father," Han continued. "But I swear Ben if I had ever thought for a moment that Luke…I thought you were safe with him, that he would protect you. But that was my job, and I failed."

Although Kylo had retained the feelings of abandonment and worthlessness, knowing his parents had given him away to Skywalker, it had been a shallow pain without the memories of how he had loved and idolized his father. But now he felt the full depth of it, and he knew how to turn pain into anger.

"Failed? I wasn't a supply run or fancy maneuver, I was your son." Even so, Kylo was surprised by the vehemence of his own words. He told himself he shouldn't care that none of this should matter. It hadn't mattered the last time they'd met. But it mattered now.

"I know, and I-"

Kylo closed his fist, cutting off his father's oxygen with the Force. He didn't want to hear what this man had to say.

He took a few slow steps further down the ramp looking his father in the eye squeezing even tighter.

"Han!" Rey, shouted in excitement, her voice shattering the tension of the moment. 

Kylo could see her from across the starport as she ran towards them, smiling.

He released his Force hold on the old spacer's throat and braced himself. Kylo thought he would have time before he and Rey might become enemies, but he realized he had already turned her against him. It was foolish to think her light and his darkness could coexist. 

Han had instinctively clutched at his neck, but he let go now and took a few deep breaths before smiling and turning around to face Rey.

Rey practically crashed into him, and they hugged.

"Hey, kid," Han said before pulling back from the hug to look her over. "You doing okay?"

"She's fine," Kylo barked.

Rey looked in confusion between the two men. 

"I'm fine, Captain," she assured Han. "Never better. How did you find us?"

That was actually a good question, and one Kylo felt slightly foolish for not having asked. If an old smuggler could find them, could the First Order be far behind?

Han looked over Rey one more time, before nodding, as if satisfied that she was indeed fine. 

"I might have planted a tracking beacon on you," he admitted.

Rey let out a short, exasperated laugh.

"Where?" Kylo demanded.

His father didn't look at him but responded to Rey as if she'd asked the question. "In your tool belt. Surprised you haven't found it keeping this thing flying," he nodded towards their dilapidated freighter.

"Well after I finally saw the famous ship that made the Kessel run in 14 parsecs-"

"Twelve," Han interrupted her.

Rey ignored the interruption. "I figured any piece of junk could do it, so I got this one to fix up."

"The Falcon is not a piece of junk," Han scolded her.

"Clearly, she's slow if it took you this long to catch up to us," Rey pointed out.

Han stiffened and looked at his son. "I had somewhere else to be." 

It was this change in demeanor that made Kylo realize how playful the previous exchange had been. No one in the First Order behaved this way, and he wondered what it might be like to be teased without fearing that you would lose your status or power.

"There's something you need to know," his father said, looking at Kylo. 

This was it, this was where Han told Rey that Kylo had been about to kill him, and it all fell apart.

"I brought Luke with me."

Kylo frowned in confusion. That wasn't what he'd been preparing for. Also, if Skywalker were close by, he'd feel it.

Unless the Jedi was masking his Force signature for a surprise attack. Kylo's lightsaber was inside, out of reach, but he refused to run for it like a scared child.

"So you're here to kill me," he told his father.

"What? No! No one is killing anyone," Han insisted. "What he did was awful and-"

"Did you bring him here to apologize?" Kylo almost laughed. "He tried to murder me in my sleep, do you think an apology will make that better?"

"No, I guess not," his father admitted. "But it's a start."

"A start of what?! How do you think this ends?"

"I know how it can't end," Han said. "It can't end with the two of you killing each other. Because you're family, and there's no recovering from that."

"And you think you can stop that, that you can stop us from killing each other?"

"He's not here to kill you, I wouldn't let him," Han tried to reassure Kylo.

"You think I need protection? And even if I did, you think you can protect me from a Jedi?"

His father flinched at that. The silence hung between them for a moment, when Rey, who'd they'd both forgotten about, spoke up.

"Is there really a Jedi here? I don't sense anything. Shouldn't I be able to sense someone like Luke Skywalker?"

"He must be masking his Force signature," Kylo explained. "Something I should really have taught you by now," he admitted. "Something he would only do if he was trying to sneak up on me to kill me."

"He's not sneaking," Han insisted. "He's just back on the Falcon. Look, I'll show you. Chewie," he opened his commlink, and they could hear the response in Shyriiwook. "You still got Luke with you?"

The Wookiee roared an affirmative.

"There you see," Han said. "He's right where I left him. Just talk to him, Ben. Or yell at him if you want to. No one could blame you for that. But you can't pretend nothing happened."

"Pretend? He's the one who ran away and hid!"

"Yeah, and I dragged him out of his hole," Han agreed. "So, are you ready to talk or not?"

Kylo's eyes fell on Rey. For reasons he couldn't understand, his father was more interested in him having this talk with Skywalker than on telling her that Kylo had nearly killed him, would have if she hadn't shown up.

It worried Kylo, exposing Rey to Skywalker, yet part of him also wanted to show her off. To have his former Master see how Kylo had excelled in training her. But would she be tempted to join the Jedi..?

If she was going to betray him, better that she did it now.

"Very well," Kylo said. "But bring him here. I'm not walking into whatever ambush he has prepared."

"He's not-" Han stopped himself from arguing the point. "Fine, I'll bring him here."


	30. The Pendant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo confronts Luke.

"Get your lightsaber," her Master ordered Rey. "But keep it out of sight. He may or may not know about you."

Nervously Rey obeyed. The truth was having the weapon would make her feel better. It had been awkward and tense, standing on the outside of this family reunion. Then she remembered Luke Skywalker was Kylo's uncle. So they weren't done with the problematic reunions yet.

Sometimes Rey wondered if her Master had only spared her because he didn't want to be like Skywalker. She didn't doubt that it had played into his decision to save her rather than follow Snoke's orders.

Once she was armed, she returned to the cargo hold, which was basically empty since they weren't actually hauling any cargo. There wasn't much cover, and she hoped it wouldn't be a fight because if it was…

Han was right. No good could come of Kylo killing his own uncle. She knew she couldn't let that happen. Of course, she wasn't going to let Skywalker finish what he'd started and kill Kylo, either. It was kind of insane to think that in a few minutes, she might be trying to break up a fight to the death between two of the most powerful Force users in the galaxy.

She just hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"Rey," her Master caught her attention, he was wearing his lightsaber openly on his belt. "Focus on me, watch."

She did, observing him with the Force, as well as her other senses. What happened next was disturbing. As she watched, he vanished. Not physically. He was still right there in front of her, she could see and hear him just fine. But the dark presence she understood to be him vanished. She hadn't realized how comforting she found his presence in the Force until it was suddenly gone. It felt good to know he was there, to feel him close by.

"Quiet yourself," he told her. "Find the edges of your power, and draw them in, hold them close."

She took a deep breath in, and with it did as he said. She called her power inward, and quieted it, as she had seen him do moments before.

"Good," he nodded. "Always a quick study," he praised her.

Then he was back, his own dark signature shrining back into being. Rey started to relax, but he shook his head.

"Stay like that. I don't know how much he knows about you, but he doesn't need to know how powerful you are."

She nodded. It was an easy enough trick.

The next few moments passed in awkward silence while they waited for Skywalker to arrive. It was a big starport, and they couldn't have been too close; otherwise, Rey would have noticed the Falcon nearby.

But after a minute or two, she couldn't take the silence anymore.

"You're not really going to kill him, are you?" she asked.

"He tried to kill me. He's here to do it again."

"But you don't know that. I mean, the 'here to do it again' part. Maybe...maybe he does want to apologize?"

"If Snoke apologized to you, would you become one of his Knights?" Kylo asked her.

"That's different. I don't even know Snoke. And he does terrible things. And speaking of Snoke, it wouldn't hurt to have a Jedi on our side."

He took a step towards her, anger etched on his face. "We don't need Skywalker. Together, you and I are a match for Snoke."

Rey hoped that was true. The one time she'd seen Snoke, he had been surrounded by guards. Did they need help with the guards? But she kept her mouth shut. She didn't want to antagonize him over little things. Not when there was possibly a more significant fight ahead.

They spent the next several minutes in silence, waiting for Skywalker to arrive.

Chewie roared a greeting to both her and Kylo, but Rey's eyes were on the man with him. She hadn't known what to expect. An old man in dirty robes with two black eyes and a nose that had recently been broken was not it. There was no hint of the Force around him.

The Jedi barely glanced at her, so she supposed she was doing a good job of masking her Force signature. Instead, his gaze fell intently on Kylo Ren.

"What the kriff have you done to yourself?" Skywalker said aghast.

"I don't really think-" Han began.

"You don't understand, Han," Skywalker explained. "He's ripped himself in two, destroyed his own soul to tear the light out. And for what? Power? So you could destroy and kill?"

"I don't need to explain myself to you," Kylo said. "You're no longer my Master, you chose to kill me rather than teach me."

"That was a mistake," Luke said, but he didn't sound apologetic.

"This won't be," Kylo said as he ignited his lightsaber.

Everything seemed to happen at once. Chewie roared, Han started to move in between the two men, but was flung aside by Kylo, and Rey realized her position just behind Kylo meant she was in a terrible place to try and stop this.

Skywalker didn't back off. Instead, he reached out his hand and ripped a pouch off of Kylo's belt, which flew in the Jedi's hands. Then Kylo just froze in place, halfway through a strike that would have split the other man in half.

Rey found herself frozen for just a moment, her hand resting on the lightsaber hilt hidden behind her back. She relaxed for the moment, refraining from drawing the weapon. She didn't understand why but the violence had all halted as quickly as it started.

Then Skywalker opened up the pouch, and she watched as her pendant with the crystal fell out into his open palm.

Her hand tightened again around the lightsaber as a wave of possessive anger flowed through her. That was hers, and Skywalker had no right to it.

The Jedi must have sensed something from her then, as he turned to look at her. "Is he really what you want to become?" Skywalker asked her.

"What? No," Rey said, a little confused. When she saw that seemed to please the Jedi Master, she added, "I don't want to become you either. I'm fine, just becoming me."

She hadn't known it until she said it, but it felt true and right. For a long time, she had mourned losing her chance to be part of the Knights of Ren. Now she realized that was more about feeling rejected and inadequate, rather than any lifelong dream to be a First Order warrior. What she had really wanted was for someone to think she was worth something, and she was now sure that her Master did think that. She wasn't something to be thrown away or discarded.

She was Rey of Jakku, and that was the only person she really needed to be. 

"You can put that away," Skywalker said to Kylo, who hadn't moved.

Her Master obeyed, turning off his lightsaber and returning it to his belt. But despite his compliance, anger vibrated off him in such intensity that Rey was half surprised that the ship wasn't shaking with the force of it.

The Jedi turned his attention back to her. "He won't give you any other choice. It's the nature of the dark side to corrupt and destroy. You still have light left in you, you still have hope. Don't let him snuff that out."

Kylo gave out a short joyless laugh at that. "Really? Rey, why don't you show Master Skywalker the lightsaber _I_ taught you how to build."

His words were strained as if it took great effort to say them, and Rey couldn't understand his behavior. She was also a little annoyed at being caught up in some sort of contest between the two men. But… she really did want to show Han and Chewie her lightsaber.

She pulled the hilt from behind her back and took a step back into a defensive stance before lighting the twin golden blades.

"Hey, that's great, kid," Han said, having recovered from his collision with the wall. 

But Skywalker looked shaken.

"He's the one who wants to corrupt you, Rey," Kylo said, his voice a little stronger now. "He doesn't want you to be you; he wants to fit you into the mold of a perfect little Jedi, and remove all of the pieces he doesn't like."

"No," the old Jedi Master croaked. "The Jedi are done. I'm not here looking for a student."

"So, why are you here?" Rey blurted out.

Skywalker glared at Han. "I was kidnapped."

"Hey, don't look at me like that," Han said. "This is working out better than I thought. Ben's already chosen not to kill you."

Skywalker shook his head sadly. "Ben is gone, Han. And he didn't choose anything. When he stupidly put his light in this crystal, he created the perfect way for someone to control him. He didn't stop himself, I did."

As the Jedi's words sunk in a growing sense of horror filled Rey. 

"What do you mean?" Rey asked. "The crystal can force him to do something he doesn't want to do?"

Rey's heart was pounding in her ears as she suddenly saw their interactions in a new light.

"Yes," Skywalker said. "His search for power made him little more than a puppet. But that's what the dark side does. It promises control, but it takes everything from you."

Rey wasn't listening anymore. All she could think about was her first kiss. She had wanted him to take off his helmet, and he had. She had wanted him to kiss her, and he had. It had seemed perfect, like they were in sync. But was she just controlling him all this time? Had he ever wanted to kiss her at all? Or had she been forcing him to please her?

Embarrassment and disgust at what she had done overwhelmed her, and Rey couldn't stand there anymore. She extinguished her lightsaber and ran deeper into the ship, away from everyone else.

* * *

Kylo's attempts to fight against the compulsion that held him in place faltered as he watched Rey run out of the room. He'd been so busy trying to focus his anger to break free of the crystal he had completely missed whatever had driven her off.

He only wished she'd decided to run out before hearing the bit about the crystal being able to control him. He hated that everyone suddenly knew his weakness.

His father took a step as if to chase after her, then frowned, looked at Kylo, then looked at Skywalker.

"Are you saying that pendant allows you to mind-trick my son?" Han asked the Jedi.

"It's nothing like the Jedi mind-trick," Luke started to explain. "He's fully aware of what's happening, it's-"

"And that's better?!" Han was not quite shouting but he was clearly agitated. "Give that thing to me."

"Han, I don't think-"

"I don't care what you think, Luke. My son is not a puppet, and you are giving me that thing."

When Luke made no move to comply, Han raised his fists like a boxer.

"Han, I may have let you hit me once, but-"

Chewie roared for Luke to give up the crystal. Everyone had forgotten about the Wookiee. Or at least both Luke and Kylo had. But Han used the distraction to aim a well-timed hit to Skywalker's nose. 

It made an unhealthy crunching sound, and instinctively, the Jedi dropped the crystal as he raised his hands to his face. 

Kylo had been fighting the compulsion from the moment Skywalker had grabbed the crystal, trying to break free of its hold over him. The moment it was dropped, his body jerked forward as he was free to move again. 

But Han had managed to grab the crystal. Kylo's first instinct was to attack, but he knew something so obvious would only prompt the old Spacer to turn the crystal against him. Maybe he could trick him somehow into surrendering it.

"Here," his father said, extending his hand with the crystal in it. "You should really hold on to this better."

"You're just giving it to me?" Kylo asked in confusion as he realized it was being freely offered to him.

"Not going to lie, kid, there was a time or two when you were little when I would have been grateful for a way to control you, and I don't know, maybe keep you from chasing blue butterflies through dangerous planets? But you're not a kid. And me forcing you to do what's right? What's the point in that?"

Skywalker said something that might have been "Han don't," but it was hard to tell exactly what he was saying, with his freshly broken nose.

Kylo pulled one of his gloves out of his pocket and slipped it on, so he could take the crystal.

"Thank you," he said, the words feeling strange as he said them.

"Now, what are you waiting for?" Han said.

Kylo looked at his father in confusion. Surely he wasn't being given permission to kill his Uncle.

His father sighed. "I know I haven't been around to teach you much, but if there's one thing I know, always chase after the girl."

Rey, right. He'd forgotten about her and had no idea what was wrong with his Apprentice. He hated to admit it, but his father was right. It was his duty to see what was wrong with her.


	31. We Need a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo chases after Rey, only to realize she intends to run a lot further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a bit of a warning on this chapter. Kylo and Rey fight, there is a physical aspect to it, check out the endnotes if you want more detail.
> 
> Also, I wanted to thank my beta, Six for Gold, and everyone who has left a comment. Last week was really draining for me. It was all I could do to get a chapter posted, and didn't really have the energy to go through comments. But I really appreciate them, and I'm glad you all were excited for this awkward family reunion.

Kylo found Rey sitting on her bed, dumping out the contents of the utility belt she sometimes wore.

Was that what this was about? Did she feel bad that she'd let a tracking device be planted on her? Could that really make her this upset? Because her emotions were wild and tattered. She was clearly distraught.

"It's not your fault," he told her. She looked up, and he could see her eyes were glistening as if she was about to cry. "Although you should be more careful about who you hug."

She opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it again, as if she had no idea what to say.

It dawned on him then that maybe this wasn't about the tracking device. She was simply looking for it so she could slip away without being followed.

"Why are you leaving?" he barked. Rey had no right to simply leave.

She shook her head. "I'm not really interested in discussing that with some old Jedi."

She thought he was being controlled, he realized, which only made him angrier about everything. He hated that she now knew how weak and vulnerable he was.

"This isn't Skywalker," he told her, showing her the crystal. "I'm in control."

"How did you..? Is he dead?"

"Not yet," he told her. He wasn't really ready to process what had happened with his father, so he ignored that part of her question, and reminded her of his own. "Why are you leaving?"

"How could I stay?" she said weakly. "How could you even want me here after what I did?"

He was genuinely confused. "What did you do?"

"I…The crystal…The things I made you do."

He waited for her to elaborate. He knew she had never knowingly used the crystal's compulsion on him, but it was hard to admit that anyone—especially her—had had that kind of power over him.

"I made you kiss me," she finally gave in and admitted with a sob.

"Yes," he was forced to admit. "But you didn't know."

"How does that make it better? You didn't want to kiss me, and I forced you to."

He frowned. "You're assuming a lot. I had no opinion about kissing you, it had never occurred to me. And it was hardly unpleasant."

She shook her head in frustration. "That's the problem. It wasn't your idea. And how do you even know that you even really did enjoy it? How do you know it's all not just because this is who I want you to be?”

Anger flared in his chest, fueled by humiliation at how helpless the crystal made him. It might be able to control his actions, but it didn't control his thoughts and feelings.

He grabbed her shoulders and shoved her against the wall. He thought about kissing her roughly, tearing her clothes off and forcing himself inside of her to show her exactly what it was he wanted. Instead, he opened his mind to her, showing her exactly the thoughts and feelings she engendered in him.

He thought of her in the casino, how he'd wanted to grab her, bend her over the sabacc table and take her in front of everyone, so they would all know she was his. He thought of her on her knees, his cock disappearing into her mouth as he fucked it.

He showed the two of them lying together in bed as he held her so she couldn't leave him while he thrust in and out of her. Because he needed her, and he wouldn't let her leave him.

"Is that what you want, Little One?" he said in her ear, trying to cover up the vulnerability of the last fantasy. "Are those your fantasies? Did you put those thoughts and desires in my head?"

"No," she admitted.

To his surprise, she made no move to push him away, something he knew she was capable of.

"No," he confirmed. "You want some sort of gentle prince to coddle and protect you, don't you?"

He saw anger in her eyes for just a second before he found himself flying back against the wall as she threw him with the Force.

"I don't need to be protected or saved," she said furiously. "I never did. You weren't some hero who saved me from Jakku, I was doing just fine there."

He started to open his mouth to disagree with her, but the look she gave him caused him to stay silent. Besides, she was magnificent like this, and he was starting to get aroused by her display of anger and power.

"I didn't need to be saved," she repeated. "But I did need someone to believe in me, to see something valuable in me. And yes, it meant more that you…you were someone. Someone important. It meant more…" Her voice trailed off, and she looked like she might cry for a second before she took a deep breath. "But I don't know what any of that means anymore. Since we met up again, I don't know how much has even been you, or if it's just who I've wanted you to be."

He started to get back to his feet, angry that she still seemed to think he had no will of his own, although at least she hadn't been entirely repulsed by the fantasies he'd shown her.

Before he could say anything, the door comm went off, and he could hear his father's voice. "Everything okay?" Han asked. "You two aren't killing each other?"

"We're fine," Rey called out, but she looked a little ashamed.

"Fine?" Kylo asked softly. "Then why are you running away?"

"You're right," she said. "That was selfish. Killing Snoke isn't just about us. So maybe it's time we made a real plan."

* * *

"I feel like I should say I'm sorry," Han said as he watched Luke try and stop his bloody nose. "Thing is, I'm really not."

"Yeah, I got that," Luke mumbled. "But Han, your son is gone. What Snoke started, he finished. There's nothing good left of Ben now."

"You mean like Vader?" Han snapped back. "Tell me, Luke, what did he do for you to give up on him? Was he torturing small animals? What did Ben do, that the guy who gave Darth Vader a second chance, wouldn't give him one?"

"I didn't give up on him," Luke insisted. "It was a mistake, one moment of weakness I wish I could take back. But you can't tell me he hasn't done enough since. He belongs completely to the dark side."

"I'm not sure what that really means," Han admitted. "And I'm not sure I care. Because that girl, Rey, he saved her. Snoke gave him the order to kill her, and instead, he smuggled her out. Got her to me, and she's been… she's been a blessing I probably didn't deserve. I thought the worst of Ben for a long time, I owe it to him to try and see the best."

"Han-" whatever Luke was going to say was cut off by a loud thump.

They all looked in the direction of the thump, the direction Rey and Ben had disappeared.

"Then why are they fighting with the Force?" Luke finished.

"Kriff," Han said, rushing in the direction of the noise.

The last thing he needed was for Luke to be right about Ben, especially if it meant Rey getting hurt. But Han paused at the last moment before barging into the room. There had been no further sounds of fighting. And he'd started to notice some things between the two of them.

The way Ben had acted differently when Rey had shown up, the looks he'd seen his son give her. And over the years, Han had realized that Rey idolized Ben; she never tolerated bad things being said about him and was always quick to jump to his defense. 

Han couldn't be sure something was going on there, and if something was, he wasn't sure he approved. Which is why the last thing he wanted was to charge into a room and catch the two of them up against the wall kissing.

Instead, he paused at the door and used the comm instead. "Everything okay? You two aren't killing each other?"

"We're fine," he heard Rey call out.

But she hadn't gone to the door to use the comm. She didn't sound breathless, and surely if they'd been kissing, she'd be breathless. Ben was a Solo, after all.

As soon as he thought it, Han tried to get the image of Ben and Rey kissing out of his mind. Because sure, his son could use a good girl to help get his head on straight, but Rey was just too young to be kissing Ben, or really anyone.

Han felt paralyzed by indecision. Half of him felt like he should go break up whatever was going on in there, and the other half felt like the last thing he wanted to do was get involved.

Suddenly the door opened, and he was caught standing there awkwardly by Rey. 

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Uh, sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," that was at least honest.

"We're fine." She pushed past him walking back towards the cargo hold where Chewie and Luke were waiting.

Ben appeared a moment later and seemed almost as confused as Han felt. The two Solo men found themselves with no choice but to follow after Rey.

With a determined stride, she walked right up to Luke Skywalker, and put her hands on either side of his face, closed her eyes for a moment and concentrated.

"Thanks," Luke said after a moment, sounding normal. There was still blood on his face, but his black eyes were gone. "Who taught you how to do that?"

"Kylo, of course," she was surprised by the question. "Who else would have?"

"Healing is a light side power," Luke insisted.

"Sure whatever," Rey didn't sound impressed. "Look, Mr. Jedi, are you actually any good in a fight?"

"We don't need him," Ben interjected quickly.

"Does Snoke still have all those guards?" she asked. "Because I counted six during my one audience with him, and they seemed like the genuinely dangerous type, not just for show type. So six guards plus Snoke. That seems like a lot for just the two of us to take on."

"Yes," Ben was forced to admit. "He still has his guards, and yes, there are always six on duty."

"So a Jedi might be useful," continued Rey.

"I'm not a Jedi anymore," Luke insisted.

"Good," Rey said, although she sounded annoyed. "I'm not a Jedi either, and I'm very useful. So are you useful, Mr. I'm Not A Jedi?"

It was all Han could do not to laugh, watching Rey's irreverence talking Luke. He couldn't help wonder if this was exactly what Luke needed. Luke had been young when he became one of the galaxy’s biggest living legends. Han had never thought before that it had gone to the former farm boy's head, but maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe Luke had taken himself too seriously as someone who was supposed to know right from wrong. Because it was never as easy as they made it out in the stories.

"You really intend to kill Snoke?" Luke asked Ben.

"Yes," Ben confirmed.

"Well, then I guess we're going to need a plan," Luke said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gets frustrated that Rey thinks he's being controlled down to his emotions. He shoves her against a wall (and also shares some fantasies with her that aren't all sweet). She ends up flinging him back against a wall.
> 
> It's not overly violent, but if these weren't two super-powered characters who are considered equals it might make me uncomfortable.


	32. The Assault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo, Rey, and Luke go to face off against Snoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry, there was no update last week. I've slowly been getting further and further behind and didn't have it ready until Monday. I figured it made sense to give myself a chance to catch up rather than scramble to post it, especially since the chapter before I posted the unbetad version by accident (the correct version is up now).
> 
> Hopefully I'll be back on track now.
> 
> Thanks to my beta Six for Gold, in pointing out the mistake of posting the version with the mistakes.

Kylo hated every aspect of the plan to take down Snoke. There was the obvious (being forced to work with his Uncle) but there were a thousand other things too. They had decided to use the Falcon to catch up to the First Order fleet. And yes, he had to admit the ship he and Rey had traded for on Iego wasn't exactly the best there was, but being aboard the Falcon was uncomfortable.

The ship was unsettlingly familiar. It sped up the return of Kylo's memories, which he might have welcomed if it had also meant a return of the power he had also trapped in the crystal. Yet that still remained out of reach.

He realized now he had erred when he'd split off his light. There had almost certainly been a way to do it that would have left his memories intact. Then again, he had done something that (to his knowledge) no one else had ever done before, so perhaps he couldn't be held responsible for his imperfect execution.

It was just frustrating knowing how much better Rey been at a similar task. He was even more aware now of how her own dark energy had been etched into the crystal and had woven itself around his light. He even toyed with the notion that her darkness was the only thing standing between him and taking back his full power.

But there was no way he was going to ask Rey to try and take back her darkness. She was already convinced that he was nothing more than her puppet. He was not going to tell her that she possibly had trapped him in this way as well.

The crystal presented other problems. Skywalker had already shown how easily Kylo could be forced to act against his will. Which meant he needed to do a better job of protecting it. Everyone seemed to agree this made him a liability, and it was a further humiliation when part of their planning session was dedicated to trying to decide what to do with the crystal.

One idea was for him to leave it on the Falcon, but now that his weakness was known, he refused to let it out of his possession. His father asked why they didn't just destroy it. Both he and Skywalker quickly shouted that idea down. The only thing they could agree on was that there was no telling what that might do to him, and it was too risky a thing to try.

The solution they finally settled on was rather simple. Rey fashioned him a wristband that would keep the crystal from touching his skin, but that he could wear under his tunic. That should make it impossible for Snoke to rip it off of him, the way Skywalker had ripped off the pouch he'd carried it in earlier.

But the worst part of the plan was that their attack might give the Resistance a chance to escape the First Order, an outcome that Kylo did not welcome. His father had kept in contact with the Resistance fleet since going to find Skywalker. It seemed that the First Order had finally revealed its ability to track ships through hyperspace and was closing in on the Resistance.

His father was clearly hopeful that the assault on Snoke would give the Resistance the time it needed to escape. Kylo had also found out that General Organa had been injured in one of the first attacks. Kylo tried to make it seem as if he didn't care. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd never really met her. It unnerved him to think that she might die without him seeing her.

Despite all that, here they were, assaulting the Supremacy in an old Corellian freighter. The first part of the plan was simple on paper, but it was the part Kylo hated the most because there was little he could do to affect its outcome once they entered normal space.

He had set up the Falcon to broadcast some First Order codes, to make it look like it was a First Order ship. Of course, if anyone was paying close attention, they would figure out the ship didn't belong. But it only had to work long enough for them to get close to the Supremacy. 

Once they were close, he'd show them a spot where the hull was thin enough that lightsabers should be able to cut through, and that wasn't far from a maintenance shaft that would take them close to Snoke's throne room.

The Falcon would effectively land on the outside of the ship. He, Rey, and Skywalker would cut their way into the ship. That would create a hull breach, of course, which would set off any number of alarms so they would need to move fast.

In the meantime, Han and Chewie would take the Falcon and join the Resistance fleet to see if they could be of use there. Kylo, Rey, and Skywalker had agreed to steal a ship and find their own way off the Supremacy once Snoke was dead. Of course, Kylo had no intention of actually leaving, but the others didn't need to know that.

Surprisingly the first part of the plan went well. It was only at the last minute the Officer of the Deck seemed to notice something was wrong with the new ship that had joined the fleet. By that time, they were already flying so low and close to the hull of the Supremacy that their radar signal effectively vanished. It would take a while for any TIEs that were scrambled to be able to eyeball them, and it was more than enough time for the infiltration to begin.

As soon as the Falcon sealed its airlock behind them and left, the room they had carved their way into began to depressurize, and alarms sounded throughout the ship. But they were practically to the service shaft by then. Next, it was a quick descent sliding down the ladders until they came to the level that contained Snoke's throne room.

It was only then, as they were about to enter the regular passageways of the Star Destroyer that Kylo realized he'd never let Rey in on his plan. He'd meant to, but things had become so awkward between them, and he hadn't been able to find a few minutes alone with her.

He couldn't explain it now, not only was there no time, but he had no intention of clueing his uncle into his plans. So he let Skywalker enter the passageway first and then grabbed Rey's arm as she tried to pass by him.

"If anything goes wrong, make sure they test your DNA," he hissed at her.

She gave him a puzzled look.

"Do you understand?" he insisted.

"Yeah, sure," she told him, pulling her arm out of his grasp.

It would have to do. He just had to hope that she had done everything she was supposed to on Naboo and that the virus had worked.

They moved quickly towards the throne room, but before they could even get close to the door, it opened in front of them. Surprising Snoke had always been a long shot. But it was still disheartening to know the Supreme Leader was expecting them.

With little other choice, the three of them drew their lightsabers and entered the red room.

"So, this is why you betrayed me. For some slip of a girl," Snoke said, focusing his attention on his former apprentice. 

Around the edges of the throne, the guards stood quietly at attention. But Kylo was sure they would spring to action at a moment's notice if need be.

"How disappointing," Snoke continued. "If you had such needs, all you had to do was let me know, I could have had much more attractive sentients brought to you. Ones that would have been far less trouble."

"I like trouble," Kylo said without thinking. 

For a moment, he wondered if Rey would take that the wrong way. But he wasn't given time to worry about it. Snoke seemed to have lost interest in further conversation as he ordered his guards to attack.

The guards moved quickly and decisively, it was clear their objective was to separate the three combatants. They partially succeeded, as Skywalker was forced away from him and Rey, and was soon fighting Snoke himself.

Meanwhile, Kylo and Rey had ended up back to back, encircled by the guards. They had never trained for this, they had always trained against each other. They had never practiced fighting together, and he had never taught her to fight multiple opponents. 

It didn't matter, they were perfectly in sync. They fought in perfect unison, and had their opponents been almost anyone else, the battle would have been over quickly.

To Kylo's frustration, he realized that it wasn't an accident that Skywalker had been separated from them. Snoke clearly considered the Jedi to be the real threat, while Rey and Kylo were relegated to the guards.

Finally, the guards managed to separate the two of them, but their numbers were falling fast. As good as they were, they weren't a match for Kylo and Rey.

Even so, one of them disarmed Kylo, then managed to get behind him, the haft of his weapon presser's against Kylo's throat, slowly cutting off his air. In front, all he could see was Rey as she dispatched the last of her attackers. She looked over at him, deactivated her weapon, and threw it to him. 

He snatched the weapon from the air and ignited it, sending a beam of golden plasma through the head of his attacker.

Quickly, knowing they weren't yet out of danger, he tossed the weapon back to her as he reached out for his own. He realized his mistake too late. There was a similar lull in the battle between Snoke and Skywalker. Luke's mechanical hand had been destroyed, and Snoke had pushed the Jedi back across the room.

Seeing his chance, Snoke reached out, diverting the path of the saber staff as it flew through the air. Rey tried to get out of the way, but she was too late. Snoke ignited the blade, and the golden beam blossomed through her chest, impaling her.

Kylo screamed something incoherent. And he could hear his Uncle yelling at him, something about not giving in to the dark side. But even if Ben Solo had never strayed from his path, those words would have fallen on deaf ears.

Anger, loss, rage, sorrow, pain, all of them swirled in him like a maelstrom he couldn't control. So he didn't try. He reached out, and lightning roared from his fingertips towards Snoke. The old darksider wasn't completely unprepared. He raised his hand, trying to catch the lightning with the Force, and direct it back at his wayward apprentice.

But Snoke had forgotten about the Jedi. Skywalker had gotten back to his feet. He swung from behind, catching Snoke in the back. Snoke screamed and crumbled to the ground, and it took Kylo a moment to realize that his adversary was dead, that his rage no longer had an outlet. 

Then he was running, his boots sliding across the slick floor of the throne room as he rushed to Rey's side.

"Rey, Little One," he pleaded with her as he tried to lift her up.

But she could only wheeze at him. The lightsaber had missed her heart, but it had punctured a lung, all she could do was gasp for breath, and he wasn't even sure if she knew he was there with her.

"Stay with me, Rey," he pleaded with her. He meant to yell at Skywalker, to demand the old Jedi heal her, but what came out instead was a pitiful plea, "Uncle?"

And for the first time, Kylo realized that the power of the dark side might have a price after all. He had been so consumed by rage that he hadn't realized that when Skywalker had struck down Snoke, his lightsaber had acted as a conduit for the Force lightning. His Uncle was alive, but terribly burned and clearly too weak to heal a small cut, much less someone as close to death as Rey was.

"Stay with me," he repeated dumbly. "I order you, I'm your Master, and you're going to stay with me, do you understand?"

But she didn't answer, her eyes were beginning to grow dim, and he knew he was about to lose her. The dark side couldn't help him.

There was only one choice left. Kylo had no idea what it would do to him, but it didn't matter, not if Rey died. Gently he laid her down on the floor before he tore at his sleeve, ripping off his glove and fumbling for the armband with crystal underneath his shirt. 

If there was pain as his flesh touched the crystal, he was barely aware of it. What could hurt worse than losing Rey?

The light in the crystal still eluded him, it wouldn't come when he called, so he didn't bother to ask. Instead, he placed one hand over Rey's wound, and with the other, he smashed the crystal against the ground. 

Some small part of his mind was aware of the sharp edges of broken kyber cutting into his hand, but mostly he wondered who had started screaming as he was caught up in a whirlwind of light. It blinded him, seared him inside and out. But even blind, he could see the one thing that mattered. Rey. Her light was fading, and he reached out to give her everything he had.


	33. Bluffing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is taken prisoner.

Rey was still trying to catch her breath when she felt someone roughly yank her to her feet. Her mind was confused, and she tried to piece together what had happened. She had a sense of Kylo holding her, pleading with her though, she couldn't quite make out the words. Then there was a light that seemed to blind not just her eyes, but the part of her that could feel the Force as well. She was left with an afterimage that she couldn't quite blink away, of Kylo in the center of a storm as lightning crackled around him. 

As she heard the heavy boots of stormtroopers and was hauled to her feet, she was reminded that she was on a First Order ship, and there couldn't possibly be a storm. Yet the image remained, burned into her senses. 

She stumbled through the ship as she was dragged along by guards, her vision still blurry. As she tried to reconcile what had happened, she was pulled roughly to a stop. She could make out the black form of an officer and realized she was being processed as a prisoner. That stirred a memory.

"You'll want to test my DNA," she told the officer.

"Any why would we do that?" he asked.

Rey shrugged. She didn't, after all, have the answer. "You'll regret it if you don't," she vaguely threatened vaguely.

"Does she have any ID on her?" the officer asked.

The stormtroopers roughly patted her down.

"Doesn't appear so, sir." 

Rey's hand was grabbed, her finger pricked, and she hoped that whatever Kylo's plan was, it paid off.

She didn't struggle as they put her in a cell. She was weak, and the truth was the isolation of the cell was a bit of a comfort. It gave her a chance to gather her thoughts and try to put together what had happened.

Her brain was fuzzy. There was a kind of buzzing in the back of her head that wouldn't go away.

But then she had nearly died--she was fairly certain of that--so maybe it wasn't surprising that she had a headache. She remembered being on the edge of death, and wanting nothing more than to reach out to Kylo, and tell him it would be okay. But she couldn't find the breath to speak, or the strength to comfort him with the Force.

Where was he now? What had happened? She tried to calm herself, find her center, and reach out with her senses to understand what had happened.

The buzzing intensified, but one thing seemed clear, Snoke was dead. His oppressive dark presence could no longer be felt in the Force. As she reached out she found, to her surprise, Luke Skywalker.

**So you are alive,** the Jedi said as her mind found his.

**Yes,** she replied. **What about Kylo? Did you see what happened? There was a storm?** She felt foolish for saying it. They were on a ship, there couldn't be a storm.

**You could call it a storm,** the Jedi agreed. **He shattered the crystal, the power in it nearly tore him apart.**

**But it didn't right, he can't be dead?** she was panicked. She'd know if he had died, right?

What an idiot she was. Why had she let them go into a suicidal battle without resolving their fight? Without telling him…

**Physically, he's probably in better shape than either of us. Did they put you in bacta too? I suppose they want us to be healthy enough for a public execution.**

**Bacta? No,** Rey admitted. **I'm just in a regular cell. I don't think I'm seriously injured. What happened to you?**

She was more interested in what had happened to Kylo, but it only seemed polite to ask.

**My nephew's lack of control,** he told her. **Look Rey, don't worry about me. If you can get yourself free, get out of here.**

That was nice of him, but she hadn't started thinking about escape plans yet. 

**What about Kylo?** he asked again. **I'm not leaving without him.**

**As best I could tell, he collapsed. And bacta's not going to heal him. Can't you feel it? Can't you hear him screaming?**

Suddenly Rey felt awful. The buzzing in her head wasn't really buzzing. She'd just been instinctively tuning it out, so it didn't deafen her mind. It was a long ongoing scream from Kylo's soul.

She reached out, ignoring the Jedi--who was warning her to be careful--and tried to reach out to Kylo, to help him, to comfort him, to do something. But he didn't respond, he likely couldn't respond, and before long she had to muffle his screams once again for fear they'd drive her mad.

That didn't mean she was going to leave him. If she could only see what was happening to him, maybe she could help him. She just needed to find him first.

Which meant she had to get out of this cell.

She had barely thought it when the doors slid open, and a red-headed General stepped inside. Rey remembered him. He was the first person she'd choked with the Force, years ago right before her original audience with Snoke.

She had no idea what to expect from him, but it was certainly not for him to give her a formal, albeit stiff bow, and say. "My apologies, Your Highness. Obviously a grave error has been made. Please let me correct it."

As polite as his words were on the surface, there was something wary and almost venomous to his words. Rey got the distinct impression he didn't want to be here. Which was also how she felt, but then she was the prisoner.

Or she had been. 

She could try and second guess things, assume this was some sort of trap, but if it wasn't, she was missing the chance to walk out of the room. Besides, she was already a prisoner, so it didn't feel like there was much to lose.

As she exited the cell, she found two columns of six stormtroopers each, flanking the side of the cell, standing at attention. None of them made a move to cuff her or otherwise stop her progress. 

"This way, Your Highness," the General said.

The stormtroopers fell in behind them, like an escort. 

Rey let the General lead the way. A thousand questions bubbled up in her head, but she knew she had to be careful about what she said. It was better to listen until she knew more about what was going on, rather than say something that might give away the fact that she couldn't imagine why she was being called 'Highness.'

The General led her to a set of quarters, clearly for a very high-ranking officer. She was now worried this was his room, and that she'd been let out of her cell for some unsavory purpose. But the General only gestured to clothing that had been laid out on the bed.

"Everyone is anxious to meet you, but I thought you might like to make yourself more presentable first. I'll be waiting outside when you are done."

With that, he exited the room, leaving her alone and unguarded. 

A look around told her this was not the General's room. There was no sign that anyone was currently living here. Next she examined the uniform. It wasn't a typical officers uniform, but the sort of dress uniform that only the highest-ranking officials were likely to have, and that were worn at only the most formal events. There was, she noticed, no rank on the collar or sleeves. Which was too bad. She was probably less noticeable in her own clothing, than in a uniform with no rank.

The first thing any military person did when passing another was check the uniform to figure out whether they were higher or lower ranking so as to know who should salute first. No rank would make her stick out like a sore thumb.

Even so, she went ahead and changed. It might still be advantageous. Then she took her hair out of the braid she tended to wear these days and made her best approximation of a regulation bun. It might not hurt to look like she belonged if she was going to try and figure out where they were keeping Kylo.

She exited the room to find the redhead still waiting for her. He looked her over, and she had a distinct impression that he was disappointed that he couldn't correct some mistake she had made putting on the uniform.

"Now then, General," she decided to pretend to act like she had some handle on the situation. "Where are the others?"

She wasn't sure who the others were, but he had said people wanted to meet with her. Always sound like you know what is happening, but always remain vague about the details. It was just another rule of being a smuggler.

"Right this way, Your Highness." He began to lead her through the ship, their escort still in tow.

They hadn't made it far before his comm went off.

"General Hux," the voice from the comm addressed him. Rey filed the name away for later. "We've captured several Resistance members trying to infiltrate the ship."

"Is that so?" Hux smiled and he looked at her like a loth cat which had spotted its prey. "Bring them to the hangar bay. I'm so sorry for this, but it appears we must deal with another matter first."

"Of course," Rey said, trying to keep any emotion out of her voice.

She should have known that Han and Chewie wouldn't stick to the plan. They must have come back for her and the others. This meant that Rey was going to have to try and push the limits of her mysterious position before she knew exactly what it was.

The hangar bay was filled with stormtroopers lined up in neat ranks who snapped to attention at their arrival. 

To Rey's vast surprise, the prisoners were not Han and Chewie, but Finn and a woman Rey didn't know, both wearing First Order uniforms. A large stormtrooper in chrome armor was speaking to another man who wore a uniform but didn't quite have the posture of an officer. 

"Your ship and payment as we agreed," the female stormtrooper said to the third man. 

"You lying snake," the woman with Finn said. 

Rey was grateful Finn hadn't seen her yet, and just hoped he didn't give away who she was. She couldn't help him if she was suspected of being with the Resistance. Although she still wasn't sure why she wasn't in a cell.

"We got caught," the uniformed man said. "I cut a d-d-deal."

"Wait, cut a deal with what?" Finn asked.

At that moment, Finn spotted Rey. Luckily he already looked so distressed from this other man's betrayal that it wasn't apparent if he was upset by seeing her.

An actual First Order officer made a report about some Resistance shuttles which General Hux ordered to be shot down. Rey wracked her brain for a way to countermand the order, but she couldn't think of anything, so she remained silent until an opportunity presented itself.

"Execution by blaster is too good for them," the chrome-plated stormtrooper said. "Let's make this hurt."

"Wait a moment," Rey finally spoke up. "Isn't it a little hasty to execute them so quickly? Their friend may have given you information, but he's clearly no true believer. Who knows what other valuable intel they might have?"

"The Resistance will all be destroyed in a matter of minutes," General Hux said. "With it, the value of anything they might know."

"Do you enjoy the study of history, General Hux?" Rey asked.

She was hoping to give the impression that she didn't find the matter urgent. That would make her seem less suspicious. And the more she could get everyone else to talk, the sooner they were likely to let slip something that would help her to understand her position. She was also doing her best to imitate a very stuck up crime boss she and Han had dealt with years ago. The woman had claimed to be some sort of exiled queen, and since the General kept calling Rey ‘Your Highness,’ imitating fake royalty seemed like a good idea.

"I look towards the future, Your Highness," Hux told her.

"I'm not surprised," Rey said. "That would explain how you let a devastatingly powerful superweapon be destroyed by a handful of Rebels. Of course, you wouldn't be the first. It is one thing to be about to destroy the Resistance, it is another thing to have actually done so. You should keep them for interrogation until you are sure they have no use."

General Hux shook his head, and there was something angry in his eyes. He clearly didn't like being questioned publicly, and Rey wondered if she had gone too far. 

"If they are," Hux said. "As you put it, _true believers_ , they aren't likely to give us anything useful."

"Then they will live in agony longer," Rey said simply. "Didn't you say they should hurt?" she asked the female stormtrooper.

Rey never got an answer. Suddenly every alarm was going off as a chasm opened in front of her feet, as if a giant knife had sliced through the entire Star Destroyer.


	34. Setting the Agenda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey begins to understand her position within the First Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter and the next one do have some Force choking of First Order people. Let's face it, Star Wars is full of casual violence that is unacceptable in the real world (even if it is white male fascists being choked in this case). Even so, I felt with everything going on in the world, it was right to point it out in case it makes anyone uncomfortable.
> 
> Also sorry there wasn't an update last weekend. I've been pretty sick, but I'm feeling much better now. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep the updates on track, although I do have to finish up a first draft for the RFFA, in the next couple weeks so we'll see. Being sick put me a ways behind.

"We have to go back for them," Han said stubbornly as he looked around the cockpit of the Falcon.

"We will," Leia said in a firm voice that he knew meant, 'but we're doing it my way.'

He was just glad she had enough strength to take charge. He'd always known his wife could do anything she set her mind to. He just hadn't known that surviving deep space without a helmet was in that category. At least she seemed to be recovering okay.

"You can't rescue them if they don't want to come," Luke argued. 

"I don't buy it," Han argued. "Why would Rey stay with the First Order? And don't start talking about the dark side and temptation," he continued before Luke could say anything.

Luke stopped and reconsidered what he was going to say. "All I know," the Jedi finally said. "Is that the First Order wasn't treating her as a prisoner. She was worried about how the Resistance might treat Ben, and figured you wouldn't have the extra medical resources for him."

"We'll get you back into a bacta, as soon as we get to the new base," Leia assured her brother.

It was, Han had to admit, hard to look at Luke. He was almost unrecognizable, his skin crisscrossed with burns that were only partially healed. In some places, his skin was black and dead, while in others, it was all too pink from where the bacta had started to heal him.

From what they'd been able to gather, Rey had used the confusion of Holdo's final attack on the First Order to find Ben and Luke. As the evacuation of the ship started, she'd gotten Luke out of the bacta tank, and had used the Force to convince some stormtroopers to help her move Ben, who was unconscious.

But Rey and Luke hadn't agreed on the next steps. For reasons unclear to Han, she had stayed with Ben, evacuating to another First Order ship, while Luke had stolen a TIE.

On the one hand, Han was pretty angry that Luke had left Ben behind. On the other, he knew how stubborn Rey could be when she got an idea in her head. And if Luke hadn't flown down to Crait, and somehow found the boulder covered back entrance to the base. Leia and the rest of the Resistance might have been trapped there.

Now what was left of the Resistance was crammed into the Falcon as they fled to a new base.

"I'll be fine," Luke tried to assure his sister.

Han was skeptical. It wasn't just the physical injuries. Moving all those rocks had clearly taken a toll. And the truth was, Luke wasn't really Luke anymore. When he'd described how Ben had risked himself to save Rey, it was clear that Luke's convictions were shaken. The Jedi had been so sure that Ben was gone, and he no longer seemed comfortable with the idea of hope.

Leia looked around the cockpit. It was just family. Her, Han, Chewie, and Luke, but she seemed to want to make sure that no one else was listening in.

"You're getting too old for this," Leia joked with her brother.

"Me? You're the older one," Luke told her.

Han watched as the twins started their old joke about who was older since neither of them actually knew. He still wanted to rush off to save Ben and Rey, but he had to admit, it might be good to get the Resistance off his ship and somewhere safe. 

Watching his wife and one-time friend joke with each other, he momentarily wondered if he should bring up what Luke had done. It was important—Leia needed to know—but Han didn't have the heart to spoil the moment. Besides, Luke looked like he'd just been spit up by a sarlacc. He deserved at least a little chance to rest.

* * *

The last thing Rey wanted to do was talk to a room full of generals. But until she could find a way to wake up Kylo, she was, for the moment, stuck on General Pryde's ship, the _Steadfast_. This was the ship that had picked her up, along with Kylo and the squad of stormtroopers she'd convinced to help her using the Force.

During the evacuation, Rey had found a few moments to access the First Order computers, and look up their records on her. She didn't get a chance to read much, but she was listed as Rey Palpatine, and that was enough to help her start filling in the blanks.

Having already made the gamble that she could get Kylo help by staying with the First Order and using her new status, she decided to go all in. As soon as her shuttle landed on the _Steadfast_ , she had demanded to speak to the commanding officer of the ship.

Luckily for Rey, it seemed that all the generals had been informed of the discovery of a 'lost princess' so she didn't need to explain much, allowing her to focus instead on getting medical attention for her 'guard' Kylo Ren. 

Although General Pryde had insisted that his staff give her another DNA test, he seemed to accept her claim. In fact, as Rey spent more time with General Pryde over the next day, she became convinced that the test was more about his distrust of Hux than anything else.

If there were any discrepancies, he didn't tell her, perhaps because he saw in her an opportunity. He'd used her presence to declare the _Steadfast_ the First Order’s new flagship, and it was clear that he intended to use her to gain more power among the other generals.

Accordingly, when she was presented to the leadership of the First Order, it was in person. Instead of the various generals calling in by hologram, they had all come to the _Steadfast_. Perhaps they, too, wanted to make a power play. Or perhaps, like Pryde, they wanted to confirm who she was with their own eyes.

"Is no one going to ask?" one of the generals started. "If she is Palpatine's granddaughter, why did she kill Snoke?"

Rey had been preparing for this.

"General Hux?" she asked, ignoring the man who had asked the question. "Do you remember the first time we met?"

He looked puzzled. 

"Maybe this will help jog your memory." She raised her hand and squeezed, cutting off his air.

She only did it for a moment, she felt bad about it, but this was the sort of thing that she figured would be expected of a Palpatine.

He coughed and then looked at her in surprise. "You were Kylo Ren's apprentice, many years ago."

The generals looked back and forth at each other in surprise.

"That's right," she confirmed. "And when was it we met?"

"An audience with Snoke, after the battle of Kymeri," he answered.

"And why did we never meet again until now?"

He hesitated. "I never looked into the matter, but I believe your execution was ordered by the Supreme Leader."

"That's correct," Rey answered, trying to sound like it didn't bother her at all. "Snoke had Kylo Ren find me and train me. But when he realized I wasn't a puppet that could easily be bent to his will, he ordered Kylo to kill me."

She paused, choosing her next words carefully. "Luckily for me, Kylo Ren has always been loyal to the ideals of the Empire. Rather than betray me, he helped me go into hiding until such time as I would be strong enough to deal with Snoke's treason on my own."

As she finished her speech, she realized she sounded angry. That was good, even if the generals were sure to misunderstand it. Rey wasn't angry about Snoke, she was angry that Kylo had set up this ridiculous situation without telling her, or asking her if she wanted to be some kind of Empress. Because she didn't. She didn't like any of this, and she'd only been doing it a day.

The generals considered her words, and she waited to see if there would be any further challenges.

"There were always questions," General Pryde started. "About Snoke's true agenda. He wasn't human, after all. But now the First Order can properly restore order to the galaxy. Once we finish with the Resistance that Hux let escape."

With that, most of the attention was turned away from her, as the squabbling began over whose fault, the loss of the _Supremacy_ was, as well as the escape of the Resistance from Crait.

Rey listened, but didn't comment on any of it. She simply observed, watching to see where the factions were. Of course, hopefully, she wouldn't need any of this. Kylo would wake up, he would be fine, and they could get out of here.

The good news was that the Resistance hadn't been destroyed on Crait. An unknown number of them had made it off the planet, evidently in the _Falcon_. But she knew they wouldn't be safe for long, not if the First Order was determined to hunt them down.

Slowly Rey realized that maybe she could do something.

"Gentlemen," she shouted, waiting until they all quieted down. "Before we begin chasing down the Resistance, there is one question you are overlooking. Why did we destroy the Hosnian System?"

She hated phrasing it like that, but she wasn't sure enough of her position to simply order what she wanted. It was best the generals felt as though she was only suggesting what had already been their plan the whole time.

"To destabilize the New Republic, and show them our full might," Hux spoke up.

"Pitty we don't have _Starkiller_ anymore," one of the other generals needled Hux.

"Exactly," Rey said. "We don't have Starkiller Base anymore, and although the New Republic may be floundering now, the more time we give them, the more they will pull together. Chasing the Resistance is a distraction. They will be dealt with in time, but we have an opportunity now, that will not last."

She had no idea what should come next. She had no idea what the First Order should do, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about them doing it. But at least it would give the Resistance some time to get away.

Her ploy worked, in so much as they began to argue about the best strategy to move towards the Core Worlds before the New Republic could reform.

By the time the meeting ended, they had yet to settle on one strategy, but at least they were letting the Resistance go for now.

General Pryde insisted on escorting her as they left the meeting. 

"I can see why Snoke feared you," he said once they were alone. "You're quite good at manipulating others. But please Empress, it would be much more efficient if you simply let me know what you wish done, so I could make sure it happens."

"I'll keep that in mind, General," she told him. But Rey was reasonably sure he would only help her agenda if it helped his. If only she knew what her agenda was. "There is one thing you could do for me now."

“Anything, Empress," he said, but she suspected there were a great many limits on what he would do for her.

"I'd like to see my guard Kylo Ren, now."

"Of course Empress, right this way," General Pryde replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to my beta, Six for Gold, especially for putting up with two very different versions of this chapter.
> 
> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sarlacc/Legends


	35. Calming the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey attempts to heal Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Six for Gold for some really good suggestions on this chapter. Any remaining mistakes are last-minute tinkering that I did.

Rey watched as the medical droid left the room. It had told her what she had expected to hear. Kylo had no severe injuries, no sign of anything physically wrong with him. Even so, he wouldn't wake up.

It was strange seeing him like this. Rey had seen him sleeping once not long after the destruction of Starkiller Base. He'd looked peaceful then. He didn't now. There was a look of pain on his face, and she could see his eyes frantically moving beneath closed lids.

The medical droids had stripped him, leaving him wearing only black shorts for modesty, and had wrapped a medical cuff around his arm to monitor him.

She reached out to touch his shoulder and then snatched her hand back as if she'd been shocked. The storm of Force energy around him hadn't abated. When they had evacuated the _Supremacy_ , it had kept her from being able to lift him with the Force. Instead, she had required the aid of a few stormtroopers. Fortunately, it had only taken a small push with the Force to convince them to assist her instead of arresting her.

This time, she wasn't distracted by the need to evacuate a failing ship, and she noticed something—something familiar and dark about the energy that swirled around him.

She reached out with the Force to feel the edges of the storm; to her dismay, she began to understand what was happing. Kylo's light was trying to reunite with his darkness—he was trying to make himself whole. The problem was that his light was entwined with a different darkness; hers.

Rey hadn't felt quite the same since she'd given him back the crystal. Every time she'd been upset, lonely, angry, she'd instinctively reached for the crystal. When she didn't find it, she'd come away feeling even worse; raw and ragged. Now she understood why. It wasn't just an old habit she was trying to break. Instead, over the years, she sent her darker emotions into the crystal. It hadn't soothed her loneliness and fears. It had absorbed them.

Now that orphaned darkness had woven itself into Kylo's light. It was needy and possessive. Her fears of being alone, of being abandoned, of being not good enough had created a stranglehold around the comforting presence of Kylo's light. And now that same darkness refused to let go. 

She was what was keeping Kylo from being whole. Her darkness was too greedy and refused to give up his light. She was the one hurting Kylo. She was the one making him scream.

She took a deep breath. Neither feeling sorry for herself nor blaming herself was going to help her Master. She needed to take her darkness back, even though it frightened her. If it was doing this to him, what would it do to her?

She needed something to distract her from the pain, something to keep her going as she tried to pull her errant darkness back inside herself. So as she leaned over him, she closed her eyes, and kissed him.

She ignored the storm that raged around them, the way it seemed to prick at her skin. Instead, she concentrated on her need for him. She needed him to want her, to be proud of her, to hear him say she was his Apprentice. To tell her she had a place in the galaxy, that she wasn't alone.

They were the same dark feelings that were now trapping him, but instead of driving them away, she embraced them. She embraced the lonely girl who had been left alone to fend for herself on Jakku, the girl no one had wanted. Rey had tried to run from that girl, to tell herself that wasn't who she was. She pretended that she'd never been the girl crying in the desert for her parents to come back. That she wasn't the girl who'd held on to the false and foolish hope that her family would return for her. 

Now she had to accept that, though that girl was a part of her, she was more, too. She'd grown up, grown stronger, grown so much beyond the Jakku scavenger, but that didn't erase the past. She'd wanted Kylo to love and accept her, but hadn't been willing to love and accept herself.

Now she was forced to. Because if she couldn't accept who she was, if she couldn't take her darkness back, Kylo might be trapped forever. Then she really would be alone.

It hurt, tearing her tendrils of darkness out of his light. So she used him to ground her. She let herself focus on the feeling of his lips against hers. She placed one hand on his cheek and ran her thumb along his jaw. 

A voice in the back of her head taunted her. Told her this would be the last time she would ever kiss him. He could never want her after this. Not now that he had seen what she really was. She fought against the instinct to thrust that voice away. Maybe the voice was right, but she had to accept that possibility, she had to claim her doubts and fears as her own rather than continuing to lock them away.

The storm broke suddenly, and she felt Kylo gasp against her lips as his mouth opened, and he began to wake up. 

Embarrassed, she pulled back, blinking her eyes quickly before she could cry. She was still feeling a little overwhelmed by all the dark emotions she'd been hiding from for the last several years.

He sat up, looking a bit dazed and took a few deep breaths.

Rey tried to figure out what to say but was at a loss for words; instead, she could only watch as he ripped off the medical cuff they had put on him.

"Mas-?" she started to ask but was interrupted as the door opened and the medical droid rushed in to check on the cuff.

General Pryde strode in a step or two behind the droid. Evidently, he'd been waiting on her.

"Lord Ren, I see you've decided to rejoin us," General Pryde said. If he was surprised by Kylo's sudden awakening, he showed no sign of it.

Kylo's eyes found focus as he looked at the other man. "General Pryde?" For a moment, he sounded confused. He tried to cover with another question. "Did Hux finally mess up again, or is this the _Steadfast_?"

"Both," the General replied. "I'm afraid the _Supremacy_ was lost while under Hux's command."

"The Resistance managed to destroy a Mega-class Star Dreadnought?"

"As much as I like to discuss Hux's failures, I'm sure you must be tired…"

Kylo had been sitting slouched on the edge of the medical bed. He stood up now, pulling back his shoulders and straightening his back. General Pryde was almost as tall as Kylo, but even so, the Knight of Ren seemed to loom over the older man. Someone else might have looked vulnerable wearing only the medical shorts, but being bare-chested only emphasized that Kylo Ren was all muscle. He looked like he could snap the General in half.

Pryde didn't flinch, and Rey could feel a growing tension in the air. Uncertain of what might happen next, Rey spoke up. "If Lord Ren wants a briefing on the current status of the fleet, give him one."

Both men shifted their gaze to her, and Rey would have liked to be anywhere but there. She reminded herself she was supposed to be an Empress.

"Perhaps he will have more useful strategies to offer than my generals," she continued.

For a moment, she thought she'd gone too far, but after a moment's hesitation, Pryde slightly bowed his head towards her. "Of course, Your Highness." He turned back towards Kylo. "I believe your things are this way."

* * *

Kylo had rarely been so grateful for his helmet. He'd always had an expressive face, and it wouldn't do to let the young colonel Pryde and had put in charge of briefing them know that Kylo could barely focus on anything being said. Colonel Arctus? Arcturus? Actus? Kylo couldn’t keep the name straight.

His mind felt unmoored from time. One of his lost memories would suddenly come to mind, casting new light on some other event. Moments that should have been too trivial to remember surfaced, then changed and altered as they took on new meaning now that he remembered his full past.

He hadn't really wanted or been ready for any kind of briefing. He'd been going through the familiar patterns of First Order life. Questioning the mistakes of others. Trying to make sure nothing was being kept from him. These were automatic behaviors from years among the First Order brass.

So when Pryde had intimated that he might not be at full strength, Kylo had reflexively tried to show strength.

Now he was trapped, listening to a full disposition of the First Order ships, as well as a general briefing on the state of affairs in the New Republic. All while his mind was quietly unraveling.

Or maybe it was raveling, as his very _self_ stitched itself back together. That thought made him snicker. Luckily the modulator in his mask made it sound more like a grunt of disapproval.

The young officer who had been forced to run the briefing looked around nervously.

"So, the New Republic isn't doing anything about the situation in the Arna sector?" Rey asked.

He tried not to look at her, afraid he wouldn't be able to look away. He could still remember her dying in his arms. He must have saved her, yet he was too afraid to ask, as if somehow it might be undone by too much introspection.

"Does the New Republic ever do anything?" the officer replied. The hint of ridicule in his tone drew Kylo's attention, and Colonel Arcturus deflated under his gaze. "That is to say, we've seen no sign of the New Republic intervening, Empress."

Empress.

Some part of Kylo was pleased by that. There had been a plan. It had worked. But what came next? What were they supposed to do now? He couldn't remember. Or--said a little voice that sounded like his uncle--had he never planned the next step? Had there ever been a point other than gaining more power?

"Then _we_ will," Rey said, her voice full of determination. "Call a meeting of the generals."

The Actus, or whatever his name was, looked pale. "I don't know if. . . I'm not sure General Pryde will. . ."

Confused as he was, Kylo still understood the currents of power. He had spent too many years, hiding weakness and projecting strength. He didn't need the full context to know that this was a moment for strength.

For just a second, as he lifted his hand to call on the Force, Kylo wondered if it would respond. It did. The Colonel was dragged across the room by his throat and came to rest just in front of Kylo's open hand.

Of course, the Force responded when he called. Why wouldn't it? The Force was everything, he was the Force. He could hear his uncle's voice again, this time droning on about how by surrendering to the Force and trusting in it, a Jedi was granted control.

Surrendering? That seemed wrong. 

The Force was a battle. If he surrendered, he'd let the darkness in, and a Jedi had to purge himself of all dark desires.

He felt Rey's hand on his arm, and his mind snapped back to the present, forgetting about childhood struggles.

"Let him go. I think he's learned his lesson,” Rey said. She was trying to sound dispassionate, but he could see the worry in her eye.

Then he realized he had nearly strangled the young officer. He let go, and the man gasped for air.

"Thank you, Empress," he coughed. "I will tell General Pryde and the others right away."

The man hurried to the holoprojector to call the meeting.

**Are you okay?** Rey asked Kylo as she took her hand off his arm.

He considered for a moment. What was he? What did okay even mean?

**I am,** was all he could respond. It was all he was sure of.

**So no, then,** she replied with concern. **What was I thinking? You need to rest. Why am I calling a meeting? And what were you thinking of, making me Empress?**

Yes, he'd done that. There had been a reason. He started to reach out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear as if that would remind him of his reason.

He was stopped by silence. He hadn't really been aware of the officer talking until the man paused.

"Is something wrong, Colonel?" General Pryde's voice came from the holoprojector.

The young man was clearly staring at them, and Kylo pulled back his hand.

"Uh, no, Sir," the Actus cleared his throat. "As I was saying, the Empress requests a meeting on the situation in the Arna sector."

Rey started to take a step forward, and Kylo realized she was about to cancel the meeting she had called. He hadn't been listening enough to have any idea what it was about, but that didn't matter. He knew how things worked in the First Order.

**No** he told her. **You have to let it happen now. Indecision is the same as weakness. Always be strong.**

**Oh please!** If you could roll your eyes mentally, she was doing it. **That’s ridiculous.**

Even so, she didn't interrupting the Colonel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up. I probably won't have an update next week. I'm trying to get a fic finished for the RFFA. But it should only be a one week pause.


	36. An Unquiet Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey struggles with being Empress, while Kylo struggles with his own mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So I've updated the tags. Don't get too excited for this chapter, but very soon. Tagging is an art I have not yet perfected.
> 
> And thanks so much to my beta, Six For Gold. This was a very rough chapter. It's much better now.

Rey needed to learn when to keep her mouth shut because it turned out when you were Empress, people tended to do the things you told them to. She also needed to be careful about slipping too much into her new role, but she had a soft spot for Arna. She'd been there a year or so ago, on a blackmarket silk run, and she couldn't help feeling for the sector that had once again fallen into civil war.

Not that she believed her position as Empress to be secure. She was sure that if General Pryde became tired of her, he would try to get rid of her.

She was half surprised he even agreed to arrange her meeting. Maybe he was curious to see what she would do? Maybe he liked being able to call up all the other generals and force them to attend? Or perhaps he was bored and didn't have anything better to do? What did a general do all day anyway, she wondered?

Regardless, Rey found herself wishing he'd said no. She was worried about Kylo. He wasn't himself. He needed to rest, and she needed to figure out how to apologize for the way her darkness had hurt him. 

The only bright side was that because she'd referred to Kylo as her guard, all he had to do was stand behind her and look menacing. Even so, she could feel him 'drifting' in and out. She might have untangled her darkness from him, but she could still sense him in a way she never had before.

She couldn't directly hear his thoughts, but she could feel his focus continually shift, turning inward at times, then back out again as his attention was caught by something in the present.

Luckily with his helmet on, no one but her seemed to notice.

This time the meeting with the generals was conducted over hologram. Only Pryde was physically present in the room with her and Kylo. Rey couldn’t be sure if the other generals were actually paying attention to Kylo, looking for any sign of weakness, or if it was all in her head.

"Redirect the fleet to the Arna sector," she ordered the room once she had the floor.

"If you want a pretty dress-" one of the general's began to dismiss her order, but she cut him off.

"I don't care about silks or dresses," she reprimanded him. "I care about order. Once actual shooting starts in Arna, it won't be easy to stop. We can either leave Arna Prime to become a rallying cry for the Resistance or stop the war and show the galaxy that we are here to bring the order the New Republic never could."

She hoped she was correctly remembering the propaganda she'd been taught as Kylo's young Apprentice. Because she knew the First Order would never agree with her real motives.

The Arna sector was one of those places in the galaxy where peace was always fragile and old grudges never died out.

Arna Prime was the home for a particular species of silkworm that made one of the finest silks in the galaxy. The worms could survive in few other places, and they never made silk once they were put in any environment other than their native habitat.

That made Arneese silk a rare and valuable luxury item that sold for sums.

But Arna Prime wasn't a welcoming place for most humanoid sentients to live. The swampy world seemed designed to break technology. It was hot, humid, and sticky. And caring for the worms, and harvesting their silk, was difficult back-breaking work.

The moon of Arna was another story entirely. It was also habitable and was something of a temperate paradise. Over time, two societies had grown up in the Arna sector. A fashionable upper class on the moon made its money selling the silk from the world down below, while paying the planet’s workers a starvation wage.

Over the centuries, the workers had organized any number of revolts, riots, and uprisings. The New Republic had tried to stop that by forcing the companies on the moon to pay better wages and create better working conditions for the silk farmers. 

The residents of the Arna Moon, it seemed, weren't happy with that, and had quickly moved to reverse those policies in the aftermath of the destruction of the Hosnian system. Protests had begun, and it seemed as if any day now, things on Arna would turn violent.

Rey found herself in the strange position of being able to do something about it. She had a fleet to command. Nothing in the Arna system compared to even one of the First Order Star Destroyers. If she brought the fleet there, the local powers on Arna Moon would have to listen to her at least.

Plus, if the fleet was enforcing peace in Arna, it wasn't looking for the Resistance. It was something of a win-win.

"Do we really want to get caught up in such petty squabbles?" another general asked.

"What do you think ruling the galaxy is?" Rey challenged him. "Either you let everyone do what they want, and you have chaos, or you govern."

"Well said, Empress," Pryde nodded, but his tone sounded skeptical. "However, we don't rule the galaxy yet. This may not be the best disposition of our forces."

Rey had worried about this. She didn't really know the First Order generals that well. She knew what they taught to their soldiers: _the First Order would make the galaxy a better place by bringing order._ She also knew many of them were loyal to the idea of a glorious past that had existed under the Empire. But she didn't know if their leaders believed any of it or were simply out for power.

All she could do was try and come up with an argument that appealed to all those motives.

"Strength and power are of no benefit if you don't use them for something," she began. "And if we can't quell unrest in a single system, how will we be able to do so across the galaxy? The galaxy needs to believe that we can do a better job of governing than the New Republic. They need to be reminded of the stability they enjoyed under the Empire. We will never win by crushing one system at a time. We need planets to choose to join us, and for that to happen, they need to see that we can govern as well as destroy.

"By stepping into the vacuum the Senate has left behind and enforcing order, we will show the galaxy what true strength is. This isn't about the Arna sector. It's about winning the war."

Was that enough, she wondered? Would they listen to her? Or would they figure out she hadn't meant a word she'd said?

A general began to applaud her. The sound seemed awkward by itself, but then someone else joined.

Before the clapping could go beyond that, General Pryde spoke up. "An admiral sentiment, Empress. Truly you understand the spirit of ruling. But Arna has been troubled for generations. We could easily be bogged down, never able to leave or continue our great work."

That brought a murmur from the others present. 

"Three days," Rey said quickly. "The fleet will only need to be there for three days." It was a bold assertion. A stupid promise to make if Rey were really interested in being Empress. However, it should be enough time for her and Kylo to figure out a way to leave the First Order behind.

* * *

Had Rey always been this noisy, Kylo wondered? Something had changed between them. He could sense her in a new way. It was a bit like reaching out to find her in the Force, except she was always just there. With all her thoughts. Her very noisy thoughts.

He couldn't hear exactly what she was thinking, but he understood the gist of it. She was worried about him. He got the impression that she kept wanting to check on him, then kept changing her mind. He imagined her walking to the door of her quarters, thinking better of it, and sitting back down repeatedly. Rey wasn't the fidgety type, so the movement was likely all in his head; even so, her worry and indecision threatened to drive him crazy.

All he wanted was to sleep. Some deep-seated instinct told him sleep was what he needed most. Rey had insisted he be put in quarters next to hers since he was her 'guard,' and he wondered if her brain would be quieter if she was further away?

It didn't matter, he couldn't take it anymore, so he sat up in bed and called to her with the Force, **Come here.**

Moments later, the door opened, and Rey rushed through. "Is something wr-"

He passed his hand over her forehead, putting her to sleep, then caught her before she hit the floor.

He looked down at her for a moment, finding himself once more unmoored from the moment. He was vividly reminded of the young scavenger girl who had jumped an impossible distance across a sandpit of deadly insects without fear because she had seen him do it. Who stole his lightsaber so she could get them water in the desert. Who was his eyes and lead them safely through a deadly sand storm.

She had been so bold and brave, and now she was a ball of worry. He set her gently down on his bed and kissed her forehead.

"It will be okay, Little One," he whispered to her.

He then lay down next to her, wrapping a protective arm around her waist, quickly falling asleep.

* * *

Kylo woke up feeling refreshed, his mind calmer than it had been. Sleep had done wonders for his splintered consciousness, allowing it to heal in a way it couldn't when he was awake. He still felt a little off-balance, but his thoughts no longer seemed to scatter or startled him.

Except when he realized there was another body in bed with him. He sat up and was relieved to see that Rey was fully clothed. He'd momentarily panicked, thinking something might have happened that he didn't remember.

As he came more fully awake, he remembered the night before. Hopefully, the rest would be as good for her as it had been for him. Even so, he hesitated in waking her up, deciding that he needed to use the 'fresher and get dressed before he was ready for that.

When he finally did wake her, she jolted upright.

"What?" Rey blinked and looked around in confusion.

"You were wearing yourself out," he told her. "You don't need to worry about me, Little One. Now go back to your chambers and get ready for the day. They should be bringing you breakfast soon."

"You knocked me out!" she accused him.

"You knocked me out, Master," he corrected her. 

She crossed her hands, stubbornly over her chest. "You did something to make me Empress, didn't you?"

For just a second, he was confused. Rey had switched topics a little too fast for him, but then his memories caught up.

**Yes I did,** he respond with the Force. **But you shouldn't say things like that out loud, you never know who might be listening.**

She glared at him. "Well, since I'm your Empress, I don't think I have to call you Master anymore."

He wasn't prepared for the pain her words caused. It was like all the air had been suddenly sucked out of his lungs. Did she really think he had nothing left to teach her? Did she really not need him anymore? He wasn't ready to give up his Apprentice, but he didn't know if he could hold on to her either.

His face must have given something away because she gripped his arm to get his attention. "Of course, you still are my Master. I just meant…"

He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

"You can't call me that in public," he finished for her quickly. "Yes, of course, you can't."

"I should go, Master," she said. "You said there would be breakfast, right?"

He nodded.

"Thank you, Master, for looking after me," she said, then she hurried out of the room as if she was also afraid of what had just happened.


	37. Pen and Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey prepares for her debut as Empress, while Kylo looks for something to write with.

Somehow the day had gotten away from Kylo. It had started innocently enough. At some point, an officer had approached him about security measures for the Empress. It was, of course, a ploy to separate him from Rey so Pryde could talk to her privately.

Both Kylo and Rey saw it for what it was, but they went along with it, Rey allowing Kylo to eavesdrop using the Force. Not that Pryde ended up having anything of much interest to say. The General was clearly angling for a position of power, trying to insert himself as a principal advisor to the young Empress, hence his offer to take away the boring administrative details' so she wouldn't have to deal with them.

Once the conversation with Pryde was over, Kylo found that he was stuck in a room listening to an officer rattle on about security.

Kylo's mind drifted as he listened to the officer prattle on. He didn't know why he suddenly asked for pen and paper, but it threw the officer for a loop. He tried to give Kylo a datapad to take notes on, but Kylo refused, insisting he needed actual paper. That began a long hunt through the ship to determine if there was any paper anywhere. There was not. At some point, Kylo returned to his quarters, thinking that he had some, before realizing that it was on the _Finalizer_ he had such things, not here on the _Steadfast_.

Finally, he settled for a datapad, only to find that it was broken. The grammar and spelling checker seemed to go off on every word. He called in a technician to fix it or bring him another one, but the new one did the same thing, and the technician dared to say that it wasn't broken. 

This clearly wasn't true because eventually, the technician did something that resolved the issue, and Kylo was left to type in peace.

He must have completely lost track of time. He vaguely remembered food being brought to his quarters, and Rey coming by at some point to check on him and insist he eat. He nibbled on some food until she left, then went back to writing. 

Finally, he finished and put the datapad down, forgetting all about it as he saw the food. He was starving and began to wolf it down even though it had gone cold. 

As he ate, he was reminded that Rey had come by for some reason. Something had her upset, but he couldn't remember what it was. What could she be unhappy about, he asked himself?

His promise.

He had told her that once Snoke was dead, she could have whatever she wanted. Had she come to collect and he'd turned her away? He almost called out to her to ask her, but the stillness he felt through their bond told him she'd fallen asleep. It was, he realized, very late, and he didn't want to disturb her. 

It left him with a question, what did she want?

She'd once told him she needed someone to believe in her, to see value in her. Well, he'd done both those things more or less since they'd first met. 

He abstracted out the question. What did any woman want? What pleased them? He had no real idea. His old anxiety reared its head. He worried that he would be a disappointment to Rey, that when they'd been together once, she wouldn't want any part of him again.

That's when he noticed that there was a datapad conveniently sitting on the table next to him. He picked it up, saved some long document that had been written on it, and began to research. He could not, after all, have been the first human male to wonder about the female of the species. 

His research was eye-opening, and… enjoyable. He really liked the idea of performing many of the acts that were said to be pleasurable to women. For a moment, he wondered why he had never looked into his before.

Then he remembered Ben Solo, who wanted to please, who was desperate for love. Kylo Ren had ripped out that part of himself and locked it away. Now it was back. For a moment, fear gripped Kylo, fear of being rejected, of Rey turning on him, leaving him for good. But the light he had regained also brought hope with it. Just enough hope that he decided it was worth taking the risk.

Tomorrow he would find a way to make everything up to Rey. Tomorrow he'd make her smile.

* * *

Rey had started her day early. There was a great deal of planning going into how the new Empress would be revealed when they arrived at Arna. The Arna system’s whole economy was based on fashion, and someone at the First Order had evidently decided that Rey required a proper outfit for her big debut. They’d sent out fast attack squad with a troop transport to a nearby system, kidnapped a tailor, and brought him and an assortment of expensive merchandise back to the _Steadfast_. 

Why they couldn't have just gotten her a droid, she didn't know. Instead, she found herself trying to assure a terrorized Mirialan that he wouldn't be executed if he didn't make her the perfect dress in the space of a single day. 

Once she was free of the tailor, she had meant to find Kylo. They needed to plan their escape and soon since they would be arriving at Arna the next day. Instead, she was intercepted by General Pryde.

"My dear Empress," he said as he approached her. She'd noticed that he'd started taking on a more paternalistic tone with her when the other generals and Kylo weren't around. "I'm afraid there is a somewhat concerning matter we must discuss."

"Your Highness," she corrected him and then waited. It was a trick she'd learned long ago from Kylo. She just hoped that the old general didn't feel anything like what she often felt when she called Kylo, Master.

"Forgive me, Your Highness," he said after an uncomfortable silence in which she refused to move. "Please, it would be best if we spoke in private."

"Very well, General," she said, allowing him to lead the way.

As the door to his office closed behind them, he said, "I'm afraid I must speak to you about your…guard, Kylo Ren."

"Lord Ren is none of your concern," she snapped without thinking.

"Of course, Your Highness, but I thought you'd want to know that he appears to be quite unwell."

Rey's heart leapt into her throat. "Why do you say that?" she said, amazed that her voice remained steady.

"Yesterday he spent the day searching the ship for a pen and paper of all things. Then he nearly killed an outstanding technician because when he typed gibberish into a datapad, it refused to accept it."

"What do you mean?"

Pryde picked a datapad off his own desk and pulled up a file. "He spent hours yesterday writing this. I will admit that a computer analysis did show enough regularity in it, that it may be some sort of coded message he's trying to send. Even if that's the case, it's still a matter of grave concern."

While the general had been speaking, Rey had looked over the file. It was long, pages and pages long, and, as far as she could tell, it was nonsense. There wasn't a single recognizable word of Basic in it. It frightened her. She knew Kylo was not doing well, but she thought he was slowly pulling himself together. The datapad told a different story.

"Is this his datapad?" she asked.

"No, it's mine. I had the tech retrieve a copy of the file."

Rey deleted the copy on Pryde's datapad, then slammed it down on his desk, with enough of the Force behind her action to shatter the screen and bend the frame slightly.

"You will stop spying on Lord Ren," she said firmly. 

"Your Highness-"

"Are you an adept in the Force, General?" she interrupted him. She gave him only a second to respond before continuing, "No, you're not, are you? So then you have no idea what effect the death of someone as powerful as Snoke was has had on the dark side of the Force? Once the process is complete, Kylo Ren will control power you can't comprehend. And I. Control. Him."

She hoped she sounded convincing and angry, not confused and scared. Because she'd just made up every word of that nonsense. Luckily very few people knew anything about the Force, or understood it. Even Han, who'd married into one of the most potent Force-sensitive families, never really seemed to get it.

There was a brief pause. Then, deciding she still had the upper hand, Rey said, "Now, stop wasting my time and yours spying on Lord Ren. I, at least, have better things to do."

With that, she left. 

It took her every bit of will power not to run and find Kylo then and there. Instead, she walked calmly away while calling out to him. **Where are you? We need to talk.**

A few moments of triangulating their relative positions on the immense ship and she told him, **Let me meet you in your quarters.**

It wasn't quite the halfway point, but it was close enough.

**Yes, of course,** he responded, and she thought there was something eager, almost happy in his thoughts.

She entered his room without knocking. His helmet was on the table, his cowl had been tossed next to it, and he seemed to be removing his gloves.

Rey ignored all that, seeing the datapad that was lying next to them. She picked it up and almost instantly regretted it when the screen came on. She blushed and told herself she had no right to feel any pain or jealousy that he was looking at images of naked women. 

"Don't-"

"What's this?" she asked, having swiped through to find the same gibberish file that Pryde had shown her.

"It's not what you think-" he started. But then he looked down at the datapad, and his brow furrowed in confusion as he saw the document. He took the device from Rey and began to scroll through it, his eyes darting back and forth as if he was reading it. "Huh?" he said after a moment. "Did I write this?"

"Yes, you did," Rey said, sitting down across from him. She reached across the table and took his ungloved hand, squeezing it lightly. "We need to talk about this."

"It's not _that_ bad," he said defensively, but he didn't take his hand from hers.

"It's gibberish," she told him.

He looked at her in confusion, then looked down at the datapad again as if seeing it for the first time. 

"Oh?! No, it's just a transliteration of an ancient language many old Jedi texts were written in," he explained. "My uncle used to make me copy and translate them."

Pryde had mentioned the computers thinking it was some kind of code, and Kylo seemed so open and honest at the moment. An unknown language could look like a code. She wondered if there was a protocol droid around somewhere on this ship that could tell her for sure. There was never one around when you needed one.

"So you were copying a text from memory?" she asked, still a bit confused.

"No, I..." he seemed embarrassed. "I wrote it. It's a…treatise on commonalities between the light and dark side of the Force. But it's not done, it's just a first draft," he added hurriedly.

There was something he didn't want her to know about what he'd written, but she found herself believing him. At least it wasn't nonsense, she told herself, but Rey was still worried. This was still not normal behavior. 

Then she became aware of Kylo's thumb tracing small circles on the back of her hand. "You don't need to worry, Little One," he told her.

"This behavior," she said helplessly. "It isn't you."

He frowned, and his eyes seemed to be looking past her. "Yes it is, there's just…more of me now. It's all of me." Then he refocused on her, his gaze was suddenly intense, though not angry. "Did you think you knew the entirety of me?"

Her heart began to beat rapidly. Kylo was still tracing circles on her hand, and whether it was that or the way his eyes held her in place, she found herself squeezing her legs together.

"No, Master," she said quietly.

He shook his head and stood up, pulling her to her feet as he did so. "I think you did, Little One," he said, placing his other hand on her face, the thumb across her lips. He didn't sound angry. "I haven't been a very good Master lately," he continued, almost sadly. "I made you a promise."

She blinked at him in confusion before remembering. She blushed furiously, and wondered how it was he could make her so eager so quickly.

He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "What is it you want?"

His thumb tugged her bottom lip down slightly as if giving her permission to speak.

"You," she said, trembling. She couldn't gather her thoughts together enough to ask for anything more.

He pulled back so he could study her face. "That's not very specific," he told her. "Well, I'll give you until tonight to decide what you want, or," he paused, pushing the tip of his thumb between her lips. "I'll take what I want. Wait for me after dinner in your quarters."

She felt almost light-headed, as though her knees would give out from under her. 

“Yes, Master," was all she could bring herself to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Mirialan


	38. The Reward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finally gets her reward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I've found the recent heat has really slowed down my writing. So I probably won't have the next chapter next week either. Sorry.

Kylo almost hesitated when he got to Rey's door. He might have paused if he hadn't worried that Rey would sense him and read the wrong thing into it. He had told her to wait for him, he couldn't delay now.

When the door opened, his eyes immediately fixed on Rey, who was waiting for him on the bed. She was wearing only a black slip, and her bare feet were tucked away underneath her. 

For a moment, he froze in place. He'd never seen anything so beautiful as her sitting there ready and waiting, and all for him.

Her eyes met his, and she looked as if she'd been caught doing something wrong, so he quickly crossed the room to her, and lifted her chin, so she was looking up at him. He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"How did you get so pretty?" he murmured. He brushed his thumb lightly over her lips before she could answer. "Have you decided what you want?" he asked.

"I-?" was all she managed to say.

He wished he knew exactly what to do or say. He found Rey's shyness endearing, but he was worried she wouldn't tell him if there was something she did want. Or didn't. 

"Well, I'll let you think about," he said. He decided he could at least act confident.

He'd left his helmet behind in his own room, but his cowl was still draped over his shoulders. He took it off and tossed it on a desk along the wall. Then he undid the large buckle on his belt, never letting his eyes leave hers. With the belt gone, he started to remove his gloves to undo the smaller clasps of his surcoat. 

"Wait," Rey interrupted him. "Keep the gloves on," she told him. Then she blushed again.

He was conflicted. Rey had finally told him something she wanted, but it meant he wouldn't get to feel her skin with his hands. Also, he would look ridiculous, trying to undo the surcoat with the gloves on.

He decided to compromise, at least for the moment. He took off his right glove intending to keep it off only long enough to remove his surcoat and boots. But Rey gave him an absolutely withering look. She sat up straighter and rolled her shoulders back.

"I thought I could have what I wanted?" she challenged him.

He continued undoing his surcoat. "Master," he corrected her. 

She didn't say it but only glared at him in defiance.

He ignored her and bent down to remove his boots. Once they were off, he pulled his shirt over his head, so he was standing there wearing only his pants, and (a little awkwardly) his left glove.

Once his face was free of the shirt, and he could look at her again, he realized that her eyes were greedily drinking him in. For a second, he felt insecure, but then she unconsciously licked her lips, and he could feel himself starting to get hard.

"Well?" he asked, standing still and not coming any closer to her.

She considered for a moment but finally gave in. "I thought I could have what I wanted?" She paused to show a little defiance. "Master."

"You can," he told her, picking up the glove and putting it back on. "If you behave." 

He moved behind her and placed one knee on the bed. Then, he wrapped his newly gloved hand around her throat, not squeezing but gently maneuvering her head, so its back was resting against his chest.

"You want to behave for me, don't you, Little One?"

"Yes, Master," she said eagerly. 

He was fully hard now, and some part of him just wanted to push her down and take her then and there. But everything he'd read told him that he should go slowly. Besides, he could feel desire and anticipation rolling off of her in waves. It was intoxicating.

For a moment, he just held her like that, letting her know that he possessed her. Then he settled himself at her back and began running his gloved fingertips lightly up and down her arms. She did, after all, seem to like the gloves.

He was delighted to find that just these light touches had her leaning back against him. Looking down, he could see her eyes closed and a little smile on her face. His gaze traveled further down, and once again, he found himself wondering how far her freckles went.

He wanted more. So he slipped his fingers under the straps of her slip and slid them down, exposing her breasts.

It startled Rey, and instinctively she started to move to cover herself, but he gripped her shoulders, pulling her arms back while he gazed down at her.

"You're so beautiful," he said in her ear.

Then he slid his hands further down to cup her breasts and feel them fill his palms. She leaned into his touch and moaned slightly. Then he began to play with her nipples, tracing small circles around them, encouraging them until they became hard points.

He wished the gloves were gone to feel her flesh with his, but the little delighted sounds she made encouraged him to keep up what he was doing. Greedy for more of her, he bent down to kiss her neck and taste her skin. He kissed his way down to her shoulder, before sucking on the skin there, and then for reasons he couldn't quite say, he bit her lightly.

It wasn't enough, he needed more. 

He picked her up and rolled her onto her back. The black slip was a mess around her waist, and it rode up in a way that momentarily distracted him from his original mission. But he was still curious about her pert little breasts. 

He descended on her, letting his mouth find one of them. The skin was softer than he'd imagined, and tracing the edge of her nipple with his tongue was divine. He luxuriated attention on it before shifting to the other one, finding it just as engaging as the first.

She moaned in delight, even as she squirmed under him. He moved his hand down to hold her thigh in place, and she shuddered. That's when he understood her squirming and the friction she was looking for. It reminded him that as wonderful as her breasts were, he wanted to taste another part of her.

He sat up between her legs, pushing the slip away to get a good look at her. To his delight, he found that she wasn't wearing anything under the garment.

"You really were waiting for me, weren't you?" he said approvingly.

"Yes, Master," she mumbled.

He looked up at her face to see that she was bright red and was trying to hide her face in one arm.

"Look at me, Little One," he encouraged her. Shyly she met his eyes. "Do you know how beautiful you are? Especially like this."

Experimentally he reached between her legs, hoping that if he could make her feel good, it would overcome her shyness. His fingers slipped easily between her folds, she was already so wet. Gently he pushed one finger inside of her.

She gasped.

"Is that okay?" he asked, feeling unsure himself.

"Yes," she said eagerly, so he began to move his finger within her.

"More," she pleaded with him.

He obliged with a second finger, stretching her to accommodate it. If it was too much, she gave no indication. Instead, her hips rocked, encouraging him to fill her as much as possible with his fingers.

As delightful as it was to watch her work herself on his fingers, he still hadn't tasted her. He decided he'd done enough of what she wanted, and it was time to take something for himself.

He pulled his fingers back, and she whined in protest. He ignored her; instead, he decided the best way to get what he wanted was to kneel on the floor and pull her to the edge of the bed.

"Oh?!" she gasped as he pulled her legs over his shoulders to have an unobstructed view of his prize.

Without further ado, he leaned in, running his tongue along her slit as he got his first taste of her. _Divine._ He eagerly pulled her closer as he began to devour her. The only thing better than the way she tasted was the sounds she made to encourage him.

Eventually, he moved his attention upwards, finding the hard bundle of nerves that he experimentally swiped his tongue over. Rey's reaction was immediate and gratifying. He teased her for another moment, then moved his attention elsewhere.

He hadn't realized it until then, but he wanted to hear her beg. He needed to hear what she wanted. She whimpered in protest, but he needed more from her. 

"Please," she finally pleaded.

**Please what?** he asked her using the Force since his mouth was otherwise occupied.

"Please, Master," she called out.

**Not good enough,** he chided her. **You need to tell me what you want.**

She moaned in protest, and he could feel through their bond that she was nervous. It was there, whatever she wanted, but she was afraid to say it. 

So he waited. 

"Please," she panted at last. "Please, Master. I want. . . I want your fingers inside me, and your tongue on my…clit."

He wasn't prepared for the effect her words had on him. They were almost enough to make him come even though neither of them had yet touched his painfully hard cock.

But she'd been so good for him that he didn't hesitate. He pushed his fingers back inside her as he found her clit once more and began to paint it with his tongue. Her body responded so well that it wasn't long before he decided to try a third finger inside of her. 

She eagerly took the new digit, her hips moving against him, encouraging him to thrust his fingers deeper inside her. Then he sucked on her clit, and she cried out, bucking against him before she came utterly undone.

He waited until her body stilled then pulled back and stood up to take a look at his work. She was a beautiful mess, her legs still parted wantonly, her eyes half-closed, her lips parted, and her breasts trembling as she tried to catch her breath.

He could no longer wait. He quickly undid his pants, needing to touch himself while he looked at her like this. He was delighted by the feel of her wetness against his length as he stroked himself with the same gloved hand that had been inside her only moments ago.

He couldn't wait any longer, he needed her, all of her. He crawled on top of her, positioning himself, so he could feel her entrance against the head of his cock.

"I'm going to take you now," he told her, before slowly pushing his way inside.

She shuddered and moaned, but didn't try to pull away. Instead, she raised her hips to let him in even deeper, gasping under him. Finally, he was all the way inside of her. He thought he would die from how tight and hot she felt around him.

She shuddered around him, breathing deeply.

"Are you okay?" he asked, terrified that the best thing he had ever felt was hurting her.

"Yes," she said breathlessly.

Moving slowly and gently, seemed like the most challenging thing he'd ever done. But he was rewarded when, after a few thrusts, Rey began to move her hips to encourage him. She gripped his shoulders, and although she kept her nails short and trimmed, he could feel them dig into his flesh.

He thought he would lose himself inside of her. Then he remembered the way he'd felt her squeeze and tremble around his fingers when she'd come, and he wanted nothing more than to feel that around his cock.

"I need you to come for me, can you do that Little One?" he asked.

She reached between them to touch herself as he continued to thrust into her. He felt foolish for not thinking of that. And told himself next time he would remember.

Maker, let there be a next time.

"Kylo!" she screamed at last as she came around him. 

It was more than he could bear as her walls squeezed and convulsed around him, and he filled her with his come and cried out her name.

For a moment, he collapsed on top of her, too overwhelmed to even think of moving. But as he regained his senses, he worried that he would crush her.

He pulled himself up, feeling his softening wet cock slap satisfyingly against his thigh as he disentangled their bodies. He managed to free the blanket and pull it around them as he wrapped his arms around her, gathering her close to his chest.

He buried his face in her hair and whispered, "You're so good, so beautiful, so perfect," repeatedly as he held her tightly against him. He knew his arms weren't strong enough to keep her if she decided she was done with him. But he hoped his words would be enough to keep her from leaving.


	39. Use of Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order arrives in the Aran sector and Rey uses her power as Empress for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's outfit](http://www.skycostume.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/thumbnail/600x600/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/1/1/11007391-1.jpg) is based off of Qi'ra's from a Solo Story albiet in different colors 
> 
> I figured it was the right combination of style and power. Also, I doubt General Pryde is up on the latest galactic fashion.

For the first time, Rey felt genuinely regal. Part of it was the outfit. The was something empowering about the sound her knee-high leather boots made on the landing pad with each step, and the flutter of the black cape behind her. She would not have chosen the blood-red of the military-style jacket, but it was a First Order color. And at least the skirt was loose enough that she could move if necessary. She also liked the way her lightsaber hung prominently from her belt. Considering the outfits she could have been dressed up in, this one didn't seem too bad. At the very least, she felt dressed to give orders, not to simply look pretty.

But that was only half of the confidence that surged through her. The rest of it came from the peculiar soreness she felt with each step. It was a reminder of just what she'd done last night, and who she'd done it with. She felt powerful and grown-up, and wondered if anyone else could tell something in her had changed.

Kylo, of course, knew. She'd woken up in the warmth of his embrace, held tightly like he was afraid she would slip away in the night. But despite the strength in his arms, once he woke up, he looked shy and unsure. She half wondered if she'd somehow stolen some of his confidence. 

Rey had to assure him that she was fine, better than fine actually, although too sore to repeat the night's activities. He'd even offered to heal her, when she'd staved off his advances. She thought his offer came from genuine concern and not an attempt to keep her in bed, but she was sure that's how things would have ended if she'd let him.

She was both tempted and afraid. This was all she had wanted for so long, and it had been everything she'd hoped. But she wasn't sure what to do now. She'd never really thought about the next day except in the most general of terms. They would be together, except what exactly did together mean?

So it was almost a relief to have to her duties as Empress to attend to. Or it would have been if there hadn't been the interminable flight down to Arna Moon, sitting next to Kylo in his shuttle.

Rey stopped partway down the landing pad and waited, listening to the platoons of stormtroopers who had followed them down in several troop transports coming to a halt behind her. Three First Order transports had landed moments after her, and each had deployed a platoon.

The First Order did nothing by halves. And as impressive as the fleet of Star Destroyers was, it was a little more abstract than actually seeing the columns of stormtroopers on the ground in front of the capital of Arna Moon. 

The officials who approached her looked fragile in their silk robes as thought the wind might blow them away, or they might tear in half. That wasn't merely compared to the armored regiment behind her, but also to their own guards. A half dozen members of the RSF, or Riot Suppression Forces, who acted as the local police followed behind. They, too, wore armor, and each one carried both a blaster rifle and a wicked-looking energy baton.

The last time Rey had been to this sector, she'd been on a smuggling run, and she, Han, and Chewie had done everything in their power to avoid the RSF. If the stories about the 'accidents' that happened to the smugglers they caught were even half true…

**Shall I kill one for you?** Kylo interrupted the nervous train of her thoughts.

For a moment, she thought he was serious. Then she realized it was a joke. Or at least it was his way of reminding her that she was the one with the strength and power here.

Even so, a small part of her wondered if he really would kill someone for no other reason than that she asked him to.

She drove away the dark thoughts and hoped that none of it had shown on her face.

"Empress, I must say this is a surprise," the leader of the delegation said, stepping forward and leaving his guards behind him.

According to First Order intel, he was Chairman Pollard, a hearty human male, in pale blue robes.

When the fleet had come out of hyperspace into the Arna sector, she had let Hux handle the initial greeting. She had quickly learned that the young General considered himself quite the orator. He had insisted on writing out a long speech for her to give once Rey landed on the surface. She'd let him write it, even though she had no intention of speaking a word of it.

So the delegation knew that the First Order had an Empress, the supposed granddaughter of Sheev Palpatine. No doubt that was surprising, but the Chairman made it sound as if she was just a neighbor who had popped by unannounced.

"Considering that your system is about to dive into chaos, it shouldn't be," she said, hoping she sounded haughty enough for her role.

"I am grateful for your concern, Empress, but it's nothing we haven't dealt with for centuries," Pollard said, dismissing her concerns. "But I would hate for you to have wasted a trip to our system. We would be only too delighted to make sure that you have the proper attire for any and all formal occasions."

Rey was genuinely angry. Why did everyone think she'd come here to get a pretty dress? Her lightsaber practically tumbled into her hand; she made one forward step and lit her blade in a clean motion. She swung it at the man’s neck, stopping it only at the last moment, so that he could feel the heat from the plasma on his face.

Her attention was focused on the Chairman, but from the corner of her eye, she saw a giant black figure move and heard the distinctive crackle of the unstable crystal in Kylo's weapon. The Chairman's guards must have been foolish enough to draw their own weapons because now the Knight of Ren was standing between them and the two leaders. 

Rey realized this could quickly grow out of control.

"I am not some debutante here for pretty dresses," she retorted. But then she extinguished her weapon and took a step back. 

Kylo also lowered his weapon and took a step to the side, although his hand was still raised. The guards also lowered their weapons, not realizing how dangerous the Force continued to make him. 

Chairman Pollard seemed to maintain his composure, but Rey could see that he was sweating.

"Now, shall we talk about how the First Order will bring order here?" she asked. 

"Of course," he said, though his smile wasn't as big as it had been. "Please, if you'll follow me." 

He started back towards the capital building, but Rey didn't budge.

"That won't be necessary," she told him. "We are broadcasting, aren't we General Hux," she asked into the comm she'd been provided.

"Of course Empress," the General said, his voice coming from speakers mounted on the troop transport. "As you requested, we have taken over broadcasts for the entire system. Everyone is watching."

She could almost feel sorry for Hix. The General seemed to genuinely like the speech he'd written for her, and was clearly excited to see it broadcast as part of her first presentation to the galaxy.

The Chairman Pollard now looked visibly uncomfortable. He had no doubt hoped that this had all been a public show so that people couldn't accuse her of being bribed or corrupt, and that once they were alone, he could convince her to go with a small treasure trove of fashionable items.

"Now then," Rey began. Speech giving wasn't really her thing. "I won't have riots or uprisings in my empire. So the current protests on Arna Prime must end immediately,"

"I couldn't agree more," the Pollard stated, "But you see the problem is-"

"The problem is that Arna Prime is in a perpetual state of poverty. The wages mandated by the New Republic were barely enough for a sentient to live off of, and you cut those at the first opportunity. So the cycle of unrest and rioting begins all over again. Which is why…" Rey couldn't help but stop and smile here. "You are going to raise those wages by fifty percent."

The Chairman just blinked for a moment, trying to figure out if she'd really just said what he thought she had. He'd expected her to talk about military suppression, hunting down and killing the leaders of the movement on the planet below. Because that's all Arna Moon had ever done, albeit to varying degrees. And to be fair, she had come to their system with the largest fleet currently operating in the galaxy and landed several platoons of stormtroopers.

"My apologies, Empress, but I don't think you understand the economics of the situation. You see-"

"No," she interrupted him firmly. "You don't understand the economics of the situation. You don't produce a vital good here. It's a luxury item that only the rich can afford. You have scarcity on your side, which allows you to charge a huge markup. On average, your profit is one hundred and seventy-three times the payroll for workers on the planet. So yes, this change means you will be slightly less rich.

"Assuming you don't raise your prices, of course. Your product's only value is that it's so scarce that wearing it proves how rich someone is. The more expensive it is, the more its value as a status symbol. Yes, I'm sure there is some upward limit for what people will pay. I leave it up to you to figure out what that is."

"But Empress-" the Chairman tried to interrupt her.

She cut him off with the Force lifting him slightly off the ground by the neck so that everyone could see what she could do.

"This is not a negotiation. If your system becomes a hotbed of unrest, it will also become a breeding ground for the Resistance. You've tried for centuries to beat and starve the people into submission, and it's never worked. So now you will do things my way."

She released the Chairman, and he stumbled, tripping over his own robes as he struggled to both catch his breath and find his feet.

"My people won't agree to this," he said weakly. "And it won't bring peace to the planet down below. The only thing that works is force. We can find the leaders, arrest them. Kill any Resistance sympathizers. I promise you, you will have peace."

"You're saying that the only way to get people to do what you want is to round up their leaders, arrest them, and use brutal force to impose your will?"

"I'm not saying it has to be brutal-" he said less than honestly.

"I think it does,” she decided to agree. "And maybe you're right? I suppose I have no choice but to arrest you and your entire government, install my own military regime and brutally suppress any dissent to my policies." 

"No, I-"

"Arrest him," Rey ordered. She had to admit she was enjoying this a little. Something was satisfying about bullying the bullies.

She knew Kylo would be there to do as she said. Through this whole encounter, she had sensed amusement rolling off of him. She had, however, forgotten about the stormtroopers behind her. She was almost surprised when she heard the stomp of their boots as they formed up around her, blasters raised as they began to advance on the few hapless guards.

"Wait!" The Chairman cried out. "Please, Empress, we would love nothing more than to try your peaceful way of doing things."

"Stop!" Rey ordered, and the troopers halted in unison. 

"Are you sure?" she asked Pollard. "You are older than me. Maybe I'm just a foolish girl who doesn't see the value in dresses. I do, after all, have this giant military war-machine. It would be a shame not to use it."

"No, you're right, Empress. I see now the error of my ways. You were right, we've done the same thing for centuries, we should try something new. Your way, the Imperial way."

"Let him go," Rey said, and Kylo let him go. "I do hope you are sincere," she said with a false smile. "I think perhaps, I'll have to leave a small military detachment, to make sure there are no misunderstandings about my commands. But, as long as you do as I say, there will be no need for arrests or troops on the streets.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time I talked with the people down on the planet,” Rey told him as she turned to head back towards the shuttle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my beta Six for Gold. Any remaining mistakes are very much mine. It was a struggle to get this posted. I've been having terrible headaches, so I'm very far behind on the next chapter. It is coming I promise, but probably not next week.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on updates. I think I need to learn that it's 2020 and keeping to a set schedule is very hard.
> 
> I'm so glad you guys are loving Empress Rey. Part of me worried about it, especially since it's rather late in the story. But I have a bit of an obsession with trying to fix a GFFA, so here we go.
> 
> And special thanks to my beta Six for Gold for cleaning so many things up.

Rey hummed with excitement. There was a special thrill to having something go as planned, although she knew she wasn't out of the woods yet. She also needed to convince the people on Arna Prime to go along with her deal. If they didn't stop protesting and go back to work, she wouldn't be able to argue that proper wages would keep the peace.

If life with Captain Solo had taught her anything, it was that something could always go wrong at the last minute. And, she reminded herself, she still hadn’t figured out how she and Kylo were going to get away from the First Order. She hoped that once they landed on the planet, an opportunity would present itself.

She found herself with Kylo in the common room of his shuttle. No sooner were they alone, than Kylo removed his helmet, and Rey found herself pressed against the bulkhead as he kissed her passionately.

"Empress, are you alright?" she heard Hux in her ear.

She pushed Kylo away. No cameras were watching her at the moment, but she supposed Hux must have heard something from her mic when Kylo had kissed her.

"I'm fine," she said hurriedly. "I'll be offline until we land." Then she turned off the comm. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked the Knight of Ren.

"You were excited," he said. "I thought…" his voice trailed off and he looked a little sheepish.

"Not that kind of excited," she told him. Although now that she thought about it, kissing Kylo seemed like a great way to celebrate her little victory on Arna Moon.

But she didn't have time for that, and if her makeup was destroyed in transit, it might raise questions.

"We need to talk," she told him.

His face fell, and she wondered how a man who moments ago had been willing to take on the entire elite security force of a planet single-handed, could so quickly look like a baby Ewok who'd had its favorite toy stolen.

"Will you at least let me continue to train you?" he asked solemnly.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"I understand if you no longer wish our relationship to be intimate, but please, I can still teach you so much."

She would never have imagined that her Master, the leader of the Knights of Ren, could sound so small and pitiful.

"I want things to be… intimate, don't you?" Rey asked, trying to get a grasp on the situation.

"Yes, of course," he said, instantly looking happier. "Then what do we need to talk about?"

Rey lowered her voice, "We need to plan our escape."

"From what?" he asked.

"The First Order," she said exasperated.

"But you're Empress?"

"I don't want to be. Why did you do that anyway?" Rey demanded, still trying to keep quiet.

She could see him concentrating, trying to find the memory, and it made her heart hurt to see him like this.

"We needed a plan for once Snoke was dead, so the whole First Order wouldn't turn against us. And power is important."

"For what?" she asked. "What do you want to do with this power?" Once again, he looked confused, and she took pity on him. "You don't even know, do you?"

"No, I mean, yes. I knew. I knew what I wanted before, but, things have changed. I've changed."

"Then let's go, let's leave," she implored him.

He shook his head sadly. "We'll be landing soon. You won't want to leave. And neither do I. My old reasons don't matter anymore. The First Order is an opportunity."

"For what?" she asked.

"To build something new," he told her. "To build what was always meant to be."

"What does that mean?" she asked a little desperate. She thought she'd won Kylo over for a moment.

"I have so much to teach you," he said. "But we'll be landing soon. And you'll see, Little One. Once we've been to the planet, you won't want to leave anymore."

She was about to argue with him, when her datapad beeped at her. It was a message from Pryde, and she decided she better read it. She hadn't done what the First Order had expected, and if she was about to be arrested, it would be good to know.

"An interesting strategy," the message read. "Please don't forget to mention that the First Order will be collecting 16.7% in taxes."

Rey frowned. She'd never really thought about taxes. Taxes were a thing that civilized people paid. Scavengers and smugglers tended to ignore them.

"What was the New Republic tax rate?" she typed in reply. She wasn't sure how she felt about taxing people.

"14.9%,” was Pryde’s quick response.

Rey frowned. She decided she didn't want to be in the tax game. 

"What is it?" Kylo asked.

"Pryde wants me to raise taxes," she explained.

"He's right," Kylo said off-handedly. "It's a good way to get people to trust you."

She laughed. "How is raising taxes a good way to get people to trust me? Don't people hate taxes?"

"Yes," he agreed, "But they expect them. More importantly, it gives them a motivation they can understand. No one knows you, no one trusts you. But they expect governments to want tax money."

"That's-" before she could argue, the warning they were about to land went off. Even if there had been time to continue the argument, she didn't see the point. 

After all, he'd made her Empress, so it was her choice whether she was going to tax people or not.

These constant strange turns in her conversations with Kylo left her feeling off-balance as they landed.

Kylo was the most important person in her life yet since the battle with Snoke and the destruction of the crystal, there were moments when he seemed like a total stranger.

She had to remind herself that he had been through a lot, and it had all started when he'd saved her life and tried to hide her from Snoke.

But for everything that was frustrating and even a bit frightening about him now, she wasn't about to give up what had happened the night before. She wanted more nights with him. She just needed to make him see that the First Order wasn't the place for them.

Arna Prime was much as she remembered. Except for its size, there wasn't much to distinguish the official landing pad they used now from the one she'd used on a smuggling run a few years back. The jungle was still there, pressing in at the edges, trying to wear down any technology it came in contact with.

There was no grand delegation here to meet them. Instead, a tattered looking crowd had gathered at the edges. There was another group of RSF here, this time acting as a different sort of guard. She'd asked to speak with the leaders of the protesters, and the RSF was clearly leading a group of prisoners they considered to be the leaders. 

A proud young Mon Calamari woman whose hands were bound looked defiantly at Rey.

"I don't suppose you were in a comfortable place watching my announcement via holo, were you?" Rey asked the prisoner.

"Do I look like someone who has a lot of leisure time?" the woman asked, holding up her bound hands. 

"Well, that's inconvenient," Rey said. The whole reason for taking over the airwaves to broadcast her arrival was so that by the time she got down to the planet, the people would know she was on their side.

"Release them," Rey ordered the guards.

This was going to be more difficult than she'd thought. Especially because even though she'd left two platoons of stormtroopers on the Moon, she'd brought one with her. They weren't meant to look like an occupying force, but Rey realized they probably did, at least if you didn't know they were only a third of what she'd left on the Moon.

The guards also had received word that she was basically in charge now, because they made no move to obey her.

"You will obey," Kylo said simply while lifting one of the guards by the neck.

Rey could imagine this quickly escalating to violence, so she put her hand on Kylo's arm, to stop him. He released the guard, and Rey waved her hand, causing the binders to unlock and fall to the ground. Learning to pick locks, especially those on binders, was a useful skill for a smuggler. And more than once she’d gotten Han, Chewie and herself out of some difficult situations with the Force.

The guards looked around in confusion, clearly unsure what to do about this vary public prison break. But the stormtroopers had formed up behind her, and the half-dozen guards realized they were outnumbered.

"Now, then," Rey said, turning her attention back to the Mon Calamari woman. "Do you have a name?"

"Telera Ginn," the woman said.

"Well, Telera, since you've missed out on the big news. I'm Empress Rey Palpatine of the First Order and New Galactic Empire. To maintain order and stop these riots, wages will be raised by fifty percent. I've already gotten Arna Moon to agree to this. So do we have an agreement?"

Rey waited, hoping that no signs of worry showed on her face. The whole thing could fall apart here if the planet wouldn't agree, and Telera wasn't giving Rey any indication of what she thought of all this.

"I'm not sure…" the Mon Calamari started uncertainly, looking at the crowd.

It was Kylo who first understood what was happening. **She’s not in charge,** he said through the Force. **But whoever is, is here. She's waiting for a sign of what to do next.**

Realizing he was right, Rey followed the other woman's gaze. Using the Force to observe the crowd, Rey realized that one woman stood out. She was an elderly Ithorian woman leaning heavily on a cane.

"You're the one I should really be talking to, aren't you?" Rey asked the Ithorian as she approached.

The crowd pulled away from the old woman. 

"I'm not sure what you mean, my dear," the woman said in Ithorese, , the wheezes and grumbles from the two mouths at either side of her neck barely intelligible to human ears. “I’m just an old grandmother, with nothing better to do than watch the goings-on."

Kylo had followed, although he'd stayed a polite distance behind Rey. "Having children doesn't stop you from being political,” Kylo said. “It's often just an excuse to advance your own political wants, in the name of your children."

The woman made a whistling sound with her right mouth, which Rey interpreted as a snort. "Your mother did a number on you, didn't she?"

Rey found herself nervously wondering how many people here understood Ithorese. Probably not many among the First Order. They tended to believe that everyone should speak Basic, ignoring the fact that some species like the Ithorians were physically incapable of making the full range of sounds.

Regardless, letting the old woman tease Kylo Ren was not a good idea, even if many present wouldn't know what had been said. 

"We're not here to discuss his family," Rey said quickly. "But the future of yours."

She regretted the words the moment they came out of her mouth. She'd meant that she was trying to get them a better future, but she realized at once it came out like a threat.

"What I mean," she said, quickly reversing herself, is that I want to make sure there is a peaceful future for everyone here."

"Ah, yes," the old woman said. "I saw your antics on the Moon. Is this where you threaten us to behave, so you can have your peace?"

"I didn't come here to threaten," Rey said. "But I can't expect the people on the moon to hold up their end of the deal if you don't go back to work."

"And you've come here out of the goodness of your heart to ensure we have fair wages?" the woman scoffed.

Rey felt like the ground was being pulled out from under her quickly. This wasn't how this was supposed to go at all. Then she remembered that Kylo had warned her of this.

"No," Rey said, trying to sound imperious again. "I'm raising your wages because you're going to pay 16.7% in taxes to the First Order."

The old woman's eyes tilted towards Rey, glaring at her skeptically. Then she made another whistle snort and shook her head.

"So, that's why you are dooming us for: taxes."

"Dooming?" Rey asked. "You'll still be making far more than you were before."

"Until your little Empire falls," the woman said. "They all do eventually. The Moon may pay us more for a bit, but they'll resent every moment of it. And once you're gone, it'll be worse than it was before."

"I don't understand," Rey said. "Then why even protest or fight? If you believe it's always going to be bad, why bother?"

The old woman laughed and shook her head. "Don't you see, the problem is you're forcing them to give this to us. They don't think we deserve it. It's not about a number, it's about them believing our work has value. That we deserve to make enough to live good lives. And you can't threaten them into believing that. 

"Don't worry, you haven't given us a choice," the Ithorian said sadly. "We have to take your deal; otherwise, the Moon will believe that nothing will ever satisfy us. You see, that's the problem. They think we're lazy thieves. That we want more than we deserve. Now, all we can do is save up the little extra you've given us, and hope it tides us over when you’re gone, and the bad days come again."

"You're wrong," Rey said reflexively, although she had no argument to offer the woman. "The First Order will not fall," she said, trying to cover for herself in the only way she could think to.

But Rey felt her heart beginning to sink. What would happen now if she followed through with her plans and left the First Order? She'd thought she could quickly make things better for these people. Now she wondered if she'd just made everything worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Ithorian


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hye guys, thanks for all the comments. I've been pretty low energy recently, so I haven't been able to respond, but they mean so much to me.
> 
> Also huge thanks to beta Six for Gold, this chapter is so much better thanks to her.

"You're upset," Kylo said, unsure what else he could do.

Rey's mood had grown worse and worse as the day progressed. If it had been mere boredom from putting in place the finer details of the First Order occupation of Arna, he would have understood. He could tell it was more profound than that.

Did she really not want to be Empress?

It was a concept he struggled with. Rey was a powerful Force user; she should be glad of the opportunity.

"Yes, I'm upset," she said, fighting to pull off her cape. 

"Should I leave?" he asked. He had followed her back to her quarters, but maybe that had been a mistake.

"No," she said, ridding herself of the garment at last.

She plopped down less than gracefully at the small table in the room. The _Steadfast_ was a military vessel, and there was only so much space, even for an Empress.

"How did you know?" she asked him, sadly.

"Know what, Little One?" he said, sitting across from her.

"That I wouldn't be able to walk away?"

He reached out and cupped her cheek. "You have a kind heart. It's why you are more comfortable in the light."

"So you knew it would go terribly wrong, and I'd have to stay?" She pulled away from him. "Why didn't you warn me?"

"I didn't know you wanted to leave," he said honestly.

"What made you think I'd want to be Empress in the first place?" she demanded.

He frowned. "You're a powerful Force user. Ambition is natural."

"Says who?" Rey demanded. "Snoke? The dark side?"

He shook his head. "The light is every bit as ambitious. The dark side is just more honest about it. My mother? She put herself in the middle of a rebellion, and then a new government. And when her precious democracy wouldn't follow her? She founded a Resistance because only she can save the galaxy.

"My Uncle? He decided to single-handedly recreate an Old Republic order, an order that would be responsible for keeping peace throughout the galaxy. The Jedi may have dressed simply, but they also had their temple in the center of Galactic City, and made sure they were in the middle of every great political moment, whether it was warfare or diplomacy."

She glared at him, wrinkling her nose. She was annoyed at him, but also rather adorable, and he wondered if there was a way he could comment on it without upsetting her further.

"That's not fair, I barely know your mother or uncle. I can't really argue about them with you."

"So you just want to argue?" he couldn't help but prod her.

"No, I-" she started out aggressively. Then she lowered her tone. "I just would have liked some control over my fate."

"You always have control," he told her. "You could walk away. You're choosing not to. You could have ignored this system, but you wanted to help. You want to make the galaxy a better place, now you can."

"And that's why you made me Empress?" she was still skeptical. "So I could make the galaxy a better place?"

"No," he admitted. "It was mostly habit. I wanted to make sure that once Snoke was gone, I didn't lose power."

"So you expect me to be your puppet? You should get in line, I'm sure both Pryde and Hux are hoping to do the same."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Rey was right. He hadn't thought of it in those terms, but that had been more or less the plan.

"I suppose, that was my intention," he said nervously. "But not anymore. You can rule the galaxy however you like."

"Gee, thanks," she was clearly not grateful. "And what are you going to do? Don't you want power?"

"Yes," he said, searching for the words to explain. "But I'm going to build something new."

"I don't know what that means," she was clearly exhausted.

It troubled him that he couldn't find the words. The thoughts were there, but there were so many of them, all jostling for priority—too many ideas for him to distill into one sentence.

But maybe he didn't need words yet, at least not with Rey.

He reached out his hand to her. “Let me show you," he asked.

* * *

Rey hadn't known what to expect when she took Kylo's hand. Maybe for him to lead her somewhere. Instead, he opened his mind up to her.

For a moment, Rey thought she'd found herself in the middle of a battlefield. All around her, sentients were fighting with lightsabers, yet none of the combatants seemed to be working together. 

Red, blue, and green lightsabers flashed in every corner, but there was no apparent rhyme or reason to who was fighting who. Sometimes it was Jedi against Jedi, sometimes Sith veersus Sith, and sometimes as she expected, it was dark against light. However, Rey noticed, for the most part, it seemed to be Jedi fighting each other.

All the combatants were speaking. Some in languages Rey knew, and some in languages she had never heard before. What they all had in common was that none of them sounded angry. Despite the vigor of their combat, they weren't shouting insults at one another, but every combatant sounded as if they were calmly giving a lecture.

In the middle of all of it was Kylo, kneeling at a low desk stacked with what appeared to Rey to be printed books and scrolls. She'd never actually seen a document that wasn't electronic. In front of him stretched a scroll that he was writing on. From time to time, he would pause and focus on one of the battles. When he did that, that one of the combatants would suddenly gain the advantage and defeat their opponent.Thee victor would approach Kylo, all the while continuing their monologue. He would listen for a moment, nod, then begin to write again, and then the winner would disappear. 

It took Rey several minutes of adjustment to take it all in. Even so she couldn't make much sense of it.

Slowly she began to make her way forward through the skirmishers towards Kylo. She passed a Jedi and a Sith battling and caught snippets of their conversation.

"It must be understood that self-sacrifice for the beloved is actually a selfish act, motivated not by a desire for the greater good, but by the fear of loss," the Jedi was saying.

In the meantime, her Sith opponent was saying, "Desire may be indulged in, but one must always be on guard against the softer emotions such as love, which can motivate a being to act against their own self-interest and the rise to power."

But Rey didn't stop to listen for a long because one duo had caught her eye. Or rather it wasn't really a duo, but two instances of Luke Skywalker fighting each other.

The two Skywalker's seemed identical, yet Rey couldn't help but notice how different they were from the man she'd met. They were younger, clean-shaven, and they looked strong, vital, engaged. 

They fought near Kylo, but he seemed to be purposely ignoring them.

"He turned away from the Dark Side for his family," one version of Skywalker was saying.

"You need to let go of your attachment to your parents," the other one said. "A Jedi must have equal compassion for all life.”

Rey forced her eyes away from the battles around her to look at Kylo. He'd yet to acknowledge her presence. 

"Master?" she asked with concern. "What is this?"

She had been almost afraid that he wouldn't see or hear her. None of the combatants seemed to know she was there. But he looked up and smiled at her. It was so genuine she found it both endearing and unnerving. She'd rarely seen him smile, and never so openly.

"Lies," he said excitedly. "Or at least partial truths. They're all wrong."

This seemed to please rather than distress him, but he saw the look of confusion on Rey's face.

"They are all fanatics, Sith or Jedi, they all believe the same thing, that to master the Force you have to choose either the light or dark, and forsake the other path. But it doesn't have to be that way, you don't have to dedicate yourself entirely to one and shun the other."

From her brief interactions with Skywalker, she'd gathered some of this. He had clearly felt it was some sort of mission of his to 'save' Rey from the dark side, whether she needed saving or not. His obsession had made little sense to Rey, and she wondered if Kylo was only starting to realize that the galaxy couldn't be divided into two neat little boxes. Life was a messy state of constant compromise.

Rey let her focus shift back towards the battlefield, listening again to what the Force users were saying. She realized that they did all seem to be arguing for some sort of purity, some sort of single correct way to live. 

"Don't listen to them!" Kylo warned, suddenly agitated. 

Just like that, the combatants disappeared in their place, leaving behind either strange red pyramids or green cubes.

"Aren't they you?" Rey asked, confused. "This is your mind?"

"No!" he retorted. "I'm… yes, it's my mind. But they are books, holocrons, fragments of tablets, and temple walls. Everything I've pieced together over the years."

"Okay," Rey said, trying to understand. "But if it's all lies, what's the point of it? I still don't understand, what is it you want?"

The space around them shifted, became somewhat defined. Now the two of them were in the courtyard of a massive building. For a moment, Rey thought they were in the middle of a battle again, then she realized what this place was. Some sort of training ground. The fighters were children.

They were only phantoms, their features not clearly defined, and yet they instantly made far more sense to Rey than the Sith and Jedi that had preceded them did. This was a new generation of Force users.

To her surprise, the children weren't all that serious. There was laughter. She watched as a young boy vaulted over a pit. A second child tried to follow but fell short, and the boy reached out with the Force and caught the other child. Then they ran off together to the next part of the obstacle course.

There was something lovely about the vision, and yet it also annoyed Rey. She was done with phantoms and metaphors. She withdrew her mind from his.

"Is this what you want?" she demanded as the vision faded, and the sharp First Order room became her reality again. "To train people in the Force?"

To her surprise, he seemed to have to consider the question for a moment. "Yes," he finally said with determination. "I want to build a new temple."

"Okay," she said. "So let's go do that. Let's run off and build a temple, but we don't have to do it here. I don't need to be Empress."

As she said the words, she wondered how genuinely she meant them. Part of her wasn't sure she wanted to watch Kylo train other students. What about her? Wasn't she good enough?

But also, as much as she wanted to get away from the First Order, part of her knew she couldn't leave now. He was right. She did want to make things better, and suddenly she could do that in a way that she had never imagined. Could she really abandon the people on the surface of Arna Prime? 

On the other hand, she'd already tampered with things without really understanding them and maybe made them worse. Could she really be trusted to make the galaxy any better than it already was? Or would she just bumble around, making everything worse?

Kylo saved her from this train of thought with his firm denial.

"You must be Empress. We need to be in charge."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because we are too strong," he said, frowning in thought. "There is a war, there was always going to be a war. And both sides will either try to recruit us for their own ends or destroy us. And if there wasn't a war, no government would let someone train Force-sensitives without trying to control them. Even my Uncle knew that. It's why he kept his temple a secret."

"So that's what we do. We disappear," Rey argued.

"Like Skywalker did?" he retorted. "He hid, and what happened? Both the Resistance and the First Order made finding him a priority. We are an army, you and I. Either we control the galaxy, or it tries to control us." He paused then and looked at her seriously. "Are you really that unhappy?"

The question startled Rey. She hadn't been thinking in terms of happiness. Deep down, she was still the little girl who only wanted two things, to survive, and find her family.

But was survival really an issue any more? When was the last time she'd had to worry about not having enough food or water? Not since she'd left Jakku. Sure her life was dangerous, but it was never anything she felt like she couldn't handle. 

As for her family, they were long gone.

Rey then began to realize why she'd instinctively felt the need to escape the First Order. Han and Chewie had become her family over the years, and there wasn't a place for them here. But as soon as she tried to imagine her life with them, it felt wrong. As much as she had loved her time with them, that life now felt too small. Also, she couldn't really imagine Kylo joining her there, not really, as pleasant as the idea of everyone she cared about being together was.

Which meant, Rey couldn't envision a life she did want.

"I don't think I know how to be happy," Rey said, helplessly.

Up until now, Kylo had been watching her intently. But now he looked away from her, down at the table. Slowly he spoke, "You've always brought…joy, and frustration into my life. Haven't I ever… do you think I could make you happy?"

She was startled by how genuine and vulnerable he was.

Without thinking, she found herself standing up and moving around the table they'd been sitting at. She pulled him towards her, resting his head against her chest to hold him close.

"I don't think I could be happy without you," she said. 

He pulled her down then into his lap then, and kissed her passionately, almost daring her to pull away. When they finally had to break away to breathe, he held the side of her face and said, "Then we'll find what makes you happy. Together."

“You make it sound easy,” she said resting her head against his chest.

At first he didn’t respond, only stroked her hair. She wanted him to say that of course it would be easy, but maybe it was better that he wouldn’t lie to her.

“I’ve figured something out,” he said at last.

“What?” she asked, tying to sound interested. Truthfully she wished he would stick to the subject at hand.

“They all agreed on something, the Sith and the Jedi,” he began to explain.

Rey was both annoyed, and very comfortable. She wasn’t interested in his talking about the Force but leaning against him, breathing in his scent, was too nice for her to try and stop him.

“What was that?” she said to be polite.

“They were both afraid of love. They both thought it was the path to the other side. That it was a dangerous temptation. But what if..? What if it’s the glue that holds the Force together. No that’s terrible. That’s a terrible metaphor. But what if, what if it is the center? It’s the path from light to dark and dark to light because it’s the point of balance. The place where you could slip either way?”

He paused, and she realized he was waiting for something from her.

“Okay, what if?” she said not really knowing what else to say.

“That’s why we’ll be happy. Because we won’t be fighting it. We won’t worry about it drawing us over, we can embrace it.”

“Are you saying you love me?” Rey said without thinking. Instantly she wished she could take the words back.

There was a silence, and his hand that had been stroking her hair froze. Terrified she looked up at his face, trying to figure out how to take the question back.

She wasn’t quite prepared for what she saw when her eyes met his. He looked as frightened as she felt, but also, there was something like hope there.

“I do,” he said quietly. “Love you that is. Do you think you’ll ever love me?”

She was glad he was holding her already, because she felt like the world might drop out from under her. 

Gripping him tightly she could only say, “I already do,” before kissing him so there wouldn’t be any doubt.

**Author's Note:**

> Kyuzo


End file.
